Twenty-Six

The above photo was taken a year ago today on the summit of Runyon Canyon during my annual birthday hike with my beloved first born. Léah usually invites some of their cool L.A. friends on the hike as well and I’m always thrilled that I get to accompany them (not to mention relieved that I can make it up the hill at my advanced age). Alas, no hike this year as Léah has been stuck in Brooklyn during this fucking pandemic. I haven’t had a chance to see Léah since I dropped them off at LAX on January 2, 2020 — this is now the longest stretch that I haven’t seen Léah since they were born 26 years ago tonight. I hate it and so many things about this challenging period and yet I’ll also say that it has brought some unexpected gifts. Early on in the quarantine, Léah’s big Passover seder plans in Brooklyn were obviously dashed so they organized a wonderful seder online through Zoom. This was just before Zoom became such a daily fixture in my life so I was a little worried about how it would go but it was wonderful and I was immediately aware that I never would have been able to participate in this ritual gathering if not for this insane experience that we’re all going through. Soon afterwards, Léah began a weekly Havdalah service (the ritual that ends the Sabbath) every Saturday evening that has become a regular fixture in our house and one that we would never miss. Charles, with his new iPad, began regularly texting the “New York Squad,” as he calls Léah and Kirsten, and organizing fun game nights via Zoom that I’m also sure we never would have instigated if not for the pandemic. Freed from all travel and the constant flurry of activity outside of the home, I, in many ways, feel even closer to Léah that I probably would if our lives had been carrying on as normal these past 10 months, despite the fact that I so miss seeing them in person and can’t believe it’s been a full year.

As I think about how Léah has navigated all of the difficult periods in their life, including current ones like the pandemic and four miserable years of you-know-who and his racist administration, I am in awe. Not because Léah is able to sail through these events without a care in the world, quite the contrary. I am in awe at how Léah has always been able to move through adversity with awareness and real feelings while continually adding to their toolbox of skills and coping mechanisms to help stay afloat, many having to do with the arts and creative expression.

For someone who spent a good portion of their childhood longing for community and often being disappointed, I am in awe of the myriad communities Léah has created for themself as an adult — so many diverse and fascinating and often intersecting groups of people that Léah connects with on different levels: their theater community, their Jewish community, their LGBTQ+ community, their camp community, communities related to both unschooling and advanced academia, music and literature, typography and graphic design, family and friends, travel and culture, and so many more. Seeing how Léah has assumed leadership roles in many of these groups fills me with admiration and the awareness that they have become a role model for me in many ways. I am continually inspired as I watch Léah figure things out.

Sitting at home during quarantine and already having a propensity to wallow in nostalgia, I sometimes find myself looking at stacks of old photos from Léah’s childhood and feeling like I have no handle on some of those years. Was I present at the time if some of it seems so foreign and distant to me now? Surely not as much as I could have been, and it’s easy to cue up the Jewish guilt and to make the jokes about the therapy sessions that my frequently imperfect parenting may have necessitated. But today I feel like overriding those tendencies with a big “Fuck that.” Using Léah as my beacon, I will celebrate all the ins and outs, the ups and downs of our relationship over these past 26 years and be grateful for every second as I look forward to getting to be a part of this amazing human’s life for many years to come.

I love you so much, Léah. Have a wonderful birthday!

Comments

[Veronica]

A beautiful tribute to your remarkable daughter.

[Kirk]

Happy birthday to Leah. I hope you and them can get together next year.

[Peggy Shecket]

I love this tribute to wonderful Léah. It is oozing with love ❤️!

[Pearl Saban]

What a wonderful tribute. Happy 26th birthday! When did she start adding the accent to her first name...I know her mother is French, but I don't recall that the accent was always the case.

[Danny]

The accent was there at birth, Pearl, then disappeared for a while, and is now back!