Here’s the problem with Jews. We’re almost more comfortable when dire predictions are on the table because we can grit our teeth, expect the worst, and just forge ahead and get through it one moment at a time. But when gloom turns to hope, we sometimes feel more scared than we were when we were focusing on worst-case scenarios. Oh, THIS may happen? Hooray!! But wait…what if it doesn’t? Or what if focusing on potentially good news incurs the wrath of the Evil Eye and it’s all taken away from us? Most Jews know that the worst possible thing you can say to a Jewish mother, for example, is “Your baby looks so healthy! I bet he never gets sick or has a moment’s discomfort.” That is basically the equivalent of saying, “Your baby is doomed to hell’s eternal fires.”
I’m absolutely, completely THRILLED that we had a really good day with Charlie at the PICU and got some good news about his condition...BUT...in some ways it also makes me more on edge. I was working so hard all week to prepare myself for the possibility of a long haul, as the surgeon said was quite possible, but now, with the new information, I am DESPERATELY HOPING that we may be home by the end of next week. Breathe…breathe…take one day at a time…just be happy that the infectious disease folks seem so certain that there’s no infections present in Charlie’s CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) and that even our very conservative neurosurgeon is thinking that he may be able to operate as early as Tuesday afternoon if that persists. Yippee!! But yes, Mr. Fucking Evil Eye, that could change at any time, and if any infections are detected in the daily examinations of the CSF, we’ll have to spend at least two more weeks in intensive care before they can schedule the surgery. Is it beyond neurotic that I can’t just be purely happy with good news? I am, believe me, but I’m also wired to be a little scared of having too much hope for things going the way I want them to. Is that the genetic result of centuries of persecution?
Charlie was in great spirits today. He’s still frustrated at not being able to get up but our wonderful family members and friends set him up with an iPad, a portable DVD player, and hours and hours of garbage truck-related fun! We had a lot of great visits and one friend even brought Charlie a crazy cool puppet stage that puts the Von Trapp children’s “Lonely Goatherd” theater to shame!
The nurses continue to experiment with their gauze-based millinery on Charlie’s head, trying to protect his external shunt. Today’s winner bore a strong resemblance to Olivia de Havilland’s head gear in the 1938 version of “The Adventures of Robin Hood.”
I now feel completely re-acclimated to the gigantic Cedars-Sinai complex and can easily get from one end of it to the other in the shortest possible time. I'm still having plenty of PTSD-like flashbacks from 2009 but on the other hand, having gone through that experience is making this one so much easier.
Here’s to more good news in the days to come without the specter of that damn Evil Eye!
What about if we have a little fun with that Evil Eye at its own expense?
I propose that we have a MAC makeup session with it, some eye shadow, a sensational eyeliner, a waterproof mascara, and plenty of dazzling, uplifting, rainbow-hued colors!
Then we can start working on the Evil Eye's communication skills--having it make an attitude adjustment and send out some "Third Eye" reassuring and relaxing vibes. I'm positive that any Evil Eye worth its salt has some hidden moves that you can all take encouragement from.
I'll keep on working on it and imagine you doing the same.
Bravo on Charlie's sturdy little healthy self!
Posted by: The Pliers | February 15, 2013 at 11:38 PM
Here's to thwarting that "evil eye," Danny.
Your children look so beautiful.
A testament to hugely warm, loving, and caring parenting.
Many smiles.
Posted by: tamarika | February 16, 2013 at 02:41 AM
pooh pooh pooh (spit) He looks totally happy which is kind of unreal. But that's our Charlie.
Posted by: margalit (@margalit) | February 16, 2013 at 02:54 AM
I always thought it was a Southern thing, but maybe it's that pint of Jewish blood I have that makes me the same way. Anyway, I'm so glad it's going well so far. Give Charlie some huge hugs from me and take a few for yourself, too.
Posted by: Emily Barton | February 16, 2013 at 05:34 AM
I am also poohing and spitting the evil eye away. There now. THAT'll do it!!! Sending lots of love to all of you!
Posted by: Peggy Shecket | February 16, 2013 at 05:42 AM
That smile as he looks at Leah is what every female dreams of! No, I don't think you are one bit neurotic, on this issue at least, the ups and downs of hope offered, and then perhaps dashed is what will get you every time.
Charlie is the best!!!
Posted by: Aunt Judy | February 16, 2013 at 08:27 AM
Thinking about you all!!!
Good happy thoughts and prayers!!
LOVE!! Amanda
Posted by: amanda | February 16, 2013 at 08:30 AM
How can you not have at least a little edge of worry? That said, I think the collective energy, prayers, and good wishes from all over the world coming your way are enough to send the F.E.E. on its way.
Maybe it could go take a vacation in the home of a dastardly dictator somewhere....
Posted by: Jan | February 16, 2013 at 10:02 AM
He's never looked happier or more peaceful, which I find very reassuring. Love the headdress!
Thanks for the ongoing updates.Thinking of you every day and night.
Posted by: Shari | February 16, 2013 at 12:09 PM
My Italian grandmother always made the "horns" gesture behind her back to thwart the Evil Eye. To this day, I still do it!!
Posted by: V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios | February 16, 2013 at 02:22 PM
Headgear most becoming. He looks so cheerful! What a trooper.
Posted by: Kate | February 16, 2013 at 04:46 PM
I'm not even Jewish and I have the same thought process. Good news terrifies me when it's about my world. However, when I'm hearing it about your world, I am ecstatic. Charlie is amazing. You guys are amazing.
Heather
Posted by: Heather Muller | February 16, 2013 at 07:18 PM
He looks like such an individual mensch!
Posted by: amba (Annie Gottlieb) | February 16, 2013 at 09:19 PM
Sending love and prayers to you all! I wish we had garbage truck related fun for you! We have lots of Dora DVDs if you would like!?
Posted by: Chaya, Xiu and Anya Benckendorff | February 16, 2013 at 09:45 PM