Jew Eat Yet?

Brainiac

This is a photo of Charlie and Kendall taken just after Charlie’s sixth surgery at Cedars, the fourth surgery he had on his brain. It was a little over two years ago and, as always, we were given all sorts of dire prognoses about what we might be facing with Charlie as a result of the brain injuries he suffered just after his extremely premature birth. When he was born at 24 weeks, he weighed 1 pound and had a Grade 4 brain bleed (intraventricular hemorrhage) on his left side, which is the worst one you can get, and a Grade 3 on his right side. I haven’t looked at any online boards for parents of premature children in a long time but I just glanced at one and this is the first thing I saw:

My son was born at 24 weeks and he has a grade 4 brain bleed on the left side. We have been given very grim news and pretty much told he will have cerebral palsy and mental retardation. He may not walk and so many other bad things. I asked the doctor if my son could possibly have mild palsy and he said he feels there is an 80 percent chance it will be moderate to severe. Why, why, why is what I keep asking myself. Why my boy, why any little baby? This is horrible and I am so scared and wish the doctors would give us some hope, but is there any hope?

I could’ve written that, word for word, except Charlie’s condition was a bit worse because he had two brain bleeds and other problems. I get why doctors feel the need to provide parents with worst-case scenarios in situations like this. They want the parents to have all the facts, they want to make sure they’re not in denial about the challenges ahead, and yes, they want to cover their butts in case things get really bad.

I have nothing but admiration for most of Charlie’s doctors and I’ve never wanted to kill the messenger (well, almost never). But I do wonder if stressing worst-case scenarios is really the most effective plan. My mother-in-law was telling me last night about someone she met who was getting a PhD on the physical aspects of “hope.” Apparently there are a lot of new studies that show how patients do much better when they are given reason to believe that there IS hope in their situation, no matter how dire it may seem in the moment. That makes so much sense to me—it’s not about lying to patients or families, I don’t think anyone would ever want that, it’s about the medical staff acknowledging that they don’t know everything, that every person is unique, and that the power of hope, prayer, and positive thought should never be dismissed.

To be fair, our doctors always combined worst-case scenario meetings with a standard reassurance that the brain is “plastic,” meaning that even though the parts of Charlie’s brain that control certain functions were damaged, he could learn to use different parts of his brain to do the same things. It’s an amazing organ and, of course, as much as these brilliant doctors know about it, I think they’d be the first to admit that medical science has only scratched the surface. 

There were many dark days back then, we were told so many scary things about Charlie’s condition and his future. One time I accidentally overheard a doctor who'd been present at one of Charlie's brain surgeries say to another doctor, “It looked like a bomb went off in there!” But I also remember the day when we were told by a doctor that Charlie had gone from having less than a 50 percent chance of survival to just over 50 percent. To us, that seemed like the best news we’d ever heard, I remember practically dancing out of the NICU that day. We had no idea what we’d be facing in the months and years to come, but we finally found the comfort of surrender: it didn’t matter. Whatever happened, we’d deal with it. We’d already lost Charlie’s brother (who didn’t have any brain bleeds) and we’d seen Charlie fight through five months in the NICU that included many terrifying moments. That kid had a will to live. 

When Charlie was in the NICU, I spent every free moment Googling “24 weeks, Grade 4 brain bleed,” scanning every result for hopeful outcomes, especially among older kids. That’s part of the reason why I post all these videos of Charlie on here. Okay, I’d probably do it anyway because I’m a parent and think my kids are amazing, but I want to give hope to people who are dealing with that terror right now. No matter how old Charlie gets, those NICUs will always be full of sick babies and terrified families. It makes me feel so great every time I hear from someone who has found some comfort by reading about Charlie on this blog.

For all parents, a child’s development is so gradual that you suddenly find yourself saying, “Huh? When did he start doing that?” I remember when there was worry that Charlie would never talk. Then I remember the concern that he only spoke in one or two word sentences. The other day I actually started counting the number of words in his sentences because I couldn’t believe he was talking so much. There was a 14-word sentence in there: “I want to throw this away in the white trash can in the kitchen.” (Charlie is all about trash, recycling, dumpsters, and garbage trucks!)

Last week he had an evaluation by an occupational therapist who said that while he still has some physical issues that can be addressed, she was thrilled to see how well he was doing cognitively. Charlie has a way better memory than I ever had. He can hear a song once or twice and repeat it in its entirety. The same goes for books. Below is a video I just made of Charlie reciting a nursery rhyme on his own. I had no idea he knew it until he just started blurting it out:

 

Notice how he started clapping and then remembered that he hadn’t finished the verse and went on. Here’s another recent video that I already posted on Facebook of Charlie singing one of the most ridiculous songs from my childhood. Again, I had no idea that he knew it so well (I guess I’d been singing it around the house):

 

I’ll refrain from my usual apologies for posting such videos and instead address the terrified Googling parents of premature babies who’ve somehow landed here. Please know that there IS plenty of hope—give it time and your babies, too, will be walking and running and singing wildly inappropriate songs! 

Thanks, Steve Jobs

I wrote about my obsession with Apple Computers several years ago when the Macintosh was celebrating its 21st birthday. When I saw last night (via my iPod Touch) that Steve Jobs had just died at the age of 56, I thought about the impact his beloved company has had on my life. I'm the first to admit that to non Mac-users, we Apple fanatics must appear like the worst kind of cult members—constantly drooling about how pieces of machinery are changing our lives and talking about Steve Jobs like he was the Second Coming of Christ. I'm aware of how we must come across as condescending and superior. It's embarrassing... but we just can't help it. I was surprised to learn that Steve Jobs was so young when he died. Doesn't it seem like a million years ago when that amazing 1984 commercial (directed by Ridley Scott) first introduced the Mac in a frightening, futuristic way during the Super Bowl?

 

A few years ago someone found the long-lost introduction of the computer by Steve Jobs that aired on public television. Watch the crowd scream with shock and delight as they witness the marvels of this machine that had less RAM and speed than we’d accept in a Happy Meal toy today!

 

Can you believe the original Mac cost $2,495? I was just talking to my brother about the first printer my dad bought back in those early days. It was capable of printing only one font at a time and used that paper with the holes on the side that you had to feed in and it cost $3,500! Unbelievable. But we thought it was the coolest thing on Earth.

My first introduction to computers was watching the great Spencer Tracy/Katharine Hepburn movie, “The Desk Set.” Hepburn’s Bunny Watson is a crack research librarian who is forced by Tracy’s Richard Sumner to accept the inevitably of the computer age. Tracy is hired to make the research department where Hepburn works more efficient so he drags in the gigantic room-sized Emerac computer which, while weighing several tons and requiring thousands of punched cards as data entry, had less computer power than my microwave oven. Hepburn’s loyal assistants, played by Joan Blondell and Dina Merrill, are convinced that the new computer spells doom for their jobs but Kate is not intimidated. At one point she takes on the computer in a research pissing contest and wins hands down as poor Emerac has a nervous breakdown. A prominent theme throughout the film is how the aging Hepburn’s chances for landing a mate are rapidly diminishing, so the ultimate takeover of the computer is presented as a positive step towards women achieving what they really need: HUSBANDS! The screenplay for “The Desk Set” was written by Phoebe and Henry Ephron, the parents of Delia and Nora Ephron who 40 years later wrote the screenplay for “You’ve Got Mail,” another computer-based movie. I think my favorite computer flick was “Demon Seed” in which Julie Christie was actually raped and impregnated by a computer. Talk about fear of new technology!

I bought my first Macintosh just after moving to Los Angeles in 1986 and I’ve been hooked ever since. It was a Mac Plus and considering it had the Heinz ketchup speed of 8 MHz and a paltry 4 MB of RAM, can you freaking believe I paid $2,600 for it?! That’s without the dot matrix printer that cost another $2,000 and was so loud I remember putting a cardboard box over it while it was printing to avoid disturbing my downstairs neighbors. In 1987, the company I was working for got its first laser printer and its arrival was greeted with the same reverence and celebration as Mottel the Tailor’s sewing machine in “Fiddler on the Roof.” I remember printing a single paragraph and running all over the building showing the sheet of paper to everyone as they gasped at the perfect, non-typewritten text. There were no such things as laptops, of course, and we could not fathom the idea that one day people would be carrying around little portable computers wirelessly hooked up to the Internet (which in 1986 was still called the ARPANET and was used only by the military). They might just as well have speculated that we’d all be sexually assaulted by Julie Christie's computer. My long line of Macintosh computers, now leeching dangerous chemicals in landfills all over California, included names like the Macintosh IIsi, LC, Quadra, Centris, Performa, Power Macintosh 6500, PowerMac G3, Wallstreet and Pismo PowerBooks, IBook, all the way to the three-year-old MacBook I’m writing on right now. 

I really do think Steve Jobs altered the face of this planet with the Macintosh. He changed our lives every bit as much as Henry Ford did in his day, and Jobs had the advantage of not being a raving, evil anti-Semite like Ford was. For the full story of the birth of the Macintosh, see the Folklore website and have a Geek’s day in paradise! Again, I realize that people who love Macs act like cult members or fetishists. I’m sure PC people want to sink into the ground when they see us coming because they know we’re about to launch into one of our smug speeches on the inherent superiority of the Macintosh. Sometimes I think that the gulf between Israelis and Palestinians is more manageable than the one between Mac and PC users.

My immediate family members own so many Macs we could open up an Apple warehouse. I stopped counting how many desktops, laptops, iPods, iPads, and iPhones there are in my sister's house in Chicago. Her husband Jeff appeared in an ad campaign for Apple years ago which was more exciting to us than when he played Madison Square Garden or the Hollywood Bowl. 

I don't know that much about Steve Jobs, the Man, but from what I've heard, including the brilliant commencement speech he gave at Stanford several years ago, he was a real mensch. Rest in peace, Steve.

Celebrating “The Dick Van Dyke Show”

Fifty years ago last night, CBS aired the first episode of what would become one of the most beloved sitcoms in the history of television. As far as I’m concerned, “The Dick Van Dyke Show” has no equal and never will. I can recall more details about the 158 episodes produced between 1961 and 1966 than I can about my actual childhood. On Saturday I attended an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime event at the Egyptian Theater in Hollywood that reunited many of the principals behind the show.

To mark the anniversary of the first broadcast, Dick Van Dyke (84), Carl Reiner (89), and Garry Marshall (76) met on the stage of the Egyptian to reminisce about the series. The room was packed full of people with connections to the show, from the wonderful Rose Marie, who played Rob’s colleague, Sally Rogers, and Larry Matthews, who played Rob and Laura’s son Ritchie, along with dozens of guest stars, crew members, and children of cast members who are no longer with us. We were there for over three hours, it was truly a magical evening.

Though he’s certainly getting up there, the genius that is Carl Reiner still is sharp as a tack, funny as hell, and someone you feel you want to sit chatting with for hours on end. His beloved wife Estelle (“I’ll have what she’s having!”), on whom Laura Petrie was based, died three years ago and Carl talked so lovingly about their fantastic 65-year marriage. I’m sure my fellow “Dick Van Dyke Show” fanatics have heard many of the stories about how that series came to be. Carl Reiner wrote a pilot called “Head of the Family” and starred as Robert Petrie. It didn’t get picked up. Later, producer Sheldon Leonard expressed interest in the 13 episodes Reiner had already written and wanted to give it another go. “But this is my best work,” Reiner said, “I don’t want it to be rejected twice!” Leonard reassured him that the new version would work. “We’ll get a better actor to play you!” he told Carl. Enter Dick Van Dyke!

Here’s just a taste of how Carl Reiner opened the evening on Saturday, talking about the genesis of the show:

 

Reiner also told the story of how Mary Tyler Moore got cast. They had auditioned countless actresses for the part of Laura and finally had flown Eileen Brennan in from New York. (Kendall’s family knows Eileen but we had never heard this!) She was about to get the part but Carl rightfully worried that as great as she was, she just wasn’t the right match for Dick. He felt that Brennan would “eat him alive!”

With Carl Reiner panicking, Danny Thomas mentioned a girl that had recently auditioned to play his daughter on “Make Room for Daddy.” “She has three first names,” Thomas said. But Mary Tyler Moore refused to come in at first. She’d already been rejected three times that week and couldn’t handle another failed audition. Finally convinced, she sat across from Carl Reiner in his office and read all of one line from the script. Reiner grabbed her head (“like a claw from one of those prize machines”) and marched her into the studio.The way Mary Tyler Moore, who had no comedy experience, blossomed on that series was miraculous. She went from a young, unknown, gorgeous dancer to a true comic genius.

There were so many stories that evening, including many I’d never heard. I knew that in the pilot, Rob’s last name was pronounced Pee-trie. I didn’t know it was Dick Van Dyke who mispronounced his own name in the first show that forever changed the pronunciation.

We saw three episodes from the show projected on the Egyptian's huge screen which was absolute heaven—I could have watched 20 episodes! I laughed myself silly during “The Life and Love of Joe Coogan,” “No Rice at My Wedding,” and “Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth.” Truly, there have been some great sitcoms in the past 50 years, but nothing makes me scream with laughter like “The Dick Van Dyke Show.” It must be why I find myself repeating random lines from the series at least once a day! Here’s a few minutes from one of the episodes we saw just to give you a little taste:

 

I was sitting in the same row as Dick Van Dyke and Carl Reiner and watching them watch the show was surreal. I was dead center, though, and Dick and Carl were way on the side. As the lights were dimming, Carl Reiner shouted out, “Dick and I have the worst seats in the house!”

Dick Van Dyke seems like the nicest human on the planet. After the screening, he told us that long ago Morey Amsterdam had written words for the famous theme music but they had never been used. He called up three of his barbershop quartet buddies and sang the lyrics for the appreciative crowd:

 

When Ritchie came up to the stage for a quick chat, someone commented that he spent much of the series off in his room. “What were you doing in there all that time?” the fan asked. “Cocaine,” answered Larry Matthews as his wife gave him a potch.

I’ve written about my obsession with “The Dick Van Dyke Show” several times so I’ll spare you more since I could go on for hours. I’ll end with what may be my all-time favorite scene from the series. Rob and Laura are at their neighbors’ house for dinner but they are acting bizarre. Unbeknownst to Millie and Jerry, their kids had set up walkie-talkies in the two houses and Rob and Laura accidentally overheard Millie and Jerry saying some not-very-nice things about the Petries before the party. Here’s the result:

 

I’ll say it again: Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore are geniuses. Not to mention Carl Reiner, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Richard Deacon, Ann Morgan Guilbert, and everyone else connected with this show. Starting this week, to honor the 50th anniversary, the show is back on TV Land. So what are you waiting for—go set your DVR!