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April 07, 2011


"girls don't own pink! " said keane as he picked out his first pink t-shirt! (he was six )

I don't care what he wears...he is adorable and has a wonderful family who likes to have fun and be their own person!!! I cannot believe he is already in the terrible two's!!! Have fun with that! Don't worry you won't suffer to!!! I survived 3 times!

Handsome in pink!! Looks like Charlie is getting in touch with his feminine side - the apple (no pun intended!) doesn't fall far from the tree. Not that you wear pink, but not many straight men are huge Carol Channing fans. Jacob went through a phase of wanting his toenails painted red like his mom and I happily obliged. I drew the line at lipstick, though.

Dear Danny,
I'm a gay man who's always hated the color pink. I never had any desire to dress in girls clothes or play with Barbies.
All Charlie needs is love and affection. Then, as Doris Day used to sing, "Whatever will be will be."

Charlie looks fabulous in whatever he's wearing!

Charlie looks like such a boy to me that even if he wore a tutu I wouldn't think "girl" much less mistake him for one.

Perceptions about gender and even sexuality are odd. Both my kids were bald babies. I could put Lis in a dress and hair band and people would still say, "Oh, he's cute!". Mac could be in head-to-toe blue and people would comment that "she" was adorable. Who knows where they come up with this stuff?

As a gay woman, people feel like they "know" I'm gay when I have short hair. WHen my hair is longer and/or I wear makeup, it seems they're not only not as quick to guess, but hesitant to believe that I'm not straight.

Charlie, you, Kendall, Leah — a beautiful family in any color. You can't change the way the world might perceive or deconstruct your entire life trying to correct every possible error of thought. You can, however, give that boy a kiss from me.

Oh, my God, Danny. I haven't read your blog in so long... I can't believe that Charlie is nearly two years old, and he is a cutie!!!!!

Great post! Kudos to you for examining your own gender bias in such a thoughtful, well-written way. I like men like you. :)

I went through this with my son. When he was small, his favorite color was pink. He thought flowers were pretty so he wanted his room done all in florals. He carried a purse because he wanted to be like mom and it was a great way to tote his favorite toys around on trips. He liked many traditional male things too but he also played for hours with a baby doll. He liked wearing pins (jewelry) on his shirt or jacket or decking out in Mardi Gras beads. My husband and I were fine with it, but the reactions we got from other people--oh my. Around age six, he began settling into a more traditional expression of his gender. Today he is a teenager....

Isn't it incredible how the cultural distinction of "pink for girls" is so deeply ingrained in us? While I agree that it really shouldn't matter, the truth is that wearing pink and blue serves as a marker as sometimes it's difficult to identify the sex of a child without the telling pink or blue. Although in Charlie's case, he could be wearing a pink tutu and he'd still look like a little boy.
- He's a real cutie!

Having just watched "Affliction" last night as part of my "snow" movie series--"Frozen River," "A Simple Plan," "Fargo," "The Sweet Hereafter," and "The Ice Harvest" are all included--I had occasion to comment to my husband that I had enormous sympathy for men, in general, trying to navigate a sane course through humanhood from cradle to grave. It cannot be easy.

Consequently, I congratulate you on each little bit of individual authenticity that you are able to cage for yourself and your little boy in those moments when society's fondness for 2-dimensional gender roles has its back turned.

Wonderful post, Danny!

Charlie doesn't care and he looks adorable in anything. Here's a link to a google search that offers an interesting look at the whole pink/blue:

Charlie looks lovely in his pyjamas! And I totally agree that colour doesn't define a man :)

Pink being for girls is a relatively new thing (in the grand scheme of time). If you have any grandparents or friends that grew up in the 1930's or earlier just ask them. Or read this article that explains it in detail.
Pink and Blue

This came through on my feed today, and I thought of your post, and had to pass it along.

Charlie is adorable!


What are the odds of using that word, spelling it wrong, and encountering it spelled right in the very same day? Long, long, long odds, I'd say!

Isn't it interesting that men are "taunted" for liking musicals, and yet it was men who wrote the majority of them? Hmmmm....

I am a gay man who has always hated the color pink. I never had any desire to dress in girls clothes or playing with Barbie.

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