Fat Jokes Aren't Funny

I’m sure some of you heard about the flap last week between actress Kirstie Alley and comedian and talk show host George Lopez. Kirstie is appearing on the current season of the TV show “Dancing with the Stars” and by all accounts has done quite well in her first few outings. Alley has a long and very public history of struggling with her weight. She appeared in two reality shows about her attempts to drop some pounds, has been a spokesperson for several weight-loss products, and went on Oprah following one successful diet to show off her new “bikini body.” The woman has a lot of guts and is quite a hoot.

Last week, following her first routine on “Dancing with the Stars,” George Lopez showed a clip of Kirstie dancing and said “She did a nice job—her little hooves tapping away.” Then, in case his joke wasn’t clear enough, he added, “Before the show, she went to the market, and then she had some roast beef.” Lopez’s video switched to an actual pig squealing while the host remarked, “and this is her going aaaaaall the way home.” Setting aside any attempts at human decency, in what universe is any part of this joke funny? Possibly the one that is populated by 12-year-old schoolyard bullies?

Following a social media firestorm, mostly against George Lopez (himself no underwear model, by the way), the talk show host sort of apologized, saying that his joke was “misjudged.” What does that mean? That he’s sorry he made it because he didn’t realize that being a total asshole would hurt his own popularity? As Kirstie said herself via Twitter later that day, “Misjudged the joke? Is that like a husband saying to a wife, ‘I misjudged putting my dick in that whore?’” Alley then tweeted that she didn’t want or need George’s apology, she just wanted his kidney, a reference to the kidney Lopez’s wife donated to him several years ago followed by Lopez dumping her. After a few more days of Twitter volleys, Lopez (or his publicist) sent Kirstie a big bouquet of flowers and the “pig wars” came to an end, with Alley saying she accepted his apology. Oy.

I don’t watch “Dancing with the Stars” but after reading about this exchange I was curious to see Kirstie Alley’s number. When I searched for it on YouTube, I was shocked to find a clip of Conan O'Brien joining the fray. Et tu, Conan? I’ve never watched George Lopez but I always thought O’Brien was as funny as they come. But besides being cruel, I found Conan’s comments about the "poor suffering floor" at “Dancing with the Stars” (because of Kirstie Alley’s weight) terribly unfunny. Maybe he didn’t write the bad joke, but the Conan I thought I knew would have said to his writers, “No, I’m not reading that! It’s mean and not funny.” Because of my brother-in-law’s band, I’ve attended tapings of the Tonight Show during the runs of both Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien. The reason Charlie and I were solid members of Team Coco last year was precisely because I thought Jay Leno was so mean-spirited in his monologues. I truly believed Conan was above such humor and, as stupid as it sounds, I felt betrayed when I watched that clip. I almost never watch talk shows these days but I was recently thinking that I needed to find and record O’Brien’s new show to see what he’s up to. Um…no thanks.

Do I sound dangerously humorless here? I don’t mean to adopt a holier-than-thou attitude and believe me, I’ve laughed at many an obnoxious joke in my lifetime (I love Don Rickles!), but I’m just flabbergasted that in 2011 it’s still okay for respected, mainstream comedians to spew such unbridled venom at overweight women. On top of everything else, don’t they realize that this is probably the demographic that makes up the majority of their audiences? I don’t care what a good sport Kirstie Alley is, there’s not a human on the planet who wouldn’t bristle at being publicly compared to a pig after being brave enough to put herself out there for all to see and judge. Jokes like this are the reason why so many women develop eating disorders, why so many women lock themselves away from public view.

When Elizabeth Taylor died last week, I couldn’t help but remember that period years ago when the actress first gained a lot of weight and comedian Joan Rivers relentlessly made fun of her. I think the barbs are especially cruel for women like Taylor and Kirstie Alley who were once famous for their beauty and gorgeous figures. How dare they gain weight and make us look at them! Oh, the horror! How dare they not be 23 and slim anymore—how could they DO that to us! No matter that WE are no longer 23 and slim! I remember wincing at Joan Rivers’ Liz Taylor jokes but, to be honest, I probably laughed at some of them because of Rivers’ expert delivery. Still, looking at some of these pearls today, they’re really not very funny. Most of them have joined the pantheon of cliché fat jokes:

• Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

• I take her to McDonalds just to see her eat and watch the numbers change!

• Elizabeth Taylor pierced her ears and gravy ran out.

• She's so fat she stands in front of her microwave oven and yells, HURRY!

After Taylor lost a lot of weight, Rivers tried to defend her attacks by saying that it was because of her jokes that Elizabeth cleaned up her act and got skinny again. She wanted Elizabeth Taylor to thank her for the fat jokes. Oy, Joan. No matter how mean Joan Rivers was, though, the fact that she herself was a self-deprecating woman, making fun of her own appearance, made her barbs seem less vicious than the ones that come from men who act as if the extra pounds are a direct personal affront to them—that they should be able to go through their lives gazing only at size zero supermodels. Anything else deserves to be condemned and ridiculed.

It’s quite clear that many of the most lauded beauties in movie history would be considered obese by today’s standards and probably the butt of late-night talk show hosts’ jokes: Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Sophia Loren, Jane Russell, Ava Gardner, Brigitte Bardot, and so on. These incredibly sexy woman had some meat on their bones, to be sure, but lucky for them, the definition of beauty during their reigns did not include women who starved themselves to look like concentration camp survivors.

I don’t mean to be adopting a pro-fat or anti-fat stance here. Obviously, people who are morbidly obese would live longer and have much healthier lives if they lost some weight. But the cruelty in most of the jokes about fat women today has nothing to do with health. Indeed, some of the women who are held up as “perfect 10s” by these late-night bozos are probably so underweight that they’ve stopped having their period and are losing their hair.

Why can't we just accept Kirstie Alley for who she is and celebrate the fact that while she may have some additional weight she’d like to get rid of, she feels good enough about herself to put on a sexy gown and dance her ass off? I think the 60-year-old actress is a role model for many. And frankly, I’d like to see George, Conan, or Jay try the following number on live TV. I hereby delare myself a solid member of Team Kirstie.

Comments

[Ellen]

What's wrong with people? She's a good dancer and not even that fat. She looks great out there. These guys are just desperate for material.

[Erica M]

Wait. Kirstie Alley is 60?? She looks great, and should be proud of herself.

[Pam P.]

Kirstie's participation on the show has me watching it for the first time ever, much to my mother's delight. (Every past season, every week, my mother would ask me, "Did you see Dancing with the Stars last night?" and each time I'd say, "No, Mom. I don't watch Dancing with the Stars.")

Kirstie is a hoot and a half and I PRAY that I'll be in as good shape at 60!

[laurie]

I love her dancing. When she danced her first dance, I was applauding. She is a true inspiration for me (being overweight and over 50 myself)and in addition she is a truly talented dancer. I am on team Kirstie too!

[kimberley]

great post. i can't get over the fact kirstie alley is 60. oy.

[Sally]

very well put.

[betty fox]

Thanks Danny for your candor. Too bad there aren’t more of you out there.

[Gordon]

Dear Danny,

Fat people (especially fat women) have always been the butt of jokes. And, I suspect that they always will be.

And, it seems that a lot of women (and some men) turn to food when they're unhappy with their lives.

I certainly agree with you that the stick figures, who seem to be what is considered attractive and sexy, are kind of scary looking.

The "Dancing With the Stars" clip that you posted was the first time I'd seen Kirstie Alley in many years. She danced well and looked wonderful.

For comics to take cheap shots at what she USED to look like, only showed that they were desperate for material.

Thanks,
Gordon

[Loren]

Thank you for this post, it's so refreshing to hear a MAN say these things. Yeah, it seems that the last demographic that it's OK to mock is overweight women. I think I read once that it's specifically overweight WHITE women for some reason. Anyway, it's disgusting. LOPEZ is the pig!

I had no idea Kirstie was 60 til I read it here. She looks amazing! And she's a fantastic dancer- I'd like to see Lopez give it a try. He'd probably drop dead of a heart attack 15 seconds in.

[Mindy (Manhattan Beach, CA)]

I've never watched Dancing With the Stars, but I will now if only to support Team Kirstie!

Great post!

[The Pliers]

Danny. My man.

I think that the fundamental problem is situated in the mis/use of language:

"Joan Rivers relentlessly made fun of her."

No, in fact, she didn't. She relentlessly abused Elizabeth Taylor verbally because she was an easy target, no one was going to come to her rescue, and there were going to be no social, legal, or financial consequences for having done so. Au contraire, she was going to be handsomely rewarded for her verbal viciousness.

Sounds very much to me like the problem with calling something "child sexual abuse" instead of rape/torture or "The Final Solution" instead of murder/genocide.

But, that's just my take on what passes for humor in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave Airwaves...

..."The Bailout" rather than the wholesale theft (twice) of unquantified numbers of public dollars... The list goes on and on and on.

Thank you for this post. There is an extent to which it resonates with certain observations expressed by Barbara Ehrenreich in "Bright-Sided:..." (titled brilliantly as "Smile or Die" in the UK) associated with the disconnect between what a person can actually do, what his or her knowledge/talents/accomplishments are, and whether or not s/he conforms to very narrow behavioral (and/or visual) profile--read stereotype.

Allah help us all.

[Emily Barton]

My God, she looks FABULOUS! I know I'll never be able to move like that, but I hope I look as good at age 60 (BTW, how on earth did she get to be 60 already?). Thanks for a wonderful post. I get so annoyed that fat women are so often the victims of "jokes," and it's always bothered me that it seems, more often than not, men who no one would ever describe as "svelte" are so often the ones making such jokes. The others that annoy me (for obvious reasons) are blond jokes and dumb/backwards Southerner jokes.

[Wanda]

I'm on team Kirstie, too.

We wonder why bullying is such a problem. Why wouldn't it be if that is the humor that our culture perpetuates. Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37_ncv79fLA&feature=player_embedded

[marc and judy]

Hi Danny:

Cousin (by marriage) Marc here. As you know, fat gags are as old as literature. For even more brutal slings and arrows directed at the corpulent check out The Satyricon, Rabelais, Swift, and Shakespeare's take on Falstaff. Their targets: Gluttony, sloth, decadence. What is never considered is that the overweight may suffer from irremediable afflictions such as hormone problems, diabetes, glandular disease and involuntary inactivity – paralysis or other incapacities. Great blog, as always. Marc

[Cleo Gascoyne]

Civilization is a slow process, keep educating.

[Campbell]

You're awesome. Fat jokes are just as funny as gay jokes, or race jokes, or sexist jokes. I don't find blonde jokes funny either. They are always mean spirited, but maybe I'm just humorless. Sadly, there will probably always be someone that society marginalizes simply because it can.

[jeff(not Spencer's Dad)]

Mean people suck!!!!

[Neil]

You have a civilized group of readers who understand discrimination and decency. I know that I have written in the past about this same topic, particularly how politically correct we are nowadays about everything, except when it has to do with weight. Don Rickles would get booed off the stage in some circles unless his routine was only about fat people. A comedian would get more flack making a joke about terrorists today than someone's weight. This cultural attitude probably had to do with our obsessive consumer-oriented life and the class distinctions we seem to make between thin (rich) and fat (poor). In the past, I have gotten comments practically defending the poor treatment of anyone over a certain weight, as if these people deserved it, or needed it out of "tough love." Some very health-oriented individuals who pride themselves on their ability to run in marathons sometimes seem even angry at those who can't "control their weight," dehumanizing them in ways that are reminiscent of 1930's Germany or the KKK south. Can you imagine associating anyone with a farm animal nowadays other than a person who is deemed "fat," which is odd -- because most of the population is overweight -- so it might be a self-hatred response at work.

[Kate]

Yeah you! I'm a teacher and even children can be very cruel. I have zero tolerance for it. My class is a safe zone and I won't allow it. I'm glad you have the same high standards.

[Lois]

Danny, you are a bright spirit…love you dearly. And while I’ve never had any desire to watch Dancing with the Stars, I now consider myself a passionate member of Kirstie’s team. What I’d give to rock the dance floor like she does. She looks sensational—in all ways.

[Mike Cohen]

Joan Rivers even managed to insult both Elizabeth Taylor and all Chinese people in a single joke there.

I had no idea Kirstie was 60. She looks great for her age.

[Ok]

I'm just about Kirsti's age and I can barley walk without tripping. She dances like she's weightless. What a babe !

Ok

[Your big brother, Bruce]

Right on, Brother!

[TT]

60 and dance like that in high heels? Brava! Thanks for a thoughtful column.

[animzmirot]

Danny, you are such a mensch. I never watch DWTS and I don't have a clue who is on it this season, but that clip you posted od Kirsty is fabulous. She's 2 years older than I am and there is no way I could ever dance like that in heels. Never mind that we are about the same size (my legs are skinny due to some genetic anomaly), I would kill to look as good as she does. Man, that "pig" can dance! Somehow I don't think the zaftig George Lopez could match Kirsty's moves.

[Duane]

Well Kirstie is being kind of
"tonge in cheek"...Let's fact it...
That's not dancing...But she's likeable and trying...
Maksim (or whatever his name is) ...
There is something about him that makes me almost vomit upon looking at him...
I think it's because when I see a man shaking his rear I just want to puke...

[Jesyca]

AMEN danny!! i never watch DWTS and i actually kind of can't stand Kirstie Alley [she's just obnoxious to me], but THANK YOU for writing this! you miller/tweedy's are a plethora of insight and knowledge...

[Mahra]

Thank you for posting that. I don't pay much attention to "popular culture", so I didn't even know about the specifics of any of this. These things are probably why I don't pay attention to popular culture. I have had weight issues my whole life and I want to thank you for posting this. I feel like our culture is some sort of "feeding frenzy" to take people down, destroy them, ridicule them. It reminds me of the cruelest playground ever...with no appropriate adult supervision. In a bigger picture sense, it seems to me that "the public" does this because they don't want to look at themselves. The person doing the ridiculing might not be overweight, but they feel more comfortable focusing on someone else and what is "wrong with them". What if they didn't do that? They would have to look within and I feel they are too scared to do that. I feel the ultimate thing pretty much everyone is afraid of is that they are not worthy of love and connection (it might not look like that in various situations, but when stripped down to it's essence, I believe that is the fear) so they are constantly trying to project that on to others, as if they could keep it from themselves by doing so. I also believe that everyone is "worthy" inside (their behavior may not be "good", but I really believe we all have innate worth justbecause we exist), which makes these "games" people play in their heads even more ridiculous to me. And sometimes, maybe not in this obvious or cruel way, I play them too. Whenever I judge someone else, I try to take a look at why I am doing that. Most of the time it is because I am feeling insecure about something that person is triggering in me...so I project. We can do better then that, don't you think? Thanks again. Your post touched me personally. : )