I usually bristle when people tell me what they think I should write about on here. Being a writer and editor for hire, I fiercely hold onto this space as the place where I can babble on about whatever I feel like, even if the topic sends my readership stats plunging faster than the Dow Jones Index. But lately several people have asked me to write more about Charlie and that is a request I can happily honor. Also, I know there are people reading this blog whose babies are still in the NICU and who are grappling with some of the major problems that Charlie faced during his first five months in the hospital (birth weight of 1 lb. 4 oz., Level IV brain bleed, six surgeries, VP shunt, etc.) and I want them to see how he is growing and thriving, I know how much that would’ve helped me when we were in that situation.
I wish I had a better camera because my photos from this week don’t do him justice. (The more artsy photos I'm including in this post were taken by our friend Campbell who is an excellent photographer.) Still, even in my photos you can see that he is an amazingly happy boy. And very social. We often go to Farmers Market at Third and Fairfax for our morning outing and Charlie loves it, mostly because he loves interacting with the people there. The other day there was a busload of German tourists swarming the market and we came upon an exhausted couple, probably in their 60s, arguing with each other about something and looking quite miserable. When we walked by, Charlie, strapped to me in his ErgoBaby carrier (no back pain at all—I highly recommend this carrier over all others!), looked straight at them and started smiling and waving. The couple stopped their fight in mid-sentence and broke into wide smiles, cooing at Charlie in German (!) and trailing us a half block through the market.
Charlie’s smiles are like crack to me. I’m addicted to them and they immediately send my sometimes languishing seratonin levels through the roof. His laugh is also intoxicating. He thinks his mother is a scream. She can cause hysterical gales of laughter in all sorts of ways, from the more traditional farm animal sounds to her dead-on impersonation of Katharine Hepburn singing Wilco songs (you really have to hear that to believe it). Oh, he’s a normal baby and can also cry up a storm, usually when he is tired, but since for a long time we worried whether his vocal chords would ever function (when he came home from the hospital after five months he still had never made a peep), there’s always part of me that sighs in gratitude at his screaming wails. Nothing is sadder than a baby’s silent sobs.
As of yesterday, Charlie is a year and a half old. But he is only 14 months “adjusted,” a term used with extremely premature babies to more accurately describe where they are in their development. Eventually we’ll switch to his actual age, but for now he acts much more like a 14-month old. Because of his prematurity, he still gets therapy three times a week at our house. Thank you, California. But because of the crumbling (crumbled?) California economy, I worry that the center that supplies this service (until the age of three) may fold at any moment. We’ll see. Because of Charlie’s severe brain hemorrhage at birth on the left side of his head (he had a slightly less severe hemorrhage on the right side), he has delays on his right side. He favors his left arm and leg but he certainly uses the right side—there is no paralysis. (He definitely seems to be left-handed at the moment but it’s hard to really tell at this point.)
While in the NICU, we were constantly given the range of disabilities that Charlie could face in the future because of the brain damage, including all the worst-case scenarios. While we still have to wait and see what cognitive issues he may or may not have in the future, it’s clear that he’s learning every day (he speaks several words and understands many more) and that he clearly has no problem at all attaching to people or making eye contact.
Charlie is not walking yet, but he can zoom all over our house in record speed, acting as a human Swiffer since he’s usually covered in dog hair at the end of one of his sprints! For some reason Charlie is obsessed with our pitbull Emma (the dog my nervous father would still like us to take out back and shoot) and calls out to her all the time, even in his sleep. He loves her and has been known to sneak her many a treat from his high chair. Charlie and our other dog Henry have more of a bemused tolerance for each other. Henry was barely over the addition of Emma to our household when Charlie came along and usurped most of the attention that Henry feels is rightfully his. But he’s also been known to benefit from Charlie’s furtive high chair treats.
Charlie sleeps in bed with us. Yeah, yeah, I know some of you will think that is a really bad idea and will have horror stories to share, but please don’t, I’ve heard them all. It’s what’s right for us at this stage. Don’t worry—Charlie won’t be sleeping with us when he’s 17. I have to say, though, that we’re not fanatics about the “attachment parenting” stuff. I heard actress Mayim Bialik (remember her from “Blossom”?) on a podcast recently talking about her approach to parenting that includes “elimination communication” which means her babies do NOT wear diapers at all, she learns to “know” when they have to pee or poop and keeps a bucket next to their family bed. Oy. I’m not dissing Mayim, I actually thought she was fantastic on the podcast, but we will be keeping those diapers on for a while, thank you very much.
I’m trying my best to live one day at a time and to appreciate everything we have right now. Sometimes we get very sad about Charlie’s twin brother Oliver who died after 12 hours, but that doesn’t take anything away from the constant joy we experience with Charlie, even when he is screaming in our face. Yesterday Kendall took Charlie to a senior citizens home near our house and he brought so much happiness to the old ladies there (except for the one elderly Miss Gulch-like woman who said to Kendall “you get of here and take that damn baby with you!”) that Kendall wants to keep going there on a regular basis. We have no idea what the future holds for Charlie, what issues he may face, or what other challenges we may have to deal with ourselves. But today is great.
OY! Not much more to say than that. He's an adorable, lovable child ("pu, pu, pu")and that fishy face photo just makes me wanna pucker up to that little mensch of yours, Danny.
Posted by: Pearl | October 28, 2010 at 10:28 AM
Wow--he's come sooo far. I was wondering how he was doing, so I'm glad you gave us an update. So cute. So well loved.
When my son was small, I took him to a nursing home too, to visit a former neighbor. One of the residents there became convinced my son was hers, and she yelled that I was stealing her baby and tried to pry him out of my arms. Traumatic for me. Traumatic for her! I stopped taking him there after that...
Posted by: V-Grrrl | October 28, 2010 at 10:36 AM
Oh, Danny, I'm so happy for you and your entire family. Words are inadequate to describe Charlie. The photos are fantastic and he's a doll! One day at a time is perfect. And may today be a great one!
Posted by: The Pliers | October 28, 2010 at 10:41 AM
Charlie is beautiful and so are you. I'm so happy he is here and that he has amazing parents that fought for his chance at life despite the harrowing odds. He's a lucky boy and you're a lucky papa.
Posted by: Campbell | October 28, 2010 at 11:26 AM
yay for co sleeping! yay for the ergo! and yay for charlie! what an awesome boy!
Posted by: kristine | October 28, 2010 at 11:30 AM
Oy...he just keeps getting more and more precious.
Posted by: orieyenta | October 28, 2010 at 11:32 AM
Ha ha, Danny. Carmen slept with us for a long time. It was either that or no sleep since I was never able to sleep through the hysterical crying and head banging sounds. I think she just really hated cribs. We tried one of those toddler beds but even with rail guards she would always manage to fall out, wake herself up and cry. It wasn't until we got the bright idea of putting a futon on the floor that she slept through the night in her own room. And I don't think that happened until she was well over 2 years old.
Posted by: Maria Sosa | October 28, 2010 at 12:00 PM
Love the Charlie updates! So glad to see him doing so well.
Posted by: Rurality | October 28, 2010 at 12:00 PM
Oh, well, now who WOULDN'T want to write about Charlie? I can't believe how restrained you are. If I were you, my blog would have become "Charlie Eat Yet?" by now, with boring blow-by-blow descriptions of his every waking (and even sleeping) moment, and I could see every article, chapter, etc. I write suddenly including an adorable baby named Charlie.
Thanks for the update and the wonderful photos.
Signed,
The-Former-Ms.-Yeah-Yeah-Yeah-Can-We-Talk-About-Something-Other-Than-Your-Baby? (yes, Charlie did that to me)
Posted by: Emily Barton | October 28, 2010 at 12:08 PM
Love the Charlie photos! Isn't waking up next to your baby the best feeling in the world? We had Ben in a crib for a while but once we moved up to NoVa he ended up back in bed with us. Wouldn't trade it for the world.
Posted by: Sarah | October 28, 2010 at 12:38 PM
Loved this! Thanks for sharing - I can never get enough of Charlie (the future, um, Mr Burke?). And, it's good to know that Charlie brought joy to something German :-)
I think I would pay money to hear Kendall doing Wilco songs as Katherine Hepburn. Sounds like a YouTube vid to me...
Big Michigan hugs to all, Danny!
Posted by: Connie Burke | October 28, 2010 at 01:57 PM
Hi Danny,
If it makes you feel any better, all of my 3 kids (now in their 40's) who were all born at "normal" weights, pished in their pants and other things until they were nearly 4 years old. They were also very lazy and preferred sitting on their fat tuchis' until they were at least 2 before they even attempted walking. I don't think any of the above hindered their development as adults ... at least I don't think so.
What I'm saying is "go, Charlie, go". "Adjusted, schmujusted" - he's plenty normal! Love, Bubba Marilyn
Posted by: Marilyn Molnar | October 28, 2010 at 02:06 PM
Thanks for the update and great photos. I see Charlie is a Pittsburgh Steeler fan. All the best!
Posted by: Pam G | October 28, 2010 at 03:08 PM
Beautiful to read, what a little trooper he is. Constantly fighting and winning battles (and friends!) it seems.
Happy baby - sounds like he lucked out with great parents and you lucked out with a great baby. I love it when a plan comes together.
Posted by: Kymmi | October 28, 2010 at 05:00 PM
What a marvelous update Danny! Thank you so much for sharing wonderful photos and stories. i am dying to hear Kendall sing, and i am dying to get down and play w/ you guys! Noah still prefers to sleep in our bed, and he is a giant! so there you go! PS Please see the film "babies", ab fab wonderful, just like you and yours! xoxo susie
Posted by: susie specter | October 28, 2010 at 05:55 PM
Thank you so much for the update. Charlie is a gorgeous, gorgeous boy. What a smile! And he must be a charmer if he made the grumpy German tourists smile.
Posted by: karen | October 28, 2010 at 08:00 PM
Your descriptions are so vivid. I can just picture the German couple stopping mid-argument, charmed by your gorgeous baby. I can't wait to see him in person when we're in town for Thanksgiving.
Posted by: Julie R. | October 28, 2010 at 08:52 PM
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What a shana punim! Much love to you, Charlie and the whole family.
Posted by: laurie | October 28, 2010 at 08:56 PM
What a beautiful story - so eloquently and passionately told. Today is great indeed. Every day is great as parent, as I have learned, whatever the ups and downs. At times I wish our son would sleep with us, too, but he is too wiggly and impatient. I can only imagine the warmth and bond you must feel with Charlie at your side. I think it's great, and we have many friends who have the "family beds." Thanks for a wonderful update.
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Davis | October 28, 2010 at 09:57 PM
What a gorgeous little boy!!! =)
Posted by: Beth | October 28, 2010 at 10:11 PM
Now when I see him, I feel him too! He is gorgeous, Danny, and so loving, and growing so beautifully. He's got all that kangaroo care in his bones.
Posted by: amba | October 28, 2010 at 10:24 PM
i love the family bed! and kids love it even more! ox,m
Posted by: m.yahn | October 29, 2010 at 02:45 AM
Charlie looks wonderful - those beautiful curls! So happy for you guys!!!
Posted by: sally | October 29, 2010 at 01:52 PM
Dear Danny,
I follow your blog because I enjoy what you write. People who want you to write about something different should start their own blog. So, here's where I get to ask you to write more about Charlie ! I never get tired of reading about his adventures. And, the pictures are priceless !
Thanks,
Gordon
Posted by: Gordon | October 29, 2010 at 09:57 PM
The purple tinged photos of Charlie and Kendall, Charlie and dog, Charlie puckered up; they make my heart melt in a puddle at my feet! Bravo Charlie!
claire
Posted by: claire sharp | October 30, 2010 at 12:38 PM
Thanks for the update on Charlie! I love the picture of him on the floor with an array of his toys behind him. That picture could be from 1970 or anytime since. Those toys are timeless, and bring back some wonderful memories for me -- and not a single electronic gadget in the mix.
Posted by: Jeff | October 31, 2010 at 05:30 AM
Charlie is the cutest baby I have ever seen and spreads joy where ever he goes. What an amazing blessing this kid is.
Posted by: Ellen | November 01, 2010 at 11:29 AM
Ah, my brain-injured, right-side-favoring, infant stroke victim teenager just got back from playing in an exhibition game at the Little League World Series this summer, is close to making the high school varsity bowling team, and has a cute boy walking her to class after lunch. Loving parents and a strong will can overcome nearly every prognosis. Charlie is well on his way to a fantastic life. Love, as always, to Oliver.
Posted by: Erica M | November 01, 2010 at 11:33 AM
Yes, thanks for the update! Although I enjoy reading your posts on other topics, Charlie is what sucked me in originally and I love hearing about him more than anything else. Your writing about your family always makes me slow down enough to remember to appreciate each day with my own, and I'm very thankful for that.
Posted by: KWild | November 01, 2010 at 12:23 PM
OH that made my day. i was just jumping around facebook and felt the need to stop by here. Charlie is precious and so are you.
Posted by: kris D. | November 02, 2010 at 01:06 AM
Could you run that by me again?I've gotta catch the bus
Posted by: Supra Skate | November 02, 2010 at 06:44 PM
Loved the Charlie update. I lived for my Charlie fix last winter and I see such a bright, happy loved little boy! I cry tears of joy reading this tonight knowing that God has truly blessed your son. His first blessing was giving him to you and Kendall and his sweet sister Leah.
Posted by: robin smith | November 08, 2010 at 07:40 PM