Mother’s Day, Take Two

 

Last Mother’s Day was brutal for my family. Charlie was less than two weeks old and the size of a small bird (we were excited that he was “up” to 1 lb. 8 oz.). He had just had emergency surgery on his intestines which were now outside of his body and attached to a colostomy bag. Kendall was back in the hospital. As I stood by Charlie’s isolette about to go visit Kendall, a doctor I didn’t know came over and explained to me why we should consider pulling the plug on Charlie. He thought it would be a good idea to do this before we “bonded” with him too much. Right.

Reading the post I wrote on that bleak day puts me back in touch with those painful feelings. It also makes me even more grateful for all the joy we’ve experienced as a family since that time. What a difference a year makes! I remember visiting Kendall that Mother’s Day and giving her a photo of the first time she was allowed to touch our son—a very light “comfort hold” since he was too little for much contact. Kendall kept talking about what we’d do when Charlie came home with us. Coming straight from my miserable talk with Dr. Doom, I almost couldn’t bear to hear Kendall talk so positively. I decided to wait until I talked to our own doctors before I shared the upsetting conversation I had just had, but at that moment in time, I’m sorry to say, I was not filled with much hope for the future—mine, Kendall’s, and certainly not Charlie’s. It was not my finest hour. My attitude would soon change even though we had many more mountains to climb and it would be over four months and five additional surgeries until Charlie was well enough to come home.  But I spent much of Mother’s Day 2009 in despair and fear. We had just lost one child and I couldn’t bear to think about losing another one.

Such a stark contrast to today. Charlie is a happy, healthy baby. Yes, he still has his VP shunt that is clearly visible in his head even though his hair is now beginning to cover it. He still has to deal with the ramifications of his two major brain bleeds at birth but he is doing just great. I know, I know, shut up you damned Evil Eye, we know we can’t predict what the future will bring, no one can, but this Mother’s Day, this one I can say that we are all crazy happy and so, so grateful. I am especially grateful to Kendall. Everyone said she was born to be a mom and it’s true. This is the look Charlie gets on his face whenever Kendall enters the room.  Watching the way they interact, seeing how much Kendall loves our son and how much he loves her makes me think he is the luckiest baby on the planet, despite the agonies and uncertainties of those first days, weeks, and months.

Of course I’m missing my own mom today, wishing she could be here with us. It’s hard not to fantasize about how much she would enjoy Leah and Charlie. I doubt you’d be able to pry either one of them out of her arms. I couldn’t ask for a more compassionate and loving mother-in-law than Betsy Hailey, a truly great Nana for Charlie and step-grandma for Leah. I’m grateful to my own stepmom, Marilyn, who is finally out of the hospital and for whom I wish so much health and happiness. I look forward to seeing my sister, Sue, in a few weeks, a fantastic mom to two amazing sons. I am grateful to Leah’s mom, Sophie, for everything she does, including spending last year’s Mother’s Day at Cedars, visiting Kendall and Charlie. I salute all the great women that I know, whether they have their own kids or have ever touched a child in any way. 

And to Kendall, I am so grateful, honored, and thrilled that you are Charlie’s mom. We love you.

 

Comments

[natalie]

This is soooo beautiful! Thank you and wishes for nothing but good Mother's Days---and all days--- ahead for all of you!

[Michele]

Posts like this remind me how incredibly powerful and life-affirming love really is. Thank you for loving your family enough to write about them for the whole internet. Happy Mother's Day to Kendall!

[Debbie Voll]

Adorable, adorable, adorable! The love just oozes out of him! One can't help but smile seeing this. : )

[Connie Burke]

What a perfect post for Mother's Day, Danny. Looking at pix of a healthy, smiling Charlie just makes my day.
You and your fam deserve nothing but the best - and by the look on Charlie's face, I think you have that covered.
I love coming back to your blog. It's better than food :-)

[Campbell]

Danny you are the sweetest man on Earth!

[amba]

Charlie has the most beautiful smile ON EARTH. And I get the feeling he smiles A LOT -- it's not just paternal selection of the best shots. He too seems grateful and joyous to be here.

Kendall, enjoy this hard-earned Happy Mother's Day AND MANY MORE.

[jeff (not Spencer"s dad)]

good gutshot call,doctors are not right all of the time. charlie is here to prove that.

[TorontoPearl]

...and to that daddy and husband who supports Kendall, Leah and Charlie in every way possible -- hats off to you, Danny!

Hope you all had a special Mother's Day.

[Cynthia Reich]

OK, I've kept a stiff upper lip through all this, but Danny, you got me with the Mother's Day blog. I'm bawling.

Kendall, will you adopt me?

Love,
Cynthia

[Robin]

Happy Mothers Day Kendall, I am so happy that you guys are at this point in life with a happy and healthy baby.I pray all your days are good ones as I have come to love this little family through Danny's amazing blog.

[Pam G]

As you said, what a difference a year makes! Happy Mothers Day, Kendall!

[Caryn Davies]

Mazel tov to you and Kendall for the wonderful job you're doing with your family and to Betsy and others for all their love.

[churlita]

Happy Mother's Day to Kendall. I'm glad things keep getting better and better.

[Marilyn Molnar]

No wonder Charlie has such a big smile for his mommy .... she's the best! Many happy Mother's Days, Kendall.