The Unconventional World of Kendall Hailey

 

Earlier this week my mother-in-law brought over an article about Kendall she had clipped out of the Los Angeles Times 22 years ago this month. Betsy thought Leah would be interested in this story about Kendall and the book she wrote about her decision to leave the high school that Leah now attends a year early and to educate herself instead of going on to college with her friends.

If it weren’t for Kendall’s wonderful book, “The Day I Became an Autodidact,” which I just happened to read a few months after it came out, I never would have approached her all those years ago at a wedding at the Bel Air Hotel and we wouldn’t be together today. And, of course, Charlie would never have been born. Talk about a book that changed my life! I wasn’t the only one. I knew Kendall’s book was popular when it first came out but I was still flabbergasted to see how much space was devoted to this profile of a the 21-year-old first-time author. The article appeared on the front page of the new defunct View section of the L.A. Times, took up most of the page, and continued inside the paper. It was written by Itabari Njeri who went on to win an American Book Award for her own memoir, “Every Good-Bye Ain’t Gone.”

 

It makes me sad to see that lovely portrait of the Hailey family and realize that three of the six are now gone—Kendall’s dad, Oliver Hailey, her beloved Uncle Thomas, and her grandmother Hallie May. I’m grateful I knew all three of them. Oliver has been gone the longest, he died in 1993. Our son Oliver was named for him and seeing the trio of Oliver, Thomas, and Hallie May standing together in this photo, I can only pray that they are taking care of our boy now.

It’s a wonderful article—how many young authors get such an esteemed writer to pen a lengthy profile? The article includes plenty of quotations from Kendall’s book:

It was her uncle, Kendall Hailey writes, “who sparked my first battle with formal education..One day when I was in kindergarten, I decided to paint a picture of his wheelchair.”

Her teacher told her it was the most depressing thing she had ever seen, “and wouldn’t it be nice to put some yellow in it?”

“At the age of 5, I did my best to explain that the painting was a true rendering of my uncle’s wheelchair, not a comment on my life.”

Kendall must have been thrilled that the journalist compared her to two of her favorite actresses in the article.

Kendall Hailey resides in a once-upon-a-time setting, a shaded, woodsy place in Studio City reached by a long, narrow footbridge whose sides are blanketed with ivy. It seems a fitting place for this young woman fired by the world of the imagination.

Were she to run to you across the footbridge now, in the diffused light of the late afternoon, her hands clutching a sweater draped around her shoulders, she might conjure images of a gentle, charming, young Dorothy McGuire.

And when she crossed the bridge and finally spoke, her voice would come with the hyperbolic rush of the romantic, like Jennifer Jones in “Love Is a Many Splendored Thing.”

When Leah read the article this morning, she was interested to see the roots of her stepmom’s late-night habits:

Her distinctive voice—she speaks from the back of her mouth—is almost uncontrollably effervescent, but strong. Disembodied, one would guess it belonged to an older woman—women: maybe Jean Arthur, Katharine Hepburn, Carole Lombard; any one of a number of great voices soaked into her subconscious over the years.

She plays classic Hollywood films at night as she writes—“midnight until 4 or 5 a.m. Those are my work hours. I put on an old movie and Norma Shearer is there keeping me company.” The black-and-white certainty of time caught on film, unchanging, repeatable, is psychologically comforting. It leaves her free to “concentrate and explore.”

Sometimes the article seems more like therapy than an author profile:

She concedes that she is more comfortable with the past than the present. Of contemporary culture, she says, “I still haven’t quite got a grip on it.”

Why not?

“That’s a good question. I don’t know. I suppose I don’t want the past to be forgotten by people my age. I feel like I’m going to hold out. Until they pay attention to the past, I’m not going to even look at the present,” she explains in a rush of words punctuated by laughter.

After Hailey decided to stay home and teach herself, George Furth—playwright, actor, family friend—wrote her a letter, which she published in her book.

See, you are shy, And you are sheltered. And you are suspicious. And a little bit fearful. But so is everyone. But going off on your experience into newness will eliminate all that. I guess what I’m saying is, either go away to college or go away to explore. But move.

You have it in you to nest and hide out and stay protected and the reason for this letter is to beg you to begin the journey in your mind that soon you will begin in your life. Move figuratively and literally.

Kendall didn’t take much of Furth’s advice. I remember when Kendall and I ran into the late author of “Company” and “Merrily We Roll Along” years later in Farmers Market, he was still hocking Kendall to get out from under her family’s influence.

I was very surprised to see the former Assistant Secretary of Education, Diane Ravitch, author of the just-published book, “The Death and Life of the Great American School System: How Testing and Choice Are Undermining Education,” weighing in on Kendall’s decisions:

Noted educator Diane Ravitch confirms the obvious about Kendall Hailey. She is unusual. “I would say it is very rare that anyone can successfully educate themselves. There is nothing to replace a great teacher.” Having said that, Ravitch readily offers, “I think that most people can look back and count on the fingers of one hand the great teachers that they have encountered from kindergarten on.”

The other side of all this, Ravitch says, “is that no matter where you’ve gone to school or how much schooling you’ve had, the only way you can be really be educated is at some point in your life to become an autodidact. Because the most valuable learning is the learning that you come to out of self-motivation. So what Kendall has done is terrific for her. I don’t think it could be considered a pattern for large numbers of people. It’s not accidental that someone like Hailey is able to teach herself,” says Ravitch, who points out that Kendall is self-motivated and comes from “a richly cultured and intellectual background.”

The article later goes into a riveting psychological analysis of Kendall’s family:

“I think I worried more than Oliver,” Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey says about her daughter’s self-education. Growing up, she says, “I made all the conventional choices, until I met Oliver. And that threw open all the doors.”

“Oliver was always the rebel,” his novelist wife continues. He recognized early that his oldest child “just will never get along in a regular school. ‘We’re going to have to get her a tutor,’” she recalls him saying. The playwright admits to selfish reasons for wanting her home. “My daughters and my wife are my three best friends. And I want them with me as long as I can keep them.”

Indeed, his daughter says, “my father is a Mr. Bronte.” Her mother says, “I do think…because Kendall has always known our friends and been part of our lives that she may have been sheltered physically, but emotionally she’s been exposed to a great deal more than I had been at her age.”

Not many young girls had intimate chats with Joan Hackett who taught her family the pleasures of frozen grapes. Or been told what it means to be an actress by Mildred Dunnock: “It’s an awful business, but if you have to, then there’s nothing else.”

That Kendall Hailey seems to have so few people her own age in her life doesn’t bother her mother. “This whole idea of peers is nonsense, anyway.” College is “the only time in your life when you are forced to associate with people your own age. I mean, I was very bored in school. I couldn’t wait to be 21 and have life get started.”

Her daughter speaks, the singular voice shaped by stars here and gone: “I spoke the other day at a reading group and this one elderly lady came up to me and said, ‘Oh, but you’ve got to know people your own age.’ I felt so sad,” Hailey says, “because now her only friends are people her own age. And they are slowly dying. I want to always have friends. I’m cultivating 3- and 4-year-olds now.”

So here’s to my eccentric and fascinating wife, whose toddler friends from this article are now in their mid-20s! Keep marching to your own drummer, Kendall, and don’t let anyone make you lighten your pictures with some yellow. I'm thrilled to join you on your unconventional journey.

Comments

[Mim Michelove]

What a lovely celebration of an amazing woman!

[Annika]

What a terrific article! And how lucky that Betsy saved it all these years. As you know, Kendall's book changed my life, too, though of course not nearly as much as it changed yours. I was 14 when I read it and had just dropped out of school. My mother bought me The Teenage Liberation handbook and The Day I Became An Autodidact, and except for a brief stint at college (just to see what I was missing--nothing, but I did meet my husband there) I have been self-taught ever since. And because of Kendall I have seen many, many movies I might otherwise have never heard of.

[m.yahn]

yipeeeeeee to an eccentric life filled w/ eccentric friends! oxox,m

[Erin M]

OK, I've got to tell you this story. Years ago, before the wheel, when I was 16 or thereabouts, I used to listen to radio shows. All day. Diane Rehm in the morning, Larry King at night. One day I heard an interview on Diane Rehm with a fascinating young woman who had just written a book - the Day I Became an Autodidact. (Diane just ate Kendall up, BTW. Which was proper and right, b/c she was so interesting and charming.) More than twenty years passed, in which I would occasionally think about this interview, because it was just that memorable. I never read the book - I still haven't, although soon, soon - and I didn't remember the name of the author. But I did remember the name of the book, and by then the miraculous invention of Google provided me with the rest -- which actually led me to your blog. And it turns out you're pretty interesting and charming yourself, Danny, so I bet you and Kendall make a great couple:)

[Sarah]

I didn't know anything about your wife prior to reading this and, wow, what an amazing woman! I'd love to read the full text of this article. And Kendall needs a blog, like, NOW.

[schmutzie]

This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2010/03/five-star-fridays-edition-95.html

[Kirk]

Great post. To have that much wisdom at such a young age. When I'm 90, I don't think I'll have that much wisdom.

[Jeff]

What a great memory. However, since you're such a personal history buff, I'm surprised you hadn't seen the article until now!

I looked for the article in the LA Times archives -- the LA Times for charging to read it :(

[V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios]

I was completely taken by her mom's novel, A Woman of Independent Means. I read it as a teen and while I have shed many books over the years, I still have that one.

[Julie R.]

Danny, I still have that article also. It's great to read it again through your eyes. I'm glad that Kendall let one of her more conventional peers into her unconventional world, allowing us to become such good friends.

[Kitty]

I was excited to see this article again. I remember reading it at the time -- and immediately going to Vromans and buying the book, which I still have and which I've read more than once. How fun to see this, and to remember reading Kendall's words for the first time and realizing I'd met somebody I'd carry with me for a long, long time.

Thanks!!!

[Rurality]

I seem to remember you saying once that she was considering a sequel. Any news in that area...?

[Pam G]

Interesting to learn more about Kendall & her book. I had a similar kindergarten story: I showed my teacher I could already write my name in cursive writing and she frowned and responded, "Oh, no. No. No. We don't do that until late in first grade." My public school education from that point forward was dreadful. I was bored to death most of the time and ended up leaving school early to pursue writing projects while I did graduate & get a BA, which helped me land work as an editor. Would be interested in learning more about what Kendall's writing today. Yes, there should be a sequel!

[suzanne]

Ah, yes! Today is the day I will finally buy Kendall's book. The kindergarten story is similar (I made a duck-billed platypus out of clay instead of an ashtray or snake...)and so amazing that I have a 20 year old who I think I need to send the book to as well!
Thanks again for making my day. I had to catch up here and it was a lovely, lovely time.

[Chris]

Loved reading this! I was looking for a ride to Rock 'n' Bowl on Friday nights when I was 21.

I particularly liked Diane Ravitch's comments in the article. Kendall sounds like a fascinating woman. I'm still interested in where she purchased those cool glasses!

[Shari]

Hugs and kisses to your brilliant and charming wife - reading this reminded me how lucky I am to have you both in my life. I remember finding the book on your bookshelf, shortly after you moved to L.A. and absolutely zooming through it!

[Suzanne]

when is the sequel coming out?