Leah took this shot of Charlie lying on me this morning. About two seconds after she snapped the photo, he puked all over my face. I didn’t mind. After everything Charlie has been through, a little projectile vomiting from time to time is just fine by me. And it provided a good laugh for Leah!
Charlie and I were lying like this
the other night as we watched an episode of “Private Practice.” Do you watch
this show? It’s a spin-off of “Grey’s Anatomy.” I like the main actress, Kate
Walsh, who plays neonatal surgeon Addison Montgomery at a fictional health
clinic in Los Angeles called Ocean Wellness. Like most medical dramas, many of
its plotlines are big on High Drama and not always slaves to plausibility. And
I pray that Charlie’s doctors were less committed to sexual escapades with
their co-workers than the good doctors of both Ocean Wellness and “Grey’s”
Seattle Grace Hospital. Jesus, those docs spend more time having sex in the
break room than they do on surgical consults. And yet we’re always supposed to
believe they are the best of the best—excelling in their careers even though
they all suck at personal relationships. So be it, it’s just a TV show.
When we saw that one of the main plotlines of this week’s episode was a baby born very prematurely, Kendall wisely bowed out. But I couldn’t resist, I wanted to see how the show would depict the challenges faced by micro-preemies and their families.
Oy.
The baby in the episode was born at 25 weeks, just on the cusp of viability according to Addison. That’s true, it’s extremely early, but our twins were born at 24 weeks and there were babies I met at Cedars who survived who were born at 23, considered the very limit of possible survival (there have recently been several 22-week-old babies who have made it although most do not).
As I’ve discussed, Charlie’s twin
Oliver was born with massive problems that started in utero (and probably
caused the 16-week-early delivery). His neurological condition was catastrophic
from birth and he only survived for 12 hours. In my shock at the way “Private
Practice” handled the issue of premature delivery, I certainly acknowledge that all babies born that early face serious life-threatening issues.
But our son Charlie had every single problem that the TV baby had, and then
some. So imagine my horror when Dr. Montgomery says that she doesn't think she can
bring herself to perform the necessary surgeries because there’s really no hope
for this baby. She tells the parents right then and there that they should call
it a day and stop all treatment.
First of all, and this is just an irritating technicality, a baby born that early would have been immediately transferred from Addison’s Santa Monica clinic to the NICU at UCLA, Cedars-Sinai, or Children’s Hospital. Wouldn’t the NICU’s teams of neonatologists have been making these decisions? And yes, all parents of micro-preemies at some point get the speech about quality of life and the actions they might need to take. There are social workers and medical ethicists who help with this agonizing decision, it should not come from a surgeon who’s reluctant to continue providing treatment, especially when her colleagues, the woman’s own doctors, don’t agree with her assessment.
The next day I got a text from a former NICU mother I know that said “If you TiVo ‘Private Practice,’ don’t watch this week’s episode!” Too late! As Addison was telling the couple to stop treatment, I started screaming at our set, “Don’t do it!!” The husband on the show didn't want to give up, but the mother finally agreed to because the doctor tells her it’s the only way she could hold her tiny baby—if they disconnect him from all the machines. “No, just wait,” I screamed, clutching our now 16 lb. Charlie tighter in my arms, “you WILL be able to hold him, you just might need to wait a long time!”
Another woman I know whose son has almost identical issues as Charlie (and the TV baby) was watching the show after coming home from the Canadian NICU where her son still resides. She wrote on her blog that night: “…the baby is diagnosed with IVH (brain hemorrhage) and NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis). The parents are presented two options: operate and your child will have to be on a ventilator and fed through a tube, or remove life support. Umm…I can't even BEGIN to start talking about how this is presented to the parents…very strongly in favor of removing life support. I want to scream at the television what we know. Well, I'm actually talking to the TV as it is, but still. Ugh.” That poor woman. At least we’ve emerged on the other side with Charlie home and healthy and strong and growing. Such shows must be true terror-fests for people who are in the middle of the situations being depicted. It makes me wonder how other medical conditions are dramatized for TV shows. When I know nothing about them, I just take it for granted that the medical consultants on the shows would at least make sure they get all the facts right.
When Addison tells the parents the baby has necrotizing enterocolitis, all of the doctors gasp in shock. Really? Yes, it’s very serious and requires immediate surgery, but MOST premature babies who get this disease fully recover! Look, I get that television shows need high drama to get ratings, no one is interested in seeing a bunch of medical scenarios that are easily cured or have happy endings. Last year, one doctor on “Private Practice” found herself pregnant. True, she didn’t know which doctor was the father (hello?), but she was very excited about the pregnancy. That is, until the season finale when one of her unhinged patients who had recently lost a baby appeared at the doctor’s house, drugged her, and cut the baby out of her body with a scalpel she bought on the Internet. Yuck.
I’m not pretending that many parents of extremely premature babies don’t have to face the decision that the couple on the show faced. Hell, we did, and there’s nothing worse. Let’s be clear: many premature babies die. But you know what? Most of them don’t! Thank God I didn’t watch this or any other medical dramas last year when we were in the throes of our real-life drama. I haven’t forgotten that these are fictional tales aiming for one thing only: ratings. But forgive me if I breathe a sigh of relief that world-class neonatal surgeon Addison Montgomery was never Charlie’s doctor!
God, look at him!!! He shines!
Posted by: amba | February 21, 2010 at 06:41 PM
I'd let Charlie throw up on me anytime. :-)
Your story brings to mind that writers really never know who they're effecting. I watched a comedy show many years ago that made me cry because the comic made a joke about something that was highly personal and devastating to me.
I can't imagine having cancer and watching a show about someone dying of the same, nor can I imagine going through all you've gone through and seeing this show give a child like yours no hope.
Sending love your way.
Posted by: Jane | February 21, 2010 at 06:52 PM
This is one of those many times as a parent you get to shout facts and correct information to all who will listen. You've done that with this post. Charlie looks amazing and I love watching him grow through your photos and other updates.
Posted by: Erica M | February 21, 2010 at 07:49 PM
This isn't the first time Private Practice has dealt with premature birth in a completely inaccurate and infuriating way. I had to stop watching last year after I spent an entire episode yelling at the TV - much like you did here! I'm very glad I missed this one!
Posted by: heather... | February 21, 2010 at 09:02 PM
Has your child's projectile vomit ever ended up in your own mouth? Now THAT was an all-time parenting low for me.
Posted by: Dr. Judy | February 21, 2010 at 09:25 PM
OOh, I love the outfit Charlie is wearing in the first pic. Somebody awesome must have gotten that for him at Janie and Jack. ;-)
As for the show... It was obviously written by someone naive to NICU experiences and premature babies. I think it's probably a subject people feel very strongly about until they actually have to face it themselves. Honestly, I wouldn't have thought much of the episode had it not been for Charlie.
Charlie just gets more and more handsome everyday. I'm so glad Charlie has heroic parents and amazing doctors at Ceders who were willing to fight for his life. What a lucky boy.
Posted by: Campbell | February 21, 2010 at 09:35 PM
I wish I could say something coherent about the fact that I completely agree with what you said (because I do) but I am dazzled by Charlie's ridiculous cuteness. Give that handsome little dude the world's biggest hug for me. xx
Posted by: Sarah | February 22, 2010 at 12:01 AM
Love the picture!
Posted by: Amadaes Baj | February 22, 2010 at 02:01 AM
Charlie's shirt has made me hungry for lunch way too early in the day!
Posted by: Jeff | February 22, 2010 at 07:38 AM
I'm glad Addison wasn't Charlie's Dr either. Look at him. He's so beautiful.
Posted by: churlita | February 22, 2010 at 10:56 AM
OMG .... the picture of Charlie lying on you is worth 1,000,000 words (even if he did puke right after it was taken) .... I watched the episode you discussed and felt the same way you did .... if it wasn't for Charlie, I may have felt differently, but seeing him now, he showed them all! Poo, poo, poo.
Love,
Bubbe Marilyn
Posted by: Marilyn Molnar | February 22, 2010 at 01:57 PM
Oh Danny.. you said it all, and a lot more eloquently than I did. I'm still pretty astounded at the way she was portrayed manipulating those parents into what is the biggest decision a person can make. And her eye rolling each time the parents expressed hope for their child.. how nice.
Our docs aren't always optimistic or hopeful. They offer options that we couldn't dream of taking. But they offer black and white facts, not emotionally charged reasoning that leads us to the decision THEY believe in.
And I agree.. Charlie is simply adorable.
Posted by: Karen | February 23, 2010 at 07:25 AM
I'm so glad I don't watch stupid doctors on tv. It just proves the need for second opinions from doctors, even 3rd opinions to break a tie, or insisting your child gets the best care in the best facility around, no matter what the problem faced.
Love that photo too.
Posted by: Judy | February 23, 2010 at 08:10 AM
Thanks for talking about a very important topic! I am always learning something from your blog..even if it is about actors/actresses...or Charlie who is pretty cool :)
Posted by: Mel | February 24, 2010 at 09:40 PM
Every time I open this blog I love you even more.
The way TV dramas handle most medical issues are bullshitty at best, but at worst -- like in the case of PP -- they can do real harm.
Charlie is so gorgeous. He's a real miracle and it appears that he's just thriving.
xoxoxox
Auntie Lori
Posted by: Lori Kirkland Baker | February 26, 2010 at 03:37 PM
I used to watch more medical shows. Then I went through too many real-life medical crises with my mom (who has now since passed away) and so if a story line came on dealing with what she went through it would be just too hard to watch. Maybe sometime I will watch them again, but I doubt it! Nice pictures of Charlie--my sister lives in Oak Park and I love the Superdawg shirt!
Posted by: Anne | February 27, 2010 at 05:51 AM
As the mother of a child with severe epilepsy, I always marvel at the number of seizures depicted on medical shows and how it always seems like the highest drama. Rarely, do they get it right.
Great post and those pictures of your Charlie are divine!
Posted by: elizabeth | February 27, 2010 at 10:36 PM
First, I can't get enough of Charlie. The cutest baby EVER. Makes me bite my tongue every time I see a photo.
I would have been with Kendall -- no can do when it comes to plotlines that hit too close to home. You're tough!
Posted by: Chris | March 21, 2010 at 05:34 PM