Still Drooling After All These Years

 

One thing that I missed completely in all the holiday hubbub was my blog’s five-year anniversary. I’m not saying I needed a catered affair to celebrate the event, but being a dutiful Virgo, I like to mark such occasions in some way. When I began this site five years ago last week, I barely knew what a blog was. It took me a while to figure out what I was doing but it ultimately became the most consistent writing project I’ve ever done and one that has given me innumerable gifts. I am so grateful for this venue and for all the people I've met because of this blog. I used to write in here every single day. Those days are long gone but even now I don’t think I’ve gone more than eight days without a post. Maybe ten. There have been so many times over the years when I’ve consulted my blog to place an event in my life that I might otherwise have completely forgotten.

When I started this blog I was a youthful whippersnapper at 45 years old. Kendall and I had just gotten married earlier that year and we were still setting up our 1909 house. My daughter Leah was about to turn 10 and on her Christmas break from 4th grade. I was going on my fifth year as a full-time Acquisitions Editor for a progressive publisher out east and I was enjoying the job (and the regular paycheck) immensely. What would I have thought if I could have seen all the changes on the horizon? God knows what changes are in store for the next five years. Would we really want to know? I think not! Better to live in the moment and take things as they come—it’s a lot less overwhelming that way.

That said, to commemorate my blog’s birthday I’m reprinting a short, rambling post I wrote five years ago today on January 5, 2005. It’s one that I still see coming up often in search engines for some reason and I’m surprised at how much it still resonates for me even though I’ve got a much better handle on happiness these days.

January 05, 2005

Sad Jessica Lange

I heard Jessica Lange being interviewed by Charlie Rose a few years ago and was amazed during their discussion when Jessica said, “I consider myself a sad person.” She said this with a smile on her face and added that she also felt much happiness and joy in her life, but that a big part of her basic nature included feeling sad a lot of the time and that she accepted this truth about herself. Wow. For some reason that has always stayed with me and I think about it all the time. I remember being struck by the unabashed freedom in this point of view. You mean, we don’t have to be happy every minute of the day? It's not a school assignment that we'll get in trouble for if we don't do it really well? Sadly, being happy to me often feels like an obligation, and I go through so much guilt when I’m coming from other places which is a lot of the time. And then, if I even let it slip to the world that I’m not feeling deliriously happy at that second (not that I’m ever really fooling anybody when I’m not), I have to quickly add all the asterisks about how I really AM happy but I’m just in a weird space and I’m so sorry so just give me a moment and I’ll try to get back to happy…wait, it’s not working, what’s wrong with me…no, I promise I’ll be happy in a minute, hold on…yes, I realize how lucky I am and how much I have to be thankful for and that’s why I know I really am happy, damn it, so just give me a second here. **Cue guilt/shame spiral.** I’m now learning that I can have a happy, fulfilling life and still acknowledge my feelings of pain and sadness without feeling ashamed or spoiled or self-indulgent. If anything, it’s only by allowing my feelings of sadness to see the light of day that enables them to run their natural course and dissipate. When I force them underground with all my guilt that I’m doing something wrong, they get stuck there and hang on for dear life since they’re so afraid of being attacked again. And then at those times when I'm feeling so emotionally constipated I think of what Jessica Lange said in that interview and it’s like a mantra to me. And I know that I can only be happy if I stop trying to be happy or thinking I must be happy.  

Comments

[Les Neudorf]

Danny, Congrats on 5 years of blogging....You have taken us to so many places with your words....Here's to another 50 years - eventually you might want to retire!
Happy New Year to you and your family.

[Erica M]

Happy 5th blogoversary! Here is to 50 more...

[Sue Katz]

You're one of the bloggers that made me want to be a blogger. And still do. Thanks for setting an example of what honest writing mixed with irresistible wit can produce. Happy Big Five.

[laurie]

Danny,

Thank you for inspiring me to start my own blog. I am loving it! Happy 5th.

[Ellen]

Congratulations Danny, here's to five more years!

[Julie R.]

Danny,
I have learned so much from your blog--not only about you and your family, but about current events, history, music, theater, movies, and Judaism. I'm sure I've forgotten a category. The pictures of Charlie, drooling or not, are the icing on the cake. OK, the pictures are the best part, but the writing comes in a close second.

Julie

[Pearl]

Danny, you and your blog make the world a better place. Thanks for these past five years. L'chaim.

[tamarika]

Wow! Danny, what can I say? If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have written my first book, or my own blog these past five years. So congratulations and thank you from my most grateful heart and mind. Blogging has opened all sorts of doors in my soul and life, and more importantly it has helped me to process some very important issues in my life. It also helped me formulate my ideas, and complete my second book!

Thanks, too, for the Jessica Lange piece. Oh, and that reminds me ... I probably should blog about my own fifth blogging anniversary at some point this month!

Here's wishing that the next five years are fulfilling and peaceful for you and your whole dear, and amazing family!

[Otir]

Wishing you many more years of blogging.

I appreciate reading you faithfully, and I know that the art of blogging has also brought a lot to me, both from the writing and reading points of view. Commenting is another topic altogether, but I just needed to leave my card on this anniversary :-)

As for the topic of sadness and feeling happy, I had never thought of it in these ways, how interesting! I wonder if this culture of being tought to tell how one feels is so useful after all!

[Kirk]

God or evolution (I'm staying out of THAT argument) gave us the ability to feel sad, so it must serve some purpose.

Congratulations on five years.

[Gordon]

"Spitting mad ?"
"Spitting image ?"
Or practicing, "poo, poo, poo !"

[churlita]

Congrats on your blog anniversary. It's taken me years not to feel bad about having negative emotions. They pass so much more quickly once I accepted them and didn't beat myself up for having them in the first place.

[Elaine Soloway]

Happy Anniversary to you...Imagine this being sung, but not by me, of course. That would put a drag on the occasion.

Love keeping in touch with our blogs, Facebook, and...What's the word when you know what someone else is feeling, even if you're miles away? That, too.

xoxo

[OldOldLady Of The Hills]

It is sooo true, Danny. I know I feel a lot like Jessica Lange, basically. But, that doesn't mean I don't have wonderfully happy times. Denying or supressing those feelings is not a good thing for me to do, at all...!
And, I believe aa you do--if I undrstood you correctly---that allowing for ALL these feelings, also gives me a greater access to the "happy" and "joyous" times!

Happy Fifth Anniversary, my mentor....I wouldn't be blogging if it weren't for you and Kendall.
It would be love;y to see you both 'in person' once again....! Call me!

[Sheila Linderman]

Danny, you are clearly an inspiration! And, Charlie looks very serious about his drooling. At his age, that should be his top priority!

Happy 5th, and we all hope for many more to come!

[david]

Amen, brother.

[Chris]

Neat that you've been blogging for five years -- consistently! I think of quitting on occasion [not even two years for me], but I enjoy some of my goofy, personal posts... memories for me or my kids one day.

Sad Jessica Lange... interesting. My mother and I frequently discuss who my brother SHOULD have married [shame on us] and our favorite is a gal we refer to as Sad Tina. This post made me think of her. I loved Sad Tina. I wish my brother would have...

[neil fleischmann]

I loved this post as it resonated for me. Sad Jessica Lang, cool. Your thoughts feeling expected to be happy all the time reminds me of a scene in The Player in which the girlfriend doesn't cry at her lover's funeral. I heard the actress in an interview explain that it dawned on her that reality is that not everyone reacts by crying at a funeral.

I've done 5 years straight and it means a lot to me.