Merry Christmas from the Crosbys

 

Watching Bing Crosby and his young family warble Yuletide classics every December was a staple of my childhood. I don’t know why I looked forward to these Christmas specials so much, they were pretty schmaltzy affairs and tended to feature guest stars I wasn’t that interested in such as Kate Smith, the Lennon Sisters, Mac Davis, and Karen Valentine. Of course sometimes the family, decked out in matching red ensembles with white trim, welcomed guest stars that I was more excited about: old-time friends of Bing's such as Cyd Charisse, Bob Hope, and Fred Astaire and newer stars such as Carol Burnett and, in a now infamous performance, David Bowie. Bowie appeared on the final Christmas special just prior to Bing's death and it was a memorable if somewhat bizarre exchange. Take a look:

I think I was obsessed with the Crosby family for the same reason I was obsessed with other TV families of the era from the Bradys to the Waltons. As my own family was imploding from the nuclear blast of my parents’ ugly divorce, I longed to escape into what I believed to be perfect family harmony and support. It was easy to identify with the Crosbys. Children Harry, Mary, and Nathaniel closely mirrored the ages of Bruce, Sue, and Danny Miller. Mama Kathryn was exactly my mother’s age and just as pretty. While the Millers of Chicago never got together in matching Santa outfits to sing carols as did the Crosbys of Beverly Hills, their public family dynamic satisfied so many of my fantasies about how a healthy functioning family behaves.

I knew Bing was older than Kathryn (by 30 years!) but I still remember the shock and disillusionment I experienced when I found out that in addition to the picture-perfect kids he paraded in front of the cameras every Christmas, Bing had a whole other family from his first wife Dixie Lee. These four boys were never mentioned on the Christmas specials. Why not? 

Turns out all was not so idyllic in the Crosby household. Bing’s first wife suffered from acute alcoholism and died when she was only 40. Son Gary had a brief career in a singing group with his brothers, capitalizing on the Crosby name, but created a permanent rift in the family when he published a memoir called “Going My Own Way” shortly after Bing’s death. In his book, Gary alleged that his dad was physically and mentally abusive to the boys, beating them until they bled and regularly calling them awful names. The extent of the abuse was denied by brother Phillip but largely corroborated by brothers Lindsay and Dennis, both of whom had very difficult lives and later committed suicide by blowing their brain outs. Gary and Phillip also died young, leaving nothing left of Bing’s original family today except a slew of bad publicity and a string of denials by Bing’s widow Kathryn and his second set of children. Is it possible that the allegations against Bing by his oldest son were true while Bing exhibited none of this behavior with his second family? I think so—a lot can happen to someone's parenting style in thirty years. Bing was 55 when his second set of children started to come. Kathryn might have also provided a much more grounding influence than troubled Dixie Lee.

Bing's late-life brood definitely fared better and all seem to have fond remembrances of their papa. Harry Crosby left show biz in the 1980s and became a successful investment banker. Mary Crosby gained fame on the TV show "Dallas" when it was finally revealed that it was her character who shot Larry Hagman's J.R. Ewing. Nathaniel Crosby loved golf as much as his dad and in 1981 at the age of 19 became the youngest winner of the U.S. Amateur Championship, a record that stood until Tiger Woods won in 1994.

Despite their differences in age, I hope that Leah and Charlie never feel part of two different families. I strongly doubt that will happen considering the two of them are inseparable and in no way pitted against each other as Bing's two sets of kids seemed to be at times. Here’s a photo snapped yesterday at Leah’s high school. I brought Charlie to pick her up and was immediately swarmed by gaggles of high school girls who wanted to play with Leah’s adorable baby brother. Nothing makes me more popular than wandering around L.A. with my son strapped to a Baby Bjorn. I hope Leah will never feel the need to pen a book to decry my parenting skills, but, like Bing, I can see the psychological benefits of having young children later in life. I think I’m far less neurotic with Charlie than I was when Leah was a baby, sticking a mirror under her nose every 20 seconds to make sure she was alive and agonizing over every real and imagined slight she experienced from other children.

 

I was moved enough by the death of Bing Crosby in 1977 to send his family a heartfelt condolence note. I received the above reply back from Kathryn Crosby. The card included original and appropriate lyrics penned by Bing himself from a song called “That’s What Life Is All About.” In addition to the lyrics printed on Kathryn’s thank you note, the song included verses such as the following:

Life’s never easy all the time
The hills you climb
Often lead nowhere
Of ups and downs
I’ve had my share
That’s what life is all about.

I've known success
Some mild acclaim
And thinking of it gives me pleasure
And I've had some stress
The scars remain
When Lady Luck gave me short measure.

When things went wrong
I'd fake a smile
But that's my style
'Cause I've been aroundAnd having been being around, I’ve found
That’s what life is all about.

Sing it, Bing. Of course at the end of all of Bing’s holiday specials with his family, he’d gather them around him for a rendition of the most popular Christmas song in history, one that Bing introduced in not one, but two different films. Here’s a clip of my favorite version of this song to round out my salute to Der Bingle and his clans.

Comments

[susie specter]

Fantastic and fascinating danny! J'adore the photo of your two wonderful kiddos! I am a lifelong sucker of holiday aka christmas movies, watch em faithfully every year! AND and a proud member of a blended family who celebrates joyfully all the holidays! luv and happiness, seasons greetings to you and yours, wishing you peace, joy and love! happy chrismahanakwanzakaa!

[tamar]

Loved your blog BC (Before Charlie) and AD (After Danny [...began posting photos of big sis and lil bro]).

[The Pliers]

The ways in which this particular post touch me are too numerous to count, so I won't even try.

The children look great and you sound like a man who's been hoein' a hard row and could use a rest.

con cariño,

[Pam G]

Those Christmas specials were a staple of my childhood, too. It wasn't Christmas without the Crosbys. My mom idolized Bing Crosby and fell into quite a funk when he died. Gary's book really came as a shock to her as she had adored Bing since her own childhood. I have a copy but never read it. I'm sure you know that Jack Klugman is now married to Gary Crosby's ex-wife and that Peggy and Gary had at least one son together that I'm aware of who also has a modest singing career.

Great picture of Leah and Charlie.

[Judy]

I guess I've always been too much of a beat/hippie ever to have loved Bing Crosby. He was never my cup of tea...Judy Garland always a favorite. Yet this season, I wonder why is it that I know all the words of these christmas songs, me, a Jewish girl from Brooklyn. How unfair to have those words swirling around my head as I walk the streets and hear melodies from Salvation Army people or coming out of stores. "Oh come all ye faithful, joyous and triumphant"...
I too love the picture of Charlie in his snuggly held by his sister!

[churlita]

I think there are good and bad things about parenting when you're younger and older. i don't know a lot about Bing Crosby, but I wonder If he had a drinking problem early on that he may have come to terms with by the time he had his second family. There are so many variables that can affect our parenting, though. That's for sure.

[Gordon]

Parenting doesn't come with instructions. Everybody just flies along on a wing and a prayer, doing the best that they know how to do.

Happy holidays to Leah, Charlie, Kendall, and Danny.

[amba]

It's so funny -- when I come here, before reading your post I always scroll down through it for my Charlie fix.

You will have to put Charlie somewhere in every post from now on, the way Hirschfeld hid "NINA," or Hitchcock made an appearance in each of his films.

[OldOldLady Of The Hills]

I don't think there is any doubt that the first Crosby kids were treated horrifically. And all of them ended badly and in a lot of pain. I think Bing had a bit of a drinking problem at one point too, so....their parents really screwed them over, royally. I'm sure Mr. Crosby mellowed and all that, but....there is something deeply deeply tragic about the old ways of Hollywood. The "picture perfect" family life that was presented to all of us in the Movie Magazines, etc., etc. Too good to be true? Most of the time, and certainly in the case of Dixie Lee & Bing.

It is doubtful that Leah will ever write such a book about you Danny, and one can see she is on such a definite path already at her young age...BRAVO to you and to your Ex...!
As to that adorable Charlie....He lights up the screen of my computer in every picture...What a great great gift at this point in your life.

[Sharon]

It seems I've read where Dixie started drinking to drink "with" Bing and he eventually stopped (or cut back) drinking after she became such a bad alcoholic.

I always think of Nathaniel Crosby as having a mouth FULL of braces. I thought he was hot though!!!

[Jara]

You did not mention Duncan Jones, f.k.a. Zowie Bowie, whose parents weren't exactly problem free either. Yet Duncan is a very well respected director (Have you seen Moon? It's fantastic). He seemed to avoid all the normal tragedies his upbringing would have seemed to lead to and led a rather academically rigorous life and has embarked on a lovely career. Some people seemed blessed with the ability to get on with things and this guy seems like one of those types.

[D.K.Milgrim-Heath]

I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas
By D.K. Milgrim-Heath
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas in Manhattan town-
The gaiety of my childhood uptown and down.
With beautiful white snow everywhere-
I must see Rockefeller's Centre's tree trimmed with care!
Since I was a child I always wanted peace on earth-
Haven't these words said something for it's worth?
Relating an important holiday message we need-
Let peace happen for our 2010 world indeed!