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November 04, 2009



You said it all perfectly and accurately ... parenthood is a work in progress. Keep on "working" with your beautiful family .... you're bound to get some things right! So far, so good.

Gramma Marilyn

The process of letting go begins at birth. If my kids turn out well, I won't take the credit, and if they mess up, well, I won't take the blame either!

Dear Danny,

Lovely post (and lovely children). But your father was right! So what? My 3 forty+ daughters still confide in me . . . I hope.


As I was reading your post, all I could think about was Khalil Gibran's poem. My mother had "The Prophet" on her bookshelf. I read it for the first time when I was eleven.

Beautiful picture of Leah! Precious of Charlie!

This is one of my favorite posts that you have written... beautifully written... exemplies parenthood so well.

Beautiful post, fascinating thoughts, eloquently shared with us. Your post mentions loss and the experience of loss, I have pondered the issue a lot, uncomfortable with the notion of "loss", probably for my own sake, and to protect myself from my fears and terrors of losing. I came to think that parenting is rather a matter of separation, a notion that resonates better for me, as it is also a central idea in judaism, the notion of lehavdil, to distinguish, to separate.

Letting go in this way, is to accept that we are separate. As parents, we can provide, support, encourage, guide, show the road, but we are still separate, and have never and will never experience what the other human being is experiencing as a separate human being. It can be frustrating at times, but it's a great human lesson.

Love is there to encompass. It is the ingredient that allows everything to exist, to co-exist, to re-create the initial order.

what great timing for this piece danny as i adjust to my daughter arielle living in chicago! i am struggling with refraining from endless texts and e-mails to her along the lines of :"don't ride the el at night"! I continually affirm to myself this mantra " let go of the need to control". Luv, Susie

What a wonderful expression about parenting and great photos of Leah and Charlie. How interesting to be going through both the teenage and the infant stages at once. My boss did that, too, and, as a person who never had any children and has very little, really, in the way of family at all, I can't even begin to imagine what this might be like but you have helped me to think about it.

Well said, Danny! Beautifully put from two very different perspectives wrapped up in a single moment of time. And anyone who quotes from Kahlil Gibran has to be doing something right.

BTW, you asked, "Do I sound crazy?" Is that a trick question? ;-)

I agree with is all about separation and love. I still remember when my son first told me he wanted to see a movie but not with me, but with his friends. Ouch, that hurt. I still have to remind myself to control my worries about my daughter living back in the boro of my childhood (Brooklyn), and not worry when she wakes up at 4:30Am and goes running in the streets. I also have to remind myself about those Gibran quotes every now and then. Our children do have their own karma after all is said and done.

OOps, I forgot i wanted to mention Oprah's magazine article by dylan klebold's mom about the columbine massacre. I read it at the library interesting read.

I have almost the opposite problem. I was an orphan at 10, and so I have always had to fight myself not to make them independent too young. It's my natural instinct to prepare them to survive if I died while they were still young and it's not healthy either.

Thanks for another thought-provoking post. I was simultaneously sad and proud one night recently when Lily told me she doesn't need to be tucked in anymore. And so it begins, the march toward independence.


The only true was we influence our kids is through our DNA.

So beautiful. I've had it open for two days now.

Danny -- I chose that Gibran passage to read out loud at my class's Reform confirmation. Imagine it coming from your teen-ager -- a beautiful slap in the face!

Kirk: and even the DNA isn't "ours."

"The only true was we influence our kids..."

I blame that typo on DNA.

I love that line "For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams." But I think, as an earlier post you made recognized, that there is a linkage backwards. We can't go to the house of tomorrow, but our kids carry pieces of the house of today - and their parents - with them to that place, and in that sense, we do go there...

Beautiful post -- your Charles is a doll. As an aside, I have an eight year old named Oliver Charles who dressed as Waldo for Halloween!

Danny, that picture of Leah makes her look like Bernadette Peters!

it is so rife with dysfunction I begged him to write it down and hand deliver it to a therapist.


So it's OK that Gabe basically doesn't speak to me these days...?

Just stopping by to say hello and let you know I'm busy formulating my questions. I'm enjoying your blog as I backtrack through it to learn more about you.

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