Today is my 50th birthday. Dear God, I am a half
century old, how the hell did that happen? Needless to say, the only present I
want this year is our son coming home with us and I feel so incredibly grateful
that this is finally happening. As of this morning, the plan is for Charlie
to be discharged from the NICU in a week to ten days. We’ll have a lot of
doctors’ meetings next week to discuss follow-up medications and procedures and
we’ll have to learn how to administer the oxygen that he’ll be coming home with
for a while. He had his circumcision today which went very well and was
performed by the fantastic surgeon who did three of his four surgeries. I said
some prayers and sang a bunch of Hebrew songs. Our rabbi is coming by tomorrow
morning to do some blessings. I once swore that I’d never bring up circumcision
again on this blog because of the attacks I’ve received from Google-crazy anti-circ extremists (note to all members of that group: please do NOT comment
on this post!) but I wanted to mark this moment. We didn’t expect it to happen
today but the surgeon suddenly had an opening. The crazy thing is that Kendall
and I already had a reservation for a birthday dinner tonight at a restaurant
we’ve been dying to go to at the Beverly Wilshire hotel. Guess what it’s
called? Cut! Oy. Braised foreskin, anyone?
While I’m having a hard time comprehending that I’m 50 years old, I must say that the events of the past four months have made me drop of a lot of my self-consciousness about having a baby in my geezer years. The NICU is the great levelizer—differences in age, religion, race, or economic status don’t seem to matter much when you have a child in jeopardy. Did I already mention one of my favorite NICU moments? It was back when we were in a different bay several weeks ago. Across from us were new triplets, born to an Orthodox Jewish couple from Israel. Next to us was the premature son of two very devout Catholics. One late night found the 50-ish Orthodox father going from incubator to incubator with his siddur chanting prayers in Hebrew. At the same time, the very young father next to us was reciting Hail Marys over and over again. Me? I was holding Charlie and singing…you guessed it…showtunes! It was a great bonding moment for the three of us dads because we realized that we were all doing the exact same thing even though it took a different form for each of us.
For the past five years on my birthday, I’ve been observing the odd tradition of looking at my life through the lens of the Best Picture Oscar winner from the “year “of my age. So, when I turned 46, I contemplated the 1946 winner, “The Best Years of Our Lives.” In 2006, I prepared for 47 by examining the 1947 film about anti-Semitism, “Gentleman’s Agreement.” When I hit 48, I analyzed my connection to a range of dark performances from 1948, from Laurence Olivier’s tortured prince in “Hamlet” to Olivia de Havilland’s descent into mental illness in “The Snake Pit.” Last year, as my 49th birthday coincided with the furor of the presidential election, I looked for personal connections with 1949’s “All the King’s Men,” a story of political corruption and betrayal.
1950 was a banner year for movies. The nominees for Best Picture include three of my all-time favorites: “All About Eve,” “Born Yesterday,” and “Sunset Boulevard.” I also loved “Father of the Bride” starring Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor but I’m not sure how “King Solomon’s Mines” made the list. Not that it’s horrible and but as far as films shot in Africa go, I much prefer “The African Queen” which came out the following year. I might have given that last spot to “The Third Man” or possibly “The Asphalt Jungle.”
All About Eve” won the Oscar that year. It’s hard to argue
with that choice—even though “Sunset Boulevard” probably would have won any
other year. I wrote about “All About Eve” following Kendall’s birthday last
year. After finding out that Bette Davis was her age when she made the film,
Kendall morphed into Margo Channing for several weeks.
Who am I most like from that film? I'm embarrassed to admit that I can relate to Margo’s paranoia and fears of intimacy but I also understand Bill Simpson’s desire to make everything simpler than Margo allows. Am I more like playwright Lloyd Richards who is so obsessed with his own words that he can’t even see the emotional tailspins happening all around him? Maybe I resemble Celeste Holm’s Karen Richards, too trusting, a bit passive aggressive, never feeling totally part of the group, and bending her natural inclinations to survive the whims of those around her. I’m sure I have a few dabs of George Sanders’ vicious Addison DeWitt coursing through my veins, using my poison pen to eviscerate others (hello Henry Jaglom, Jennifer Aniston, and Ashton Kutcher to name a few just from my previous post!). I don’t feel like I have that much in common with Anne Baxter’s conniving Eve Harrington but part of me wishes I did. I could use a healthy dose of Eve’s unbridled ambition and her uncanny ability to get where she wants to go, at least in terms of career goals. Maybe my only true soul mate in that film is Thelma Ritter’s Birdy with her world-weary outlook and her use of sarcasm and humor to mask the pain and frustration of her own life. Physically, I’m starting to bear a striking resemblance to producer Max Fabian, played by Russian Jewish actor Gregory Ratoff. I remember thinking how ancient Max was when I watched the film, but when he made “All About Eve,” Ratoff was only two years older than I am now. Yikes! I’m now five years older than Birdy, six years older than Addison DeWitt, eight years older than Margo Channing, 11 years older than Lloyd Richards, 15 years older than Bill Simpson, 17 years older than Karen Richards, and 23 years older than Eve Harrington. Fasten your seat belt, kid, it’s going to be a bumpy decade!
Speaking of my decrepitude, Gloria Swanson, who so
brilliantly portrayed the sad, aging, completely delusional former silent film
star Norma Desmond in “Sunset Boulevard,” was exactly my age when she shot the
film. Help, I AM Norma Desmond! This realization will bring new meaning to the words I always shout from my car window as I
pass the spot in front of Paramount every morning where Swanson
delivered her famous line: “Tell them without me there
wouldn’t BE any Paramount Studios!”
“Born
Yesterday” was one of the most sparkling films of 1950 or any other year. What
would you expect from a film directed by George Cukor, written by Garson
Kanin, and starring one of the
most endearing casts ever to meet on a soundstage? Judy Holliday (age 28!)
achieved the impossible and snatched 1950’s Best Actress Oscar out of the hands
of Bette Davis and Gloria Swanson for her role as Billie Dawn. It was a
surprising upset but who could deny the radiant Holliday any accolade? I'd like to think that I have some of Billie Dawn's innocence and goodness but I know I'm much closer to 31-year-old William
Holden's character with all his hopes and disappointments. And remember Holliday’s
over-the-hill sugar daddy—corrupt businessman Harry Brock played by Broderick
Crawford? Crawford was only 48 when he made this film. Egads, I am older than
Harry Brock! Make it stop! Let's not even get into the fact that silver-haired Spencer Tracy was also exactly my current age when he made "Father of the Bride." Where was HIS new baby?
But again, who cares about age? In many ways, I feel more alive now than I ever did and certainly young at heart. I’m so very grateful for the love of my family and friends and I’m awestruck by the support I’ve received from the blogging community. Thank you all for making the hellish parts of this past year seem more bearable and for for continuing to help me celebrate all the joyful parts. I’ll never forget it.
Happy Birthday! Your big present (getting Charlie home for keeps) is clearly coming up.
Hey, at least Steve Martin DID have a baby in "Father of the Bride 2" at your age!
Posted by: Edelweiss Transplanted | September 04, 2009 at 07:38 PM
Dear Danny,
Happy Birthday! Did Charlie get you anything besides his wonderful self?
And Mazel Tov, or whatever you say after a bris.
Give Kendall my love. I'm looking forward to seeing all of you.
Love,
Cynthia
Posted by: Cynthia Reich | September 04, 2009 at 08:09 PM
Happy Birthday! I also turned 50 this year and I have to say that I don't feel any different. 50 is the new 30!
Posted by: Kitty | September 04, 2009 at 08:45 PM
Great day for a birthday at any age.
Hope the Cut dinner was great.
Glad you made it this far.
Posted by: Margie | September 04, 2009 at 08:50 PM
Happy 50th!!! Sounds like it will be a wonderful year for you with your little guy coming home soon. Mazel Tov on Charlie's Bris, too!
Love the movie references! Such thoughtful critiques!
Posted by: Beth | September 04, 2009 at 09:36 PM
Dear Danny,
Happy birthday! I hope you and Kendall had a wonderful dinner.I love your description of the NICU experience with the other two dads.
Love,
Julie
Posted by: Julie R. | September 04, 2009 at 09:39 PM
Happy Happy Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Neil | September 04, 2009 at 10:35 PM
Happy Birthday, Danny; just think, I'm half your age or is it 1-1/2 times your age? I was never too good at math. Don't you feel better now knowing there is someone much older than you?
Mazel-tov on Charlie's bris and I can't wait to see him soon.
Love
Marilyn
Posted by: Marilyn Molnar | September 04, 2009 at 11:17 PM
Dear Danny,
Our little Charlie will keep you young.................or completely wear you out !
Happy Birthday !
-Gordon
Posted by: Gordon | September 04, 2009 at 11:44 PM
Happy Birthday, Danny! Paris wishes you a bon 50eme anniversaire aussi!
Amitiés,
Pamela
Posted by: La Framéricaine | September 05, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Happy Birthday Danny. Charlie's departure from the NICU will be the best gift. You'll remember it forever!
I turn 50 in a few weeks and I've been having a little trouble dealing with the thought of it. But your take on it has giving me some encouragement to embrace it!
Have a great day and a great birthday dinner
Posted by: Kerrie | September 05, 2009 at 12:17 AM
You are like a walking (writing?) Wikipedia of film. It makes me wonder what Charlie's first memorable film will be. Mine was Planet of the Apes. :-)
I am so excited that Charlie's coming home! Can't wait to see the video of that day. :-)
Happy Birthday Danny. And may every one after this be specially blessed.
Posted by: Jane | September 05, 2009 at 01:39 AM
Happy Birthday and hope the meal was memorable. I'm only two years behind you! Like you, I'm always thinking he or she is this much older/younger than I am now. I jokingly refer to myself as "An OLD" at the office and even note that "retirement is only about 19 years away!" The "YOUNGS" at our office probably think I'm crazy for always saying that with such cheer as if it is next year and not 2028.
And when my ex-husband turned 50 in 2006 I was so shocked. Couldn't believe someone I was once married to was 50! For the first time since our divorce I sent him a comic cartoon card that read something along the lines of, "Someone said you're turning 50?" on the front with "Let's never speak of it again!" written on the inside and "Forget 50" printed in Pig-Latin, of all things on the back. Well, I'm glad he had a sense of humor about it. I think I was more devastated than he was!
Enjoyed your reviews of the best films of 1950 and hope the gift of your young son's homecoming will happen soon.
XOXO. PG
Posted by: Pam G | September 05, 2009 at 04:40 AM
What a dear, dear man you are! How lucky Leah and Charlie and Oliver are to have you as their father, and how lucky is Kendall to have you as her loving husband? And how lucky am I to have found your blog?
It's been a bitter sweet experience for me to read about this horrible, grand, shocking, eviscerating experience you've all been going through, because I had a child with retinoblastoma. I can still smell Children's Memorial Hospital when i read your posts.
There is no non-trite way to say this, but your courage and absolutely pure loving heart has been so inspiring to me. God Bless you and your family.
A friend you've never met down Chicago-ish way,
Paula
Posted by: Paula Stewart | September 05, 2009 at 06:07 AM
Happy birthday Danny! I am so happy for you that you have Charlie's homecoming to look forward to as a very wonderful birthday present!
I was very touched by your description of your late night NICU experience with the other two fathers. A parent's love for their child is the same in any religion.
Posted by: Elise | September 05, 2009 at 06:33 AM
A very sincere and happy birthday to you!! I agree with the person who commented right before me.... a parent's love is the same in every religion. I was also touched by that late night description of all three fathers doing what they needed to do to cope at that very moment.
Posted by: Amy | September 05, 2009 at 07:32 AM
Here is an informative article for you and your wife to read now, and for your son when he becomes an adult.
--URL of anti-circ article deleted by Danny. Help, even when I beg the anti-circ people to leave me alone they can't stop googling and commenting (I also received several private emails). And what good would that article have done us after our son's circumcision is already done?
Posted by: PJ | September 05, 2009 at 07:43 AM
Blessings to Danny and his family on this day. Happy birthday.
-- Heidi
Posted by: Heidicrafts | September 05, 2009 at 08:57 AM
Happy Birthday, Danny. Many, many more in the company (at home) of your son...and the rest of the family, too, of course.
Posted by: Wanda | September 05, 2009 at 09:46 AM
Happy Birthday, Danny!!
(And hey, PJ, SCRAM.)
Posted by: Lori Kirkland Baker | September 05, 2009 at 10:54 AM
Happy Birthday! Your knowledge of film history is savant-like. SO interesting!
Great news about Charlie! Everything... Also loved picturing you and the two other fathers praying/singing for the babies.
Hope your day was joyful and all the best to you in the year ahead.
Posted by: Chris | September 05, 2009 at 01:20 PM
Happy Birthday Danny!
Posted by: V-Grrrl at Compost Studios | September 05, 2009 at 01:37 PM
Happy belated birthday! And equally important, congratulations on the impending homecoming for Charlie. I'm thrilled to hear (read) that.
Posted by: jason | September 05, 2009 at 02:47 PM
Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Jen | September 05, 2009 at 06:06 PM
A belated, but nonetheless happier, happy 50th birthday to you, dear Danny! (BTW, how can you POSSIBLY be 50? Isn't that how old our parents, those uncool, unhip old-fogies, are supposed to be?)! I am very eagerly awaiting the day when you announce that Charlie is home with you. Like you, I cannot think of a more perfect present.
Posted by: Emily Barton | September 05, 2009 at 07:42 PM
Happy birthday -- Elisabeth and Neil sent me. Your blog is unbelievable. Prayers to you that your baby gets to go home with you soon.
Posted by: Michele | September 06, 2009 at 05:09 AM
Danny, belated happy birthday! I've been following Charlie's progress, celebrating every milestone and suffering the setbacks with you for some time now. Your stories and songs and videos have even sustained me during personal challenges, and I'm thrilled by the prospect of your taking Charlie home soon.
I've heard about the amazing Leah from Lois, and now I'm a huge fan of hers, too. I look forward to following her wherever her talents lead. My very best to all your family whom I've never met but have grown to love and admire. (And remember that I "met" Kendall through her dazzling book shortly after it was published--long before I met you. I can see it on the book shelf from here.)
Posted by: Gloria Pipkin | September 06, 2009 at 08:07 AM
Crying for happy and kvelling with auntly pride!
God, he's beautiful -- alert, focused, and wiser than his months ... The expression on his face can't help but make you very hopeful and optimistic about the brain behind it.
Posted by: amba | September 06, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Having done some time bedside in a NICU myself, I can really appreciate how Charlie's long anticipated homecoming overshadows any aging concerns or birthday fancies. SO GLAD to hear the good news. I'll be checking in to see and hear when that great day happens. And a belated happy birthday too!
Posted by: Julie Voss | September 06, 2009 at 02:27 PM
I'm a little late but happy belated birthday Danny. Fifty Schmifty, age is a state of mind and clearly the numbers haven't affected you that much if you are going to see Ashton Kutcher movies (even if you hate them.)
Charlie is an absolute doll. What a great gift.. maybe, the best gift ever.
Posted by: Shannon | September 06, 2009 at 06:45 PM
A Belated Happy Birthday, my dear Danny! GREAT Post! (I saw Judy Holiday do "BORN YESTERDAY" on Broadway...!)
I hope you had a WONDERFUL Celebration at the Bev Wil, as was said in "PRETTY WOMAN"....Oh My God! The MOVIES! I Thank God for them, as I know you and Kendall do too....WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT THEM?
Great to read that dear sweet little adorable Charlie will be coming home, very very soon, my dears...! Mazel Tov!
HUGS TO YOU ALL!
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | September 06, 2009 at 06:56 PM
Belated Happy Birthday, Danny!!!
Posted by: Melinda | September 06, 2009 at 07:32 PM
Happy Birthday Danny!
We made a film for Charlie. Hope you like it. We will upload it to your blog. Live, from the KALD blog gang.
Love,
Avery & Lowry
Posted by: Avery & Lowry | September 06, 2009 at 08:04 PM
Yea! What good news that Charlie's homecoming is imminent. And thank you for your honest emotion and quirky humor. I, and Mike, continue to hold you all in our hearts.
Posted by: Marilyn Reynolds | September 06, 2009 at 08:29 PM
Happy birthday, Danny!!! I'll be in LA in two weeks. Perhaps we can meet up briefly? I'd love to see you.
Posted by: Jennifer New | September 07, 2009 at 12:43 PM
happy birthday, may you get the best present yet sooner than you think, all the best, K
Posted by: Kimberley | September 07, 2009 at 02:48 PM
That would be great, Jennifer. Let's talk closer to your arrival!
Danny
Posted by: Danny Miller | September 07, 2009 at 06:24 PM
Happy belated birthday and Charlie-homecoming to you, my friend. And many more. Cheers!
Posted by: Dave Max Crawford | September 07, 2009 at 10:03 PM
Happy belated birthday Danny. I can't wait for you to get the best birthday present ever!
Posted by: heather... | September 07, 2009 at 10:59 PM
Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday dear Danny...
Happy birthday to you!
And for the record I DID sing it.
Posted by: Jeff | September 08, 2009 at 06:57 AM
Happy Belated 50th, DAnny! I've been staying off the blogosphere over the weekend, so I missed this when you wrote it.
I love it that singing show tunes are a form of prayer to you. I also love it that your boys is going home soon!
Posted by: churlita | September 08, 2009 at 07:56 AM
Happy belated birthday! That's great that Charlie gets to come home in a week. The little dude has come a long way!
Posted by: Julie | September 08, 2009 at 05:15 PM
Happy Birthday, Danny. I paved the way for you last December... 50's not so bad... if you don't mind feeling really, really old! Can't wait to meet that kid. Get him home, awready!
Posted by: Pam P. | September 09, 2009 at 03:47 PM
It's been a bitter sweet experience for me to read about this horrible, grand, shocking, eviscerating experience you've all been going through, because I had a child with retinoblastoma. I can still smell Children's Memorial Hospital when i read your posts.
Posted by: muskelaufbau | October 03, 2009 at 12:30 AM