Social Butterfly

Now that our son is officially “born” (he’s 118 days old but only 11 days “corrected”), Charlie is really coming into his own as a social creature.  I’ve never seen him more alert, expressive, or interested in his surroundings and other people. He finally just went down for a nap after being wide awake  for most of the day. What a delight he is. No wonder everyone who meets him, including many of the NICU nurses, want to eat him alive. Several have told me how much they’ll miss him when he’s gone.

Yesterday, by contrast, was a terribly sad day in the NICU. That baby I mentioned in my last post died. The family of this baby stood vigil by her incubator all day long but from the looks on their faces and the snippets I heard as the doctors gathered around this poor baby before the family arrived, I knew that the previous night’s marathon emergency surgery in the bay was only of limited help. We all tried to give this family as much privacy as we could but being right across from them it was hard not to steal occasional glances of their stricken faces as they held their sweet baby’s hands. Sometimes I’d see the family members just gazing sadly out of the window, not knowing what to do or say as their little girl was about to exit this world. My assumption is that the staff waited until shift change when no one was around to allow the family to say their final good-byes and stop the machines that were keeping her alive. When I returned after the break, the somber staff was breaking down equipment and scrubbing out the empty isolette. Meanwhile, another new baby in the bay was rushed down to surgery. I was relieved to see him back in his spot this morning.

Such events bring me right back to the day 17 weeks ago when our sons were born and the moment when Oliver died in our arms. It’s why I couldn’t completely turn away from these parents during their first moments of grieving. I felt like we were part of some sad but powerful brotherhood since we actually do know what that horrible moment feels like. And yet, even though it doesn’t take the grief away, we’ve  also had the incredible joy of watching our other son grow and thrive, even though he still faces plenty of issues. I hate most of the clichés about such events such as “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” and yet I have to believe  that this axiom is true. I feel so much stronger in so many ways for having gone through this experience and yet there were times when I was in such despair that I thought my life was over.

And now, this week, we can’t wait to get to the NICU to see our happy, alert, and responsive son. Yes, he’s still healing from his surgery, he’s still being treated for a possible shunt infection,he’s still getting over his post-surgery edema, he still has desats and bradies, he still needs extra oxygen, he still has unknown neurological issues, but he is no longer a fragile bird-like patient being kept alive by artificial means in an incubator. He is our beloved, adorable, roly-poly baby boy who knows us, responds to us and others, and has his own very distinct personality, just like the famous YouTube baby Charlie who someone referred to in my last post:

Comments

[Sarah]

Look at his smile! I adore that.

[Jane]

Is it weird that I love him so much, from so far? If so, then okay, I'm weird. He lights up my world every time you post his picture, and I'm absolutely convinced that this little man is going to do great and be very loved throughout his life.

[Melinda]

Hi, Smiley!

[Julie R.]

Danny,
I can tell just from those photos what a great personality your Charlie has. He has such a cute smile and such big eyes. Is it my imagination, or does Charlie look like his cousin Spencer in the smiling picture?

Love,
Julie

[Jan]

I can't help but smile back.

[gorillabuns]

I truly have PTSD from the PICU. I hope I never see this place again.

[Neil]

I like seeing him smile. It makes me wonder what he can possibly be thinking about at such a young age. Is smiling an inherent part of our nature?

[maggie may]

i still love that youtube! so freaking cute.

i love the update, sounds so positive for your Charlie.

[Beth]

i'm sad to hear about the neighbor baby and, of course, the loss of oliver.

on another day, charlie looks positively RADIANT in these pics! He sounds like he is doing beautifully! Hooray, Charlie! =)

[Marilyn Molnar]

Hi Danny,

Can't wait for you or Kendall to stick a finger in your Charlie's mouth and have him "bite" you. He gets cuter by the minute.

Love,
Marilyn

[Rachel]

He's absolutely adorable and precious. I hope he heals and you can bring him home soon.

That video is wonderful, thanks for posting the link.

[Heather P.]

He's just adorable!
I love those cute chubby cheeks.
Isn't it just the wildest thing that preemies don't start keeping their eyes open until after their due date?! My cousin's little girl was like that.
Praying for your family every day.
G-d Bless!

[Pam G]

Sorry to hear about the other baby. Such a loss for that family. Charlie looks great in his photos. Thanks for the update.

[Jeff]

I love that smile! It's going to leave me with a goofy smile on my face most of the day.

It's good to read his recovery from the last surgery seems steady. I'm hoping for a full recovery soon so you can finally bring him home.

[churlita]

Charlie looks so great!

I've had a lot of really bad things happen in my life, but I definitely have learned from all of them. The one lesson I seem to need to be reminded of over and over again, is that I need to appreciate all that I have. It seems like you are weighing all the good over the bad and keeping positive. I admire your strength.

[Candi Ince]

Charlie looks fabulous and, if the axiom is true, your little guy is one tough cookie! He really does look great and it's so nice to see pictures of him showing off his personality :)

[tamar]

A few weeks ago, after a long absence from your blog, I wondered, What's up with Danny? And then landed smack dab in the midst of what you have been living and blogging about with achingly detailed candor. It's taken me a while to find my voice, and I apologize for my weakness. Your experience has drawn me back to the ICU at Tel Hashomer Hospital close to Tel Aviv, where last spring I joined (onsite and then electronically) my best bunkmate since age seven (at Hebrew-speaking Zionist Camp Massad, in the Poconos) while she kept vigil three months until her daughter was transferred to rehab, and from there, home. With her were other families also keeping vigil, including Israeli Arab parents of a young veterinary student. People say that in the Missile East, Israel's health care system is the great leveler, and that, facing life and death, patients and medical personnel "get it." We are one human family, and we cleave to our kin and our loved ones in identical ways. When I return to Israel soon, I will visit that Israeli Arab family who, when I called them from Atlanta on hearing of their son's death told me: "inshallah, please come to our home when you return." And I will. My message has been about me, about Israelis, and really about you and your darling family. I am rooting for you, as you know. Warmest regards from your cyberpal.

[Chris]

Charlie is SO cute! I can't even stand it! I just called the boys in so they could see Charlie's smile, and they asked if he was doing better. They simultaneously said, "awwww." He's precious.

I'm sorry about the baby girl. Her poor parents.

[Margie]

What a joy to see Charlie moving into the baby Buddha look.

[suzanne]

When you go through something like this (Charlie and the baby next door) it really changes you, no? You are forever more sympathetic, empathetic and compassionate regardless of who you were when you began. It's been such a long horrible road and yet, there is hope, love and adventures ahead for us all and for that I thank you. I can not wait for your musings of Charlie, your family and how everyone adjusts to what will become your normal life.

[Maria L]

Oh, what a happy, cutie! Brings tears of joy. Sending loving thoughts your way, every day.

[Tricia Hicks]

This little fella is getting cuter every time you post a new picture! The Hicks family in Hendersonville, TN is praying for Charlie and for you and your family.

[Judy]

It's amazing to read all about the cyberprayer chain everyone has been doing around Chaim Charlie. ( I wonder how far it does spread globally) What a beautiful thing. And he does have a Buddha like smile.
Having taken a few days away from your blog, it was great to see his smiling face.
The prayers continue.

[Sheila Linderman]

We are plotzing from his cuteness! Can't wait to hold him!
Alan, Sheila and Sarah

[Alan]

Charlie
-- You are the best!

[Imogen]

From someone who doesn't know either you or Kendall, but has enjoyed your blog for a long time, I hope you'll accept my deepest sympathies for the loss of your son Oliver, and all my best wishes for the continued flourishing of his darling brother Charlie. I think he looks very much like both of you, and appears to have a remarkable amount of personality for a little fella with an adjusted age of 11 days!

[Judy Brodhead]

So sweet and such bright eyes!

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