After a pretty dark day yesterday I was delighted beyond
words to walk into the NICU this morning and get the opportunity to hold
Charlie for over an hour. What heaven. I was afraid to even ask why they were
suddenly letting me do that for fear they would whisk him away. Had he passed
some magic weight barrier? Did we simply have a nurse with no boundaries?
Later, when Kendall also got the chance to hold him for over an hour we found
out that they like to get parents holding their babies as soon as possible,
he’s just been too fragile up to now. Of course he was still attached to all
his wires and tubes, including his annoying CPAP breathing device so we had to
be very careful but he seemed happy as a clam in our arms. I got to feel his
sweet-smelling breath right on my face and actually hear audible gurgles and
grunts. He’s inching towards three pounds so he didn’t seem as light as I expected.
When we held Oliver in his little blanket he was light as a feather and while I’m
so grateful to have held him, too, that whole scene was drenched in tragedy and
pain. I remember the joy I felt holding Leah for the first time on the day she
was born—all 8 lbs. 10 oz. of her. Charlie held his own during his vacation outside
the incubator, seeming to enjoy our whispered words and singing.
Today I felt it only fitting to introduce him to the songs
of his mentor, the oft-mentioned Charles Nelson Reilly who he is named after. Do
you remember that Charles was nominated for a Tony Award in 1964 for his role
as Cornelius Hackl in the original cast of “Hello Dolly?” His big song in that
show was called “It Only Takes a Moment” and he sang it with ingénue Eileen
Brennan who played Irene Malloy. You may remember Eileen more from her later brassy roles
that put her on the map such as Goldie Hawn’s tough-talking drill sergeant in
“Private Benjamin.” Eileen Brennan was another member of Kendall’s
family's stock company of beloved actors, having appeared in several of
Oliver’s plays and Kendall has many crazy childhood memories of her. As a kid, I remember being moved to tears by Brennan’s poignant
performance as Genevieve in “The Last Picture Show” which I first saw in an old broken-down movie theatre in Israel, of all places, sitting on a wooden
bench. Kendall and I have seen Eileen in many stage productions and always find
her quite brilliant. The lyrics to Charles’ song felt so perfect to be singing
to Charlie as he rested in my arms for the very first time:
It only takes a moment
For your eyes to meet and then
Your heart knows in a moment
You will never be alone again
I held him for an instant
But my arms felt sure and strong
It only takes a moment
To be loved a whole life long...
Earlier this spring, Leah sang that very song in our synagogue’s Purim shpiel, “Hello Esther!” a cross-dressing takeoff on “Hello Dolly.” I cried hearing Leah singing the song and I cried when I sang it to Charlie this morning.
Now let’s hear Charles, who we miss so much, and Eileen sing it to our boy:
Oh Danny, that is the sweetest picture of you and your beautiful son. I hope that he continues to grow stronger everyday!!! I will keep sending good thoughts...Take care of yourselves!
XO..
Posted by: Arlene | June 05, 2009 at 08:34 PM
Okay, crying now. Just read your post to my mother and Mindy. We're all crying. And sending you all love.
Posted by: Pam P. | June 05, 2009 at 08:35 PM
This made my day. I am praying for little Charlie.
Posted by: Jennifer New | June 05, 2009 at 08:37 PM
Oh, those teeny tiny feet got to me. I think one day, Charlie may be singing "I'm watchin' Sis go pitterpat, said,I can do that,I can do that. . .".
How wonderful it must have felt for you and Kendall to finally be able to hold your son. I hope not another day goes by where you're unable to do that.
Mazel Tov, Charlie! Keep growing, beautiful boy!
Posted by: Jane | June 05, 2009 at 08:43 PM
The kid's a "Schtarker"! Keep up the good work, Charlie...!
Posted by: Les Neudorf | June 05, 2009 at 08:55 PM
Wait--is that his thumb in his mouth? Amazing. And on CPAP too--no more intubation. Wow.
Posted by: Leightongirl | June 05, 2009 at 09:05 PM
thinking of you all with love, dear danny!
Posted by: pam allyn | June 05, 2009 at 09:08 PM
Oh, Danny! How beautiful! sending love to you C&K
Posted by: Amadaes | June 05, 2009 at 09:22 PM
Wow wow wow! You guys holding him is the most rewarding, lovelytthing I have seen in a long time. Mazel tov. Thinking of you guys. Looking forward to seeing you three soon.
xx Amy
Posted by: Amy T. | June 05, 2009 at 10:00 PM
Baby Mayan, and the Kude Zoo send you all our love beautiful mommy, daddy, and baby Charlie
Posted by: Michael kudesh | June 05, 2009 at 10:05 PM
I cried too.
What a wonderful sight
He's no longer a mite
And your face is alight
with the love --
speaking of --
(chorus) CHARLIE!
-- we all need to be writing "Charlie," the musical!
Posted by: amba | June 05, 2009 at 10:35 PM
Beautiful. That perfect little foot is so cute. It is nice to see you holding him and smiling. Hugs all around.
Posted by: Wanda | June 05, 2009 at 11:09 PM
Dear Danny and Kendall,
It was magical seeing your faces holding Charlie .... he looks like he heard and understood every word of "It Only Takes a Moment" .... keep singing.
Love,
Marilyn
Posted by: Marilyn Molnar | June 05, 2009 at 11:11 PM
Danny and Kendall~
You captured the moment in each of your wonderful photos with Charlie.
Thanks for sharing this journey with us.
Did I ever tell you that I was born at Cedars of Lebanon before it became Cedars-Sinai?
Love to you all~
lo-he-ha
sandy
Posted by: sandy martin | June 06, 2009 at 12:06 AM
Absolutely amazing! You guys must have been over the moon. What a special little guy : ) Being held will no doubt help him as well...
Posted by: Kären York | June 06, 2009 at 04:05 AM
Sometimes, I don't turn on the computer on Saturdays, trying to find one day (Shabbat) to stay away. But something drew me to my baby mac this morning and now I know why.
God pulls all of your friends and loved ones to this site so we can share in your emotions. Then, our prayers for little Charlie are so loud they threaten to waken the rest of the sleeping babies.
In gratitude...
Fake Grandma
Posted by: Elaine Soloway | June 06, 2009 at 05:03 AM
How wonderful that you both got to hold your son for the first time this week. And to hear his namesake Charles singing again on the eve of this year's Tony Awards. Yes, I remember Charles' Broadway career. Hard to believe both he and Brett have been gone for about two years already. They are missed.
So Charlie is around 3 pounds now! Terrific. He is getting stronger every day it seems.
All the best.
Posted by: Pam G | June 06, 2009 at 06:28 AM
present moment, wonderful moment, living in the moment just holding him in and breathing him in, what a treasure of bliss!
Posted by: susie specter | June 06, 2009 at 07:26 AM
I will never forget Leah in her gorgeous red gown walking down to the microphone center stage to sing "It Only Takes a Moment." In that moment (and in every other I might add) she was the most glorious girl singer who ever sang. And now to hear Charles's and Eileen's voices so young and strong... all I was trying to do was pump and read your blog and now I'm sobbing, Baby. What a day. When Charles was first put into my arms, I'm not making it up when I say he started smiling and even laughing! and you know I'm not making it up when I say that's exactly what I started doing. We spent twelve minutes like that, then he went right to sleep and slept soundly for the next hour and a half. What a day.
Posted by: your wife | June 06, 2009 at 08:20 AM
It's so wonderful!!
Posted by: helena | June 06, 2009 at 09:57 AM
It's transcontinental tears time! I am thrilled for you, Mom and Dad, and for Baby Charlie. What a welcome lullaby. I send Charlie very gentle hugs from NYC and can't wait until he comes to visit one day.
Much love to you all,
Susan
Posted by: Susan Buckley | June 06, 2009 at 10:38 AM
Kvelling now. Sniff. So sweet!
Posted by: Ellen Bloom | June 06, 2009 at 12:31 PM
I just found your blog and really love your direct writing. I'll be visiting. I'm glad to have found you, and will keep your Charlie in my prayers.
Posted by: maggie | June 06, 2009 at 01:37 PM
Danny, it's nice to share your special time with Charlie. The pictures and the video make me feel like I'm there with you. And what a song. Perfect.
It's nice to hear from "your wife" (hi, Kendall!). The 12 minutes of laughing and the long nap--Charlie does take after his mom!
Love,
Julie
Posted by: Julie R. | June 06, 2009 at 02:10 PM
Speechless.
Posted by: Otir | June 06, 2009 at 04:08 PM
More wonder and wonderful days.
I love reading this and look forward to each and every post.
Stronger and stronger.
Posted by: suzanne | June 06, 2009 at 04:54 PM
Oh Danny.
Posted by: Margie | June 06, 2009 at 05:28 PM
Just noticed in my toolbar, your blog shows up as: it only takes a mom......
Great to see Kendall (and you) holding Charlie and Charlie being held by you.
Posted by: Margie | June 06, 2009 at 05:30 PM
Damn it Danny,
Now, you've got me blubbering all over my lap top.
Posted by: Gordon | June 06, 2009 at 06:45 PM
AWESOME!!! So heartening to see this.
Posted by: Brett Hickman | June 06, 2009 at 06:57 PM
Such a fitting soundtrack for your day...!
Beautiful video...that little foot continually peeking out to make contact. Keep making contact.
Posted by: Pearl | June 06, 2009 at 07:34 PM
Amazing! wonderful!The best feeling in the world!
Posted by: Barbara | June 06, 2009 at 07:48 PM
I've been having a hard time commenting because each post makes me sob harder than the one before and brings back such painful memories of my own daughter in such a similar situation. I wish I could send her to you now, at almost 17, still small but those ventricular bleeds, level 4 bleeds, they did so little damage compared to what might have been despite all the dire warnings. Enlarged ventricles. They mean nothing anymore.
Charlie is so beautiful and with every day he gets stronger and more of who he will eventually grow up to be. Those feet will run races one day.
Just so very beautiful
Posted by: margalit | June 06, 2009 at 11:50 PM
These pictures make me oh, so happy.
Posted by: Shari | June 07, 2009 at 06:55 AM
Danny, you and Kendall and Leah and Charlie have been in my thoughts and prayers. I hadn't had time to check your blog in awhile so there was a lot to take in yesterday. But this was a great post to read.
Posted by: B | June 07, 2009 at 07:31 AM
I'm so glad that you and your wife got to hold your precious son, Charlie Oliver. He is beautiful. Glad that he is doing so well and getting so big.
Your story is very similar to my family's. I also had twin girls, weighing under 2lbs each, and sadly one of my daughters did not survive. I am so terribly sorry that you lost Oliver. I am so terribly sorry that your family is on that awful NICU rollercoaster. It is such a tough journey. And the pumping, my word.
Hope you get more hugs with Charlie soon. They'll keep you both going. xx
Posted by: Catherine | June 07, 2009 at 12:07 PM
He is SO cute and you both look so happy! It's wonderful to see this.
Maybe I will see you at the Wiltern later this month.
Posted by: Shannon | June 07, 2009 at 12:26 PM
How wonderful for you both - I'm sure being held by two people who are so full of love will help Charlie to grow stronger and stronger!
Posted by: Sally | June 07, 2009 at 04:56 PM
I loved seeing you actually holding your son. How beautiful.
Posted by: churlita | June 08, 2009 at 09:11 PM