The Saddest News

After a picture-perfect pregnancy of 24 weeks and 5 days, including a stellar ultrasound just five days ago where everything looked so great with our twins, Kendall unexpectedly went into labor early Monday morning. We went to Cedars and they were sure they could stop the contractions. But nothing they tried worked and Kendall was rushed into surgery. At 9:46 and 9:48 am on Monday morning, April 27, Kendall delivered our twins, Oliver and Charles. Oliver clearly had some major issues and the team working on him was having a very hard time. Charlie was stable and they were able to get him to the NICU right away and insert all the lines they needed to. It was up and down with Oliver all day and finally, about 12 hours later, he died in our arms. There’s nothing worse, of course, and we are heartbroken. Charlie continues to do well but he was born so early so we just have to hope that he can continue to develop and grow over the months ahead. We are so grateful to be at the Cedars-Sinai NICU, clearly one of the best in the world. They are amazing miracle workers, and also so incredibly compassionate. When Oliver died, the NICU nurses were crying as much as we were. There are many stories on the walls of 24-week-old babies at Charlie’s weight (1 lb. 10 oz.) who survived and thrived and are now healthy normal children but we have a long road ahead and he’ll probably be there until his August due date. I still can’t believe any of this is happening and keep waiting to wake up from the horrible dream. We are so full of grief over our lost son who I believe sacrificed his life for his brother because he was in total distress and who knows what would have happened if they both hadn’t come out when they did despite all efforts to keep them in. I am so sad that they won’t have each other but hope that on some level Oliver is right there with Charles. More soon…

Comments

[La Framéricaine]

Dear Danny,

I am so very sorry to read the news of your wife's emergency delivery of the twins and extend my deepest and most sincere condolences to Kendall, to you, to Leah, and to Charles as well as to your extended families, in the loss of Oliver. I too am crying with you.

I will be thinking of you all in this moment of your most profound grief and wishing you well. Please take good care of yourselves.

[Kathy Hanson Wagner]

Hi danny, I too send my condolences to you and your family. I work in a NICU and I know the nurses are some of the best. He is in good hands. I don't know your wife but please hug her lots.

[ttrentham]

I started reading your blog after finding it through Spencer's sometime several months ago. I've enjoyed your posts since discovering the blog.

I'm a father myself. I've got two kids and a third due in July, so I was paying particular attention to your news that you were expecting soon as well.

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I'm thankful everyday for healthy kids, but know that things can go wrong when you least expect it. My wife worked as a NICU nurse before the arrival of our second child. We've had several friends with premature twins who have grown into healthy and active kids after tough struggles at the start, so I'm optimistic that the surviving twin will do well.

Once again my condolences to you and your family and I hope for the best for Charlie.

[Marisa]

Oh Danny, my heart breaks for you and Kendall. Sending love.

[Mindy Nusbaum Nigliazzo]

Dear Danny,
I am so sorry to hear that sad news. I'm sure there is nothing worse. Charlie will do well. He is in good hands. I have a nephew that was born at that weight and he is doing great. You have Charlie to be thankful for. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs to all.

[Jeff]

Oh Danny, I'm so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you and Kendall.

[Ross Waxman]

Danny:

I am sorry to hear and for your loss. Three years ago, my son went into a diabetic comma, and almost died. I can't imagine what you are gong through, but I remember when I had several major problems in my life, my mother always to me that thing happen for a reason and that God only gives you what you can handle. Our thoughts are with you and your family

Ross Waxman

[Pearl]

Dear Danny, Kendall, Leah & extended family,

I'm so sorry to hear of this great loss of yours.

I hope and pray for you that Oliver, z"l, is looking down on -- and looking out for --his "kid brother" so that Charlie can have a complete and healthy physical and mental development over the next several months and grow up to be a wonderful and healthy son and brother.

G-d should give you all physical, emotional and mental strength to deal with your loss and the days ahead.

Fondly,
Pearl

[Kevin Davis]

Danny, my eyes are filled with tears as I type this and my heart aches for you and Kendall. I waited so long to become a father myself, which has helped me better understand the miracle and fragility of life, as well as what it means to be a parent. My wife and I reach out across the country to embrace you and offer our warmth and condolences. We send our best for Charlie's recovery.

With love,
Kevin & Martie

[Otir]

What a terribly sad news.

I feel absolutely speechless. You wrote us to let us know, and I feel extremely sad because you shared your joyful expectation, and this is a tragic outcome. May Kendall and you be consoled amonst the mourners.

May Charles become healthier and strong, and will remember Oliver for the blessing of life.

[Elaine Soloway]

There are no words, just prayers... I'll keep them going for both of your sons. Blessed memory for one and full recovery for the other.

xoxo

[Maria Sosa]

Oh Danny, I'm so sad for you right now. For all of you. Stay focused on Charles. I just know that he will make it.

[Irina]

I am really sorry for your loss.

Wishing Charlie the best...

[Jennifer New]

Danny - I am sending a huge hug from Iowa and praying for Charlie, you, and Kendall. Be in the now.

[Debbie]

Danny & Kendall,

Your extended family in Phoenix sends their love and prayers!!! Across the miles please know that we love you and are grieving the loss of dear Oliver just as we celebrate the life of sweet Charlie.

With love,
Debbie and Jerry Voll

[Kären]

Danny, I am stunned. I am so incredibly sad for you. I can't believe this has happened either. Life is not fair at all. I will pray for both, Oliver and Charlie (my two little babies' names as well!)...Oliver, that he is in a happy place, and Charlie to thrive and be strong. I'm so sorry, Danny... Love, Karen

[Wendi Goodman]

Danny,

You're all in my thoughts. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm speechless here. It's so hard to know what to say when one loses a child. You still have Charlie and as your grieve for Oliver, focus your positive energy on Charlie. He will need that over the next several months. Love conquers all, my friend. I send much love to you and your family.

[Kathryn]

My heart is with all of you.

[Frank]

Danny & Kendall,

Words cannot express how sad we are that you lost one of your sons. We simply cannot imagine what you are going through.

However we are also jubilant and hopeful for the other.

Please, please, please let us know what we can do.

At the moment the only thing I can think of is to cook for you, so when you have time and energy please email me and let me know of any dietary restrictions and when the best time to deliver is.

Do you need help walking your dogs? I'd be happy to help with that in the evenings.

Our hearts go out to all of you!

xo
Frank, Laurent, & Oliver

[Quinn Cummings]

Dear Kendall and Danny,

That is so rotten and we are so sorry.

[churlita]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope Charles makes it and everything is just fine with him.

[Judy Grossman]

Dear Danny

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Oliver. Who can ever understand the reasoning of any of this. And while you grieve for Oliver, you need to give your strength to Charlie. May he thrive in the coming months, and may you be blessed with a healthy and happy son.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all

[John Judge]

Dear Danny,

I just found about this a few minutes ago from Julie's sister, Francine. I'm so sorry for you and Kendall and Oliver. Our thoughts are with you and Charlie.

-John

[Cynthia Reich]

Dearest Kendall and Danny,

I just don't know what to say. I hope my agnostic prayers for Charlie will be heard.

Love,
Cynthia

[Bob Clark]

Danny,

My heart is broken. This really is the saddenst news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Kendall and Charlie.

[Francine Reich]

Danny and Kendall,
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Encouragement and strength is what you need for Charlie now.
All my best,
Francine

[Julie R.]

Dear Danny and Kendall,
I am so sorry. I'm thinking of you and pulling for Charlie.

Love,
Julie

[Jen]

Oh my God. I am so sorry. I'm praying for your son, if that helps any, although it probably doesn't. My condolences.

[Marilyn Molnar]

Dear Danny and Kendall,

There are no words to express how sorry I am for your loss of Oliver. My thoughts and prayers are with you both and for Charlie's progress.

Love,
Marilyn Molnar

[Judy]

I feel so sorry about your great loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your lovely wife Kendall, beautiful daughter, and sweet baby Charlie. May you all have the strength to deal with the coming months of healing and growth.

[Sue Katz]

Thinking of you,
Sue

[Frances]

I also share your sorrow and know you'll find comfort and strength with your family. Prayers for Charlie.

[Beatriz Mazoy]

I started reading your blog a couple of years ago,and I enjoyed every post.I felt you like an old friend because I laughed with you and your family and I shared with you my passion for History and movies.
Today,I want to send you a message of hope:my daughter was in a NICU the first 28 days of her life ( after a life-or-death operation)and now, she´s a nice little girl absolutely healthy.
Charles needs you,Danny:you must be strong.
All my love and prayers.
Bea

[Anne]

Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[jennifer polacheck]

Danny,

Please know that I am thinking of you and your family at this time.

Love, Jennifer

[jason]

I am very sorry. What a heartbreaking event. My hopes and thoughts are with you and your family.

Please don't hesitate to speak up if there's anything we can do to help.

[Shawn Anderson]

Danny:

Please accept our most heartfelt sympathies for your loss…our thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

Hold tight to memories for comfort,
lean on your friends & family for strength,
and always remember how much you are cared about.

We send you thoughts of peace and courage.

Shawn Anderson and family

[Michelle]

I've read your blog for a few years and was excited for you both when you shared the news of Kendall's pregnancy. I'm terribly sorry for your loss and am thinking of you both.

[susie specter]

Danny, I am amazed by the outpouring of love and support for you, Kendall and Charles. I am holding you in my thoughts, prayers and meditations. Love, Susie

[Fiona Etheridge]

Danny,

Thinking of you all and wishing you and your family the very very best.

Love, Fiona

[RD]

Danny, this is such sad, heartbreaking news. I'm so very sorry this has happened. I'm thinking of all of you and praying for Charles' health. Be strong.

[Betty Fox]

Dearest Danny and Kendall, your loss is deeply felt. It is to be hoped that your wishes for one brother to watch over the other is fulfilled. Our granddaughter, Anna is probably playing with Oliver as I write this sad note. May he rest in peace and bring peace to you and your loved ones during this trying time. With much love, Cousin Betty

[MrsCaptain]

may the memories you have of your precious oliver give you strength for his dearly loved brother......love charlie with all you are and all you can give....my thoughts are with you all

[Wanda]

Danny,

I haven't been by to comment lately, but I have been reading. My heart aches for your loss and my tears join yours and the nurses.

No words will help right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Please take care of yourself and as someone else already said, hug each other a lot.

[Arlene Silverman Andresen]

Danny, Kendall and Family,

I am so very sorry to hear this sad news. Take comfort in knowing that Oliver will always be with you. Please take care of yourselves....Charles needs you.

Hugs and love...

[Roberta Lipp]

I am so sad for your loss and for all the turmoil for you and your family. My thoughts are with you.

[Julee Grovert]

Danny & Family,

We are sending our love and prayers from Phoenix.

XOXOXO,
The Groverts & Todd Voll
(Debbie's Kids)

[Ana]

I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you and your family.

[Jeryl Chico]

Danny and Kendall, I'm so very very sorry for your loss. I pray that you will find peace through and with each other and your beautiful new son Charlie. May he thrive and blossom and fill you both with enough love to carry you through the heartache of such a sad loss.
~ Jeryl

[amba]

Danny,

A long speechless hug and many tears. And many anxious prayers and high hopes for Charlie. He carries it for two now.

All love and strength to you both.

Annie

[Kitty]

Oh, no, oh, no, what terrible news. I am so sorry for your loss and for the trauma of what you're going through. Sending all my positive thoughts and white light and everything else I've got to you guys and to Charlie.

[margalit]

Danny and Kendall, I am so very very sorry to hear such tragic news. I wish there was something I could say or do to make the pain go away. Oliver Z"l will never be forgotten, and Charlie will be in our prayers every shabbas. Since he has yet to be named, once you do have his Hebrew name, can you please let us know so we can say a proper misheberach for him?

With giant hugs, I wish you better times ahead.

[Elaine D'Ippolito]

O Danny,
Truly the saddest news... I am so sorry, I cannot even imagine what you and Kendall must be going through. Prayers and wishes are being sent your way. Hang in there, kiddo....

hugs and love, Elaine

[Mark Greenberg]

Danny and Kendall,

I wish there were words we could all say to help make things better but sadly there are not. We are all heart broken along side you two but also full of hope for Charlie. I hope you can lean on friends and family for strength right now... that's what we are here for. Please let us know what we can do to help.

[reader_iam]

Danny & family:
0,,,,,

{()}

/\

[Pam G]

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

[PatHMV]

Danny, I'm so terribly saddened at your lost. I'll be praying today for Oliver and Charlie and your family.

(Pat from the Ambivablog comments)

[david]

Danny: So many people thinking of you, holding you and Kendall, Oliver and Charles in our hearts . . . it's not enough, but it's something to go on with.

[Randy]

My thoughts are with you and yours.

[Tricia Hicks]

Danny,
I am so sorry to hear this news. Your family will be in my prayers.

Tricia Hicks

[Ruth Anne]

I am going to tell you something that I was told when my twin daughters arrived [too?] early and everyone seemed so sad:

Congratulations on the birth of your sons.

They both lived. The grief of the unfulfilled potential is probably one of the most haunting, hidden wounds you will ever bear. All my other burdens seem small compared to that. For this, I extend you my most heartfelt condolences. Is it consoling that you were his perfect parents for his entire life? Perhaps. I hope so.

And now, for the NICU journey, upon which you embark, I tell you: take heart. Take the help that is offered that you need and turn down that which you don't. Ask all the questions you need to ask to be satisfied. I have many NICU saints that I will call upon for this trip. It's a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. You're not at all in control of most of it. I will pray and pray and pray for you all.

[Ellen Bloom]

Sooooo sorry. I'm thinking positively for the future for you and your family.

Ellen B.
Mid-City

[Diana Jackson]

Dear Danny, Kendall and Leah:

Bob and I are so very sorry for your loss. You all and Charlie will be in our thoughts and in our prayers.

[marci karoll]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Marci

[jackie persson]

Danny and Kendall,

What a terrible experience for you both.My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this difficult time. Sometimes one cannot make sense. Please take good care of yourselves as you go through this grieving.
Jackie Persson

[Melinda]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope that Charlie gets stronger inside and out, and that your family feels strength from the inside.

[Patsy]

Danny,
When I heard your sad news it broke me up inside. I feel very sorry this has happened. I hope you and Kendall will be able to take a little something from everyones heartfelt responses.
From what you said about Charles birthweight and gestation I believe he has a good chance. I work at a hospital and have seen younger children pull through. They are stronger than we think. My nephew was 1.5 at 25 weeks. That was 14 years ago. Medicine has come a long way since. My prayers and thoughts will stay with you and your family.
Patsy

[Heather Whinna]

Danny,
I am so very sad. You two deserve all the happiness you can stretch your arms out for. Remember there is always more just beyond your reach at the moment. My love and sympathies are with your entire family. Hug Kendall a little extra for me. Charlie has already fought the most difficult round. He has so many amazing people in his corner! Make use of all of us in any way you need.
Heather Whinna & Steve Albini

[Ludmila Gregori]

Dear Danny,
I am so sorry. I often read your blog and enjoy with it. There are not words to express my sadness for you and your family.
All the best for Charlie across mountains + oceans.

Ludmila G.
Spain

[Neil]

I'm so sorry.

[Lisa M]

I just heard of your tragic news. I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers going out to you and your wife, babies and family.

[sam {temptingmama}]

OMG Danny. I am truly so very sorry for you, Kendall and Charlie and the loss you have suffered.

Hoping and praying for little Charlie to grown and thrive while in the NICU.

Godspeed sweet little Oliver.

[Becky]

I'm so sorry. Hoping Charlie will be OK. Thinking of you ...

[Florencia Valle-Miller]

Oh Danny, this is the saddest news! I hope Charles can make a full recovery and join his loving family at home soon. So very sorry about Oliver. Please give your wife a tight hug. Take care of yourselves and the baby.

[Maria]

Sending my thoughts and strength to your family and little Charlie. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Dawn]

I am so sorry for your loss. Wishes for strength and healing for all your family.

[TMWW]

Danny & Kendall,
My thoughts and prayers are with you both on the loss of Oliver. I'm sure he is with his brother, Charles, in spirit, urging him to fight to live.

You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings,
Kim
aka The Mad White Woman

[Colleen in Toronto]

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby boy. I pray that Charlie continues to thrive.

May you find the strength you need for the long journey ahead.

All the best
Colleen

[Jessica Gottlieb]

My son spent five days in the NICU at Cedars. I was startled that the nurses didn't have wings. They are angels on earth.

Continued prayers for your entire family.

[jill]

We are thinking about all of you and praying for Charlie... much love and deepest thoughts...

love,

jill and co.

[V-Grrrl]

Danny,

Oh, this is so sad and gut wrenching. Such pain and grief. I hope peace and health find you and yours...

[Jane]

There is no worse pain than the loss of a child. I am so sorry for Oliver and your family.

My prayers are with Charlie, that he will find the strength to pull through, and with you, Kendall, and Leah that you will be given extra strength to get through this time.

Much Love to All.

[NYCity Mama]

I just came across your blog and am so, so terribly saddened by the news. My heart and prayers go out to you, your wife and baby Charlie. So sorry for your loss.

Sincererly, Carol

[Matt Z]

My prayers are with you and your family.

[Donna Sarrazin]

My thoughts and prayers are withyou and all your family

[Nanette]

My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. So sorry your family is having to endure all of this.

[Elisabeth]

Danny - I am incredibly saddened by your loss of baby Oliver. Please extend my sincere condolences to Kendall. I keep you all in my thoughts, and I am confident that Charlie will continue to prosper and will end up being a fully normal, vibrant child. As many have put it in their comments, and as you wrote it in your post, he is in very good hands.

My heart is with you in these very tough times.

[Maya]

Danny-

I dont know you, but I just got chills reading this post. When I was pregnant with my twin daughters I was rushed to the hospital at 25 weeks (after a perfect pg) and was told I was going to deliver. The fear that I felt that moment is something I would never wish on anyone.

After being in the triage for a few days, and hospitalized for 5 weeks, I gave birth to my twin daughters at 30 weeks. We were NICU parents- you are now in that club.

Though both my daughters survived, I know the fear that you have in your hearts. I pray for you and your family. I know that oliver is right there, taking care of his brother.

Saying a prayer for you all..

[Marc and Judy Davis]

Dear Danny and Kendall:

This is so profoundly sad and heart breaking. Judy and I send you both our love and deepest sympathies, and prayers for Charlie's quick and complete recovery, and for time to heal, as much as possible, your terrible sorrow. Marc and Judy Davis

[WM]

I'm so very sorry. Praying for you and your family

[Jay]

There aren't enough sorries in the world.
You're in my thoughts, and I'm hoping for a lot of strength for the both of you for as long as you need it.

[followthatdog]

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Molly]

Kendall and Danny,

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Oliver. I hope that Charlie will grow strong and become one of those 24 week miracle babies. Prayers to you and your family. May G-d comfort you in this tough time.

[Alison]

Danny and Kendall,
I am so sorry for the loss of your Oliver. My thoughts are with your family. I am sending lots of love Oliver's and Charlie's ways.

[Voix]

Danny and Kendall --

Neil sent me over -- you have my deepest condolences and fervent prayers. Hang in there and please let us interneters know what you need from us.

[Julia Adams]

Dear Danny and Kendall,
Sad, sad news. You are all in my thoughts.
May you find strength in the days to come.
with love,
Julia

[siobhan]

I am so very sorry to hear the terrible news about Oliver.

Sending you both and Charlie and Leah all my hopes and prayers for health, strength and peace.

[Gordon]

Dear Danny,
Oh, you poor dear man. I'm so sorry to hear this news. I can't imagine the grief that you are going through. And, what a roller coaster ride, from the initial thrilling news that you were going to have twins,............to this. There's no explaining it. Terrible things happen to good people. Shower your love on Charlie, and hope for the best. My heart goes out to you and Kendall.
Hugs.

[suzanne]

I am so so sorry. My thoughts are with each of you.

[Lacy]

I'm an avid reader of yours, though I don't do much on the postings. I'm terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I know words cannot express the feelings felt and shared between not only you and your wife but with all your readers and you. I hope for all the best to come with your new son. You are in my thoughts.