Are You Ready for Your Mystery Date?

Does anyone remember this Milton Bradley monstrosity from 1965? How much did this one game fuck up an entire generation? As much as I used to pound on my sister’s bedroom door begging to be allowed entry into her inner sanctum, even I had enough dignity to recoil in horror as Sue and her girlfriends made their way around the Mystery Date gameboard trying to earn the chance to open the plastic door to find their mystery date. Take a look at the original commercial. The theme song is burned into my memory with the same weight as the Beatles songs I was just becoming aware of that year:

In retrospect, I think my parents catered way too much to my dysfunctional need to be included in my older sister’s activities. Unlike me, she was allowed a lock on her door, I’m sure mostly to keep me out. And the more she locked me out, the more I wanted in. But my parents often forced her to let me in instead of just telling me to suck it up and go find my own damn friends.

The above photo was taken at one of my sister’s birthday parties in the 1960s, most likely the one were she received her copy of Mystery Date. It was held at Mr. Adams, a restaurant across the street from Bisset’s, the department store my father ran on the corner of Broadway and Wilson in Chicago’s Uptown neighborhood. This area would soon go to hell in a handbasket, with both Bisset’s (built in 1902) and Mr. Adams torn down and replaced by seedy strip malls. It’s only now, more than 40 years later, when gentrification is beginning to transform the neighborhood back into the glittering quarter it once was, home of magnificent movie palaces such as the Uptown and Riviera, and other landmarks that were part of the rich fabric of Chicago history such as the Aragon Ballroom, the Edgewater Beach Hotel, the Green Mill Lounge, the Kinetic Playground, and Rainbo Ice Skating Arena (where my parents’ marriage careened to a hideous end…but that’s another story).

I remember this party. Check out the matching hats my sister and her friends are wearing in contrast to my pirate get-up. There’s Wendy Belcove on the right, who lived in a house we thought was a mansion because it had a staircase in the back just for servants. Wendy later surprised everyone by becoming a bodybuilder. Behind her is Beth Kronenberg. Beth moved away in the early 1970s and spent years in the Israeli Army. I remember getting my own presents at this party, I assume by request, as if I couldn’t bear the thought of being in the background on my sister’s special day. Yikes, what a brat I must have been. They should have just tossed some crayons at me and locked me in a back room. Look how I’m situated squarely in the center of the photograph. Don’t you just want to punch me in the face? I do.

I started thinking about my tendency to force myself into my sister’s nascent social life yesterday when a friend mentioned the old board game Mystery Date. I remember after having gained access to my sister's lair against her will, she would whip out Mystery Date knowing that I would never deign to join in. But I'd watch them go at it. The object of the game was to have young girls (ages 6 to 14!) move around the board assembling outfits from color-coded cards they collected. At various points in the game they would spin the door handle and open the big plastic door. 

There were four possible dates: the formal dance date, the bowling date, the beach date, and the skiing date. If the outfit they put together from the cards did not match their mystery date’s ensemble, the girl would close the door and keep playing. But there was a wild card. Added to the four dates was the badly dressed beatnik-looking “dud” who was to be avoided at all costs. But here’s what the geniuses at Milton Bradley didn’t consider. My sister, her girlfriends, and every girl I ever knew who played this horrible game vastly preferred the so-called dud to the squares they were supposed to desire. You only had to look at my sister’s stream of rock club boyfriends that would follow to see how true this was (no offense, Jeff!). It doesn’t take a PhD to figure out why these pre-pubescent girls were more interested in the forbidden fruit than the guys their parents wanted them to date.

One of my sister’s actual mystery dates, her old boyfriend John Smith, was part of a legendary Chicago band called the New Duncan Imperials. NDI is still going strong, twenty years after hitting the scene with their mix of faux cornpone and hayseed. During the 90s they were a fixture at my sister’s rock club, the Lounge Ax, and in 1999 they recorded this rockin’ homage to Milton Bradley’s effed-up Mystery Date (that’s John Goodtime Smith on the drums):

A 1970 update of the game was even worse, if that’s possible, sneaking in just before the women’s movement really gained steam. Sensing their mistake with their original “Dud” hottie, this game’s undesirable was a nerd holding a stack of books, sending the message to girls everywhere that smart boys who like school are to be avoided while rich, entitled, arrogant hunks who would just as soon date-rape you as listen to your opinion on world politics are the ones they should be prostrating themselves over. Oy. The final revision of the game came out in 2005 and incorporated the characters from Disney’s “High School Musical” franchise. Now there was no dud at all—instead players ran the risk of getting sent to detention instead of out on a hot date with Troy, Ryan, Zeke, or Chad. The savvy Milton Bradley creators probably realized that even 40 years later girls would still be more interested in a disheveled dud than wholesome Zac Efron.

How about this take on the 1965 original—an all-male version? Wonder why it didn’t catch on?

Comments

[jodi]

The All Male version just may catch on one of these days if we keep going in the direction we're going. NY is on the brink (okay, not the brink, but Patterson's moving in the right direction) of legalizing gay marriage. Why shouldn't young gay boys have the same opportunity to be traumatized by popular culture that young girls do.

And - you know - everyone preferred the dud dude. It's true. We all did.

Nice to hear a boy's memories of a young girls childhood.

[Pam G]

A day or two ago a social club I belong to invited me to an evening next week of playing Mystery Date and other "sexist board games" as the invitation said. Then this morning I read your post. So what does it mean that a silly board game I haven't thought of in 40 years has come up in conversation twice in less than 48 hours? I never knew they had an all-male version in the 1960s (would love to see that) or modern High-School Musical version. Heck, I didn't know they still made board games. (We have no young people in my family any longer.)

I must have had the 1970s version as I seem to recall the bookish nerd being behind the door.

By the way, I declined to play Mystery Date again since I'm invited to the dress rehearsal for a local opera company show that evening. Guess I wasn't ruined by Mystery Date playing after all. ;)

[churlita]

I've seen the New Duncan Imperials in the 90's. They used to come to Iowa City to play. It was a fun show.

I was too young for the original Mystery Date game, but I remember the 1970's one. I was more into building forts and collecting matchbox cars back then though. I had an older brother I was always trying to tag along with.

[Emily Barton]

I'd forgotten all about this game, but I loved it when I was a kid (we had the 1970s "nerd" version. I'm sure if we'd had the beatnik version, I would have been right there with your sister and friends hoping for him). I don't think I cared that much about the game itself, though. I just liked that "magic door" in the middle (I was definitely the sort of kid who could easily be wooed by "gadgets"), which seemed to uncover no guy I'd want to date but was still great fun to open and close. I had completely forgotten how the game was played and am not sure we ever actually played it the way it was intended. I think we ended up breaking the door.

[Helena]

The Dud was the one I liked. I wonder if he is why I have always liked scruffy guys. Come to think of it,I think it was very influential. I am not sure I knew that kind of guy existed before I played the game. Mystery Date changed my life!

[jason]

This is hysterical, Danny! Not just remembering the game that had slipped into oblivion, but your memories of being the tag-along brother always trying to be a part of your older sister's world. (As the youngest of four, I did the same thing with my older sister and two older brothers, so I completely understand.)

[Sam Wengroff]

When did Wendy Belcove become a body builder, I thought she married a lawyer after college named Tony? Sorry not to concerned with old board games, look at whats still around: Monopoly, Risk, Life, Operation from when we were kids, the duds die out

[Pegs]

Hey, Danny!

Youngest of 3 sisters here. No tagging along for me, they used to beat me up on a regular basis (aren't you glad you had YOUR older sister?).

Another vote for "the dud". :D There was a similar board game, The Barbie Game, where you bought a dress, accessories & all that, but no door. I can't remember how we picked our dates, but there were Ken - preppie guy, Bob - who looked like a non-steroidal Clutch Cargo, Tom - the bookworm, but cute and POINDEXTER!!! Any fem of our vintage remembers POINDEXTER!!! Not only did he have the unfortunate name, but his hair was a strange shade of orange (which we called throw-up hair, while collapsing in giggles at whoever ended up with him). I wonder why game makers felt a need to give girls a penalty in these games?

Side note: Under the Mystery Date video, in the related videos section, is an ad for the original Chatty Cathy (which I had, until I left it in the garage & my mom ran over her head with the Studebaker). The voice for CC was June Foray, better known as Rocky The Flying Squirrel. Also known as the voice of "Talking Tina" in the Twilight Zone episode "Living Doll" (My name is Talking Tina & I'm going to kiiiill you). I wonder which came first, TT or CC?

[Deering]

Jesus--they actually updated this game twice?! :P And who would bet money that the 70's version makers didn't intend for the black man and black woman to get together with anyone except each other? ;)