Some couples prefer to keep this kind of news a secret so please don’t breathe a word of what I’m about to tell you: we found out last week that WE’RE HAVING TWO BOYS! Woo-hoo! I’m very excited! At my age I honestly never thought I’d have the experience of having sons. Having a daughter is the greatest thing in the world but I’m looking forward to the brand new experience of raising boys. A lot of parents I’ve talked to who have both say boys are easier—especially once they hit puberty.
It’s funny how talking about gender at this stage very
quickly moves into the realm of gross generalization and stereotypes. When they
determined a few weeks ago that Baby A was a boy he was so active during the
ultrasound that he prevented the technician from getting a good look at the
gender of Baby B. “I think it might be another boy,” she said, “but don’t start filling the
nursery with blue clothes just yet!” Hold it—nursery? We have to have a bedroom
for these kids? We haven’t lifted
a finger in that regard and we probably won’t until long after they’re born.
All of our house projects were frozen in mid-construction last year when the
economy tanked and I don’t see any hand-painted alphabet murals going up any
time soon. We can’t deal with any of that right now—didn’t that technician
ever hear of a dresser drawer? At the moment we don’t even have working
electricity in our extra room. What? You’re saying candles and babies don’t
mix?
As for clothes, the only drag about having two boys is that so many people have offered us their girl clothes they no longer need. My brother- and sister-in-law have two daughters who are the best-dressed kids in the San Fernando Valley and they were poised to give us an entire wardrobe of fantastic duds. Damn. In these hard times, is it worth making at least one of our sons a cross dresser? At least having boys makes me feel less guilty for getting rid of Leah’s fabulous designer French baby clothes from her classy relatives in Paris. (Note to relatives: baby clothes that are so classy that they have to be dry cleaned are not very…um…practical?) Now that I think of it, don’t boys spend their entire childhoods in the same t-shirt and jeans? I know I did—and still do!
Within minutes of finding out we were having at least one boy, I managed to offend several of our lesbian friends by asking them if they would teach the boys how to throw a ball since I never could. They responded that yes, they would, but they would also teach the other baby if it were a girl because some girls also like to play ball and they don’t have to be lesbians! Oops. Think of all of the stereotypes I packed into that one little request—impressive, no? Of course I was only kidding. True, I sucked at most sports when I was a kid and can’t remember a single time when my non-sports-minded father hurled a ball in my direction (don’t feel guilty if you’re reading this, Dad!) but I look forward to encouraging whatever athletic prowess my sons may have.
We’ve got some strong name possibilities but I (uncharacteristically) feel like keeping those a little close to the vest at the moment. (I’m already tempting that damned Evil Eye with all this baby talk!) But just to give you a hint: one of my requirements of a first name is that there is a major Broadway showtune associated with it. Can you guess which names are on our short list?
In our most recent ultrasound, the twins’ heads were right
next to other and they seemed to be communicating.
According to the doctors, they are now fully aware of each other’s presence.
That is amazing to me. I used to always fantasize about having a twin brother
when I was a kid. Imagine being born with a built-in friend (slash competitor
and enemy slash confidante and defender). We can’t wait to meet them. But hope
they stay put for quite some time. Pre-term labor is the biggest concern in
twin pregnancies.
We had a scare last week that I want to mention just as a warning to other prospective parents. We saw a doctor who was not our main obstetrician a few weeks ago and, after taking Kendall’s blood, she asked us if we wanted them to run something called a Triple Marker screening. I later learned the more clinical name is something like Maternal Alpha Fetal Protein. I also learned later that it measures different substances in the mother’s blood and combines those readings with various other factors (maternal age, due date, etc.) to come up with probabilities for chromosomal abnormalities in the babies such as Spina Bifida or Downs Syndrome. Sure, we said, why not? And that’s all we heard about the test—no explanation of what it was or what the potential results mean.
A week later, we got a very grave-sounding message from this doctor that Kendall had tested positive for Downs Syndrome. What? When I finally got the doctor on the phone, I felt like I was pulling teeth to get more info. No, it didn’t mean that the babies had Downs, she said gravely, it was just about probabilities. She told us we needed to set up an appointment with the genetic counselors at Cedars-Sinai and get an amnio. We went through five days of major anxiety despite a lot of research we did about the appalling number of false positives this test produces. (I feel awkward writing about this knowing that parents of kids with Downs Syndrome might be reading—this is in no way intended as a slight of your wonderful children!)
We weren’t planning to terminate whatever the results were, but we couldn’t go through the rest of the pregnancy not knowing. When we finally arrived in the specialist’s office, the doctor took one look at the results we were given and pronounced them “garbage.” Our doctor had read them incorrectly. Kendall was completely negative for Downs or any other abnormalities. An extensive ultrasound confirmed those results (and revealed the second boy!). Again, I’m telling this story because I want to urge anyone getting the AFP test to talk with your doctor about what that test is before you decide to do it. Even if our person hadn’t misread the results, the false positive rate is over 90 percent! You need to remember it’s a screening test, not a diagnostic test, and out of 500 women who test “positive” for Downs Syndrome, only a few babies are affected. The genetic specialists told us that they are always lobbying the medical community to change the language and the criteria for “positives” because they are constantly meeting with couples who are terrified for no reason. Oy.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go throw a few softballs…and work on my showtunes repertoire!
Oh no...I am imagining babies called Jesus Christ Superstar and Judas Icarius because that's the last broadway show I show.
Posted by: Jane | March 17, 2009 at 12:46 PM
Jane, you guessed it! (I also love "Godspell!")
Posted by: Danny | March 17, 2009 at 12:48 PM
How exciting! Congrats!
Posted by: Frank | March 17, 2009 at 12:56 PM
Mazel Tov on the boys! Please ask Kendall to call me. I have 3 daughters and absolutely no advice for her.
Cynthia
Posted by: Cynthia Reich | March 17, 2009 at 01:07 PM
Danny, I am so happy to hear that the babies are healthy! As you know I have three boys and as much I would of loved a daughter I am really happy with "My Three Sons"! Thanks for the update!
Posted by: Arlene (Silverman) Andresen | March 17, 2009 at 01:23 PM
So glad to hear those test results were wrong, and let's hear it for the boys! Major Broadway tune, huh? Right now, I'm thinking "Tommy."
Posted by: Emily Barton | March 17, 2009 at 01:27 PM
I was thinking Shrek?
Posted by: marci karoll | March 17, 2009 at 01:39 PM
I liked it better in the old days when they didn't have all of those tests. Too much information. Too many unnecessary scares. Can't wait to welcome the boys! (tou, tou, tou -- or whatever the Jewish superstition is).
xoxo
Elaine
Posted by: Elaine Soloway | March 17, 2009 at 01:48 PM
You offended others with that question, in addition to me?!?!?
Don't worry, I can teach you how to play catch in the next few months if you like - we can even go to the batting catches!
Posted by: joy | March 17, 2009 at 02:39 PM
I had 2 girls (now 22 and 19) & I love them to death, but a SON or 2 nothing beats that anyways you will have a complete set. Congrads.... The best to both you and your wife and daughter(baby sitter).... I named my company after my son... So a book soon with a new title!
Posted by: Sam Wengroff | March 17, 2009 at 04:21 PM
I'm not even going to bring up the bris.
Posted by: Neil | March 17, 2009 at 04:28 PM
Oy, Neil, I'm afraid to even type in the "c-word" since I know those a-n-t-i-c-i-r-c fantatics will find it on their daily Google searches and descend on my blog like Scientologists looking for new recruits on Hollywood Boulevard! Mentioning the gender-determining ultrasound we had may be the last you'll ever hear of my future sons' penises! (And maybe that's a good thing!)
Posted by: Danny | March 17, 2009 at 04:34 PM
Danny, I couldn't be happier for you.
My very best wishes,
Maura S.
Posted by: Maura Sullivan | March 17, 2009 at 04:35 PM
Double the pleasure
Double the fun
But which baby will come out
As child #1???
Posted by: Pearl | March 17, 2009 at 04:38 PM
Mazel tov. In general.
And what's with all the twins lately?! You are very trendy!
Jenny
Posted by: Jennifer Krieger | March 17, 2009 at 04:48 PM
OK! We'll be ready to welcome "Pal Joey" and "Peter Pan" with suitably male-color booties and hats!!!
Posted by: Ellen B. | March 17, 2009 at 05:49 PM
Stephen, as in Sondheim.
Daniel, as in that man who writes the always entertaining blog.
Posted by: Gordon | March 17, 2009 at 06:22 PM
This is a very powerful post, Danny. I'm thinking about when your sons are old enough to read it and see that picture of themselves in the womb. The wonders of technology.
I'm casting my vote for Raoul and Javier, Broadway be damned!
Posted by: Shari | March 17, 2009 at 07:18 PM
Danny , I think you should name them after my kids, two ab fab authentic, geunine Heeb names: Ari and Noah! Luv, Susie
Posted by: Susie rachel specter | March 17, 2009 at 07:20 PM
Hey dan, can we go past callum and seth. today is callums birthday 17 years old. respond to franks email please love and kisses to kendall, henry, and emma
Posted by: jana goldstein | March 18, 2009 at 02:01 AM
Two healthy boys? That's great. I have two girls and always thought it would be great to have a boy. My oldest daughter is really into a lot of more traditionally boys activities...And show tunes. Maybe she could help your boys learn to throw balls and the score to Westside Story - which she just saw on Broadway.
Posted by: churlita | March 18, 2009 at 01:14 PM
Congratulations from the aunt of two sets of twin boys (ages 5 and 2). You will certainly be busy!
Posted by: B | March 18, 2009 at 06:03 PM
As the mom of both genders, I can testify that (so far) boys are easier! But time will tell. Be good to Kendall!
Posted by: Julie R. | March 18, 2009 at 06:41 PM
WOW. I am so thrilled for you and Kendall. Thank you for sharing the ultrasound. I can't wait to meet them.
Posted by: Laurie | March 18, 2009 at 09:34 PM
Congratulations, Danny! You have your work cut out for you, but you did say you wanted a boy... or two.
Posted by: jason | March 19, 2009 at 06:23 AM
Danny, I am so happy for you! Boys are awesome! If you're considering strong names-how about channeling the Greek Gods Zeus and Apollo?
Posted by: Nandia Black | March 19, 2009 at 09:14 AM
Is this how you would have me learn of such things?! I gotta read your friggin blog for the important personal stuff, for the life changing details, and the soul touching disclosures?!
Whattaya mean your house projects were frozen last year!
Posted by: Adam Janeiro | March 19, 2009 at 10:44 AM
That Triple Screen test really is a nightmare. We had a similar experience as you--and that was 10 years ago. You'd think they would have improved its accuracy by now, or at least have a better understanding of its murky implications. My understanding is that if you test high for Downs (and that can be a 2% probability) it's also a NEGATIVE indication for spina bifida. So it can be good news. But really, that should all be explained BEFORE the test is given, and since it's common knowledge I would give your OBGYN an earful. Just saying...
Posted by: Sarah | March 19, 2009 at 12:31 PM
Congratulations Danny! All the best for you and your family.
Posted by: Reto Haupt | March 20, 2009 at 12:46 AM
I can think of Joseph and James, but i don't know of any broadway musical with James in it but the J for your mom, of course. why only broadway musicals?
But i like surprises...so maybe you will be surprised if one is a girl? Nothing's 100%
Posted by: Judy | March 20, 2009 at 07:57 AM
This is so wonderful! Congratulations!
Now, let's see.....Amadeus? Oliver?
Posted by: Paula | March 23, 2009 at 09:13 AM
Hold it! I have it....Pippin!
Posted by: Paula | March 23, 2009 at 09:14 AM
Not Broadway related, but casting a vote for Shlomo (not that I actually have a vote, but it's a cool name).
Congratulations to the 3 of you - or 5, depending on how you count.
Pegs. : )
Posted by: Pegs | March 23, 2009 at 12:08 PM
I cannot believe that I missed this and some of these fantastic posts lately, Danny. I have been so out of touch with blogs lately. This news is spectacular! You all deserve this happiness so much. My best wishes and joyful thoughts go out to you and all your dear family!
Posted by: tamarika | March 25, 2009 at 03:33 PM
PHEW! I AM SO GLAD THAT ALL WORKED OUT FOR YOU GUYS..that must have been awfully stressful and thank goodness it went the right way....KEEP US POSTED! I am wracking my brain thinking of what names you mean....now that will keep me up! WE LOVE THE DETAILS! KEEP THEM COMING!!
Posted by: pam allyn | March 27, 2009 at 07:30 PM