My daughter Leah appeared in a local production of “High School Musical 2” last night. She played Peaches, one of Sharpay’s devoted minions. Sharpay Evans is the rich popular girl in the story, hell bent on stealing school jock Troy Bolton (the character that made Zac Efron famous) away from his true love, smart girl Gabriella Montez. It was a spirited, fun production and Leah was great, as always, but I’ve been pretty snobby about the whole thing. For weeks I loudly bemoaned the fact that the theatre company Leah is involved with bypassed the canon of classic musical theatre this time for a “fake musical” based on a made-for-TV Disney movie and its subsequent franchise juggernaut. Again, Leah and her fellow actors did a wonderful job with the material—I enjoyed the two shows I saw but… “My Fair Lady” it ain’t!
Like many Disney movies, everything is a bit exaggerated in the “High School Musical” world, with all conflicts speedily resolved by the closing curtain. This resolution is accomplished by having the antagonists undergo miraculous personality changes towards the end of the play. Suddenly, and seemingly out of the blue, Sharpay is sorry for all of her sly machinations and decides that Troy and Gabriella really do belong together after all. Okay. Still, the hierarchy of the various high school cliques in this story rang true for me, especially following the weekend I just had with some long-lost high school friends.
On the left in the above photo is an image from the 1976 Von
Steuben High School yearbook. In the center you can see my old classmates Jo, Donna, and
Helena. On the right is a photo of the three of them at my house this weekend. It was the first time we were all together since Graduation Day, June
2, 1976—nearly 33 years ago (gulp!). We all went our separate ways after high
school. Helena lives in Los Angeles so we remained in touch. Jo and I went to
college together but I was a film major and she was in the sciences and we
rarely saw each other except for a skiing class we took together senior year
(we went to school in flat Evanston, Illinois, so we rode a bus to Wisconsin
every week and learned how to ski on hills that would make real skiers scream
with laughter). I only recently learned that Jo has lived in northern
California for years. I saw Donna at our first two high school reunions but
that’s it. She went to school in Boston, stayed there many years, and now lives
in Cornwall, England with her second husband. Donna found me several years ago
through this blog and, after discussing how much we loathed our high school
reunions, we helped to plan the 30th reunion a few years ago which
was a resounding success.
There’s been a lot of chatter lately about old school friends coming out of the woodwork via Facebook and I’ve certainly participated in that nostalgic dip. Some of my friends think I’m insane to resume contact with people from my distant past. “Why would you be interested in these people now,” they ask, “when you spent so much time avoiding them back when we were in school together?” Maybe that’s why? As I explained in a post a few weeks ago, I was so out of it during school that communicating with these folks helps to fill in the gaps a little bit and allows for some healing of my scabbed-over adolescent numbness.
Such communication occasionally also allows for relationships that were stifled then by my own insecurities to emerge in adulthood. I can see my encounters with a few of my new Facebook “friends” developing into real friendships. I was surprised at what a great time I had with my in-person guests this weekend. We had marathon catching-up sessions on both Saturday and Sunday that went on so long they involved multiple meals. We had our common past as a foundation but the real joy was finding that now, freed from the shackles and restraints of adolescent angst and misery, we all had a much greater ability to communicate honestly with each other and really understand who we are as people. Who knew that we all had such challenges in our childhoods? I guess our teenaged narcissism didn’t allow for such empathy or compassion back in the day. I learned a lot more about how I came across back then and what protective devices I used (and still use) to shield myself from vulnerability or exposure. So interesting.
Jo and Donna were the editors of our senior class yearbook back in 1976 and they reminisced about the many fun meetings they had with the rest of the yearbook committee at various students’ homes that year. At the time it never even crossed my mind to consider working on the yearbook even though I know it’s the kind of thing I would have enjoyed. Again, I found myself regretting how I closed myself off from all social interactions even the ones for which I was especially well suited. For the rest of the weekend the yearbook committee became the metaphor for all of my lost opportunities in high school as well as for my frequently misinterpreted standoffishness and cynicism. At one point in the afternoon Jo and Donna were upstairs in our guest room chatting. I knocked on the door and stuck my head in. “I know I’m not very active at school,” I stammered, “but I would really enjoy working on the yearbook. Would it be possible for me to join your committee? I think I could help out in a lot of ways.” “Absolutely!” they replied, “we’d love to have you!” I was kidding, of course, I haven’t suffered an actual psychotic break that has taken me back to the year of our nation’s bicentennial! But I also felt that forgotten high school boy inside of me experiencing the pleasure of finally belonging to one of the groups he longed to be part of but was too afraid to join. Does that sound pathetic?
I’m thinking of adding a color section to the yearbook. I'll have Jo and Donna research the rates. I’d like to talk about the recent energy crisis and do a short feature on the upcoming presidential election—I hear this Jimmy Carter guy is someone to watch.
Hi Danny.....sounds like you had a great weekend! Jo, Donna, and Helena haven't changed a bit and neither have you! I have been enjoying the "reunion" on facebook. Especially all the picture that everyone has been posting. We were all "smokin hot" back then, what fashion!!!! Hope all is well!
Posted by: Arlene (Silverman) Andresen | March 25, 2009 at 12:05 PM
That's great. Your friends sound wonderful. I'm glad you're getting a chance to look back and get some perspective. I know very few men who are even half as introspective as you are. We need more like you, that's for sure.
Posted by: churlita | March 25, 2009 at 02:28 PM
I've attended nearly all my high school reunions and enjoyed talking to and finding common ground with folks who were on the periphery of my social circle back then. I don't have a lot of regrets about high school. I remember my dreams and accomplishments, but I also remember my insecurities and fears. I have four friends that I'm close to today that I've known since I was about 13. Having survived the fiery furnace of adolescence together, we're bonded for life.
Posted by: V-Grrrl | March 25, 2009 at 03:29 PM
I'm finding the same to be true of MY Facebook experience. I've gotten in touch with so many people from high school that I literally haven't spoken to in 22 years. It's the strangest thing. It's actually comforting. I think it's because we can't go back to when we were younger (which I often wish I could do!), but we feel that young when we talk to them. I love it!
Posted by: Kären York | March 25, 2009 at 04:30 PM
I think that it is very touching and courageous that you continue to loop back to claim experiences in the present that you were not able to take advantage of in the past. I also think that doing so and writing about it serves as a very good role model for Leah in her own present, for her future, and for all of us who keep up with your adventures. I admire your emotional resiliency and your caring ways with yourself and your friends.
Posted by: La Framériaine | March 25, 2009 at 06:23 PM
Hi Danny! Loved this latest piece! It so resonates with me as I was not a joiner in HS either, but knowing what I know now, if I had to do it over again, I totally would've joined yearbook and other groups at Von. I was so immersed in my quest for hipster cool via friends in other places, and disengaged from the Von community. it's been great to re-connect on FB! Love Ya, Susie See you in Chicago in May!
Posted by: Susie rachel specter | March 26, 2009 at 07:03 PM
Dear Danny,
From everything you write here on your blog, I would have thought you would have been the most popular guy in school and been voted most likely to succeed, etc., etc.
It seems that writing it is a lot easier than living it.
But, then, it amazes me that you would want to reconnect with those people, now.
I have no desire to reconnect with anyone I went to school with. For me, that was a different life.
Posted by: Gordon | March 26, 2009 at 09:50 PM
I have really enjoyed the Facebook reconnection/reunion. I wasn't involved in any of the school activities. I didn't belong to any particular social group or clique. I always felt like a misfit who didn't belong and when I joined the Army and left Chicago after graduation I was very relieved to be getting away from everyone. I lost touch with almost everyone of our classmates with the exception of a few (and you know who you are). Facebook has given me the opportunity to get to know many of you all over again on a much deeper level than when we were kids. I am grateful for the new connections. I am amazed that people I thought were just acquaintances considered me a friend and remember things about me that I have no memory of.
Thanks to all of you -- the keepers of my memories -- and for your friendships that I didn't know I had.
Posted by: Wendi Goodman | April 13, 2009 at 12:47 PM
I feel the same way as Wendi Goodman. There are people that are keepers of my memories and that is enedearing to me. Reconnection with people that know I was at a diferrent place in my life back then, is as much a joy for me now at how I turned out for the better and they knew I would. To sit back over Starbucks or lunch and laugh about it is an addition to yet another chapter in our lives that some people back then made it miserable and we let them. Some of which will never be privvy to because this life is what makes us different.....and you know who your friends are!!! My friends know who we are now, we just lost touch and now we are lucky enough to have found each other again, will neverwe went above and beyond making sure the friendships renewed stay that way. We connect better now because we are older & will never lose touch because we got each others backs.....end of story, or just the beginning!!! I love having Sonia, Cherly, Jeryl, Mar, Deb Relaz, Mindy....just to name a few as part of my neweset circle of friends because they rock!!! Love the girlz with all my heart!!! Sjawn
Posted by: Shawn Anderson | May 02, 2009 at 06:20 AM