Before I leave the topic of my wife’s pregnancy and the
massive changes that await my family, I just wanted to thank everyone for the
warm, heartfelt mazel tovs, b’sha tovahs, and best wishes that I received
online and off. It means a lot to us. As crazy as it may sound to some people,
especially those who see the Internet as a tool for predators and sociopaths, I
consider many of the people I’ve met through this blog a vital part of my
community—additional branches of my dysfunctional family tree!
One of the many reasons why I don’t want to overdo the baby talk on here is because of the Jewish superstitions regarding pregnancies and babies. This has started to change, but did you know that Jews have traditionally shied away from having baby showers or bringing baby furniture or things into the house before their babies are born? They won’t even publicly announce the names they’re considering until the babies arrive. None of these tendencies have anything to do with Jewish law, they are all flat-out superstitions based on the fear that drawing attention to the unborn babies will tempt the Evil Eye. I wrote about this phenomenon a few years ago just after my sister-in-law’s baby shower. I mentioned that one of the worst things you could ever say to a new mother was something like “Wow, your baby is so healthy!” That’s akin to a death sentence, a challenge to the Evil Eye to take your child into its unholy lair. The rules about the Evil Eye can be daunting. Saying something positive is a big no-no. Saying something negative is equally forbidden. For a people not allowed to say much, we Jews sure do talk a lot!
As much as I think I’m beyond these medieval superstitions (which began when child and mother mortality rates were terrifyingly high), I have to admit that the
Old World fears still course through my veins, whether I like it or not. I’ve
noticed this week that whenever anyone mentioned our future babies as if they
were already here, I’d throw in a quiet “God willing” or “kinahora” or I’d
discreetly spit three times. So apart from the fact that I have no interest in
writing, talking, or thinking only about baby stuff, I also have to worry
about that damned Evil Eye. I'm willing to tempt it a bit with my thoughts and
ruminations about our upcoming family members, but I have to be careful I don't drench my computer
screen in my own spit!
One of the surprises in reading the comments I received was finding out that so many of you were twins yourself or the parents of twins. Who knew? Did you know that the rate of twins has increased by a whopping 75 percent over the past twenty years in this country? That’s incredible, and it’s obviously due to the fact that so many older women are getting pregnant these days. Being older automatically increases the odds of multiple births and that tendency skyrockets when you add additional fertility treatments.
Kendall and I join a growing list of people in their 40s having twins. Among the celebrity circuit, actress Molly Ringwald just announced that her twins are due the same time as ours. Lisa Marie Presley had twins in October. Her other children are 19 and 16. Marcia Cross of “Desperate Housewives” recently gave birth to twin girls at the age of 44. Jane Seymour was also 44 when she had hers. Holly Hunter had twins at the age of 47. Geena Davis had twins at 48, Beverly D’Angelo at 49. Kendall is a mere youngster compared to these gals!
How odd that I’d write about our twins on the very day when that woman in California gave birth to extremely rare octuplets. Suddenly the whole world seemed to erupt in a blanket condemnation of multiple births and fertility clinics. I found myself wagging my disapproving tongue as well at any woman (and her doctors) who would willingly get into such a dangerous situation as being pregnant with eight children. My understanding of multiple births is that anything more than two kids dramatically increases the risks to mother and children and fertility clinics take extensive measures to avoid such scenarios. Not to mention the rumors (or is it now fact?) that the woman already has six kids and is a single mother who recently declared bankruptcy. Oy! I don’t know how accurate that information is but I think it’s crazy that she would put her own life and the lives of her premature children in such jeopardy. But who am I to judge? I’m just glad I don’t have to pay for the extensive medical care her children will need. Oh wait, as a taxpayer, I am paying for it!
One radio show I listened to yesterday claimed to have an in with a “friend” of the woman who said that one of her objectives of having so many kids was to get her own reality show. There are other unflattering reports that she is refusing some of the offers of free products because she wants to pick and choose like she’s on some kind of high-powered shopping spree. Is this mother of eight (possibly fourteen) the most hated person in America today after Bernie Madoff?
Should Kendall and I try to capitalize on our situation? I can have an online contest to name the twins with an entry fee of $10 per person. How about liveblogging our next ultrasound? Setting up a pay-per-view in the delivery room? Nah. I think I will focus on the sheer joy and magic of this amazing experience and not look for any commercial tie-ins. At least until they’re born.
A few years ago I was reading a book on Chinese culture and learned that in older days mothers and other relatives would talk about how ugly the babies in their families were because they believed it would ward off the jealous spirits that wanted to steal beauty.
My Nana Busel did the same thing, but never gave any reason for it. Superstitions are funny that way.
And I would totally enter a baby-naming contest and pay as much as a $20 fee. :-) I'm something of a name freak, having studied names, their meanings, and their social effects. My parents gave me a hideous name at birth, and I legally changed it at 13, but I've quite a chip on my shoulder about it still. :-)
Posted by: Jane | January 31, 2009 at 12:06 AM
Dear Danny,
I used to be superstitious about having positive thoughts, until I read some of the books by Louise Hay. When I practiced positive affirmations, I suddenly had more money, a happier life, and no problem finding a parking space. LOL. But, it does make sense that if you're thinking optimistically, you will have a tendency to change your attitude and make things happen to get whatever you need or want.
TAKE NOTES. Your experience with the twins could be a book, the proceeds of which would pay for their college education. I'm serious. You're a very talented, entertaining writer.
Posted by: Gordon | January 31, 2009 at 12:23 PM
Oh yeah! I remember my Dad talking about the Evil Eye and babies. Whenever someone came along with a baby (cute or not so much), my Dad would just look at the baby, coo a bit and then say, "My! Isn't that a baby!" Being non-committal, but with a jovial voice, was his way of avoiding the Evil Eye!
My vote for names.....give the twins two opposite names. Don't go in for Frick and Frack; Mary and Larry; Pip and Pop. We need for them to start out as INDIVIDUALS!
I do like biblical names....Rachel and Joshua are always good.
Posted by: Ellen Bloom | January 31, 2009 at 05:18 PM
I'm totally with you on the name thing, Ellen. Just yesterday Leah was begging me not to name them something like Noreen and Doreen. No chance of that. However we have been calling the fetuses Remus and Romulus!
Posted by: Danny | January 31, 2009 at 05:46 PM
Congratulations to your and your wife!
Posted by: Tricia Hicks | January 31, 2009 at 06:26 PM
Talk about superstition... I know someone who, throughout her pregnancy, wore a red garnet on a chain around her neck. I guess it was her equivalent of the Kabbalistic red string around a wrist custom...all based against the evil eye.
Pu, pu, pu...all should go well with Kendall, the pregnancy and the births.
Posted by: Pearl | January 31, 2009 at 09:09 PM
Actually, Danny, perhaps this post should be titled TWIN PEEKS rathern than PEAKS.
Posted by: Pearl | February 01, 2009 at 08:41 AM
I agree...Pu Pu PU...don't forget what my friend called the jewish mudra (when you put your thumb between your two fingers )whenever someone looks at Kendall admiringly ...also to ward off the evil eye.
Posted by: Judy | February 02, 2009 at 06:27 AM
My Mexican mother-in-law was horrified that I didn't get my daughters' ears pierced in the hospital right after they were born. I guess the Aztecs believed that the sun god wanted to kill all baby girls, so the gold on their ears would blind the sun god and he wouldn't be able to see them. Quaint, huh?
As a single mom, I don't think I could be a good parent to more than two children. I have no idea how one person could do it with 14.
Posted by: churlita | February 02, 2009 at 11:01 AM
Remus and Romulus my Great Aunt Fanny.... Little Kerry (Happy at Last) and Baby Blake. Don't make me correct you again. I hate it when my blood pressure spikes! xo
Posted by: Kerry | February 02, 2009 at 11:12 AM
Hi Danny...just wanted to wish you and Kendall congratulations on your twins...WOW!
Posted by: cruisin-mom | February 07, 2009 at 06:52 AM
Hi Danny~
Twins~ first, i wish you and Kendall a very healthy pregnancy~lots of rest and healthy food!
Secondly~I just attended our family B'nai Mitzvah of 13 year old twins~ Rebecca and Matthew~ girl and boy~ children my 50 year old nephew and his wife.
It was very touching.
Because they also have a younger set of twins~ Shelby and David~ girl and boy~now 5 years old.
Both sets of twins were born on Sept 30, in the same hospital in Denver,
same MD, same delvery room and the girls came out FIRST!
So anything is possible without fertility drugs ~ congrats to you both!
Love,
sandy
Posted by: sandy | February 09, 2009 at 02:05 PM
Congratulations danny and your twin peaks blog....
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