Numb in Chicago

I flew to Chicago the other day in the dead of winter. Am I nuts?! Why would I shlep to this frozen wasteland in January? To attend a family event? To see friends? To lobby for Obama’s senate seat? To attend Governor Blagojevich’s impeachment trial? Nope…I came for dental work. I’ll spare you the details, it’s not very interesting. Let’s just say it was WAY cheaper to hightail it across the country and see my childhood dentist (and close family friend) than to have the procedures recommended by my Beverly Hills Dentists of the Stars. And my Chicago doc is saving a tooth the California mavens said had to go. I just had my first treatment which involved lasers, the smell of burning flesh, and the kind of small blowtorch I last saw Julia Child use to carmelize the top of a crème brulee. Oy. But I survived to walk out into a delightful blizzard in downtown Chicago. Brrrrrrrr.

As I’ve said during my last two visits, I love this town more each time I come here. Is Chicago the only major city that is becoming better with every passing year? And now, with Obama’s upcoming presidency, the city is undergoing a mania of civic pride. As I took this photo, these Obama banners were coming down along with all the Christmas decorations on State Street, but there are still plenty of signs, sculptures, and billboards laying claim to Barack Obama as one of Chicago’s own even though he was born in Hawaii. Or was he? Kendall and I were accosted by a woman the other day in L.A. who would not stop buzzing about the crazy theory that Obama was actually born in Kenya and is involved in a major cover-up at all levels of government. Yawn. I don’t believe it for a second, but this slightly unhinged woman basically predicted a full-out civil war when Obama is deemed unqualified to assume the role of President.

I went from my dentist’s office straight into the Chicago Cultural Center, one of my favorite buildings on the planet. When I was young the ornate building (filling an entire city block on Michigan Avenue between Randolph and Washington) was the city’s main library. I spent countless hours perusing the shelves and doing my homework in the magnificent rooms of marble and intricate mosaics containing thousands of pieces of Favrile glass, stone, and mother of pearl. I used to walk down the grand staircases pretending I was in Medieval France or Imperial Russia, and the incredible vaulted lobby, the gorgeous woodwork, the grand arches, and the coffered ceilings helped turn me into the preservation fanatic that I am today. I walked all over the building and visited my two favorite rooms: the Grand Army of the Republic Memorial featuring an amazing stained glass dome, and Preston Bradley Hall which contains the recently restored Tiffany glass dome, the largest in the world. If you’re heading to Chicago this year, the Cultural Center is a must.

 

Spencer & Sammy Tweedy in the Chicago snow, 1/7/09

On a much sadder and more serious note, I got the news as soon as I arrived in town that an old friend of mine committed suicide over the weekend. I had spoken to her a few weeks ago and she seemed as delightful and warm and witty and eccentric as ever. I knew she suffered from depression but had no inkling that it had gotten so bad that it would drive her to this. Her family and friends are really suffering and I bring this woman up only to beg everyone to somehow find the strength to reach out if you ever find yourself in such a dark and hopeless place of despair. We’ve all been there from time to time, God knows, but most of us usually find a way out. I know it’s different when you have the kind of clinical depression this wonderful soul clearly had, but I pray that such tragedies can be avoided for other sufferers. Before returning to Los Angeles this weekend, I’ll be flying to the town where this woman lived for the past twenty years. Let’s all be grateful for every second we have with our loved ones, even the ones in which we’re kvetching about crazy stuff.

Comments

[La Framéricaine]

Wonderful post, Danny!

It made me think of all the big buildings that awed me in Tulsa, OK, as a kid. Smart move to go home for reasonably-priced, tooth-saving, friendly dental care. I'm sure that your smile will look more like two million dollars when you get finished.

I'm very sorry to hear that your friend committed suicide. You are a good friend to go to her home town to give support to her other friends and family in their time of need.

My mother killed herself on 3/31/1991 in San Francisco so I have a sense of how people are reeling, even if they knew she was depressed. I've always said that while I was not surprised that my mother committed suicide, I was shocked and horrified. In fact, I never even had a clue what the word "horrible" meant until that event. Now I know only too well.

Take care of yourself, Danny, and I'll look for your post when you get home.

Amitiés,

[Otir]

Sad to hear about your friend's death. I have always found it very difficult to deal with the loss of someone who took their own lives, as it has unfortunetely happened several times around. May everyone in the tragedy find consolation soon enough.

[Arlene]

Hi Danny,

Great picture of your nephews!

I'm happy to hear that you were able to have you dental work done and had a nice time here. I'm also sorry to hear about your friends death. Is it anyone I would know and is there anything I can do for you?

Take care.

[Barbara]

Hi Danny,
I was so glad to hear someone else goes back to their hometown to go to the dentist - I did that for a long time after moving here (more because I was scared of a new dentist than because of cost, though....)
I am also leaving the relative warmth of Stl (okay, so not as warm as LA) to visit Toronto in a few weeks - everyone thinks I'm crazy to go in the winter too!
I'm so sorry about your friend's death - depression is a terrible illness.

[Mary]

Danny - I'm sorry for your loss. Despite the long history of mood disorders in my own family, we've somehow managed to avoid suicide.(Although suicide was typically covered up in previous generations, so who knows.)

Just before I read your post I saw the story about another suicide in Chicago, Steven Good. Many are suggesting that his suicide resulted from the economic downturn. No doubt it was a trigger, but I hope we all know that external circumstances, no matter how bad, can't drive a sane person to suicide. Suicide is an irrational act.

In my personal experience, the riskiest time for suicide is the period just after the depressed person starts treatment -- Not because anti-depressants *cause* suicidal thoughts, but because suicidal thoughts are at their most intense in the early days of recovery; that's when you look back and realize how much you hurt yourself and everyone around you during your depression; how much time you wasted... The guilt and despair at that moment can be overwhelming.

[churlita]

I'm so sorry for you for both of those things. I hate getting any kind of dental work. I also feel so bad about your friend. I think it's so hard for those of us who have never had clinical depression to understand how horrible it must feel.

Try to hang in there and enjoy the city.

[Sarah]

Hi Danny

I was googling information about the 7 worlds collide tour and found Spencer's blog and in turn found yours. I love how blog linky linky love works.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Depression is a serious illness and it needs to be spoken about more often. People need to know it's ok to ask for help. It's heartbreaking when people feel they cannot get help and feel they have no other choice but to take their own lives.
I am in awe of your top snow photo. Meanwhile here in Christchurch, NZ we are melting in 35 degrees celcius heat (about 96 farenheit). We are just not used to this!
Take care.

[Elisabeth]

Very sorry about your friend, Danny. I cannot begin to imagine how horrific this must be for her family. Having had suicidal thoughts at one point in my life, the one thing that kept me from acting on them was the mere thought of my daughter.

Hope the teeth or tooth are all better now!

[Judy]

The only two times I've been to Chicagoland were in the middle of winter. It is a lovely city to wander around in even if you're partly numb. I feel sorry for your friend. Life is too precious to throw away,
but i guess I've never been that down. I always thought tomorrow would be better. A good friend of ours died in a freak accident falling at home onto his glass coffee table. John Travolta's son's death brought back my friend's death. It is so sad for everyone who loved her. There was probably more love around her than she realized.

[David]

You make me miss Chicago -- and I live in the 'burbs!

Hope to see you on your next visit, by which time you should no longer be exuding the odor of burning flesh.

[Jane]

I had a friend commit suicide in the 80's. She was going through a personal hell that had just become to complex for her to handle on her own, with too many consequences she couldn't face, and she had no resources left. What amazed me was that after she died, so many people said "if only I knew, I would have helped". But they did know. They just didn't know that she was at the point of killing herself over it.

So yes, I believe -- love people while they're alive, and help them with whatever you can, and don't ask if they need it. Just do it. The beauty of a mitzvah is not in its grandness, but in its love and empathy.

As for your conspiracy-prone Obama lady...we have many such people outside of Minneapolis. They listen to a lot of right wing radio, and lap up those kinds of theories like pablum. Scary world!

[preston maders]

thoughtful post, meanwhile makes me wonder how the tweedy children fit in between dental work and the ever so sad suicide?

[Jane]

Danny,

Spencer's blog popped up in FB and wow. Is your nephew a genius or what? I'm quite certain he has a very special life ahead of him, no matter what he ultimately decides to do.

[Emily Barton]

I don't think it's the least bit crazy for you to go to Chicago in the dead of winter (not even for dental work). If I lived in L.A., I'd have to escape every so often for just such a "gritty, urban fix," especially when it's Chicago, a city that does just keep getting better and better.

And thanks for the reminder that the best thing to do when depression hits is to reach out to others (no matter how hard it might seem to be to do so at the time).

[Wendi Goodman]

You can't pay me enough money to go to Chicago in the Winter. I just can't take the cold weather anymore -- thus the move to Florida.

I have sworn to only visit Chicago during the months of July & August.

Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, Danny. I, too, lost a dear friend to suicide. I spoke to her jut a few hours before she died and though she was upset, she gave no indication that suicide was an option. The last thing we said to each other was, "I love you." The only comfort I had in all that tragedy was that she knew how I felt before she died.