I’ve been sitting on some news for a few months that I’m ready to share with the world at large. It’s big news for me and my family. And that is, after years of trying...my wife Kendall is pregnant! And not just pregnant but…wait for it…we’re having TWINS! Oy! The little whippersnappers are twelve weeks along as of today, and quite cute. Well, if you consider three-inch long fetuses who bear a striking resemblance to the aliens in “Close Encounters” cute! Pretty amazing to see those little hearts beating furiously and to know that (unlike ours) there’s a good chance those same hearts will be beating well into the twenty-second century. Yikes!
I’m thinking of legally changing my name to Tony Randall. To those of you who don’t get the reference, Randall was 77 when his first child was born, 78 when the second one came. Okay, fine, I’m not that old. I’m managing to squeak in these remaining progeny while still in my forties (I’ll turn 50 a month later) so I guess I’m not quite a candidate for the Guinness Book of World Records. But sometimes, when I imagine what it will be like to have not one but two infants in the house again, it feels so unreal that I expect the news crews to arrive at our door to interview the World’s Most Ancient New Father. Still, I should stop with the Tony Randall comparisons. His kids were both under 10 when he died at the age of 84. I plan to be around to torment these children until they’re at least well into their forties!
Needless to say, we’re completely thrilled and excited…and terrified. Most people we’ve told have been very happy for us and very supportive—but many feel the need to remind us over and over that once those babies come we’ll never sleep again, never go to a movie or restaurant, never have a moment to ourselves, and basically give up any semblance of life as we know it today. Poppycock. Okay, part of me knows that what these folks are saying is absolutely true but Kendall and I are in that necessary phase of denial that all prospective parents go through. Thank God for it—otherwise the planet would have emptied out generations ago. Some people think we’re nuts for bringing more children into a world with a hemorrhaging economy and so many other ills. But again, if people only had kids when times were good, we’d have achieved Zero Population Growth just after the Declaration of Independence was signed. At least Kendall and I waited until George W. Bush cleared out of Washington, I’m glad these kids will be born during an Obama administration. Should we follow the slew of Kenyan couples who have already named their babies Barack and Michelle (no, we don’t know the sex yet). The good news about having kids later in life is that you DON’T expect things to be so perfect or easy. You can anticipate the many joys that are to come while also being aware of the challenges and the times when we will be at wit’s end with those babies and with each other.
When Leah was born I was 35 and I put so much pressure on
myself to be the Perfect Dad. I had to do everything RIGHT and if anything
veered from how I thought it was supposed to be I freaked out and berated
myself mercilessly. Now, raising a teenager and having two more babies on the
way I have no such delusions. I know I’m veeeeeerrrry far from perfect, that
I’ve made a ton of mistakes in my parenting and will no doubt make a ton more.
Sure, I’ll do the best I can and I think I’ve learned a lot during the past 14
years, but these days it feels much more comfortable to recognize my faults and
idiosyncrasies instead of setting myself up for guaranteed failure.
Don’t worry, people. This is not going to become a pregnancy blog or a parenting blog or a daddy blog (not that there’s anything wrong with those things). But since we made it through the first trimester I wanted to share this humungous event that’s happening in our lives with you all and be able to discuss it on here when I feel like it. Keeping it on the down-low was a pain in the ass. I walked into a Christmas party one day last month and my brother-in-law congratulated me. “What for? What for?” asked a guest who overheard. I was caught so off guard that instead of giving this woman any one of a million plausible responses, I stammered like a lunatic, hemmed and hawed, and then shouted “NOTHING!” and ran out of the room. Oy. Besides, it takes a village—why wouldn’t we want our various communities to know this happy news? I’ll be accepting babysitting applications online and if things get really insane, maybe we can auction off one of the twins on eBay. We accept PayPal and all major credit cards. JUST KIDDING, authorities!
Kendall and I can’t wait to hold those babies in our arms.
But I’m nowhere near finished freaking out. The other day I was emailing our
rabbi and I stopped to figure out when the twins would be having their Bar or
Bat Mitzvahs. 2022?! Surely, I made a mistake, that couldn’t be right. I must
have added 2009 + 13 ten different times before I could accept that my
arithmetic was correct. 2022? Shall I bring my jet pack or my walker to the ceremony?
Paging Tony Randall! Tony Randall! Will Tony Randall please come to white
courtesy phone? I need you!
You are too funny! And blessed! Mazeltov.
Posted by: jennifer New | January 27, 2009 at 07:55 AM
Danny, I will say the correct "B'shaah tovah"...This translates to "in a good hour" -- ie. everything should go well and happen accordingly, at the right time. G-d willing, I'll give you a double mazel tov in a few months.
I hope Kendall is feeling well, taking her pre-natal vitamins and folic acid. And I hope you're brushing up on those "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know" books. No doubt these months will lend themselves to some wonderful blog posts from you.
Wonderful news, and I'm most pleased for you all.
Posted by: Pearl | January 27, 2009 at 08:03 AM
Danny, this is amazing news. Twins? At least its not octuplets.
Posted by: Maria Sosa | January 27, 2009 at 08:10 AM
YEES more cuzzies! This post is hilarious, Apple Danny.
Posted by: Spencer Tweedy | January 27, 2009 at 08:13 AM
Congrats! Sally and I are both thrilled for the two of you.
Posted by: Jeff | January 27, 2009 at 08:31 AM
I am looking forward to their first blog posts. I expect them to go like this: dnhejNbsbenfnxmsksjkJebdbdjdmnxjdjdmnjfjdnfndjdjsnnrn
In all seriousness, congratulations! Excited for their maiden voyage to Chicago.
Posted by: Greg | January 27, 2009 at 09:04 AM
Yay! Wonderful post, Danny, and I'm thrilled for you both! And...I can't wait to dump all of our old baby crap on you. Congratulations!
Posted by: Scott | January 27, 2009 at 09:38 AM
I'm so excited for you both! Now if only you can learn to make that weird sound Tony Randall made, your babies would stop crying immediately. I heard him do this on Regis' Live, and it was totally amazing! I feel like getting my knitting patterns down, so I can make knitted toys for both. However, my family tends to be superstitious so I have plenty of time to practice before they're born.
Posted by: Judy | January 27, 2009 at 10:21 AM
I fear for your blog; otherwise, this is wonderful news.
Posted by: Frances | January 27, 2009 at 10:49 AM
Oh, congrats!! Wishing you and Kendall only the best. Huzzah!
Posted by: Special Needs Mama | January 27, 2009 at 10:52 AM
Congratulations, Danny! To you, to your wife, and, most especially, to your daughter who is very soon going to be a big sister to two rugrats. That is going to be quite an experience.
I have a good friend who is the mother of 5 year old twins. She did lots of things with mothers-of-twins groups.
A real E-ticket ride awaits! It should be a helluva lot of fun!
Posted by: La Framéricaine | January 27, 2009 at 11:07 AM
Hi Danny,
Well I congratulated you once, but I feel like it's official now since you finally posted this wonderful news... so, congratulations again to you and your family. Hope Kendall is doing well.
Take care,
Arlene
Posted by: Arlene | January 27, 2009 at 11:52 AM
Danny, I am so very happy for you, Kendall, and Leah. I look forward to reading about these kiddos for many years to come.
Posted by: Heather | January 27, 2009 at 12:03 PM
Congrats! How exciting. My sister had her first baby at 40 and 2nd at 42. I had my kids in my twenties. She's a much different person than I was in my twenties. She doesn't have all the financial stress that I've had during my years as a parent. Most importantly, she made a much better choice in the father, waiting until her 40's.
I bet Leah's thrilled.
Posted by: churlita | January 27, 2009 at 12:07 PM
Mazel Tov! Mazel Tov!
I am so so excited for all of you! I can only imagine how nervous, happy, and over-the-moon you must be. Leah was such a great kid, you couldn't wait to do it again, and again. :-) I'm sure that these two, like Leah, will grow up to be joys.
And please, you must turn at least part daddy blog. This is a wondrous life you're leading, Mr. Miller.
Posted by: Jane | January 27, 2009 at 12:20 PM
I love reading your blog and would like to congratulate your family on the news. I don't care what you write about; live, love, old Hollywood, babies, just keep writing.
I wish you and your wife a wonderful next few months.
Posted by: suzanne | January 27, 2009 at 12:55 PM
Lovely to read this on your blog, my dear...It means, as you said, Kendall is past the First Trimester....This is ALL GOOD!
CONGRATULATIONS to you guys....I am thrilled for you and especially for Kendall, because I know how much she wanted to be pregnant and have a baby...and to double that number to TWO, Well, that is so very exciting....!
((((((HUGS))))))) to you both!
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | January 27, 2009 at 01:03 PM
HURRAY! What wonderful news. Huge congratulations to all of you!
Posted by: tamarika | January 27, 2009 at 01:09 PM
Congratulations! I've enjoyed your blog from the comfort of my Reader - I don't feel smart enough to hang with the "Jew Eat Yet" crowd. *smiling*
Your daughter Leah was a precious baby. I'm certain the two new babies joining you will be equally adorable.
Congratulations again and best wishes to your wife for a healthy and peaceful pregnancy. Neat.
Posted by: Chris | January 27, 2009 at 05:36 PM
Danny and Kendall, what double happiness...or shall I say triple because you have wonderful Leah. You will truly be blessed!
Posted by: Jeanine Robinson Stevens | January 27, 2009 at 06:20 PM
Congratulations and many warm wishes for a smooth pregnancy for Kendall!
Posted by: Anne | January 27, 2009 at 07:28 PM
Wonderful! Congratulations! What exciting news.
Posted by: Kitty | January 27, 2009 at 08:04 PM
MAZEL TOV! I'm SO happy for you. And, as an experienced old mother of twins, if you need any advice or need a place to vent, you're invited to lean on me. I was 40 when my twins were born, their dad was 46. We are ancient now with 16 year old kids. But having twins... it's an amazing experience. My only advice to you: GET HELP. Go broke, but get help. Really.
Posted by: margalt | January 27, 2009 at 08:43 PM
My first thought when I saw this post was, "Didn't Tony Randall die a while ago?"
Congrats! As a father of 3 year old twins myself I could respond with a long-winded litany of suggestions... but I'll spare you that and just say feel free to drop me a line if you feel like it.
Enjoy the ride!
Posted by: Ken Kinsley | January 27, 2009 at 08:49 PM
Danny,
Both Michael and I are so thrilled for you and Kendall. I can't wait to meet the two new beings you are creating.
Mazeltov to you both!
Posted by: Laurie | January 27, 2009 at 09:50 PM
Congratulations and all the best as you embark on this exciting adventure. While my friend Tony Randall did not have a lot of years with his kids, the years he did have were very precious and memorable. My boss, who's 63, has a six-year-old son. He and his wife had been married nearly 30 years and had been told they could never have children. After adopting and raising four children, his wife became pregnant at age 47! He, too, thinks about not being around very long for the youngest and sometimes gripes about not being able to afford to retire but I know they feel blessed just the same.
My happy thoughts are with you!
Posted by: Pam G | January 28, 2009 at 04:34 AM
Mazel Tov! Wishing you a happy and healthy remaining preganancy, and easy sleep after that. Life is rich and full!
Posted by: Jen H. | January 28, 2009 at 06:17 AM
congratulations to you and your wife.
i'm 51 and my husband is 57, our youngest is 14, having kids later in life forces you to stay young and in touch with what is going on.
Posted by: better safe than sorry | January 28, 2009 at 06:38 AM
Congratulations, to you, Kendall and Leah. It's always nice to hear great news. You'll have double the pleasure. Thats just wonderful.
Posted by: Patsy | January 28, 2009 at 01:40 PM
Mazeltov!! I'll crochet up a couple of pair of baby booties!
Posted by: Ellen Bloom | January 28, 2009 at 02:29 PM
HURRAY!!! These babies will be the funniest, cutest people EVER! All the best and lots of love from New York! Pam and Jim
Posted by: pam allyn | January 28, 2009 at 05:26 PM
Wow! Congratulations. May you have an easy and eventless pregnancy and fast and easy delivery. Then you'll have plenty of time to be letting us know how it goes without going to the movies. Remember, this passes very fast anyway.
Posted by: Otir | January 28, 2009 at 05:30 PM
Congrats, kick ass, I know ya'll have been trying for a while.
Posted by: Ana | January 28, 2009 at 05:52 PM
Congratulations. As the world's oldest surviving father of twins I have just one word to share with you: disposable diapers. Okay, two words. But forget your environmental sensitivity and go for the 40 pack.
Posted by: Frank Paynter | January 28, 2009 at 07:11 PM
Congratulations!
The twins couldn't have picked a better family.
My first thought when I saw this post was, "Didn't Tony Randall die a while ago?"
LOL! I'd thought that, too.
Posted by: Melinda | January 29, 2009 at 07:21 AM
wow! congrats to the lot of you....
Posted by: scooterzz | January 29, 2009 at 10:01 AM
I am so happy for you and Kendall & Leah! Two kids at one time?! Can they do that? Wow! Twins are a good way to get to Von Trapp Family Singers-type numbers quicker! Mazel tov, my friend.
Posted by: Dave Max Crawford | January 29, 2009 at 02:14 PM
Congratulations to you and your family Danny!!! I believe you're right about the denial stage ~ it exists for good reason :-) Mazel Tov!
Posted by: Jeryl Chico | January 29, 2009 at 07:23 PM
Dear Danny,
Well, you dog, you ! Leah's going to be a sister ! LOL. Congratulations are certainly in order. From reading your entire blog (Yes, I did.), I get the very clear impression that you've done an excellent job raising Leah. So, there's every reason to believe that you'll train little Danny and Donny to be just as wonderful as she is.
Posted by: Gordon | January 29, 2009 at 10:17 PM
I'm late reading this, but Congratulations! I get to see birth most everyday but am still amazed by it, not only the birth of babies but the birth of parents.
Posted by: Judy | January 30, 2009 at 07:09 AM
Built-in baby-sitting if you get marooned at O'Hare! Thrilled for you.
Posted by: david | January 30, 2009 at 08:49 AM
Congratulations! What can prepare you for twins? Oy indeed. Enjoy the smell of your newborns' heads and cherish every new milestone. Just imagine their first laughs!! What a wonderful journey for you all. . .
Posted by: Julie Voss | January 30, 2009 at 11:35 AM
Congratulations! My father was 55 years old when I was born. He was the best friend I ever had. Abundant blessings to all of you.
Posted by: winnie | January 30, 2009 at 01:36 PM
Danny,
Congratulations from Sandy and me. We are very happy for you and wish you, Kendall and Leah everything wonderful!
Posted by: June | February 01, 2009 at 12:58 PM
Dear Kendall and Danny,
Mazel-tov and also "poo, poo, poo" for good measure! What lucky babies these are going to be with you two for parents. Love, Marilyn
Posted by: Marilyn Molnar | February 01, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Congratulations and L'Chaim!
I'm coming out of long-term lurkdom to tell you how happy I am for you both. I'm also a 'vintage" mom of twins; I'm 40 years and 1 day older than my girls. My girls are 4 now and I can promise you that one day you will sleep again.
Posted by: k2 | February 03, 2009 at 07:55 PM
AUGH! I missed this! I am over the moon for you two and these babies who had the fabulous taste to pick you for parents. Tell Kendall to write to me.
Quinn
Posted by: quinn | February 09, 2009 at 10:14 AM
Is Kendall Jewish? If not, will your twins be regarded as Jewish?
Posted by: Ludwig | April 26, 2009 at 12:13 PM
I have a paperback copy of Kendall's book inscribed by her to "Tony", saying that "Tony", whom she'd obviously met, was as nice offscreen as he was on. He was "sweet" rather than "horrible". Could this have been Tony Randall?
Posted by: BB Wolfe | May 15, 2009 at 05:44 AM