Van Johnson Inflames My OCD

I have to face it: I have an obsessive compulsive disorder. The second I heard that MGM heartthrob Van Johnson died today at the age of 92, my hands started creeping toward my computer keyboard.

Stop it! For God’s sake, you don’t have to write about every celebrity that kicks the bucket. What makes you think that anyone (under 70) even knows who Van Johnson is, much less wants to read a post about him?

Stop being so disrespectful. The man isn’t even cold to the touch yet and you’re acting as if his passing is no big deal. Do you have any idea how big he was back in the day?

Of course I do. Who do you think you’re talking to? But that was over 50 years ago. Who made you the official obituary writer for the final dregs of the MGM stock company?

Oy, again with the disrespect. And for your information, you ass, I don’t write obituaries. There are so few people left who appeared in those wonderful films of the 30s, 40s, and 50s, I just feel compelled to honor them with a few words when they leave us. Why is that so wrong?

I’m not saying it’s wrong, just not of much interest to the majority of your readers.

How do you know? Maybe one of those posts will motivate someone to rent a classic film. Maybe I’m having an impact on a whole new generation of moviegoers. Besides, if you were so interested in upping your stats, why do you write so many freaking posts about the Nazis and World War II? Do you really think anyone read that endless drivel you wrote on the anniversary of Kristallnacht?

Fuck you. At least that was about an important period of history.

And the classic movies of the 20th century aren’t important?

Look, you know that I love those old films. I’m just saying that writing some long essay about Van Johnson may alienate most of your readers.

Oh please. What should I be doing then, pandering to the Wilco crowd like you do every other post? I swear, if I read one more comment about how tight Jeff and Sue are with the Obamas, I’m going to call my precinct and see if I can switch my vote to McCain.

Okay, I get it. But be careful you don’t pigeonhole yourself with all this dead celebrity stuff. Now any time you even mention a celebrity, people will think they just dropped dead. Remember how Leah was looking over your shoulder last night when you were writing about Rita Moreno’s birthday and exclaimed 'Oh my God, Anita died?'

Point taken. But I can't help it. I didn’t mention Nina Foch at all when she died last week and I still feel guilty about it. Hey, do you remember if Van Johnson ever made a film with Nina Foch?

I don’t think so, but he made several with Cyd Charisse and Irving Brecher, whose funerals you recently stalked—er, I mean, attended.

Oh right, all three of them did ‘Ziegfeld Follies.’ And Van and Cyd co-starred in ‘Brigadoon,’ a gorgeous film that was never one of my favorites.

Which of his films are your favorites then?

Oh my God, there are so many. That William Saroyan story, ‘The Human Comedy,’ is one of my all-time favs. Van co-starred with Donna Reed, Fay Bainter, Frank Morgan, and Mickey Rooney, but you know me, I also love the musicals, the Esther Williams extravaganzas, and the three movies he made with June Allyson.

I can’t believe June is gone, too. So sad. Don’t forget ‘State of the Union,’ his movie with Tracy and Hepburn, and ‘In the Good Old Summertime’ with Judy Garland, the movie in which two-year-old Liza Minnelli made her film debut as their daughter in the final scene.

Oy, could you sound more gay? You probably also love ‘The Last Time I Saw Paris’ with Elizabeth Taylor. I like his more serious films, too, such as ‘A Guy Named Joe,’ ‘Weekend at the Waldorf,’ ‘Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo,’ and ‘Battleground.’ And remember his appearance on ‘I Love Lucy’ as himself? That was great.

Yeah, I loved when Lucy Ricardo met celebrities, that was always so funny. Speaking of TV, how about Johnson’s role as a villain on ‘Batman?’

Loved it. Almost as scary as Ethel Merman’s ‘Batman’ character. And don’t forget Van’s later work. Guilty secret, but I loved him in the 1968 Lucille Ball/Henry Fonda comedy, ‘Yours, Mine, and Ours’ which I actually saw recently in a special screening if you can believe it. And he was perfect in Woody Allen’s ‘The Purple Rose of Cairo’ in 1985. He appeared in lots of miniseries like ‘Rich Man, Poor Man’ and all sorts of TV series. I hear his personal life wasn’t so great, though.

That's what I heard. He married his best friend Keenan Wynn’s ex and that was a disaster even though it produced a daughter. His ex-wife later claimed that he married her just to quell the rumors that he was gay.

Did he ever officially come out?

Not really, but it was pretty well known in Hollywood. And he became more openly flamboyant as he got older. But I’m not sure he ever had a serious relationship with either sex. I hope he did, it all seems pretty sad.

I heard he wasn’t even on speaking terms with his daughter?

I don’t think so. Maybe they communicated before he died. I hope so.

Don’t forget that he got his start way back in 1940 in the original cast of ‘Pal Joey.’

That’s right! And the new version of that musical opens on Broadway next week with Stockard Channing and Martha Plimpton. Did I tell you that Martha is my Facebook friend?

Oh my God, don’t start. You are obsessed with that woman. How many times have you mentioned her in this blog—50?

No, only 12, you ass.

And you dare to criticize my OCDs?

Well, I guess I am glad that you talked about Van Johnson on here. I just hope that no other elderly celebrities die this week.

Oh, okay, I'll call the Motion Picture Home in Woodland Hills and tell them to keep everyone on life support because you're worried about the number of readers on your stupid blog.

Fuck you.

Right back atcha.

And farewell, Van Johnson. I hope they have red socks in heaven.

Comments

[La Framéricaine]

Danny, I love your posts on dead ancient celebrities. They peopled my childhood cinema going. Please continue to be OCD. It is so intellectually stimulating and so interesting.

See, I'm sitting here in sunny Mexico City--there' so sun now, it's night time and we spent the day with all the pilgrims to the shrine de la Virgen de Guadalupe, among other activities and we had a fantastic day.

But, I had to read your dueling personalities post on Van Heflin's demise. You know, after Odetta, I forgot to mention that Miriam Makeba had died on November 10th. I loved her!

The one I have NEVER gotten over was Robert Mitchum's death in the shadow of Jimmy Stewart's. It is quite clear that there is no gawd in heaven or elsewhere when the loss of Jimmy Stewart can eclipse the death of an actor like Robert Mitchum.

Just keep on letting those fingers creep toward the keyboard. It's always enriching!

Amitiés,

[Jen]

I LOVED Van Johnson, and I'm still on the near side of 50, so there. And once again, a nice tribute by you. He deserved it!

[Hillary]

Oh how I miss this darling man already. Just last month I was reveling in those freckles in The Romance of Rosy Ridge, secure in the knowledge that he was still wearing red socks somewhere. This news is truly saddening.

And, Mr. Miller, God bless your OCD. I hope you know that, upon hearing a horrible rumor of a passing of one of Hollywood's best and brightest erstwhile celebrities, I come to this blog before checking Yahoo!, CNN, or IMDb, to verify and to mourn. I do hope you find the compliment amongst the overall macabre reality of that statement (and rest assured that I venture here for many other non-morbid reasons, as well.)

It's true, though. You have such a deft touch when it comes to these remembrances - they're sweet, informative, and evoke the singular essence of some of these already-missed stars more than any press statement or TCM marathon could. They're so much more than obituaries, far closer to 'honoring them with words'. And I am so very glad you do.

P.S. I will be renting The Human Comedy this evening, a film I am completely unfamiliar with, in tribute to darling Van - solely because of this post. Thank you.

[Wanda]

I love your posts on dead celebrities, too. Although, I must admit that each time I see a new post I cringe a little to find out who went to the big stage in the sky. And I am glad you throw in a birthday once in a while, too. When I saw this post a mournful, "Awww," escaped me. I, too, am on the near side of 50 and I think he was just swell.

[Debbie]

Danny,
Don't be ashamed of your OCD. All these folks are passing and your tributes to them are always so sweet and yet completely honest and informative. I understand that the younger generation (I turn 53 today) isn't interested in the great talents of the Golden Era. I couldn't even get my 8-year-old daughter to sit through 'Singin' in the Rain' with me this morning ON MY BIRTHDAY!(but I digress)

My point is, keep up your good work and don't let the pishers get you down.

[Rurality]

Dear Dr Pavlov, every time I hear about a celebrity dying, I feel an inexplicable urge to come here to see what you've written about it.

And who doesn't love Martha Plimpton?

[Sharon]

Oh Danny!!!

I knew you would write something wonderful about Van...I just knew it! I knew I couldn't do him any sort of justice other than a little mention but you came through and then some.

I loooved him and I'm just a couple months shy of 40! I've got the OCD too about these people. I look at it that its up to people like us to educate our generation on how wonderful these people are/were and that the Matinee Idol didn't begin with Tom Cruise. (Shiver)

Who is left of that generation???? Not many. I was watching Robert Wagner on Sunday Morning today and he has finally started to look his age....even so, he and James Garner will always be hot.

[Judy]

You are a great eugoogly...izer. Keep it up. I'm trying to think of other stars still alive, besides Liz Taylor and Mickey Rooney. I loved it when they brought out the previous winners/oldtimers a couple of years back at the oscars. I love reading about the adventures of Sue and Jeff with or wihtout Obama. They don't know the present Gov,do they? Good news, my daughter is taking me with her to see Wilco and Neil Young tonight at Madison Sq Garden. (I have only seen Jeff do solo with his guitarist once.)I am also obssessed with the Holocaust. The latest program on tv with the daughter of the Commandant Goethe (from Schindler's list movie) meeting the survivor who worked at her parents' house was quite compelling. I can't get it out of my head. Did you see it? Nor can I get yesterday's NY Times Obit of Richard Topus, 84, a Pigeon Trainer in WW11. Maybe all of the above are reasons why I love reading your blog!!!

[churlita]

This post is hilarious. Nobody appreciates peoples' obsessions more than I do. Please continue to eulogize.

[Danny]

It's truly heartwarming to hear from you "youngsters" who care about people like Van Johnson, thank you for responding! Happy Birthday, Debbie, I'd advise you to ground your daughter until she watches and writes a 10-page paper on the glories of "Singin' in the Rain." And Judy, my sister and the boys are flying to New York right now for the show tonight. If you can track them down at Madison Square Garden, send my regards! I'd be there but my daughter is appearing as Snoopy in a local production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" tomorrow.

[Paula]

I always come here to read your lovely eulogies. Your insight and your affection for the people who have entertained us so thoroughly for decades, usually at the expense of their personal happiness, is something I would miss terribly if you ever stopped.

[Melinda]

Hey, I didn't know Van Johnson was still alive all those years!

I'm one toke over the line of 50 and I love the golden oldies. I even like "Yours, Mine and Ours" as a guilty pleasure. It's my latent Catholic gene.

[RD]

Danny, I've come to count on you to fill me in on the lives of these Golden stars! I too immediately think of you and your blog when I hear that one of them has died. So don't let us down! You have to continue writing about them. You're the most knowledgeable person I know when it comes to this generation of movie stars!

[Marie Hansen]

I'm 41 and I have had The Last Time I Saw Paris and Brigadoon saved(recorded) on tape for over 15 years. I take the same tape on travels to Europe. I would sit in my husbands families house in Norway and watch the movies with so much joy, late at night. Van Johnson caught my eye when I was a wee child, staying up way past bedtime with my mother in the Philadelphia area watching those old Million Dollar Movies or the olde Midnight Movies on television, they loved to show Brigadoon or Last Time I Saw Paris. I always thought Van Johnson was so handsome and he could say a line and give me giggles, he was so talented. I can hardly describe the delight I had when ,once I was waiting in a Paris Hotel for my lost luggage to arrive and I turned on the TV (late at night) and there was The Last Time I Saw Paris on the television, I was in sheer heaven, who needed luggage! I had all I needed , a warm comfortable bed and a Van Johnson movie.
He will be missed.

[Mark]

What!? Nina Foch died? I had no idea. Loved her.

If you stop writing about your family, Jewish history and movie stars I will stop reading your blog. I will, I swear. Really.

Oh hell. Who am I kidding? You could write about kitchen appliances and I would still be engrossed.

[Green]

I'm in my 20s, and I love love love Van Johnson... Thank you so much for writing about him.

[Jane Biggers]

I will never forget the synchronicity's of Van's life to mine. Those many different moments of suprise and miraculous meetings.

[daina]

would like to know the name of one his first pictures where he meets a man going of to war in the south.The other man dies in the war and he survives so van goes of to find the parents of his dead friend to let them know the sad story,when he finds them he gets involved in their life and falls in love with the sister of his dead friend and it becomes difficult to tell them that he had been a coward in the war and that their son would still be alive if not for him being so.daina

[Amy]

FYI I'm glad his obit was in the news. I'm almost 32 and madly in love with Van Johnson. I "found" him when I was 21, and I'll never look back. If it weren't for my swooning over him, I would never have discovered my idol, Irene Dunne. So, please!, keep us informed of the Golden Age movie stars. I love them!

[Angie]

I was 13 when first saw a Van Johnson movie in 1987. Swoon!! I was a bobby soxer 40 years too late. From the comments, it's clear he was still winning over new fans long after his heyday.