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« Daughter of the Commandment | Main | President Bush’s Enormous Sacrifice »

May 10, 2008


Thank you Danny. I feel the same way.
It's been 9 years, it feels like 9 minutes, and it doesn't get one drop easier. I miss her so much.


Beautiful post, Danny. My mother was a very difficult woman, not as loving as yours, but I believe much of that generation didn't learn to express feelings as we do now -- or maybe they unlearned it early in childhood.

My mother died in 1999, and left few tangible memories, but many, many mysteries. I understand so well that feeling of wanting to delve in, understand, and tie up all the loose ends they have left us. It's frustrating and sad to know that the One Important Talk, in which All Will Be Revealed can never happen.

I think my mother's mysteries are one of the reasons I began to write so early. If I could not get answers, at least I could invent some.

Your mother was beautiful, and her love left a wonderful legacy, namely you and your siblings, and the lives you have created, and the love that endures.

Another beautiful testament. Love to you on a bittersweet day.

Hi Danny,
Thanks for a wonderful Mother's Day post. Although you feel there were unanswered questions between you and Judy, there certainly isn't any chasm. The love that you and your siblings still feel for her, and the impact she continues to have on your lives, is proof she was a success as a mother. To be remembered and revered, as she is, years after her death, is a terrific Mother's Day gift to her.

Happy Mother's Day, Danny. You were on my mind this morning ... as I am writing a blog post about writing.

A wonderful post in tribute to your mother. My father died 32 years ago when he was only 45 and my mother, while still with us, is in her 80s now and is fading slowly away, very poor memory to the point where she often can't complete a simple sentence or remember something told to her a few moments before. Neither one of my parents were very loving or affectionate people and the little I remember of their lives together is not at all pleasant. As you and another commenter said, many mysteries and no important talks leading to revelations.

Well, for this Mother's Day weekend, I took my mother after our fancy lunch to look at the Craig McPherson mezzotints now in the Frick Art Gallery that depict the Pittsburgh steel mills where my father and grandfather spent their entire working lives. She was silent most of the time, but did point to the slag-covered hillside in one of the mezzotints and remark, "That's where Lover's Lane was back in the early '50s. You can't go back there today. It's blocked with barbed wire now." And she said nothing more. So I'm left this afternoon with the image of my twenty-something parents "making out" above a steaming pile of polluted junk in that summer before their November 1954 wedding. Through this off-hand remark I've finally discovered that they once really did have a "fiery" passion for each other. ;)

I think your posts about your mom and family help you and help all of us who read you gain better understandings of our parents and ourselves as we, too, get older. Many thanks,

Dear Danny, be brought into this world by such beauty and to be left here with such love.

I just (thankfully) ran across your wonderful blog when I googled Christina Crawford, of all people, being the seeker of information I am. Lovely tribute to your mother. Your feelings are very natural. Just coming up for healing. I'm sure losing one's mother is especially hard on birthdays and Mother's Days, and to have them close together, all the more so. Blessings to you-

We were so lucky. With all the mishegas, weren't we lucky to have Mom in our lives and know her like we did. I've known those who didn't appreciate their mothers until they were gone. Others who never liked them much. We had fun with her and loved her while she lived. Just not long enough. Thanks for your thoughts, Danny.

Love, Your big brother

Wonderful Danny, This hits home. My moms Birthday has always been a few days before Mother's Day. I lost her a couple weeks before in 1992. I won't lie, It's a rough time, very reflective, and sad, yet grateful to celebrate her life. It doesn't seem that long ago. I want to pick up the phone at times, and ask all the unanswered questions. I'm sorry I didn't pay more attention while I still had her. We take it for granted our moms will always be there. My mom has a sister whom I hound and drill everytime I can. It's mostly the same stories but as you know, you can never hear enough. Once in a while you learn one new small piece to the puzzle. So Danny keep remembering, cherish and embrass every piece of information. I will be looking forward to your moms 74th Birthday blog.

Your blog about your Mom is beautiful. It hits home to me as well, only it is my dad who died almost 25 yrs ago about the same age as I am today. His birthday was last week, and for the first time I had to remind my Mother who was in the hospital with dehyration (84) what day it was. My dad would have turned 85 that day. My husband's Mother died 50 yrs ago last March doesn't get easier.I think everyone has those "emotional chasms" which prevent us from getting really close to those we love. My daughter called me this morning to apologize for not being enough of a daughter this Mother's day. While I wanted to apologize to her for being too much at her graduation luncheon with her boyfriend's families...His dad and his mom now divorced with his mom and her longtime companion and and his dad's new family.. younger wife and 7yr old son. My daughter's gift to me was her graduation from NYU, as well as her boyfriend's graduation to his family which we all celebrated together for the first time. I think my daughter and I aren't comfortable with the roles society expects us to enact but which we know...Hallmark families, etc. Who is?

Hi Danny, I think it's great that you have such wonderful memories of your beautiful mother. I understand how you feel. My parents both died within a year of each other a few years after we graduated from Von. That's a long time ago, but not a day goes by that I don't think of them, especially yesterday when I went to the cemetary. I was wishing that I didn't have to be wishing her a happy moms day that way. Anyway, I think you do an amazing job keeping your moms memory alive.

Your remembrances of your mother and your work towards understanding and acceptance are so moving and inspiring. Your family sounds every bit as wonderful as I imagined way back when we waiting on the corner of Drake and Thorndale for the summer camp bus.

I love your posts about your mom. I think it's harder to come to terms with things when your mother is no longer living. It's so sad that so many questions will have to go unanswered. At least with me, there's so much guilt involved because I never got the chance to be anything other than a needy, pain in the ass kid around her. I'm glad you got to have at least a little of that with your mom.

Beautiful Mother's Day post Danny! I can't think of a more fitting tribute to your mom then revisiting her life.

And while, I don't pretend to have any qualifications to analyze your "psycho-babel" I feel compelled to point out that missing someone is perfectly normal. In fact not missing someone you loved would be a reason to visit an analyst. So yes, give yourself a break!

What a double whammy for you: Mother's Day AND her birthday so close together! I adore your mother through what I've learned about her from you, so thanks for sharing her with us. I hope you're feeling a little less sad having written and shared all that.

Wow. Beautiful post, Danny.

I'm lucky enough to still have both my parents. And I have to say my mom is in many ways a different person than the stressed, irritable, temperamental (and, she has said), menopausal and occasionally depressed person she was when I was a kid.

In her defense, I was the youngest of 6; she had to be sick of the parenthood thing. When I was quite young, she went back to school (she'd quit college to marry my dad when she was 18), and all through my childhood and adolescence, she was in school. She was multi-tasking before there was multi-tasking!

She's more easy-going, she indulges her propensity to philosophize freely, and she doesn't hesitate to say what she's thinking. Ever!

When the era of active parenthood is over, a whole new relationship begins. I'm sorry that you didn't get to experience more of that with your mom; as your sister says, it's a hurt that doesn't go away. But it's also part of what drives the singular artist and archivist that you are.

I was fascinated by the letter that you posted, from your Mom to Bobby. For one thing, my Mom always used the term of endearment, "Doll", when addressing us kids or my Dad. I realize I haven't heard anyone say that in a long time and it brought me back to her voice; I can hear it so clearly.
Secondly, the description of being thrown in the moat--I did not detect a tone of enjoyment in that description-it sounds perfectly awful, but perhaps I am projecting? I hope you know better in this situation!
Thanks-I love these kinds of posts the best. Sending you a hug.

I think out of all the people I've ever read about on the web, your mother sticks out the most to me. She's so... striking.

And this is so much better than reading about George Bush. Crying for a GOOD reason is ALWAYS better.

Lovely. Just lovely.

When I looked at the photo of your young mother with the scarf tied on her head, I immediately saw your daughter.

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