“I Love Acting. It’s So Much More Real Than Life.”

I can relate to that Oscar Wilde quotation. Being someone with limited access to emotions, I’ve noted time and again how watching gifted actors performing beautifully written lines can provide just the access points I need to get in touch with my own feelings. It’s unfortunate that I’m unable to do this on my own, but I can’t tell you how many plays, movies, and even TV shows I’ve watched that have helped me shine a spotlight on certain hard-to-reach corners of my psyche. Sad, I know, but it explains why I have such great respect for talented actors, writers, and directors. “Please move me,” I beg of the creative community. “I can’t do it on my own!”

Leah got her first professional acting gig this week—the first time she’s working exclusively with adult actors. Our good friend (and actor extraordinaire), Tom McCleister, was slated to appear in a short play at the Odyssey Theatre this week and, having seen my daughter in several of her productions, suggested Leah when he heard they were looking for a kid. Leah met with the director last Friday, got the part, and started rehearsing on Monday for last night’s opening.

In November 2002, Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Suzan-Lori Parks started a project in which she wrote one play a day for a solid year. In November of last year, the largest collaboration in the history of American theatre began as theatres all over the country began producing a week’s worth of these plays at a time. We’re now in Week 22 so the seven plays that Leah is appearing in were written between April 9 and April 15, 2003. The cycle is called “365 Days/365 Plays.” Obviously the plays are extremely short, but it’s amazing how much emotional power Parks is able to pack into each piece. The entire performance lasts only half an hour but it is a riveting 30 minutes that will stay with you for a long time.

What a thrill to see Leah working with such talented people. Besides Tom and Leah, the cast includes Matthew Elkins, Rochelle Greenwood, Deidrie Henry, Ty Grand Jones, Michael Redfield, and Ann Bronston. If you haven’t heard of these folks yet, you will. I'm sure you've seen some of them in movies or on TV. The director of this week’s show is John Perrin Flynn who just finished an acclaimed run of the Craig Lucas play “Small Tragedy” at the Odyssey. I’ve rarely had the opportunity to watch the development of a play from the beginning so it was very exciting to witness the creative process at work and see Flynn and the actors come up with something so moving in so short a time. Leah held her own with the adults and wasn’t at all timid about sharing ideas and trying different approaches to her parts. Her performance was natural and understated. When I read the plays, I could barely follow what some of them were about—it was only after seeing this group work with the plays that I understood their power. If you want to see this brief but excellent piece, come to the Odyssey Theatre on Sunday night at 6:00 pm. Tickets are free. The play is being performed on the very cool set of a new version of "Romeo and Juliet" which takes place in Verona, California in 2007 and transposes the story of the Capulets and Montagues into a political battle between the Red States and Blue States.

There are two reasons why I could never be an actor. One: I have no talent. Two: I’d be devastated at the end of every project. Even though my only role in this play has been as a spectator watching the rehearsals and performances, I already feel like the group has bonded into a kind of family and it saddens me that it will soon be over and everyone will go their separate ways. I just don’t think I’d have the emotional stamina to have these intense creative experiences with different groups of people for such short periods of time and then watch the groups continually scatter to the winds. Happily, Leah lives in the NOW much better than I do. She enjoys whatever production she’s in while it’s happening, and then is able to move on with her life, while I become teary-eyed at the end of every run and grieve the loss of each group. What is wrong with me?

Is this the same dysfunction that causes my blog OCD? That uncomfortable feeling I get when too much time passes between posts? It’s been a week since I’ve written in here because I’ve been so busy with work and Leah’s rehearsals. While my absence hasn’t exactly caused rioting in the streets, it’s left me feeling increasingly out of sorts. Do I have an unhealthy dependence on this blog? Possibly, and not just mine. I also become very attached to the writers that I regularly read online. When bloggers write about how they’re feeling pressured to stoke the fires of their blogs and that they’re thinking of getting out of the game, they invariably receive comments from concerned readers telling them to take the time they need to regroup and to focus on their “real” lives. They should stop writing in their blogs the second it feels like a burden and never look back—their own mental health and their relationship to their loved ones always comes first. Like hell, I think. I never write such selfless comments. “You CAN’T stop writing in your blog!” I scream instead. “I don’t know what I’d do without it!” My abandonment issues shoot to the surface like a bad rash and I take every blog going dark as a personal tragedy. But I know that life is all about endings and new beginnings and being part of small and large groups that are constantly changing. I need to watch my actress daughter more closely and learn how to gracefully go with the flow without grieving every change and shift. At the moment, I don’t have a clue.

Comments

[Mindy]

You're addicted to writing your blog, and I'm addicted to reading it. Hmmmm...

[OldOldLady Of The Hills]

THis is such an interesting post Danny...First, don't beat yourself up about accessing your emotions through Music, Movies, etc...It has been ever thus for so very many people----ir is what makes us LOVE certain pieces of music and movies....Think of it this way...What if NO Movie or music put you in touch with your feelings---THAT would be terribly scary, I think. And BTW: At The Primal Institute, back in the early 70's they had Primal Night At The Movies....I have never heard such Group Wailing in my life and it was WONDERFUL! "Bambi"? Well....the floor was filled with writhing sobbing bodies...And thank God for that!

About your dear daughter and tghis fabulous experience of being a part of this incredible project: What a special experience for you both! Everything you say about being in a play and or working on a play in almost any capacity of a creative nature is so true! And the "bonding"...well,there is nothing like it! It is hard when it is over, but, it is so precious an experience that one savors the memories throughut your life....And, sometimes, life long friends are made from these intense, beautiful 'happenings'...I.E. Betty & Joyce V.P. for me, to name just two....How really sweet for Leah to be starting this wonderful process at such an early age...And to begin collecting such rich memories! How great for you, too, my dear...Savor every moment, Danny...

[Pearl]

You mention feeling "out of sorts" when the lapses between posts grows. I feel the same...about your writing and mine. I feel compelled to write, yet it must be something worthy I put down on the screen.

I kept a journal for years and it was the same problem; I became a slave to the journal; it didn't feel write if I didn't write something -- anything! -- each day in its pages.

I recently posted a question in my blog that was something like "What the hell was I doing before I began blogging?" Although my life was active and fulfilled, it somehow feels even more fulfilled now with my blog and with the blogs I read and some of the online friendships I've made. Yes, life would go on without blogging, but it would just not feel quite as right....

[tamarika]

Danny,
Wow, you must be so proud of Leah. What a fantastic and wonderful opportunity for her and you!

I have finally succumbed to the realization that I do not want to live without my blog. Even if I don't get to post every day, just knowing it is constantly there for me when I return, each and every time, enhances my life and gives me a kind of support I have long yearned for. For it connects me to all kinds of amazingly talented, creative, humorous, intelligent, and emotionally expressive people (like and including you!).

Ah, those bondings and endings. I know exactly what you mean. As a teacher, every year of my life for the past thirty years or so, I feel sorrow and longing for each group of children or students who move on after being with me all year long. It never gets any easier. And yet, I can't imagine living without those bitter-sweet, confusing feelings of becoming close and letting go time and time again. Somehow it deepens and fulfills me.

Thanks for another post that makes me think, and helps me reach into some emotional piece of my mind!

[V-Grrrl]

Congrats to Leah!

It's been interesting to me to see the ebb and flow of blogging. When I hit a dry patch with my writing, I often find it extends to my blog reading as well. There are days when I feel like I'm just shouting into the wind, and then times when I feel so inspired and motivated by my readers and all the great writers I encounter. It has all the ups and downs of a "real" relationship, which makes it real to me.