I always feel depressed after watching the Oscars. Why is that? They made a big deal last night that the Oscars went “green” this year and if I’m really honest I’d have to admit that whenever I watch the show, I go green too—with envy. Not envy for an Oscar exactly (although whenever I’ve had the opportunity to hold one of those statues, it practically had to be pried out of my cold, dead hands), but more an envy for the creative, collaborative process. I watch all those people dressed up in their Armani and Vera Wang and I think about how they are all working together to create art that enriches the soul and will live on long after they are gone. Of course, in many cases this is pure fantasy on my part, but watching these folks congratulate themselves always makes me speculate about how I can find more of that kind of passion in my own life and career. It’s not that I have a desire to work in the motion picture industry, I really don’t (with the possible exception of the folks who make those fantastic Oscar-nominated documentaries). But even if I had the dream and the talent, I’m sure I’d crack during my first meeting with a studio executive. “Danny, we love your screenplay about the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, but the studio feels that it’s too Jewish. We’d like you to de-emphasize the Jewish angle so that we can appeal to a broader demographic.” Ah, the dichotomy of my life—I long for artistic collaboration and a feeling that I am part of a creative community and at the same time I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.
I also hate what the Oscars turn me into. I spend a lot of time railing against the very concept of award shows and I avoid them like the plague, but come the Oscars and I am glued to the screen. But I don't have the temperament for it. Last year, before the Oscars, I went on and on about how great I thought Reese Witherspoon was in “Walk the Line” and how much she deserved the award even though I was convinced Felicity Huffman was going to get it for her performance in “Transamerica.” Then Witherspoon wins and I immediately turn on her, accusing her of “stealing” the award from the more deserving Huffman. The same thing happened this year. I commented how great I thought Alan Arkin was in “Little Miss Sunshine” but was sure that Eddie Murphy would win for his work in “Dreamgirls.” Arkin pulls off a surprise win, and I can’t enjoy it because I’m screaming for Eddie Murphy and feeling like some horrible injustice has occurred. Sigh. After Eddie Murphy lost, I become terrified that shoo-in Helen Mirren might not win and it was only after they called her name that I realized I’d been holding my breath in fear. At least Martin Scorsese finally won the damn thing, even though most people think it was more of a Lifetime Achievement Award. Let’s face it, he should have had about five or six of those babies by now. And how great that this year he got it right from the hands of his colleagues Spielberg, Lucas, and Coppola.
Then there are the obnoxious comments that come sailing out of my mouth throughout the show despite my abhorrence of such attitudes in “real life.” I despise Hollywood’s obsession with age and I frequently condemn its superficial view of beauty and sexuality, and yet there I am offering a running commentary that makes me sound like a cross between Howard Stern and Joan Rivers. I hear my constant babble about which presenters are knock-outs as well as my barbs about how some have let themselves go. Worse, I find myself fixated on the female presenters’ breasts, unable to restrain my opinions about whether they are too big, too small, or just right; pushed up too much, not pushed up enough, or tragically hidden. (“Come on, Penelope Cruz, what’s with the high-necked dress?” I say, despite my bitter condemnation of Chris Rock two years ago for his comments about the star’s physical attributes. Then I see a photo of Cruz today and realize her dress wasn't high-necked at all. Oy, I'm worse than I thought.) I make hideous comments about people’s ages (“How did James Taylor get that old?” “Whoa, what’s going on with Peter O’Toole’s teeth?”), their plastic surgery (“Nicole Kidman, what have you done to your face, girl, you’re only 40!”), or their talent (“Celine Dion, you clearly have an amazing voice—so how come I’d rather fight with the Japanese forces at Iwo Jima than listen to you sing?”). By the end of the broadcast, I want to commit myself to a residential facility for sensitivity training.
Despite my own Oscar-induced breakdown, I’d say it was an enjoyable but somewhat lackluster show. I’ve come to the conclusion that by their very nature, acceptance speeches are a bore, so let’s stop pretending otherwise, shall we? That’s why any actual emotion that leaks out is so thrilling, as well as the rare cases of witty lines perfectly delivered such as Maureen Stapleton’s “I want to thank everyone I’ve ever met in my life” or Dustin Hoffman thanking his parents for not practicing birth control. Actors are typically better at this than other winners, but before I propose legislation that outlaws acceptance speeches by anyone other than performers, I have to remember Holocaust survivor Gerda Weismann Klein who made everyone cry at the 1996 Oscars with her beautiful speech about valuing the everyday moments of life and the gifts of a “boring evening at home.”
Since I’m always so down on these awards shows, I’ll restrict my comments to the ten best things about last night’s telecast.
1. Ellen DeGeneres is real people.
I thought Ellen did a great job as host. Her gift for appearing comfortable and relaxed worked wonders on the nominees, the crowd, and the audience at home. True, sometimes her folksy approach made it seem like we were sitting around in her living room, not participating in a Big Hollywood Event, but I found that refreshing—there was still plenty of self-aggrandizing to go around. Ellen has that rare quality of being eminently likable without appearing desperate for our affections. We can all imagine her as our best friend and it seemed just as natural to see her chatting with a stagehand during her very funny Judi Dench bit (“she’s having ‘knee surgery’.…on her eyes!”) as it was watching her pass a script to Martin Scorsese or asking Steven Spielberg to take a picture of her with Clint Eastwood. The vacuuming bit was funny, but I wish they’d given her more to do during that last third of the show. It’s hard, I know, at that point you just want to get the damn show over with. I give Ellen top honors for her performance but I’m not sure she’ll be asked back. They might want someone with more of an “edge.”
2. Helen Mirren is a Queen, Meryl Streep a God.
Who is classier than Helen Mirren? She’s one of those people (like Judi Dench) who shines in every role she takes on, even when she’s appearing in total crap like the horrific “Caligula.” How great was it to see her finally get the accolades she deserves for her amazing performance in “The Queen?” Perfect, classy acceptance speech—just the right amount of humility. We get that she knows how talented she is, but she’s grateful for it, she doesn’t take it for granted. Mirren won me over even more during last night’s treacly Barbara Walters Special. Babs was asking one dumb question after another, but Mirren’s honesty and self-awareness was the perfect antidote. “Do you think the best is yet ahead, Helen?” Walters asked, a grave urgency to her voice. “No,” Mirren replied calmly, “I think this is it,” and then explained how she’s fine with that and looks forward to the next phases in her life, when she’s not receiving so much attention or praise. What is it with the American obsession of always having to one-up ourselves? We have to be better next time, get MORE fame, success, money, etc. How refreshing to hear someone acknowledge and accept the ebbs and flows of life and career with such dignity and grace.
Meryl Streep is our home-grown version of this. Streep must be well aware that she’s one of this country’s most gifted actresses but she has never lost her own humility or appreciation for others in her craft. I loved seeing her sitting in the audience gazing with unbridled affection at many of her colleagues. When Streep’s co-stars from “The Devil Wears Prada,” Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt, went up to present an award, you could see Meryl mouthing how gorgeous she thought both of them looked, as if she were their proud, excited mama. She then made their Prada-related comedy bit work beautifully with her icy reaction to the women forgetting to get her a cappuccino. Pardon my fawning, but Streep can do no wrong in my book. I hope she continues making movies well into her 90s and wins a shelf of Academy Awards to add to her collection. Was there ever a more deserving win than her Oscar for “Sophie’s Choice?”
3. They’re here, they’re queer, we got over it.
Remember in the late 1980s when the red-ribboned crowd at the Oscars first started acknowledging that same-sex couples exist in the entertainment community? Remember the shock the first time a winner thanked his “partner?” You could hear the gasps, even among the ultra-liberal Hollywood crowd. How refreshing is it that in 2007 it barely registers when winner Melissa Etheridge thanks her wife or that the sexual orientation of the host does not warrant a news story? I’m not saying there weren’t gay-hating viewers somewhere in America doing spit takes when Etheridge planted one on her gal pal's lips or when Ellen came out in her Willy Wonka velvet pantsuit, but as a society we’ve really come a long way, baby.
4. Halle Berry was right—who knew?
In a similar vein, as I said when I offered my Oscar predictions, while I was one of the judgmental viewers who criticized the self-important ravings of Halle Berry in her 2002 acceptance speech, it turned out she was right. I now believe her win did open the door for other actors to win the big awards without such a Big Hoopla made over their color. Not that such things should be ignored in the guise of some notion that “we are all the same,” because we’re NOT, we each bring our own experience and background to the table, but it was great to see so many of the awards go to people of color without the need for all the yammering about ground-breaking history being made. Have we finally reached the point where it’s about the work? Thank God! Or should I say ¡Gracias a Dios! The many wins by Latinos may signal a welcomed new appreciation for the films and filmmakers of the Spanish-speaking world.
5. The funny guys can sing!
The number about well known comedians not getting Oscar recognition was funny and perfectly executed by Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly. Who knew those guys could sing so well? The only problem with their thesis is that this group is so gifted that I won’t be in the least bit surprised if all of them eventually do cross over to Oscar territory and start picking up awards. Eddie Murphy did it (almost) and crazy man Bill Murray is now taken quite seriously as an actor.
6. The Academy orchestra develops a heart.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. My prayers were finally answered regarding the inhuman practice of blasting winners off the stage the minute they start their speeches for fear that they’ll run on too long. Oh, they still got a musical cue that told them in no uncertain terms to wrap it up, but it was a gentle piano tinkling rather than last year’s brass band cacophony that cut everyone off in mid-sentence. There were still some icky moments when someone in a multiple win went for the microphone only to find the previous speaker had used up all the time, but this was the first Oscar broadcast in recent memory that treated the winners with a modicum of respect.
7. Ennio Morricone is alive and well.
Watching the scary expression on Ennio Morricone’s face during his tribute, I first worried that the brilliant composer was having a stroke in his box, possibly caused by the pattern in the smoking jacket Quincy Jones was wearing. But Morricone’s stony expression softened when he came down to the stage and offered his heartfelt thanks in his native Italian. His music truly changed the movies and the award was well deserved. But are we to believe that Clint Eastwood speaks fluent Italian and was translating Morricone’s comments off the top of his head? Was he being fed the English lines through an earpiece? Either way, the speech brought home the point that it’s never about the words so much as the emotion behind them—I was crying listening to Morricone’s speech even before I knew what he was saying. I was less impressed listening to Sherry Lansing but I guess she can’t help it that she’s a lousy public speaker. I’m sure the work she’s doing is incredibly helpful to the world and I should be shot for saying this, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that the award was being given a bit too soon in her life (even she implied as much) and that it was partly an attempt by some of the sycophantic Academy members to kiss her powerful ass.
8. “We’re your Dreamgirls, boys, we’ll make you happy.”
I still feel “Dreamgirls” was gypped out of Oscar nominations for Best Picture and Best Director by the humorless Academy voters, but this number by Jennifer Hudson, Beyoncé Knowles, and Anika Noni Rose was hot, hot, hot. I still can’t believe Beyoncé’s killer rendition of “Listen” didn’t get the Oscar but I did think Melissa Etheridge’s song was quite good (unlike the painfully boring “Cars” tune written by Randy Newman and sung by James Taylor). I can’t imagine how nerve-wracking it must be to perform live in front of a billion people but the Dreamgirls team blew the roof off the place even though I resented that they had to turn their three song nominees into a medley rather than sing the full versions. I apologize again for every snide remark I made about Beyoncé following the 2005 Academy Awards and I remain in awe of Jennifer Hudson’s exquisite pipes. I’d rather hear Hudson sing a funeral dirge at my own execution than hear Celine Dion celebrate me in song at my coronation as King of the World. And I hope Beyoncé gets to sink her teeth into a meaty role that will land her on the stage of the Kodak to collect her own award some day. I’m sorry that Eddie Murphy didn’t join the women on stage, it would have been a great opportunity to show people how great he was in that role.
9. Debbie Allen is a no-show.
I’m sure Debbie Allen is an extremely talented choreographer and performer but one of the best decisions the Motion Picture Academy made in the new millennium was to toss out those ghastly Oscar production numbers of yore. Kudos to the folks who put together this year’s understated presentations. The montages of movie clips were excellent, the sound effects choir was fascinating, and the weird Pilobolus body formations were awe-inspiring, even though it took me until the show was half over to get that they were performing body sculptures representing each of the Best Picture nominees (I’m a little slow). The nominated songs were also staged in a delightfully simple way, with none of the crazy set pieces from last year such as the infamous burning car.
10. George W. Bush did not win an Oscar.
It’s almost too painful to see Al Gore on stage and speculate about what our world would be like had he been allowed to assume the Presidency that was rightfully his. Ironic that someone who was constantly criticized for being too “wooden” during the 2000 race has become so skilled and at-ease in public that he seemed far more comfortable than Leo DiCaprio during their bit. Gore’s message is a critically important one, of course, and he deserved the accolades he received last night every bit as much as he deserved the key to the front door of the White House. But maybe it’s all part of some Divine Plan and he’ll take up the mantle of the would-be President who has the most important and wide-reaching post-political impact (especially now that so many people have turned on Jimmy Carter). It’s easy to make fun of the so-called Hollywood green crowd, especially those that then pull their gas-guzzling Hummers out of the Hollywood & Highland parking lot, but the awareness that Al Gore has brought to environmental issues can’t be underestimated even if watching “An Inconvenient Truth” did make me want to hurl myself into an active volcano.
And so ends my 2007 Oscar recap. Still reading? Then can I say how great I think Diane Keaton is (as great as her pal Jack Nicholson is weird) and how much she deserves way better roles than the awful ones she’s been getting now that she’s reached an age Hollywood considers about one decade past death? Actually, Diane Keaton and Helen Mirren are exactly the same age so I have renewed hopes for Keaton’s job prospects. I also want to give kudos to Jodie Foster for the best intro to the ever-popular “who died this year” sequence even though Kendall and I can never get through that montage without thinking about the unforgivable omission of Dorothy McGuire from the 2002 list. Loved the pairing of young Abigail Breslin with Jaden Smith (especially when we got to see the beaming faces of his parents Will and Jada). Okay, STOP, the 24-hour window of being allowed to talk about the Oscars is quickly closing. But wait—I didn’t comment yet on the shock of “The Departed” winning Best Picture or the cool presentation of the costume nominees (even though seeing four Queen Elizabeths was a little scary) or Forest Whitaker’s moving speech or the ugly set that looked like a high school basketball court or how happy I was that the German movie I recently raved about won or…OK, OK, I’ll stop! Can someone please hire Oscar winner Thelma Schoonmaker to edit my unwieldy blog posts?
No way does Clint speak Italian. I don't, but even I could recognize some things in the speech that didn't even come close to what Clint "translated." Which means ... either the guy decided to say whatever the hell he felt like (instead of what he said he would say earlier) or Clint really should have worn his glasses.
Posted by: Becky | February 26, 2007 at 05:12 PM
Danny, between this and Amba's report, I feel I was there even though I missed watching it on tv. Thanks for your amusing, observant and self-aware observations, better than most of those self-obsessed stars.
Posted by: Natalie | February 26, 2007 at 06:26 PM
Great commentary, Danny - I agreed with you on so many of these points - I, too have the weird push/pull of being slightly sickened by the enormous ego of this industry and completely swept away by the tide anyway - yes, the creative excitement is very heady and one of my favorite things? The "writing" montage of all the writers in films - great stuff..
Posted by: Wendy | February 26, 2007 at 06:46 PM
Danny, Danny, Danny. You're the best -- and your commentary makes my Top 10 List of how to get over not being able to see the Oscars live here in the UK (that is, unless you're hooked up to some godawful cable collective that we'd only use -- you guessed it -- once a year, around NOW). Anyway, your detailed "preview" will tide me over until John finds a decent download of the show. Last year it took a week, but it was worth it: no commercials to sit through, and we could fast-forward past the uber-absurdities.
PS: A few comments: Why does Jack look like Tweety Bird? Love seeing Diane Keaton in an open-necked gown for a change. Meryl Streep has looked better, but her black Prada gown was part of the joke. I still think Halle Berry's acceptance speech is right down there with Gwyneth Paltrow's as two of the most cringe-inducing moments in the history of live television. Thankfully, it seems we're finally beyond colour-coding the nominees and winners; the world is moving ahead in one direction, at least!
Posted by: Donna | February 27, 2007 at 04:09 AM
Thanks again for a great post, Danny. I adore Ellen DeGeneres, but I think that her performance as M.C. fell a bit short of my expectations. Yes, and there was that Willy Wonka velvet pantsuit...
You're on target about everything else, Danny, and I love the way you wrote about your ambivalence about the winners and losers (eg. Witherspoon and Huffman last year.)
Posted by: Elisabeth | February 27, 2007 at 06:33 AM
That was great. I have that insensitivity problem, too. I am a feminist, yet make remarks about all the women's appearances, etc. I agree on a lot of your top 10. Loved Ellen, loved that being gay is not even an issue anymore in this broadcast, think Jack Nicholson is a super-freak, etc.
Posted by: Rhea | February 27, 2007 at 07:25 AM
Loved the Oscar's commentary. I even posted a section of it on my own Blog.
http://dividedlives.blogspot.com/2007/02/oscars-oh-my.html
Posted by: Dr. C | February 27, 2007 at 07:49 AM
Loved this posting. I too find the oscars repellent and yet I'm glued to the screen. As I read I couldn't help but remember speeches and moments from past shows so I guess I've been this way for a while--since the 70s!?!
You are right about Thelma Schoonmaker's grace under pressure. I wish I had one tenth her poise!
Posted by: Julie Voss | February 27, 2007 at 09:27 AM
I loved your positive post. I have to admit that I pressed the mute button the whole time Celine Dion sang. Snark. Snark.
Posted by: Churlita | February 27, 2007 at 11:01 AM
BTW, Danny, have you noted that those two successful, confident and charismatic actors hoisting their Oscars in the top picture are TOTALLY BALD?
Posted by: Donna | February 27, 2007 at 11:30 AM
Great post.
I'm gonna have more bad dreams about Jack Nicholson, now that he's shaved his head.
Posted by: david | February 27, 2007 at 12:02 PM
Danny,
Here's where I totally 100% agree with you and was applauding within to read you write it:
Celine Dion - oy!!, Meryl Streep - a God, Halle was right - how far we've come, "we got over it" (at least, at the Oscars), Al Gore, funny guys can sing, Mirren with Walters. And I'm sure there's more. I adored how your "speech" went on and on and no piano tinkling could get you to stop.
Fabulous post. Thanks so much!
Posted by: tamarika | February 28, 2007 at 03:41 AM
Oy, Tamar, that's it—I think you hit on why the musical bum's rush given to Oscar winners makes me so crazy—I HATE being told to shut up! And yet my blog would probably benefit from the Academy orchestra cueing me to wrap it up!
Posted by: Danny | February 28, 2007 at 05:07 AM
I really enjoyed the visual picture of you talking to the TV, snarking and then feeling guilty and then snarking some more. Of course I would NEVER do that. ; )
Posted by: V-Grrrl | February 28, 2007 at 09:56 AM
Danny:
I saw a bit of the Oscar show. Having only seen 'Cars,' I felt no need to watch the whole thing.
But my main reaction to what I did see was how much I love Ellen DeGeneres. Her nerdy persona was the perfect counterpoint to the glitz and inflated self-importance that so often characterizes Oscar night.
Yet her humor is so gently rendered that it avoids the nastiness that sometimes passes for satire these days. (Just today in fact, I wrote about the lack of genuine satire and the need of it: http://markdaniels.blogspot.com/2007/02/is-stephen-colbert-funny.html
Mark
Posted by: Mark Daniels | February 28, 2007 at 10:23 AM
OY! I was writing a whole long thing and it got eaten up somehow---Something I did no doubt....Well, I will try again.
I hesitated coming to read your "take" because I still have Part 3 of my own take to finish...(LOL)..But I am glad I did...I love reading your thoughts and feelings about all this.
I am so very glad you have have revised your opinion of Halle Berry's speech. For me it was one of the most moving and truthful Oscar speeches, ever! You and I, as white people, will never know the pain and indignities that people of color have had to endure on a daily basis...sometimes hourly---and STILL have to endure. RE: Michael Richards. So to hear someone say the things she did which came from the deepest part of her heart and soul, I applauded her, and still do. Give me honesty from the heart, every time! It was important what she said and the truth, too wether people want to hear it or not. This was her moment, and more doors were indeed opened.
I won't say anymore, my dear, except to say come on back to my blog on Friday...I hope to have Part 3 posted....(Did you think you felt as much as you did about it? It stirs one, doesn't it, if you love love love the movies the way we do.
I hope you and Kendall are both well, and that one of these days, I will see your sweet faces.
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | February 28, 2007 at 12:38 PM
Omigod this post made me laugh so hard I peed my pants and had
to put on new pants, I'm not even kidding. The part about how you'd prefer Jennifer Hudson singing a dirge at your funeral to
you know who doing... well, you know. Can't take it. Thanks Danny!
Posted by: sheba | February 28, 2007 at 09:30 PM
I was just glad that Joan Rivers and her daughter were nowhere in sight. I thought Ellen was hilarious...I am reminded of years ago when there was a horrible opening number with Rob Lowe dancing and singing some cheesy dealio...it was quite, well, horrid. I just looked it up because I wasn't sure about it and found this...scroll down to read the blurb on the performance, it is hilarious http://imdb.com/title/tt0353140/
And my last comment, Meryl Streep...she used to shop at a store in Pacific Palisades that I worked in in highschool and she was the most beautiful, gracious, lovely celebrity I have ever come across. She really shines.
Posted by: steppingoverthejunk | March 03, 2007 at 06:27 PM
I am so happy you commented on the whole "Oscar" curse. Curse that we want so badly to have an Oscar of our own, and yet, want that very trophy, perhaps, on our own terms. As a child I, like many I'm sure, dreamed of walking that stage and thanking all those who helped me achieve greatness.
And Meryl Streep! I have been lucky enough to meet and interact with my fare share of celebrities, but I honeslty have to say, if I were allowed just five minutes with La Streep, I'm sure they'd call the cops because I would fawn so much that she would think me a stalker. She is the greatest actress the world has seen in some time, and she is so natural about it that it makes me love her even more.
I will say, however, that as unfair as this may be, I still hold a grudge against Dame Dench. Her win for Shakespear In Love over Lynn Redgraves performance in God's And Monsters is something I still can't reconcile.
Anyway, a late entry to the comments section of this post, but as always, a great post!!
Posted by: Dave | March 07, 2007 at 09:08 PM