Reunion

When I mentioned my 30th high school reunion in my previous post I was surprised to read the following comment from Pearl:

“So nice that you have felt that bond with your school all these years, enough to go back, again and again.”

Bond with my school? But I hated high school! I’ve practically made a career out of dissing the Chicago Public School system and my four years at Von Steuben Senior High on the north side of Chicago. And yet Pearl was right, I keep returning to these reunions. What am I looking for? I know that it was my dissatisfaction with our 20th reunion that made me actively participate in the planning for the 30th. Working with three former classmates, we agreed that it needed to be a casual event inside our urban high school rather than a formal affair at some hotel in suburban Chicago that had absolutely nothing to do with our class.

When we were trying to locate people during the planning of the reunion some of our old classmates were adamant. “PLEASE take me off the reunion list, I am not interested and do not want to be contacted by anyone.” Others agreed to come but it was with the reluctance and trepidation of someone invited to an execution. Still others could hardly contain their excitement and said how much they looked forward to the event.

The reunion took place last weekend in our old cafeteria and it was, as far as I’m concerned, a resounding success. Writing about the planning of the reunion last August, I began to figure out why my mostly negative memories of high school didn’t turn me into one of those people demanding to be taken off the mailing list. I now believe that my cynicism was a protective device that helped me maneuver through the social minefield of adolescence as well as the acute numbing that I adopted following my parents’ painful divorce in the early 1970s. It was too risky for me to feel anything back then so I retreated into a cocoon of contempt and indifference where my only victory was the extent to which I could extricate myself from the realities of daily life and float above it all with an air of superiority and carefully studied insouciance.

I was hardly the rebel I pretended to be. I never got into any serious trouble and I maintained my straight-A average throughout four years of high school. It’s only now, with my own child on the precipice of her teenage years, that I can look back at my attitude during high school with compassion and sadness rather than as some kind of act of defiance I should be proud of. I deeply regret many of the experiences I missed by building such an impenetrable wall around myself. Planning and attending my 30th reunion was something of a healing process for me, one that wouldn’t have been possible 10 or 20 years ago. But thanks to age and therapy I can now look back at that scared kid with empathy and understanding and see my old classmates with eyes that do not dart away the second any contact is made.

I was surprised to discover at the reunion that several people I had rarely, if ever, spoken to in high school had seen my blog posts about my high school years. The Anderson twins confronted me about my charge in one post that the award for “Friendliest” student that Carol won senior year was undeserved. Gulp. It’s clear that it was my own attitude back then that prevented me from experiencing that friendliness since I was convinced that Carol and her sister Cathy were too popular to give me the time of day. At the reunion I was struck by how sincere and friendly both of them seemed. Is it too late to change my vote?

Alan Spector (voted Best Personality) told me that he was surprised to learn how miserable I was during high school because I didn’t seem that way to him. That’s probably because he really did have a great personality and I was always more at ease in his presence. Isn’t it funny how much our own attitudes color our experience of other people, and their experience of us?

I remember that line in “The Breakfast Club” when geeky outcast Ally Sheedy asks perfect popular girl Molly Ringwald why she’s being so nice to her. Molly looks at her for a moment and then replies, “Because you’re letting me.” It’s easy to play the victim in high school but if I’m really honest I’d have to admit that the people I most accused of dismissing me were the very ones I had already dismissed out of my own insecurities.

It was fun catching up with all sorts of people at the reunion, old friends that I haven’t seen in ages and people I never would have dared speak to when we were young. It took me 30 years to work up the courage to talk to Lajuan Amos, the classmate I always tried to stand next to in every class picture. She was amused to hear of my longlasting crush and I was thrilled that her fabulousness withstood the test of time. Lajuan was as glamorous as ever and still had the air of a superstar.

A few of our old teachers attended the reunion including Mr. Daniels whose filmmaking class so energized me that I was able to rise above my trademark apathy. That one class did more to change the course of my life than any other experience I had in high school. It was nice to be able to tell him what an impact he had on me all those years ago. Mr. Daniels didn’t stay very long but he was surrounded by hordes of former students. I was amazed that he remembered the exact content of everyone’s films even though he hadn’t seen most of us since Gerald Ford was President.

Of course we all played the favorite game at reunions the world over: “Who Got Fat?” Ah, finally a high school award that I could win! Truth be told, it was a shock to see how certain people had changed after so many years but in most cases the shock wore off after a few seconds. As a generalized comment I’d have to say that the women in our class weathered the years better than some of the guys but hey, we do the best we can. I was stunned to learn how many long-term marriages there were in our group including several high school couples who were still together three decades later. I guess my classmates never got the memo about our generation’s out-of-control divorce rates since more than half of them have been married for well over 20 years. We also had several grandparents in our ranks. Oy.

It was a largely professional group, lots of doctors, lawyers, nurses, and teachers and not so many people involved in the arts. Can I blame that on our old art teacher, Ms. Lignell, who used to grab my paintbrush and say, “no, this is how you’re supposed to do it” as she painted over my work? Several women listed their occupations as “stay-at-home moms” or “homemakers” without any of the self-consciousness that might have accompanied such a designation 10 or 20 years ago. Politically, we were all over the map, from the classmate who moved to another country after Bush was re-elected to the people who were thrilled that their sons were off “fighting for freedom” in Iraq.

Since I’m posting all these pictures of my former classmates without their permission I think it’s only fair to include one of my own aging process. Here’s me and my old crush Debbie Shub in a yearbook photo from algebra class and at the reunion last week. Debbie, now the mother of two grown daughters, looked great but I’ve obviously lost my luscious locks and replaced them with about 50 new pounds. Oh well, as one comedian put it, “Time marches on…and it’s marching over my face!”

I put together a souvenir booklet for the event in which I included the results to some offbeat questions we sent out to participants. In the category of “most memorable odor,” the winner by a landslide was the Von Steuben swimming pool which some said rivaled the contents of a toxic waste dump. In truth the pool was so loaded with chlorine that I’m sure no bacteria within a 12-mile radius could have survived. I’m surprised our skin didn’t look like Karen Silkwood’s following her scrubdowns for plutonium contamination at Kerr-McGee. Locker room odors came in second and consisted of, as one person put it, “a symphony of smells which were well orchestrated and played to a higher sensory level than I ever hope to experience again.” A bunch of people made reference to the aroma of marijuana wafting through the hallways and bathrooms at Von Steuben. Further discussion at the reunion revealed an inordinate amount of drug use at the school back then, even people snorting cocaine behind their books in the middle of math class! I was completely oblivious, of course.

In the category of clothes you wore in high school that make you cringe today, the winner was those insane elephant bellbottoms that often “dragged on the ground and became filthy, torn, and frozen.” Platform shoes were next (“I can still feel the pain I felt standing in them throughout a Marvin Gaye concert”) and several people mentioned our classmate Cleo’s famous pair of silver platform shoes and one pair that allegedly contained live goldfish in the soles. Only the black guys could get away with wearing platform shoes but us white boys committed our own fashion crimes with our plaid pants and hideous polyester Nik-Nik shirts that made us look like dancers in a Donna Summers’ disco extravaganza.

When we started planning this reunion I kept saying, “Let’s do this right because it’s obviously the last one we’re ever going to have.” Now I’m not so sure. I’m ready to start the planning for our 40th in 2016.

Comments

[Deborah]

I love the before and now pics! Glad that you had such a positive experience :) I think I'll still skip mine and live vicariously through yours! Cheers, JP

[Pearl]

Danny, I never would have guessed that my comment would help jump-start a post.

Thirty years is a long time; to help organize reunions and to keep an avid interest in one's classmates and teachers is very special.

I hope you do plan the 40th, 50th and beyond, and you keep having that interest in your academic roots.

Just make sure to include more of those before and after pics that are so great!

And ewwww, elephant pants! I had those. Ghastly. What was I thinking?

[Rhea]

I, too, enjoyed the photos here. I recall going, with much trepidation, to my 10th- or 15th-year high school reunion (can't remember which). I traveled down from Boston to New Jersey and joined a friend of mine who had been equally a misfit. I had never been in the 'in' crowd and I wasn't sure what to expect. That night, I was unexpectedly moved by how the late bloomers, who weren't doing so well in high school, had really come into their own. That is the strongest memory I took with me. It made it truly worthwhile.

[Heidi]

I was on the committee for my 20th last year. I had a great time getting to know people I'd never crossed paths with in my class of 400. And we had a few grandparents in our class, too. Some through step relationships, some not. And we also had a classmate pregnant for the first time.

Thanks for the ideas for better Memory Questions. Our class president needs some fresh ideas in that regard.

Top notch Then and Now photos - thanks for posting them. I enjoy seeing how people change and don't change.

[OldOldLady Of The Hills]

These Reunion things can go so very many different ways, depending on where you are in your life at the time they are happening....I'm so glad you felt yours was a huge success Danny...! And I love seeing the pictures of "Back Then" and "Now"...My own experience to the only Reunion I went to...my 40th...was that they women seemed to be in better shape than the men...Somehow most of the women seemed to age more---shall we say----gracefully...!
From your pictures it kind of looks like that is the case, too...When you see everybody at the 40th be sure to take pictures then, too! LOL!

[Elaine Soloway]

Loved this post, Danny, and the fact that you and I were able to connect during your reunion weekend. I recently attended my 50th (Class of 1956) at Roosevelt High School in Chicago -- Von's rival. I had a similar experience as yours: it was great fun to see everyone (thank goodness for the before pictures we wore on lavalieres around our neck, as 50 years really does change one's appearance). And thanks to a generous committee member, everyone on the reunion list had heard about my memoir. So, I was enjoying my 15 minutes. As you learned, sometimes it's good to go back and view our past through a different lens. A more compassionate and honest one.
Much love,

[tamarika]

The before and after pictures are fabulous. I wish I had schlepped you with me to my Habonim Reunion last year - to create these pictures for us. What a riot! The physical transformation with these things is just mind blasting for me. Am still reeling from mine!

[Mindy]

Insightful comment about your art teacher. Our art teacher, Clayton Starky Williams, would simply look at our paintings and say, "This area in here is highly suspect," and leave us to do as we pleased. Many of his students went on to earn art degrees at Otis, Parsons, and the Art Center School of Design and have very successful careers in the arts. Thirty years have gone by, and he's become a dear friend, that's the kind of art teacher he was. I'm going to share your comment with him. It's sure to "provoke an inner chortle", another one of his famous comments.

[Donna Anton]

Great post, Danny -- wonderful to relive last Saturday night with your side-by-side shots. (My 'before' picture is a PSA to parents of teenage girls everywhere to deep-six the eyebrow tweezers.)

Alas, I never even saw LaJuan -- but glad you did. :-) And thanks to your help and everyone else's on the committee it appears that EVERYONE had a grand time, including the old teachers who showed up. (It is gratifying -- and humbling -- when they remember you after 30+ years.) Even so, we often said that even if no one else showed up, we'd still have fun. In the end, at least 196 schoolmates took us up on our reunion idea -- a real rush!

Your fans should know that your lasting contribution is our souvenir booklet -- which you designed and edited with the same verve and enthusiasm you give to your blog. Your tribute to our late friend and classmate Julie Rotter was particularly touching and appropriate. Bravo!

[Linda Freedman (therapydoc)]

What a find, this blog. Okay, I didn't read every word, but it did choke me up more than a little, relating to 4 years of self-imposed isolation. Thank G-d for adulthood.

Having deftly avoided ALL of my reunions, I took a chance when the class had a 50th birthday party in 2002 (we were all 50) just before Yom Kippor. I thought, wow, what a great time to revisit and see if anyone I had grown up with was remotely interested in getting beyond High Holiday attendance.

No.

It'll take a lot of coaching for me to go back again. But we'll see.

[Charlie Bambulas]

gosh this blog thing of so many old friends before and afters made me feel closer to home more than i ever had in 30 years. when i heard of this reunion i was as excited as ever to go and couldnt wait everyday i would check my e-mails and try to get updates about it .a couple of days before ,my father passed away and i wasnt able to attend and i feel like i just missed out of so much glad everyone had a blast and please plan more how about a31st or 32nd why wait till 40 everyone out there write ([email protected]) take care for now.....charlie bambulas

[Liza]

I attended my 20th high school reunion this summer, arranging our annual visit to the US to coincide with the reunion. I had my doubts about going (even though I'd flown 7000 miles to do so!), but was so glad that I did. It was fascinating to see how people turned out, and really interesting to watch the way people interacted and with whom. Thanks for sharing!

[Melinda]

Danny:

Thanks for posting pictures from my high school yearbook. Okay, not really mine, but it could be.

If the teens of 1976 had been visited by some emissary of the future and shown the 2006 pictures of themselves, they would have said, "Omigod, it's my parents!"

And if that same emissary from the future had visited my drama-queen self back in high school and told me that some of those kids with an "air of superiority and carefully studied insouciance" were trying to coccoon themselves from realities at least as bad as mine, I'll bet I would have felt a lot less insecure around them.

[Susan]

Danny,
I enjoyed working with you on the committee. Thanks for everything.
The reunion was successful because our classmates made the effort to come. From those crazy high school years of ours, there was some pull that was strong enough to draw people back - a person, a memory, a place, a time. Hats off to those who came!
If we would have a dollar for every smile we saw that night we would be rich. But in reality, we are rich because of the smiles shared.

[Neil]

I think I may be entering some sort of male menopause period because this post made me cry, but in a good way. I have never gone to any reunion... and I enjoyed school.

[Vicki Forman]

Oh that was just great. Thank you!

[Shari]

I'm dying to know who was snorting cocaine behind their math book...obviously we were talking to different people during the event. I will say that I was struck by all the joy, laughter and excitement in the room, that lasted all evening.

[Arlene Silverman]

I am still thinking of how fun the reunion was and how great it was to see everyone that was there. It really was a fun night filled with wonderful memories!!

[Judah]

I enjoyed reading about your 30th--I went to mine last year. It was strange to see how everyone (else) had become middle-aged! I also enjoyed your piece on singing Xmas carols in your mostly-Jewish school. I grew up in similar schools outside of Cleveland, and we sang Xmas songs too!

[Wendi Goodman]

I really wish I had been able to attend. You don't know how much I missed being there. Damn these knees of mine. Hopefully by the time the 40th rolls around I will have a new knee ... or at least be between surgery's!

[mark peeples]

I hate I missed the reunion it would have been nice to see everyone love to hear from some of my classmates [email protected]

[Len]

Danny.... I grew up in Albany Park, but moved to the suburbs before I started high school. I would have been in the VSH class of '75.

Any info on any of that class today ?

I went to Hibbard school and upper grade center (7th & 8th)at Von.

Thanks,

Len

[Alex Kabak]

Have never been to any of the reunions. I guess I just never saw the point. My life just went in an other direction from that point. IF there is another and am notified of it I may go. Just out of curiosity. Hope all are well as can be expected at this point in our lives.

[Alex Kabak]

P.S. to the above posting:
E mail is [email protected]

[Rebekah]

Sounds like you had lots of fun at your reunion. The "Then and Now" pics were a neat idea. Congrats on finally mustering up the courage to talk to LaJuan! :)

[SHAWN ANDERSON]

I have always enjoyed the reunions and your postings are a favorite also. I reconnected with some long lost friends & will be eternally grateful for that. Like we never lost touch. Sonia Caceras, Marilyn Kohen and I talk all the time and we do our best to keep everyone connected. Greg Wooten, Debbie Relaz, Les Bograd, Chris Fabino, Steve Ditter, Kim Tate, Bill Tong, Laura Nanos, Jeff Relaz, Dave Marcus thanks for coming back into my life, it has been a wonderful year, and if I left anyone out, it's not intentional & I would like to see that list continue to grow!!!! Thanks again Danny for all you do to keep us linked knowing how you have felt about the past and that you feel better about it all now. To all that did not make the 30th reunion, hope to see you at the 40th or at any gathering before.

This Friday the 9th, some of us are going to Gamblers at 4908 N. Pulaski in Chicago if anyone wants to go. Hope to see ya there.

Shawn

[email protected]

[SHAWN ANDERSON]

Another get together Saturday, February 2nd 8pm at Rivals on Dempster in Morton Grove. Used to be Champs......would be nice to see everyone.

[dewi]

it's amazing