Here is a photo of my insanely young parents holding their first born, my brother Bruce. My father is 22 years old and my mother is 20. The picture was taken by my grandfather and I am stunned to realize that as he is standing behind that Kodak Brownie Camera in 1954 he is exactly the age I am now. Oy.
This is the first Father’s Day I’ve spent in Chicago since I moved away twenty years ago this week. We’re here for two weeks which is the longest I’ve ever been back. Much has changed in this city and in me during the past two decades and yet being in these surroundings it’s all too easy for me to regress back to childhood patterns and neuroses.
We’ve been going through a treasure trove of family memorabilia that my sister recently uncovered, priceless stuff we didn’t even know existed. Box after box of slides, photographs, journals, and school papers that are helping me fill in some of the missing chunks of my past. I'm finding it a challenge to reconcile my current version of my childhood with what I see on these yellowing documents and decaying images. I can’t wait to get my hands on a scanner. (Be afraid...be very afraid.)
In the meantime, it’s nice to spend Father’s Day with my dad. He’s had 52 Father’s Days since that photograph above was taken and deserves all the accolades that will be bestowed on him today.
My dad never knew his own father and had virtually no decent male role models growing up except his older brother Willie who was like a father to him after their mother was institutionalized. My father grew up very poor and started working like a dog at a young age. Even though he often worked out of our home, he was always busy trying to support his family. If we went on a family outing to downtown Chicago or to a movie or to the zoo, my father would drive us there and pick us up, but he rarely was able to join us. It was a sacrifice he now regrets and he still brings up an essay I once wrote that began "All I remember of my father when I was growing up is the back of his head," a reference to his role as family chauffeur. But despite his guilt, I can say that it would be impossible to find a more loving, compassionate, caring father or grandfather on the planet. All the more amazing when you think of his own childhood that was so full of pain and trauma. The photo above shows my dad this week with my first born. Even though Leah has spent all of her life in southern California, she announced on the plane that when she goes to any other city she feels like a tourist but when we come to Chicago she feels like a true native.
More to come from this great city…
HAPPY FATHERS DEAR, DEAR DANNY, To You and to your Daddy! Hope you have a lovely two weeks there in 'The Windy City'....!
I mentioned Kendall's Mom & Dad in my post today...you might tell her to take a look....!
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | June 18, 2006 at 12:37 PM
Danny, I think it's very special that you are able to understand and come to terms with how your father parented...that he did the best he could with where he came from. And that you can love and appreciate him now, while he's alive...that is wonderful.
Posted by: cruisin-mom | June 18, 2006 at 01:36 PM
Happy Father's Day Danny! And Danny's Dad! I wish I'd had roll models like you. :)
Love is a weird thing, but it is very evident when I read your blog, that I wish I had what you had. If that makes any sense.
Posted by: Shannon | June 18, 2006 at 08:23 PM
OOh - a day late! But I wish you all a belated good day. Danny, please send your father my best wishes, if you know what I mean.
Hugs to all your dear family.
Posted by: tamarika | June 19, 2006 at 01:39 PM
I hope you dont get histoplasmosis.
Posted by: Dr Judy | June 20, 2006 at 07:40 PM
Hey to all the Miller's, Roberts' & Tweedy's! I know they are thrilled to have you in Chicago. Hope y'all had a great Father's day and the rest of your time there is just as wonderful! Give PM a hug for me!
xo che
Posted by: cherie | June 21, 2006 at 07:26 AM
Danny, all of Chicago brightened when you, Kendall, and Leah came to town. Well, at least we did. I've met your sweet dad several times. He and your mom sure did a great job with their kids, and I'm glad you were able to share Father's Day with him.
Posted by: Elaine Soloway | June 22, 2006 at 01:33 PM
I think it's sweet that Leah feels like a Chicago native...Maybe someday she'll come here to study theatre. (We do, after all, have the best theatre scene in the country!)
Posted by: Rosie | July 31, 2006 at 11:07 AM
Hi Danny,
Although I just recently got to know your father and meet many of the other Miller family, I just wanted to let you know how special all of you are. Your postings add another dimension to what I already have discovered. You have a very loving and close family, and I admire each one of you.
Ellen
Posted by: Ellen Kahn | September 13, 2013 at 10:53 AM