I’m jealous…of myself. No, not the Danny Miller that I’ve been living inside for the past 46 years, I’m jealous of the Danny Miller I’ve met through my blog. As I’ve watched him develop over the last 10 months, I’ve wished I could be more like him. We actually share a lot of interests. We both love old movies and old houses and TV shows from the 1970s. We’re both obsessed with Jews and Anne Frank and Henry VIII and Paris and fountain pens.
We look sort of alike but Blog Danny is slightly taller, in better shape, and has a little more hair. He would never post a photo as terrifying and hideous as the one above, but if he did, he wouldn’t be neurotic about it since he is very accepting of himself and the natural aging process. Blog Danny doesn’t have high blood pressure or high cholesterol and he already eats the kind of healthy nutritious diet that I’m trying to migrate to. Maybe I can call him for some tips. I sure admire the way he works out every day without complaint and seems to balance all the parts of his life so well.
Blog Danny is also married to a woman named Kendall (coincidence?). While they occasionally spar in very humorous, witty ways (think Nick and Nora), they never have the kind of raging, ugly fight that Kendall and I went through this week. Blog Danny never loses it the way that I do when I am gripped by fear or frustration or just decades of dysfunction that I haven’t worked through in therapy yet. Blog Danny understands that all relationships have their ups and downs and appreciates the learning that can result from occasional strife. Of course he never takes his wife for granted or allows his dark mood to sour a family dinner. Blog Danny cherishes the differences between him and his wife. He knows their different preferences and ways of looking at the world will only make their lives richer.
I wish I had as good a memory as Blog Danny. While I am fascinated by all the anecdotes he spews off about pop culture icons, I’d need a little help to remember all of those fun song lyrics or interesting facts. The letters from celebrities are the same as the ones I have (how weird!), but where does he get all those other photos? Are they part of his personal collection or is he stealing them left and right? How does this guy not get arrested?
Like me, Blog Danny enjoys his job but he never feels overwhelmed and unsure or worried about his company’s finances or his own. How come I’m able to work myself up into a debilitating frenzy about things like work or finances and Blog Danny is able to take it all in stride, understanding that the daily stresses in life only make us stronger, and that most of that stuff isn’t all that important in the larger scheme of things? Man, that guy has his priorities straight.
Blog Danny also has a loving red-haired daughter named Leah. But he never tortures her in the morning when they’re running late, convinced that one tardy too many will send her on the road to academic ruin that will lead to life in a fast food sweat shop or a tawdry burlesque house. Blog Danny never snaps at his daughter and always gives her his full, undivided attention. He allows her the freedom to make her own mistakes, knowing that this is the most loving thing to do because it is the only way she will learn to become independent. He is excited about the future and the day that his daughter will go off on her own, not sick to his stomach at the thought like I am.
Blog Danny’s family is very similar to mine, I bet they came from the same shtetl in Poland. But it seems as if his family hasn’t been shaken to the core on numerous occasions from painful, sad, or tragic episodes in the same way that mine has. People don’t get as irritated or as angry at each other in Blog Danny’s family, it seems like they are a really healthy group of people. I’d love to meet them.
Blog Danny even has a rock star brother-in-law but he would never mention him in his blog unless it was truly germane to the post. He certainly wouldn’t do it to try to curry favor with his brother-in-law’s fans, thus increasing his blog stats. Blog Danny is very philosophical about his blog. He just enjoys putting his thoughts out there from time to time (never worrying that he’s not writing enough) and then if someone chooses to read it, that’s fine. He never obsessively checks his daily hits on Stat Counter or looks himself up on Technorati to see if anyone has mentioned him or linked to his blog. He never thinks twice about the number of comments he receives on a post or seethes in jealousy at the blogs that receive dozens of comments within an hour of posting a new entry.
Blog Danny has such an easy, casual rapport with the bloggers and other commenters who visit his site that you’d never know he’s never met most of them. But if he did meet them the exchanges would be just as warm and friendly as they are online, there wouldn’t be a trace of social awkwardness. Blog Danny is never longing to feel part of a community, he always feels like an accepted member of any group with which he has contact.
Oh, if only I were as smart, friendly, funny, and emotionally stable as this guy. He may poke fun at himself from time to time, but he’s got a really healthy attitude about his faults. I’m sure he never feels the need to voice every single neurotic thought as it enters his brain, thus driving everyone around him nuts with his self-deprecating tirade.
I really want to become more like Blog Danny. Do you think he’d have lunch with me? Or would he run screaming to the door? Maybe I’ll leave a comment on his blog and try to set something up.
I like Blog Danny.
The other Danny ain't so bad, either!
Posted by: Pearl | October 30, 2005 at 12:59 PM
I, too, adore Blog Danny. He is so funny, so insightful and always such a total delight to be with. When I know he has a new post, I RUN to the computer. But I have to tell you I couldn't live without the other sometimes pouty, sometimes insane, sometimes unreachable, sometimes stuck in the mud Danny who lives outside the computer. While Blog Danny and I have fun disagreements usually involving a member of the MGM stock company, that other Danny and I have some really intense wrangles about those standard topics: family, friends, money, sex, and our sometimes very different wants and priorities -- if only we agreed about life to the extent we do about movies! But there is no one on earth I'd rather wrangle with -- no one else I've ever been able to wrangle with and not run away. I adore Danny and Blog Danny and I also love getting to have them both in my life. I also thank God that Danny can accept that real Kendall -- selfish, demanding, new experience-hating, hermit that I am and not pine away from that charming, faultless girl he met before he did me -- Book Kendall. We'll let Book Kendall and Blog Danny live happily ever after and we will live happily and miserably... just the way we like it. P.S. I think you look handsome in that photo.
Posted by: Your Wife | October 30, 2005 at 02:36 PM
It's so nice to read these public declarations of love; all spouses should be bold enough to do so! Sounds as if you make a good team.
Posted by: Pearl | October 30, 2005 at 03:50 PM
I'm dying here - for love of Blog Danny and Book Kendall and also the real both of you. What a post. Am shaking my head and sighing in wonder. I have been thinking about how I "sound" and "seem" on my blog and how I really am inside myself. You make me think, laugh and cry and clap my hands in glee! What a joy. Thank you for this.
Posted by: Tamar | October 30, 2005 at 04:17 PM
About a week ago I met one of my favorite bloggers and commenters -- Tom Strong. (What a fictional-sounding name, right?) He and his girlfriend were visiting their parents, hers in NJ, his in Greenwich Village, so they had a chance to come by. (This is germane, stay with me.) It was only my second meeting with a blogfriend -- Tamar being the first. (Ronni and I live a few blocks apart but have managed not to get together, in a real case of Manhattanitis, exacerbated by her showing her apartment and me being less and less able to leave Jacques. It was a rather fraught meeting because I like Tom's writing voice so much (it's safe to say that our writing voices like each other so much) that I hadn't been able to help clothing it in its own fictional character, and I suspected that he had helplessly done the same with me. And I knew that neither of us was going to be the way that inner voice had led the other to expect. Would he be disappointed in the 3-D me? Would I be disappointed in him? Would I feel hopelessly inferior to my inner writing me and would he wish he could be his inner writing him? For one thing, blogging me is ageless (though she doesn't lie about her age), while real me is just the age of Tom's parents, and looks it!! Writers become writers because they are introverts, after all. Would we both want to banish our opaque physical shells and go back to being insubstantial blogfriends?
A little of all that (eased by the easy presence of his delightful girlfriend). Discovering that your good friend lives inside a stranger is always a shock, but a brief one. It throws you off your stride for a minute, then you bring the two into register, recover your composure and go on. But you, with this brilliant post, have hit on something deep and embarrassing about writing --how it is a way we create the person we wish we were.
Posted by: amba | October 30, 2005 at 05:55 PM
When I first became Message Board Rosie, I discovered that I could be witty and charming. My innocence was considered cute and endearing by these internet people. Message Board Rosie actually talked to people. She never cussed or told a dirty joke. When she had a crush on a boy, it was puppy love and adorable. Your sister got to know Message Board Rosie quite well, and when I met her for the first time, I was afraid that she wouldn't like Real Life Rosie anywhere near as much as she seemed to like my internet counterpart. Lucky for me, she was able to accept both.
The scary thing was, for a little while, I was convinced that Message Board Rosie was really me, and I couldn't fathom that there was a separation between us. Now, I realize that while she and I have our similarities, I'm also my own person, and when I write, the purpose of it is to portray a certain part of me, just like one would with any other character.
Danny, your blog is part of the reason that I continue my blog...because I aspire to be able to write like you. I wish to be knowledgable on all sorts of subjects, or at least pretend that I know what I'm talking about and be able to convince people that I do.
Also, someday I hope to meet Real Danny, because I do very much enjoy Blog Danny's thoughts. Perhaps we could have some intelligent discussions. And maybe I'd learn a thing or two from you (not that I don't already.)
Posted by: Rosie | October 30, 2005 at 10:29 PM
I like Blog Danny too. At least he doesn't needle me about my yiddishkeit the way the real Danny does (shayna punim!).
I try to keep the real Nappy40 off my blog. Blog Nappy attempts to be serious Nappy, but I can't even pull that off in my real life.
Posted by: nappy40 | October 31, 2005 at 06:20 AM
There is one thing Danny Miller can do that Blog Danny can never do: and that is play a perfect game of Kuni.
Remember that song we used to sing when we were kids about blog writers? OF COURSE YOU DON'T. But I know Danny Miller does!
Posted by: Ellen | October 31, 2005 at 06:33 AM
I like Blog Danny a lot, and I thank him for this beautiful post, one of my favorites in all the blogosphere. But wait a second - the post was written by Real Danny, wasn't it? So for an instant, Real Danny became Blog Danny? But what was the real Blog Danny doing when Real Danny was writing in Blog Danny's place? And if Real Danny's post is Blog Danny's best post, doesn't that mean that Real Danny is a better Blog Danny than Blog Danny? Now I'm getting confused.
Posted by: Richard Lawrence Cohen | October 31, 2005 at 06:43 AM
I feel like giving Blog Danny and Book Kendall a blog/book hug.
Posted by: The Retropolitan | October 31, 2005 at 07:46 AM
I think you should invite all those who comment on your blog to have lunch with both Blog Danny and the Real Danny.
Posted by: Vicki | October 31, 2005 at 07:52 AM
While growing up I was always called Danny. My mother, my sister, and my brother still call me "Danny." I haven't called "myself" "Danny" for over 40 years! The profile on my blog uses "Dan" as opposed to Danny. Yet...I know that's me. But...it ain't "Danny." It's the same guy with all the same charcteristics ( given changes over time of course ) but I don't really know "Danny." If I were to place a double image (such as the one on your post ) of myself on my blog I would have to name them "Dan" and "Danny." They...are not the same person. And certainly not the same "self." They...wouldn't even look alike. Even photoshop wouldn't be able to link the two together. Yet... I still answer when addressed as "Danny" by my sibs and mom. But as they make the request I am fully aware that they don't know me either. I am especially more aware of that each time that I see them. This Thanksgiving will be more interesting since seeing your post since I will be sharing dinner with them. I think I'll take some family photo's. A kind of instantaneous before and after. What do you think?
PS. I really like your post Dan.
Posted by: dan ramirez | October 31, 2005 at 09:50 AM
Real and Blog Danny love all these comments.
Richard, while Real Danny was writing this post, Blog Danny was pouting that he never authorized a guest blogger. Blog Danny was pretty judgmental about the post, spewing comments like "Jesus, what a narcissist this guy is! Get a life!" Blog Danny was also completely horrified that Real Danny was posting that awful photo (he wants everyone to know that he was purposely making a face and that it is not his normal expression). Suddenly Real Danny realized with a start that Blog Danny isn't as confident or as nice or well balanced as he thought, that ultimately Real Danny is much more honest and takes more risks. Oy, now I'm really confused.
Let's pause while Dr. Joanne Woodward performs a Sybil-like integration of Blog Danny and Real Danny.
TTTHHHHWWWWWUUUURRRRRPPPPPP!!!
There, that's better. Now, let's see how long I can remain one.
Posted by: Danny | October 31, 2005 at 09:54 AM
what a great post. universal. i really enjoyed reading this today.
Posted by: zTransmissions | October 31, 2005 at 10:18 AM
Danny or Dannies, thanks for clearing that up. I'm sure you will remain one throughout your life.
On the other hand I'm beginning to see subtle differences in the photos of the two Dannies. The one on the right is more solid, somber, serious. The one on the left is more carefree and easy to get along with. It's the lighting.
PS: Re Nappy40's comment: I've often thought that while I enjoy kidding around with the blog Nappy, I would feel constrained kidding around with a serious professional such as the real Nappy.
Posted by: Richard Lawrence Cohen | October 31, 2005 at 10:19 AM
Blog Danny would agree to lunch with you, but he wouldn't show up. Bastard.
Posted by: david | October 31, 2005 at 10:40 AM
I wanna be like Mike!
Posted by: dan ramirez | October 31, 2005 at 12:39 PM
I've always wondered if you could have lunch with yourself whether it would be interesting. What would you talk about?
Posted by: Neil | October 31, 2005 at 02:10 PM
Neil, I'd probably ask Blog Danny provocative questions like how he'd feel if a pharmacist at Target refused to fill his prescription because of his religious beliefs. I know that Real Danny has much stronger opinions that Blog Danny and that Real Danny's vehemence on certain subjects makes Blog Danny very uncomfortable.
Or we'd just talk about movies.
Posted by: Danny | October 31, 2005 at 02:48 PM
I just find your blog! It's very witty and interesting! I will return! Regards, from Sonia, São Paulo, Brazil.
Posted by: Sonia | November 01, 2005 at 07:33 AM
You know, I always thought you had a beard for some reason. Guess I was wrong.
Posted by: The Retropolitan | November 01, 2005 at 08:47 AM
I suspect that Blog Danny and Real Danny have a bit more in common than the curious coincedences listed above. I also suspect that, given how much all of us who know only Blog Danny, would like Real Danny enormously, if given the chance to do so. Questions remain, however; if Blog Danny and Book Kendall had a baby, what would it be? A Bloog Baby? A Blook Baby? Also, is there a Book Danny? And how will that confuse things?
Posted by: Mary | November 01, 2005 at 04:20 PM
Join the alter ego club, you two Dannies! Me and Augustine would be happy to join you and all the other duos (trios? quintuplets?) for lunch.
Btw, those photos: is one of you as seen in the mirror, and the other one not? You know, left or right? Or are they both the same?
Very insightful post and it pushes buttons in all of us bloggers. I've been reluctant to reveal my "real" (?) self to blog-friends though on the few occasions this has happened, it's been great.
Posted by: Natalie | November 01, 2005 at 07:56 PM
Blog Mark loved this piece. He deemed it insightful and so refreshing.
But it scared Real Mark. I'm afraid that if you keep being so honest about this stuff, Danny, people will learn the truth about me.
So, spare me the painful moments of self-recognition and never let the Real Danny blog again.
(I am kidding. But you did show me some things about my public personas, blogging and otherwise. And that was a bit uncomfortable.)
Blessings!
Mark Daniels
Posted by: Mark Daniels | November 02, 2005 at 09:14 PM
WOW! What a terrific post, Danny. You are so incredibly clear about everything you feel and though I understand this is a serious thing you are dealing with, it's very funny, too!
From my perspective...and I speak for myself; who we are is who we are and that is how it will always be in the nitty, you know...flaws and all...(Oh to be like my Blog-Self..except, I am...along with all that other stuff ALL of which you mentioned!)
And, again, from my perspective, I think who you are is wonderful!
Great Great Great!
Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills | November 05, 2005 at 01:43 PM
Both of you are incredibly hot and hip. (I found you through Girish's website.
Posted by: shasta fletcher | November 19, 2005 at 09:00 PM
Fortunately, no one is perfect - how boring!
A wise man (Leonard Cohen) once sang,
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything,
That's how the light gets in."
Posted by: Judy B | November 24, 2005 at 07:31 PM
very interesting, but I don't agree with you
Idetrorce
Posted by: Idetrorce | December 15, 2007 at 04:08 AM