…Bothered and Bewildered

Here are my two biggest disappointments of the past year:
1. the re-election of George W. Bush
2. the movie version of “Bewitched”

Perhaps comparing the two sounds a bit over the top but after taking Leah to the film yesterday I see a direct parallel between the misguided plans and colossal waste of money that defines both the war in Iraq and the remake of this classic TV show. Perhaps no lives will be lost because of the lousy film, but American culture has clearly taken a beating in both cases. Who is to blame for the abomination of this film? Nicole Kidman seemed like the perfect 21st century Samantha. She looked just right for the part and performed it with her usual skill, class, and humor. Will Ferrell was a fun choice for Darrin, especially as played in this story of a movie actor with a sinking career being cast in the remake of the “Bewitched” TV show. Shirley Maclaine as Endora? Perfection, down to her hair, costume, and speech patterns. Michael Caine couldn’t be better as Kidman’s warlock dad. The film was directed by Nora Ephron and written by Nora and her sister Delia. Who could ask for a better pedigree? So why did the film stink up the joint? Here are some of the reviews I read after seeing “Bewitched” for myself:

“Unrivaled in modern times for smugness, vapidity, and condescension. To spend even 10 minutes in the movie's universe is to experience the Sartrean nausea of an utterly hollow head and heart.”
-- Michael Atkinson, VILLAGE VOICE

“It's one of those movies where you smile and laugh and are reasonably entertained, but you get no sense of a mighty enterprise sweeping you along with its comedic force. There is not a movie here. Just scenes in search of one.”
-- Roger Ebert, CHICAGO SUN-TIMES

“It's so lightweight that the wind from a passing broomstick would collapse its foundations."
-- Jeffrey M. Anderson, COMBUSTIBLE CELLULOID

“A travesty of monumental proportions.”
-- James Berardinelli, REELVIEWS

What really makes me fume is that not only have these incredibly talented people made one of the worst films of the new millennium, they also have come close to doing serious damage to a pop culture mainstay that didn’t deserve to be so maligned.

The REAL “Bewitched” premiered in 1964. I was five years old and I was hooked from the very first black and white episode. The pilot was supposed to begin filming on November 22, 1963 but was postponed because of Kennedy’s assassination. John F. Kennedy was a friend of producer William Asher’s and in television terms JFK’s death seemed to punctuate a transition from the more homespun family sitcoms to the spate of shows that relied on a magical or supernatural subplot to keep the action moving. “Bewitched” would be soon be followed by "I Dream of Jeannie,” “Nanny and the Professor,” “The Munsters, “The Addams Family,” and many others, but “Bewitched” led the pack, consistently making its way into the Top Ten. There were a total of 264 episodes in the show’s 8 year run and I’m sure I saw every one of them several times.

Actress Tammy Grimes had originally been cast as Samantha Stephens but, thank God, turned the role down to do a Noel Coward play on Broadway. Enter Elizabeth Montgomery, Bill Asher’s wife and the daughter of 1930s movie star Robert Montgomery. Like Laura Petrie before her, Elizabeth’s Samantha was a TV icon who straddled two worlds: the traditional patriarchy that would have her  wearing a cocktail dress and pearls as she did her daily vacuuming, and a burgeoning awareness that women’s roles were undergoing radical changes that would lead to all sorts of opportunities beyond the family home. One thing everyone agreed on—Elizabeth Montgomery was hot! In those days our pop culture proto-feminists still had to be drop dead gorgeous, it was the early 60s after all.

Of course the entire premise of “Bewitched” screamed for a Betty Friedan intervention. Samantha Stephens was a witch who voluntarily gave up her powers so she wouldn’t outshine her mortal husband. How many millions of women in Samantha’s generation had denied who they were because the men in their lives felt threatened? It is inconceivable to me that the new movie version of “Bewitched” didn’t exploit this premise at all or give it a modern spin. But while Darrin Stephens did everything he could to stifle his wife’s individuality, Samantha was no pushover. Sometimes she metaphorically told Darrin to go to hell such as the episode when the two are fighting in their bedroom. Sam is brushing her hair and staring straight ahead into her mirror ignoring Darrin as he rants and raves about something she had done. Samantha doesn’t even glance his way or miss a brush stroke as a small wave of her hand magically sends Darrin to the downstairs couch for the night. Now that's power! I spent most of the eight years of the show wanting to tell Darrin to take a flying leap for his intolerance of his wife’s heritage. At least the first Darrin, Dick York, seemed to truly love his wife. Things got worse with Darrin #2, Dick Sargent, whose criticisms of Samantha’s witchcraft didn’t seem to be accompanied by much tenderness. I remember thinking, what if Samantha and her family were Jews instead of witches? What kind of intolerance was the show promoting? The Stephens' daughter Tabitha, however, was an early civil rights advocate. Remember the episode when she gives her black friend white polka dots and gives herself black polka dots so that they could "be the same"? Okay, so they stole the idea from a "Star Trek" episode, but at least Tabitha was trying!

The cast of the sitcom was without equal. Most had come from successful film or stage careers. Maurice Evans (Samantha’s father) was a highly regarded Shakespearean actor. Agnes Moorehead (Endora) was part of Orson Welles’ Mercury Theatre and starred in films like “Citizen Kane” and “The Magnificent Ambersons.” Alice Pearce (Gladys Kravitz) played Lucy Shmeeling in the MGM classic “On the Town” and George Tobias (Abner Kravitz) also appeared in some of the best films of the 1940s and 50s including the original “Ninotchka” with Greta Garbo and the musical remake “Silk Stockings” with Cyd Charisse. Paul Lynde (Uncle Arthur) was very funny back then and seemed to come out of the closet on “Bewitched” years before he had the courage to do so in real life (Darrin #2 was the other famously closeted cast member). Marion Lorne (Aunt Clara) was a beloved character actress who had a great scene in “The Graduate” along with fellow “Bewitched” alum Alice Ghostley (Esmerelda). And don't forget Samantha's counterculture dark-haired hippy cousin Serena who flaunted authority and espoused free love! Of course Serena was also played by Elizabeth Montgomery but she was listed in the credits as Pandora Sparks. Sparks would get her own fan mail each week and rumors would fly whenever Bill Asher left the studio with his wife still in her Serena wig!

Are there other geeks out there who remember that the Stephens’ address was 1164 Morning Glory Circle? The house still stands today at the Warner Brothers Ranch in Burbank although the interiors were shot at the Sunset Gower Studios miles away. Sally Field’s 1965 “Gidget” lived next door to the Stephens and several scenes from the show provided a color preview to Darrin and Samantha’s home when “Bewitched” was still being filmed in black and white. The Kravitzes' house across the street was also home to the Partridge Family and the Stephens' house was featured in many episodes of that show. Down the street was the home of Major Anthony Nelson of Cocoa Beach, Florida. This house was also the residence of the Andersons in “Father Knows Best” as well as “Dennis the Menace” and “Blondie.”

The list of squandered opportunities in the movie “Bewitched” are too numerous to mention. Casting brilliant Amy Sedaris as busybody neighbor Gladys Kravitz and then giving her absolutely nothing to do? Implying that Maclaine's character, an actress hired to play Endora, is really a witch and then dropping this plot point without explanation? Arrrgh! Was this a case of too many studio executives tinkering with what was once a decent script? Everyone should save their money and rent the DVDs of the TV show which are now available. I remember how much I loved the time travel episodes such as when Sam goes back to the First Thanksgiving, gets stuck in Salem during the witch trials, almost becomes an ill-fated wife of Henry VIII, and befriends a range of historical figures from Leonardo da Vinci to Benjamin Franklin.

I just saw an interview with Erin Murphy who played Sam and Darrin’s daughter Tabitha on the show and still looks the same even though she’s now the mother of six boys. She said that she finds herself telling people that her dad was in the advertising business and then has to remind herself that McMann & Tate doesn’t really exist and that Darrin is not her father! She did marry a man named Darrin, however. She said that original cast member Bernard Fox was supposed to reprise his role in the movie but was canned at the last minute. Too bad—I’m sure he could have helped save that piece of junk.

“Dr. Bombay! Dr. Bombay!  Emergency! Come right away!”

Comments

[david]

Thank you for your excellent commentary -- and for sparing me from seeing this movie. I loved Elizabeth Montgomery madly. Long may she -- and her wand -- wave.

[Karen]

Pure magic, Danny!

And I LOVE the button!

[Neil]

I also have to reveal my lifelong crush on Elizabeth Montgomery. Bewitched wasn't my favorite sitcom as a kid, but I always felt that there was something so sexy about this character (before I even knew what sexy was). Even today, I go crazy in love when I hear a woman being called by a "man's" name, like "Sam."

I didn't know that she was Robert Montgomery's daughter!

I agree with you that the cast of the TV show was wonderful. When I finally saw Citizen Kane in a college film class, you should have seen how excited the class was at seeing Endora in a famous movie!

Has there been any good movie based on an old sitcom? Are we going to see "Cheers" the movie in another 15 years?

[Tamar]

I also loved the TV version and am reluctant to have my old memories spoiled by the new. On the other hand - if it wasn't to be compared...could it be okay just as is?

We saw a preview for the Pink Panther with Steve Martin and Kevin Kline last night and we wondering about that very point...to compare to the past or just to see it for itself?

[Danny]

Tamar, I see your point but no, this film sucks whether you compare it to the TV show or judge it in its own right. In fact, I think it'd be even worse if it tried to stand on its own because it wouldn't even make any sense. The entire plot rests on the audience's prior knowledge of the TV show but they do nothing creative or fun with that potentially funny gimmick.

Neil, one movie version of a sitcom that worked beautifully, in my opinion, is the first Brady Bunch movie. It had just the right balance of parody, self-awareness, and respect. Of course they ruined it by the second sequel. I hope the version of "I Dream of Jeannie" that is currently in development comes out better.

[Neil]

Yes, the Brady Bunch movie was very funny.

I was driving on La Cienega when I saw a poster for the new "Bad News Bears" with Billy Bob Thorton. The fact that they are actually remaking a movie I was alive to see the first time annoys me more than a remake of a sitcom. Maybe it just makes me feel old when they take a perfectly good movie like "The In-Laws" or "Day of the Jackal" and remake it. But I guess the movies are always doing that. I just looked on IMDB and it says that "The Count of Monte Cristo" has been re-made nineteen times!

[M.]

My sister Sara and I loved "Bewitched" when we watched it every day after school in re-runs. Darrin's boss (wasn't his name Larry?) always cracked me up, too. I saw an episode recently where Darrin wishes he was Larry for a day, and ends up getting his wish. It was very funny.

Thanks for the warning about the movie, Danny-- I'll spend my $9.50 elsewhere.

[Mindy]

Danny, I completely agree with your comments about the movie "Bewitched." I came close to falling asleep (when I wasn't considering walking out). I, too, loved the TV show and wanted desperately to be a witch like Samantha. Maybe next life.

[Shannon]

Hollywood is so lame. They have a million creative people there and all they do is churn out this crap. It's really sad.

I was in a play in San Francisco once, based on Bewitched. It was a super campy version and it was really fun. Too bad they didn't use that version - it would at least have been a midnight movie for a few years. Oh well...

[Bianca]

I was born in 1974 (in Australia) but grew up watching all the 60's/70's re-runs like Bewitched and the Partridge Family so in many ways, feel like I'm a 60's person! The spirit of the era's colour, gaiety, and optimism will always be with me, even though my main stomping ground was actually the "hardcore" 1980's. People may laugh at "Keith Partridge's" songs these days, or may compare a housewife like "Samantha Stevens" unfavourably with a housewife like "Roseanne", but at least those old shows made you feel you had something to look forward to!

As for the (2005) Bewitched movie, I haven't seen it and never had any intention to. Frankly, I've never thought Nicole Kidman was much of an actress, and certainly, there is no WAY she could ever step into Elizabeth Montgomery's shoes! And really, how can we expect actors like the thoroughly postmodern, cynical Will Ferrell to re-create, even partially, a landscape that was based on magic, imagination, and upbeat optimism for the future? The world of Darrin Stephens and that of Ron Burgundy are just too far apart, and frankly, I have no idea what the directors/producers thought they were doing!

The beauty of shows like Bewitched, Partridge Family, and even The Brady Bunch is lost when you try to unpack them in order to reach a "modern" audience. The original shows are insulted, and the remakes are empty, even lacking the cynical humour they seek to provide. It's better just to leave these old shows alone, and let people continue to enjoy them, (perhaps even escape into them) for what they are/were. My eight-year-old son has every Playstation/gadget under the sun, but that doesn't stop him from getting excited every time the latest Bewitched box-set is released! It just goes to show, true quality is timeless!

[rcf]

I loved "Bewitched" as a kid but watching it now frustrates me. I want Sam to kick Darrin's ass! He's so mean! But any episode with Endora and Uncle Arthur are the best episodes.

Oh, and yes, the movie was terrible!

[Rebekah]

I agree completely with this review. I, too, was horribly disappointed with this movie, having grown up on reruns of Bewitched, a show that I absolutely loved watching. It was a complete waste of talent on the actors' parts. Tho I wouldn't really expect more from Will Farrell, sad to say. The only good movie I've seen him in so far is Stranger Than Fiction. He reminds me of Jim Carrey in his Ace Ventura days. And Nicole Kidman...wow, her "blondness" in that movie just made me uncomfortable. A complete affront to the character of Samantha Stephens. Makes me wonder if this screenplay was really written (or edited) by masogynists...

[boin1969]

Actually, Serena was listed as Pandora Spocks rather than Pandora Sparks....

[Cheryl Morelandq]

As I am watching my daily two-in-a-row reruns of Bewitched I came across this website. Love it. I always knew EM played Serena as well but wondered why the credits named Serena as being played by Pandora Sparks. Why? Just a thought. Just to be playful, I suppose? To keep folks guessing? Anyway, I never missed an episode, with Bewitched premiering on my 8th birthday, September 17, 1964, and going off the air in 1972. I have watched reruns now well into my 50s, and I never ever tire of them. It may be lame compared to more "smarter" sitcoms of this day but...I love going back in time to a simpler place (at least to this 8 year old then) and thinking that someday I, too, could grow up to look as good as Samantha and have a nice home and family (albeit some a bit kooky) as she did. And oh to have her abilities to change others into whatever and to have whatever she wanted. I patterned myself after her so much back in those 8 years on tv that I did not realize until recently how she did so influence my adult behaviors today. Amazing how the past is never really past. Thanks for this wonderful essay on a wonderful show and actress. Too sad she died too soon, in her early 60s, from colon cancer, I believe. Everybody but Tabitha has died from that show, most of the guests included. But it is truly timeless. I will die watching it. I bet. ;o)

[Eric]

I believe it was pandora spocks, not sparks?