Sucks, Doesn’t Suck

I went on a field trip with Leah’s class today. I like to go on a couple of field trips each year so I can get a handle on the constantly changing social strata she is maneuvering through. Did anyone ever say that childhood was supposed to be easy or stress-free? I realize that Leah and her friends are part of a lucky subset of children on the planet who do not have to worry about surviving in war-torn surroundings, scrounging for their next meal, slaving away in a factory for pennies a day, or being sold into slavery, but even for the privileged youth of Los Angeles, I think childhood is very painful—friendships and loyalties that change faster than third world governments, the constant jockeying to stay below the tractor beam of ridicule and humiliation, the desperate desire to belong while feeling hopelessly out of place.

Sitting behind me on the bus was a kid I always enjoy talking to. Leah can’t stand him but I love the way this boy is able to make snap judgments about everything that comes into his view, whether it’s the teacher’s new hairstyle or an old station wagon passing by the bus. He has only two classifications for the entirety of the universe: Sucks or Doesn’t Suck. Sitting in front of him as he gazes out the window I could hear the low rumble of his endless pronouncements: Sucks, Sucks, Sucks, Doesn’t Suck, Sucks, Doesn’t Suck, Doesn’t Suck, Sucks, Sucks, Sucks. Nothing escapes his eagle eye, including everyone on the bus. He is like a 4th grade Dr. Mengele, separating the whole of humanity into two neat lines.

Today’s field trip was to the Richard and Karen Carpenter Performing Arts Center in Long Beach to see a play version of C.S. Lewis’s “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.” I prayed it would be better than last year’s ghastly musical of “Ramona Quimby.”

I was the only one in our group who seemed remotely interested in the display of Carpenters memorabilia at this theatre that Richard Carpenter built in memory of his late sister. Gold records, Grammys, sheet music, Richard’s Wurlitzer 140-B electronic piano that he bought in 1967 from Jeff Hanna of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, and Karen's 1965 Ludwig Super Classic drum set. Then I realized the true horror of why no one else was interested. I knew the kids were too young to know who the Carpenters were, but apparently even the TEACHERS were too young to remember! But that didn’t stop me from involuntarily going through their entire repertoire.

Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they’d gone
But they’re back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well.

Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they’re starting to sing’s
So fine.

I couldn’t stop. Yes, the man who was always worried about his daughter being accepted by the other kids was standing in front of her entire fourth grade class giving an impromptu Carpenters concert. Can you say “socially ostracized?”

Not that I even liked the Carpenters when those songs were new. My main memory of their biggest single comes from my hellish Bar Mitzvah at which the Bill Murray-like lounge singer paid homage to my sister’s 15th birthday by dragging her onto the stage against her will and singing:

Why do birds
Suddenly appear
Every time Susie is near?
Just like me
They long to be
Close to Susie!

Oy. No wonder my sister has a pathological fear of performing in public.

Listening to the Carpenters was definitely not the cool thing to do back in the early 1970s. But now when I hear those songs I am immediately transported back to those days where I was going on field trips myself and worrying about who would sit next to me on the bus. I find the simplicity of the Carpenters’ lyrics reassuring.

We've only just begun to live,
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way.
And yes, We've just begun.

The play was much better than last year’s, but I spent most of the time thinking about poor Karen Carpenter. A week ago today would have been her 55th birthday. But as we know, she died at the age of 33 from heart failure due to chronic anorexia.

What I’ve got they used to call the blues
Nothing is really wrong
Feeling like I don’t belong
Walking around some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Say what you like about the Carpenters’ sugary lyrics, you have to agree that Karen Carpenter had an unbelievable voice, as pure and as clear as you’ll ever hear. I can only think of one way to describe it that does it justice.

Doesn’t suck.

Comments

[Elaine Soloway]

As always, enjoyed this morning's DM-blog fix. Can't wait to sing the ditty for Susie.

[david]

Love The Carpenters -- whenever one of their songs is on the radio, I've got to listen.

[Tamar]

Danny, I agree with you. Childhood is a very difficult time indeed. We all talk about it as if it's bubbles, balloons and care-bears! When in fact it is fraught with anxiety and frustration. Children never feel they have control of their lives and, in fact, they don't! We line them us tell them when they can pee, eat, what to wear, how to wear it - we divorce, die, move them from town to town - never asking their permission and usually telling them after the fact. There are always bigger, brighter more seemingly competent people to live up to. And most adults fear children and don't know how or what to do with them. Which can make life very lonely indeed.

Childhood sucks for many children.

[The Retropolitan]

I remember when I was younger, I referred to something as 'sucking' in the presence of my mother. At the time, she got really angry on account of her hatred of the phrase, but years later I hear her saying it all the time. Which would be nice, I suppose, if it didn't mean that things sucked.

Anyway, have you seen the banned Karen Carpenter movie? The one that was acted out with Barbie dolls? I forget who directed it, but it was mighty interesting.

[Danny]

I did see that! It was the film that got Todd Haynes (Velvet Goldmine, Far from Heaven) started and I guess Richard Carpenter sued him over the song rights.

I think the word "sucks" has lost some of its bite over the years. I never would have gotten away with that in front of my parents either. Now one of my daughter's favorite songs is "It Sucks to Be Me" from "Avenue Q."

[david]

(Hey... who is that other guy named David?!!)

Once again, my lost Chicago twin hits the nail on the head. I had this kind of subdued fascination with the Carpenters. They were so schmaltzy, you couldn't dare admit that you liked the languid feeling that came over you when you heard Karen Carpenter's voice. It was kind of like Spring Fever, the way you just wanted to put your head in a beautiful woman's lap and look up and see new leaves...

Then she has to go and die of anorexia. Oy. The woman who had everything couldn't get enough nourishment. I also remember that the Carpenters were known as some of the most mean-spirited musicians around. Always used to hear anecdotes about how vicious they were to fans who approached them. Did you remember hearing that?
David

[Danny]

NO, NO, NO, I never heard this, say it ain't so! On the other hand, Karen clearly had big emotional problems even at the height of her success. And seeing what my brother-in-law has to put up with at his after-show "meet and greets," I don't know how any rock star can bear dealing with the scary public who wants a piece of you. (Aren't we lucky that no one is interested in writers?)

[The Retropolitan]

Are there a lot of writers here?

And I know I'm lucky that absolutely no one is interested in poor, un-famous, writer wannabes. :)

[Eve Fein]

Danny, this is great. Suck, dosen't suck. Definatly kid speak! Now you got me hooked on all your stuff. Glad to meet you, too bad it wasn't under better circumstances....
Eve in O.C.