"I Vant to Be Alone"

Greta Garbo would have turned 100 this year. No doubt there will be a spate of new books about the actress, reexamining her mystique, her films, and her reclusive personal life. I remember all the hoopla a few years ago when they finally unsealed the letters that Garbo had written to lesbian socialite Mercedes de Acosta (they weren’t allowed to open them until ten years after Garbo’s 1990 death). Everyone thought the correspondence would finally confirm or debunk the long-rumored affair between the two women but it didn’t do either. Who knows what made that woman tick. You have to admire someone who was arguably the most famous person in the world for being able to keep the feral presshounds at bay for so long. Garbo never married during her long life, although she did have intense relationships with several famous men including conductor Leopold Stokowski and poor John Gilbert (who she left standing at the altar in 1927). Garbo was so secretive about the details of her personal life that her lawyers had a hard time locating her relatives following her death.

Like Garbo, I place an enormous value in solitude. I love being with my family and friends, of course, but if I go too long without some serious alone time, I start to feel the poisonous Mr. Hyde bubbling up inside my Dr. Jekyl. I remember when Linda McCartney died in 1998, a huge deal was made about the fact that she and Paul McCartney never spent a single night apart in all the years they were married except for the 10 days he was in a Tokyo jail in the 1970s because of a pot arrest. Oy, if these fantastically busy people were able to spend that much time together, was there something wrong with me that I had absolutely no desire to be joined at the hip in that way with my significant other or anyone else?

Is this partly because of some lack of boundaries I have when I’m with other people? Do I end up exhausting myself to the point where I need to go into seclusion to recover? Is my need for solitude founded in some basic insecurities about myself? Does it come from my timidity or my constant fear of loss? Could it be because I spent far too many hours during my formative years holed up in my room alone watching “The Waltons” and old Andy Hardy movies on TV? It's a mixed bag—sometimes the dichotomy between wanting to be alone and the craving I feel to be with others makes me feel like I’m going insane. "Please ignore me." "How DARE you ignore me!"

A lot of people I know have views of relationships that do not allow for much time apart. If I tell my father, for example, that I’m going to a movie or to dinner or anywhere else by myself I am greeted with stunned silence on the phone. “Is Kendall sick?” he’ll finally ask. “No.” “Is she out of town?” “No.” And then, in a very serious voice, “Is everything okay between you two?” “YES!” You’d think by the ten-thousandth repeat of this exchange he’d grasp that we often do things on our own and this doesn’t signal our impending divorce. Au contraire—it’s preventing it!

In younger days, I used to frequently travel to Europe by myself. What heaven it was to be able to do just what I wanted when I wanted without ever having to worry about anyone else’s agenda. To this day, I can’t stand visiting museums with other people since I so enjoy wandering aimlessly at my own pace. I’ve always preferred seeing movies by myself, too. I loathe the pressure of having to quickly come up with my assessment of a film during the closing credits. And since I think anyone who talks during a film should be drawn and quartered, I prefer to view theatres as a solitary destination. (Kendall doesn't mind—she usually thanks me for sparing her from my cinematic diet of suicidal Scandinavians and aging Nazis.)

My job requires lots of solitude. While the relationship between editor and author can be quite intimate, most of these bonding exchanges take place when each party is alone in a room with a stack of paper. Writing in a blog is yet another solitary act that causes me to examine my simultaneous need for being alone and my hunger for human connection.

Pascal commented that “the sole cause of man's unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.” Picasso remarked that “without great solitude no serious work is possible.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote, “What a commentary on our civilization, when being alone is considered suspect; when one has to apologize for it, make excuses, hide the fact that one practices it—like a secret vice!”

For the record, Greta Garbo always bemoaned how her line from “Grand Hotel” was misquoted over the years. She didn’t actually say “I vant to be alone,” she said, “I vant to be LEFT ALONE.” That's entirely different, isn't it?

Comments

[Florida Teacher]

Danny - FINALLY - someone else who understands the freedom of solitude! My family and friends cannot understand why I would prefer to go to certain movies and events alone and they take it as a personal rejection. I am sending this link to them now!!!!!!

[Ellen]

A quick Google search for "Danny Miller" reveals how your blogging, while a solitary act, isn't so private anymore. You're #1!!!!!! WOW.

[Jenny Lynn]

So there's nothing wrong with me? I've been wondering if something is wrong with me since I also love to be alone. I'm very content to be by myself. I love to read, watch old movies, do crosswords, cook, listen to music, surf the net. I feel such contnetment and I feel sorry for people who don't know the feeling of contentment. I pray a lot and before I did that I was not a content person. I love my family and friends but I don't have to be with them 24/7.

[Paula]

Wow! Me, too. I enjoy my friends and family but my alone time and space is just as important. Some people, including the guy I'm dating, just don't get it. He feels rejected when I say, "No, I really want to do this by myself."

[gerskanfin]

I just Vant to be alone, ja
I'm mostly in the best company when alone, yet I enjoy the company of my friends.
I have no aqcuaintaces to say hello to here in my little town of 130 000 people, only 4 really good friends. I say hi to my neigbours.
I'm never curious about people I do not know, or nosy about the the people I know. I never make surprise visits, and rarely get any. I've never been jealous to anybody yet I think I'm quite ordinary.
I just Vant to be alone, ja

[carly beckstrand]

Greta Garbo is my great aunt.. I love to see forums on her... It let's me know a little about a side of my family that I know hardly anything about.

[Precis.]

@ carly beckstrand: Ja..vet du? Greta garbo var min mamma. Snälla..-_-