Today is the two-month anniversary of my blog and I’m celebrating by writing yet another blog about my blog. Yikes, what other medium has brought on such intense levels of reflection about itself? When Gutenberg came up with the idea for movable type in the 15th century were there a spate of books that began in the Renaissance-language equivalent of: “Wow, so this is a book! Gee, what will I write about in here? I don’t really get what books are but I’m going to write one anyway, so bear with me…”
Here are five realizations I have about my blog at the two-month mark:
1. I Hate the Title of My Blog. On December 23 when I was setting up my site and the TypePad screen asked for a title I was caught off guard. I was sitting under these three Andy Hardy posters in my office and thought, what the hell, I’ll call it Andy Hardy’s Blog. This might have made sense if I was trying to keep an anonymous profile but I blew that on Day 1. Nor do I really plan to ever write much about the MGM film series despite my extensive collection of Andy Hardy memorabilia. So now it just sounds like I’m some guy named Andy Hardy with a really boring and unimaginative blog title. At the time I was trying to play off the fact that all the Hardy movies are called "Andy Hardy’s this" or "Andy Hardy’s that" but I think that joke is lost on everyone but me, 84-year-old Ann Rutherford, and some gay movie fans on Fire Island. Oh, and of course Mickey Rooney who is still smarting over having his big Super Bowl commercial in which he moons the camera yanked at the last minute because his butt is obviously too titillating a sight for the current FCC censors. So now I’m stuck with Andy Hardy. I’ve noticed some of the sites that list my blog don’t even use that name but call it Danny Miller’s Blog. I laughed at one of the first comments I got on here—it was from Ellen in New York and she said she could really relate to what I was writing about in my blog “except all that Andy Hardy nonsense.” So should I change it? But to what? All the good names are taken! I considered “Jew Eat Yet?” but I worried that people would think it was a Food Blog. Do you think I think about my blog too much?
2. Blogs Cause Marital Discord. While Kendall could not be a more supportive blogwife, my blog has also led to some difficult moments. She doesn’t mind if I share intimate details of our lives or her psychological profile, but she asked me on two occasions to remove something from the blog. Kendall comes from a theatre family and grew up in the company of playwrights, actors, and a gaggle of theatre folk ranging from world renowned stars all the way down to borderline Norma Desmonds. She has seen firsthand what the sting of the critic’s arrow can do to people she cares about and was horrified to discover that I was quoting some of her critical comments about famous performers. Not people we know, or anyone who would ever happen upon this blog, but she still couldn’t bear the thought that something she said privately to me could cause these people any pain. The first time she asked me to delete something I flew into a self-righteous fit. “How dare you censor me! What’s the point of having a blog if I can’t freely write about my life without worrying that you’re going to be upset? You are stifling my creativity, why don’t I just delete the whole blog?” Then, when the smoke cleared off my ego I realized I was an idiot and had no right to post any private comments if it made her uncomfortable. I deleted those references and now I feel no need to share any of the obnoxious comments she makes about the rich and famous (but I wish you could hear them—they’re very funny and provide proof that Kendall isn’t as nice as she would like you to believe). Another problem we have is that Kendall is becoming a blog widow. So many nights now I start writing in my blog after Leah goes to bed and by the time I tiptoe back into our bedroom it is midnight or later and Kendall has long fallen asleep, TiVo remote still in hand. I need to go back to writing when I wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning. God knows that won’t disturb Kendall—she hasn’t seen dawn since a bad case of colic in 1967.
3. You Can Find the Family That Abandoned You at Birth. What I love most about the blogosphere is its far-reaching tentacles and how you can hook up with like-minded or at least similarly obsessed people. I have become addicted to a bunch of blogs (see list at right) that I simply must read every day and I have to keep reminding myself that I never met most of these people. Indeed, I’m surprised the Gottlieb family (whose number of blogs on my list is growing like kudzu) hasn’t banded together to file a restraining order. Even my own brother assumed these were people I must have known since childhood and was shocked to find out that I’ve never laid eyes on any of them. I first spotted David Gottlieb commenting on Tamar’s site and quickly discovered that we were born in the same hospital in Chicago at practically the same moment. Even more weird—a few hours before being introduced to my first Gottlieb blog I was in a used bookstore in Glendale perusing the American History section. What was the ONE book I thought looked interesting enough to pull out of the floor-to-ceiling stacks? Annie Gottlieb’s 1987 book “Do You Believe in Magic? Bringing the Sixties Back Home.” I began to think that I must be a lost Gottlieb myself, mistakenly given to the wrong bunch of Jews at Michael Reese Hospital. Then I found out they’re all too tall, in shape, and smart to share my DNA—I guess I’m stuck with the Millers.
4. Blogs Can Cause Your Therapy Bill to Rise. Am I the only one who has had whole therapy sessions about my blog? From dealing with the feelings that came up when certain friends had no interest in reading my blog, to bemoaning the lack of comments on my site and feeling jealous of people who received tons of them, to writing about childhood memories on my blog that I thought were long resolved and realizing I still had lots more work to do, to my general concerns about narcissism and disclosure, my blog has been a boon to my psychotherapy. Luckily, my therapist has excellent boundaries—I don’t think she’s ever read my blog!
5. I Never Knew I Had So Many Opinions. I can tell from my first tentative post last December that I had no idea what I was going to write in here and doubted that I had anything to say. Now I can’t seem to shut up. Am I becoming one of those boors you meet at parties who has always just read a magazine article about whatever is being discussed and paints himself as an expert on every subject? On the other hand, I’ve been trying for years to start writing again on a daily basis and nothing I tried worked until this blog. It’s really the perfect medium for me because I can write about whatever obscure topic I like and I don’t ever have to know how boring people think it is. Blogging fulfills my fantasy of being invisible and noticed at the same time. Who needs face-to-face human interaction anyway? I think lack of eye contact is underrated!
Danny, I am speechless. This is one of the best postings about the nature of blogging that I have seen thus far. Apart from having me rolling on the floor and kicking my heels in the air laughing. I can identify with every single thing you are saying - except of course Kendall's family and notoriety and being a Bloglieb - although I want to have Amba close by wherever I go!
This piece needs to be published. I mean it - there - that's an author telling her editor what to do with his writing. Now, please, don't delete my comments today - please, I beseech you! In any event I intend to announce you on my blog about this posting. Take it or leave it!
Posted by: Tamar | February 24, 2005 at 05:37 AM
Oh, man. You're way too funny to be a Gottlieb.
You're onto something with the observation that it's great to be noticed without having to make eye contact or be looked at. It's like acting without the humiliation. (Remind me to tell you of having to play Banquo in HAMLET, in one of my last professional gigs, and having to come on as Banquo's ghost in white body paint, a g-string, and chocolate syrup. That went over real big at the student matinee. Oy!)
Posted by: david | February 24, 2005 at 05:49 AM
Hey... Tamar needs Amba, but not me!
I may have to go into therapy...
Posted by: david | February 24, 2005 at 05:54 AM
Oh dear - I identify with that feeling too, David. Even in jest - there is always truth to jest. That's why Danny's humor is sometimes painful at the same time. And why I take you seriously.
Believe me, I need you too. Remember when I couldn't understand why you deleted my comments?
Posted by: Tamar | February 24, 2005 at 06:15 AM
6. Blogs make your birth family feel special!
Oh Danny, when I read your realization that you can't deny that you are, in fact. SWIMMING in the short, fat and dumb Miller DNA, I felt SO special. Thank you Danny, from the bottom of my short, fat and dumb heart.
Posted by: your sister | February 24, 2005 at 06:41 AM
7. Blogs will make your birth family hate you.
I don't see why trying to publicly deny my DNA or implying that my family members are short, fat, and dumb, should cause a rise out of my sister...if she IS my sister, that is. Oy, now I'm really in trouble and I don't have a therapy session scheduled until next week. I'm suddenly grateful that my siblings DON'T have blogs. Sue, you know I think you're all perfect—I was only reflecting my own body dysmorphic disorder!
Posted by: Danny | February 24, 2005 at 06:58 AM
Danny,
It's so funny to me that you would take the number of comments (or lack of them) that you receive, personally. Please remember that our own neuroses (of course I am only speaking for myself) about having our comments read by others, may be the reason you don't see as many comments as you would like and doesn't have anything to do with you (although I can totally relate this kind of narcissistic thinking, which of course feeds back into the anxiety about other people reading my comments!).
David-did Danny tell you that I recently asked him if you were his cousin why he's never mentioned you before? I guess I wasn't the only one wondering...
Posted by: shari | February 24, 2005 at 07:13 AM
I MADE THE BLOG!
This is the highlight of my week! (And I spent the beginning of it in Europe.)
Posted by: Ellen | February 24, 2005 at 07:36 AM
I'm commenting. Here's a comment. Get ready. Here comes a comment.
You are a fantastic writer and I'm addicted to reading your blog every day, because of your sister with the Miller DNA. (thanks Sue, I never get anything done now.)
When I go to your site, and you've skipped a day, I get mad at you, and say, "he's SO lazy." Never mind that I couldn't come close to your eloquence and wit.
Anyway, keep up the good work. Happy two-month anniversary!
Posted by: Dave Crawford | February 24, 2005 at 12:05 PM
I couldn't have sacrificed my husband to a better cause!!! But please show proper respect to the Miller DNA. I'm in love with it, don't forget.
Posted by: The Blog Widow | February 24, 2005 at 06:49 PM
I am just thankful there is such a thing as blogging. Imagine what Danny would be doing with that sharp wit and fast fingers if there was not. Yikes!
Posted by: MarkyMark | February 24, 2005 at 10:40 PM
Danny,
I'm finding ##2 especially appropriate for my own experience these days, for reasons I'm forbidden to go into.
And #3 is a really nice part of this whole venture.
Posted by: Richard Lawrence Cohen | February 25, 2005 at 12:15 PM
Dearest Danny,
Do you read comments on past blogs? I'm just catching up
on all the blogs you wrote while I was out of town. The
more I read, the more I want to read. You ARE a camera and
you ARE writing a book! Keep going and remember, all I want
for Christmas is a hard copy!
Much love from the mother of the blog widow
Posted by: Betsy Hailey | March 01, 2005 at 11:44 AM
Oh, Danny. You're such a natural. You've found your metiér, your forte, your . . . shtick. This is a classic.
And the illustrations!!! Do you spend hours searching for the perfect one? How, where did you find that poster? Is that for real?
A couple of notes:
- David is not too tall. Neither am I. We are the squat bookends of a shelf full of art books.
- I think of 'em as GottlieBlogs. Kudzu? Hmmph.
- It's interesting that you call a post a "blog" (same word for forest and trees? synecdoche?). So does Ancient Mariner. I thought it was a naïve mistake but now I realize it may be a dialect of bloggish.
Posted by: amba | March 12, 2005 at 08:42 PM
Oh -- and I love the self-referential picture of your laptop tuned to your blog on your blog. It's a hall-of-mirrors picture of blogblogging!
Posted by: amba | March 12, 2005 at 08:43 PM
Hi Danny,
Really enjoyed meeting you the other night at Cynthia's - haven't laughed so much since my late husband called me at work one day and told me he made a little mistake making matzo balls; instead of shaping them like walnuts, he figured they would be better if he made them a little bigger, and he told me we had 4 basketballs in the soup! I told him it was OK as long as dinner was ready when I came home. It was!
What the f.. does URL mean? This is my first time answering a blog so I am a novice.
Hope to see you and Kendall again - you're both OK in my book because you laugh at my humor (?). I've been told many times I should try stand-up comedy, but I am only comfortable in small crowds (like the other night).
Keep blogging - I'm a regular reader now.
Love,
mm
Posted by: Marilyn | April 19, 2007 at 07:38 PM