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« I Wish My Family Would Blog | Main | Macs Can Now Legally Drink »

January 30, 2005

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Eww. I am so never letting Jeff blow snot inside of me again. Gross.

Danny:

We're about the same age and from the same neck of the woods. I grew up in Hyde Park, and switched from the increasingly scary public schools to the Lab School in 4th grade.

In 6th grade, we had the hapless and hopelessly uptight Mr. Benson for sex education class. This was like having Napoleon teach ethics. The already hysterical subject of sex was made even funnier by Mr. Benson having to teach it.

He put a question box in the back of the room so people could submit questions anonymously. He never got anything but preadolescent smut and idiotic questions meant to embarrass him. One day, he stood in front of the class, shaking with anger, holding a piece of paper.

"Today, someone submitted the following question," he said through his clenched jaw. "'Does it hurt when a girl gets kicked in the vagina?'"

Half of us were already on the floor, howling and holding our sides. He shushed us. "I presume," he said, his voice growing in volume, "that this is a reference to the fact that it hurts very much when a male gets kicked in the testicles." I began to cry I was laughing so hard, which made Mr. Benson just completely lose his cool.

"The answer to this idiotic question is: OF COURSE IT HURTS IF YOU GET KICKED IN THE VAGINA. IT HURTS IF YOU GET KICKED ANYWHERE!!!"

This is the hardest I have ever laughed in my life. Thank you for reviving the memory.

Regards-
David

Oh, wow, David, talk about repressed memory syndrome--I had completely forgotten about the infamous BOX for anonymous questions! Of course, like your experience, our class used the box mostly to taunt and embarrass the teachers. I can still remember watching their faces as they read each question to themselves and immediately crumpled up most of them in irritation.

My daughter's official sex education classes begin next year in fifth grade only now it's called Human Development. I can only hope that such content is no longer fraught with so much angst!

P.S. We always heard about those Lab School kids when we were growing up! Rumor had it that the kids at Francis Parker and the Lab School were all having sex by eighth grade!

Danny: I don't have trouble believing the Parker kids were having sex with each other. Down in Hyde Park, we were mostly having sex with ourselves.
David

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