Macs Can Now Legally Drink

Happy 21st Birthday to the Macintosh! It’s hard to believe it’s been that long since the first Macintosh computer was born. Remember that amazing 1984 commercial directed by Ridley Scott that introduced the Mac in a sort of frightening, futuristic way during the Super Bowl? They also just found the long-lost introduction of the computer by Steve Jobs that aired on public television. Watch the crowd scream with shock and delight as they witness the marvels of this machine that had less RAM and speed than we’d accept in a $5.00 child’s toy today! Can you believe the original Mac cost $2,495? I was just talking to my brother about the first printer my dad bought back then. It was capable of printing only one font at a time and used that paper with the holes on the side that you had to feed in and it cost $3,500! Unbelievable. But we thought it was the coolest thing on Earth.

My first introduction to computers was watching the great Spencer Tracy/Katharine Hepburn movie, “The Desk Set.” Hepburn’s Bunny Watson is a crack research librarian who is forced by Tracy’s Richard Sumner to accept the inevitably of the computer age. Tracy is hired to make the research department where Hepburn works more efficient so he drags in the gigantic room-sized Emerac computer which, while weighing several tons and requiring thousands of punched cards as data entry, had less computer power than my microwave oven. Hepburn’s loyal assistants, played by Joan Blondell and Dina Merrill, are convinced that the new computer spells doom for their jobs but Kate is not intimidated. At one point she takes on the computer in a research pissing contest and wins hands down as poor Emerac has a nervous breakdown. A prominent theme throughout the film is how the aging Hepburn’s chances for landing a mate are rapidly diminishing, so the ultimate takeover of the computer is presented as a positive step towards women achieving what they really need: HUSBANDS! The screenplay for “The Desk Set” was written by Phoebe and Henry Ephron, the parents of Delia and Nora Ephron who 40 years later wrote the screenplay for “You’ve Got Mail,” another computer-based movie. I think my favorite computer flick was “Demon Seed” in which Julie Christie was actually raped and impregnated by a computer. Talk about fear of new technology!

I bought my first Macintosh just after moving to Los Angeles in 1986 and I’ve been hooked ever since. It was a Mac Plus and considering it had the Heinz ketchup speed of 8 MHz and a paltry 4 MB of RAM, can you freaking believe I paid $2,600 for it?! That’s without the dot matrix printer that probably cost another $2,000 and was so loud I remember putting a cardboard box over it while it was printing to avoid disturbing my downstairs neighbors.

In 1987 the company I was working for got its first laser printer and its arrival was greeted with the same reverence and celebration as Mottel the Tailor’s sewing machine in “Fiddler on the Roof.” I remember printing a single paragraph and running all over the building showing the sheet of paper to everyone as they gasped at the perfect, non-typewritten text. There were no such things as laptops, of course, and we could not fathom the idea that one day people would be carrying around little portable computers wirelessly hooked up to the Internet (which in 1986 was still called the ARPANET and was used only by the military). They might just as well have speculated that we’d all be sexually assaulted by Julie Christie's computer.

My long line of Macintosh computers, now leeching dangerous chemicals in landfills all over California, included names like the Macintosh IIsi, LC, Quadra, Centris, Performa, Power Macintosh 6500, PowerMac G3, Wallstreet and Pismo PowerBooks, all the way to my cherished G4 12-inch iBook I’m writing on right now.

I really think Steve Jobs altered the face of this planet with the Macintosh. He changed our lives every bit as much as Henry Ford did in his day, and Jobs had the advantage of not being a raving, evil anti-Semite like Ford was. For the full story of the birth of the Macintosh, see the Folklore website and have a Geek’s day in paradise! You will also want to check out the Apple Computer History Weblog which contains tons of firsthand accounts and anecdotes by people who worked for Apple or used Macintosh products in the early days.

I admit that people who love Macs are very much like cult members or fetishists. I’m sure PC people want to sink into the ground when they see us coming because they know we’re about to launch into one of our smug speeches on the inherent superiority of the Macintosh. Sometimes I think that the gulf between Israelis and Palestinians is more manageable than the one between Mac and PC users.

Comments

[Elaine Soloway]

Danny, your computer column today reminded me of my very first computer -- a Kaypro with Wordstar. It looked like a minature tank in army-green. Åfter using PCs for 20 years, I bought my first Mac the end of last year -- an iMac G5. I've already become a Mac-snob, urging everyone to switch. Now I'm caressing iPod mini's and trying to justify a purchase. Any legitimate reasons?
Elaine

[Danny]

That reminds me of the cartridge-based Texas Instruments computer I had to use in my first job. And also the precursor to the Mac, the Apple IIe with those awful blurry monitors that probably dosed us with more radiation than Chernobyl. Mazel tov on your switch to Macs, Elaine, you made the right choice! And OF COURSE you have to have an iPod mini, unless you already have a regular iPod. If so, then you need to wait (five minutes) until that model is obsolete before shelling out the bucks for a new one. I am in awe of my iPod, I don't think people appreciate how revolutionary this device really is. But Just Say No to the new iPod Shuffle. As Leah moaned while examining one in the Apple Store the other day, "What do you mean I can't pick what song I want to listen to?"

[greg]

danny how much money have you spent on apple computers in the last 21 years?

[Danny]

Oy, Greg, I'm afraid to calculate that. If I had to guess I'd say somewhere in the neighborhood of $20,000 including Apple peripherals. It's amazing how the prices have plummeted as the technology has advanced. Sure makes you think twice about buying a flat screen TV right now or anything else considered "new." Kendall was talking yesterday about the first time she used a cell phone and was walking outside exclaiming "I'M ACTUALLY TALKING TO YOU FROM THE STREET!!" to her amazed friends. And now we take it for granted that every sentient being on the planet has a cell phone attached to their ear. Where will this all lead? I'm sure computers as hardware will cease to exist at some point and there will be some kind of chip implanted into our brains at birth...

[David]

Cripes, that's a great post. Only a freaking fanatic could come up with that much reverent detail.

I have always used a PC. I'd eat a meal of Spam and horsecrap if someone served it up -- I'll deal with whatever's put in front of me. I've never been able to summon up any kind of reverence for any kind of thing. That's why I'm not particularly good at any kind of thing!

Do you remember the funny, crabby little typeface on the early apples? And that square-headed guy with the little half-smile who would keep you "entertained" while the computer struggled mightily to do its thing?

[Ellen]

Again it's like Danny reads my mind then writes about it. Only much clearer and in much more detail than I can conjure up. Much funnier too!

[helenka]

I love my Mac but I know so many techies who look upon me with utter distain.
The folks who write code pray to their PCs. They think of us as mere software users unable to truly communicate with a computer. Of course, they dream in code.

[otherpeoplesblogs]

“I admit that people who love Macs are very much like cult members or fetishists. I’m sure PC people want to sink into the ground when they see us coming because they know we’re about to launch into one of our smug speeches on the inherent superiority of the Macintosh.”

I’ve always referred to this as “Macatitude”, the rather obnoxious behavior that can sometimes beset someone who suddenly finds themselves wanting to place the Apple decal that came with the Mac on their car. (The car being, in most cases, a new VW Beetle.)

I should add though, I grew up with Apples and still have a 5 ¼ inch disk signed by no other than Steve Wozniak himself. My father, (in what I always thought was an act of rebellion against his father who designed mainframes for IBM from the 1950’s until his retirement in the 1990’s), brought home our first Apple II+ in the late 70’s making our family the first in the area to have a home computer. Even though my sister and I always feel asleep when he tried to teach us “Logo”, the children’s programming language, I have always been grateful that my father made sure we were always comfortable around technology. (Although I wished that feeling would have extended to childhood horror of having father who made our computer joysticks for games while all the other kids had “real” store bought ones.)

[Tamar]

Hmm. I just remembered. I wrote my whole dissertation on an Apple - tiny one.