Kendall now insists on reading my blog every night but she can’t figure out how to do it on her ancient computer with her dreaded AOL access so she makes me show it to her after I spend 10 minutes saying “It’s REALLY not worth booting up for!” Of course my computer takes only a few seconds to boot up while you could read the first chapter of “David Copperfield” slower than Melanie Wilkes does in “Gone With the Wind” waiting for Kendall’s computer to get past the smiling Mac icon. System 9 is dead to me now, I can’t even look at Macs that aren’t on OS X.
Kendall thinks she’s going to learn something new about me from reading my blog while I fear she’ll discover just how shallow I really am. But she’s given me carte blanche to spill all about our relationship like the fact that we had a bona fide fight this morning about that ridiculous NASA story about the meteor hitting Earth in 2029. For some reason this information truly terrified her and she claims I wasn’t being sensitive to that. Okay, I did mention it to her about six times after she asked me to stop, but hey, I didn’t tell her that NASA upped the odds from 1 in 300 to 1 in 37 before they decided today to rescind the damn warning altogether. Why are our government agencies hell-bent on causing havoc in my marriage?
I just did a quick google search of Kendall and she is still all over the Internet. Some guy named Bill named her his Best Autodidact. She also appears on a million home-schooling sites because of her book even though that is not really what the book promotes. Oh, Kendall is also mad at me for telling her about the one negative review of her book on Amazon even though I also told her in much greater detail about the other rave reviews. Are you starting to see a pattern here? Kendall simply does not want to know about anything remotely negative whereas I NEED to know all the ugly/frightening stuff before I can even hear the good stuff. Something about the evil eye, I think. If I KNOW everything horrible that might happen, I can somehow control it, right? While Kendall thinks that if she hears something bad, it WILL happen.
Well, maybe I should go talk to Kendall instead of writing about her. On the other hand, in Kendall’s family, writing about a loved one was a far greater compliment than actually paying attention to them in real life. Her father was a playwright who wrote about the family in most of his plays while her mom wrote about the family in her novels. So if the printed word carries more weight than human interaction maybe we'd be smarter to do all our communicating through my blog?
Danny,
Like Kendall, I am completely addicted to your new blog! I MUST read it before bed and first thing when I get to the office in the morning. With every word it's like you are READING MY MIND. Except all that Andy Hardy nonsense. Anyway wish you guys were coming to NYC for NYE. I still can't believe how great your wedding was. Remember that song we used to sing when we were kids about weddings...?
Love,
Ellen
Posted by: Ellen | December 30, 2004 at 07:34 AM
Oy, Ellen, I WISH we were headed to New York right now! Have a great time at Madison Square Garden (tell Sue to call me from there). I'm sure I'll see you online since you always seem to appear all over the Internet after every Wilco event! Happy New Year!
Posted by: Danny | December 30, 2004 at 08:19 AM
Hmm... I guess I am reading it too - every day! I "googled" your blog and there it is! You're on your way. A big hello and huge hug to Kendall! (don't worry - I won't comment every day)
Tamar
Posted by: tamar jacobson | December 30, 2004 at 02:32 PM
I wish you would comment every day, Tamar--better yet, start a blog so I can read YOUR ravings! My blog is on Google? Wow, how soon will it be before I'm sued by Mickey Rooney?
Posted by: Danny | December 30, 2004 at 02:38 PM