For $3400 I’ll Even Do Your Laundry

I’m hardly in a position to judge other people for paying attention to celebrity. If I had to guess, I’d say that well over 50 percent of the posts I’ve written in this blog have something to do with celebrities I admire or famous people who intrigue me for one reason or another. But every once in a while, some event involving a celebrity will occur that makes me understand why Islamic fundamentalists think we’re hopeless infidels who are beyond salvation. The round-the-clock coverage of poor Anna Nicole Smith’s death was one. With absolutely nothing to report, major news networks devoted untold hours to this non-story for several weeks, showing the same clips of the drug-addled former model over and over again. Wouldn’t five minutes a day have been enough?

Today’s “Fan Appreciation Party” that Michael Jackson held for himself in Tokyo set a new low for scary celebrity worship. At the event, 400 people paid for the opportunity to spend 30 seconds with the self-described King of Pop. They could take a photo with their idol, shake his hand, and chat for a few moments. He wouldn’t perform or stick around and schmooze but he’d acknowledge their existence for a few precious moments. The price tag for this honor? Only $3400 per person. Such a deal! Do you think I should take out a second mortgage and shell out enough for a whole minute?

Jackson arrived over an hour late to this bash, leaving his 400 fans waiting in the cold. He was wearing a black suit covered with tiny gold lions and sat away from the crowd during a performance by several Japanese Michael Jackson impersonators. A 36-year-old office worker did not think the price tag was excessive. “He looked really cool seeing him up this close,” she said. “It was worth 400,000 yen.” Jackson, who lived in exile for several years after his trial but recently settled in Las Vegas, has proclaimed Japan one of his favorite places in the whole world. “My fans in Japan helped me achieve historic milestones in the music industry.” Like shelling out $3400 for a handshake and an autograph?

Look, it’s tempting but too easy to pile on to Michael Jackson these days. Whether or not you believe he engaged in inappropriate behavior with children, he clearly suffers from a range of disorders that prevents him from living anything close to a normal life. Okay, I’m not there, what do I know? Maybe he’s providing a perfect childhood for his motherless children? He’s definitely looking a tad less scary in recent photographs but that may just be good lighting, makeup, and sunglasses. I’m not sure his face could ever be restored at this point to remotely resemble the boy I remember from my childhood.

The Jackson 5 were superstars when I was growing up. Who didn’t know the lyrics of hits such as “I Want You Back,” “ABC,” or “I’ll Be There?” Michael was clearly the most talented member of the group. He was a year older than me and seemed to have it all. But there was always something a little too rehearsed, a little too staged about his reactions. He looked like someone who was trying to look happy. I remember watching Michael on countless TV shows back then singing the following prescient lyrics:

When we played tag in grade school
You wanted to be it.
But chasing boys was just a fad
You crossed your heart you’d quit.

Stop! The love you save may be your own.
Darling, take it slow
Or some day you’ll be all alone.
You’d better stop, the love you save may be your own.
Darling, look both ways before you cross me
You’re headed for the danger zone!

When “Thriller” came out, it was All Michael Jackson, All the Time. But it hadn’t yet turned into a freak show. Despite his slowly lightening complexion and a constantly changing nose, he still looked like the attractive African-American man that he was. His performance on the Motown 25th Anniversary show in 1984 was nothing short of electrifying. At the time, I assumed it marked the beginning of an incredible adult career for Michael Jackson but in retrospect, it was more like an ending.

I don’t need to go into the insanity that followed—the endless plastic surgeries, the increasing eccentricities, the multiple allegations of sexual misconduct, the strange marriages. As I said, it’s just too easy. Besides, despite my obvious interest in celebrities, I could not be less interested in Michael Jackson. So why am I discussing him at all and the cool million he earned at his little meet n’greet tonight? I guess because I find that story tragic on so many levels. What has happened in our society to make us revere people like Anna Nicole Smith, Michael Jackson, and so many others to such a dangerously unhealthy degree? What does this say about our times? What a colossal waste of money for those sad people in Tokyo. What a distasteful way for a former superstar to solicit funds. But hey, if everyone involved had a great old time, more power to ‘em, I guess. As for me, I wouldn’t pay $3400 if I could get Meryl Streep to read aloud to me every night before bed.

Well, $2400 maybe…

Comments

[Churlita]

Do you think those people would pay $3400 to feed and clothe some homeless nobody? that's what I think is sad, not just that they are celebrity obsessed, but that people would never use their money to help someone who was really in need, but instead give it to someone who owns a mansion and jet sets all over the world.

[Shannon]

And I thought the Police charging $100 to be in their fan club was bad!

[Dave]

Uh -- I'd pay Meryl $3,400.

But I see your point. And I have to agree, I think the saddest thing is that it looks like he's just panhandling for money.

When other celebs sign autographs for a fee and donate that to charity, it just seems like a sad, slow end, to somoene who, for a time was, arguably the most talented individual in pop music.

[V-Grrrl]

Sigh.

All the sad stories in the news aren't about people dying, sometimes they're about people living.

[V-Grrrl]

(Oops. Lest my comment be misconstrued, let me clarify: no I don't mean I wish Michael Jackson would die, I mean it's sad to see the way some people who are financially privileged live such empty lives.

[orieyenta]

I wouldn’t pay $3400 if I could get Meryl Streep to read aloud to me every night before bed.

But the real question is, would you pay Michael Jackson $3,400 to read aloud to you? :D

[Shephard]

I still think he looks scary. lol
So few people would motivate anything close to glee to meet them.

I read your comment, and I too agreed. We were only lucky enough to begin going last year, but last year's STAGE show was wonderful. If I had to say what it lacked, other than more rehearsal, I'd say just what you said: personal interaction and conversation. I so loved hearing Carole & Betty & Bruce Vilanch talk to the audience last year. It made it more personal. But, that said, what a great charity and chance to hear some New York voices. :)
Going to see Billy Connolly tonight. And Speed the Plow over the weekend.

~S

[Victoria]

Michael didn't lighten his skin.He has a skin disease called Vitiligo.It takes out the pigmentation in skin. He hasn't had that many operations.If you saw a black person and pictured him white he would look different too. Also he had to have skin graph surgery because of the pepsi commercial incident. You people are so ignorant and naive ,you believe every newspaper article there is.If a newspaper said that your partner is cheating on yuo,you'd automatically believe them too wouldn't you?