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Essays & Articles

  • Salon: Jews for Jesus
    Not the organization, but a link to my essay that appeared on Salon about how my mostly Jewish public school in Chicago forced us to welcome the birth of the Christ child in song.
  • Salon: Uh-oh, Spaghettios
    Another Salon piece that delves into my junk food-obsessed childhood.
  • Los Angeles Times
    Here are links to three recent articles I wrote for the Times: a profile of our historic neighborhood, a cover story about the crazy-making practice of backup offers, and a primer to getting your house a gig in the movies.
  • The Huffington Post
    I am a contributor to this group blog founded by Arianna Huffington in 2005. My latest posts can be found here.

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May 30, 2005

Paper Anniversary

Normairvingwedding

One year ago today Kendall and I tied the knot. It was a fantastic day despite all the pebbles, rocks, and occasional boulders that had been strewn in our path over the years. Kendall and I met in 1989 but we were destined to go through a bunch of life experiences (including for me a marriage, child, and divorce) before it was our time to be together. And then once we knew that we wanted to get married and had already moved into our beloved house, the journey to the actual wedding day brought its own challenges. Not because of any doubts or misgivings about spending the rest of our lives together, but more as a result of two control freaks trying to plan a party on a budget! In retrospect I cringe when I remember the issues that somehow seemed important to me at the time. My first wedding 10 years earlier in Paris with its 400+ guests bore a strong resemblance to the coronation of the King and Queen of France. I vowed for years that if I ever got married again, I’d go for total simplicity, preferably 20 people in a Chinese restaurant. The minute Kendall and I decided to get hitched our 20 guests quickly bounced up to 150 and counting. Our 1909 house seemed like the perfect location so we were all set there despite the terror that our gorgeous inlaid floors would be turned into kindling by the razor sharp stiletto heels of our fashionable friends (for a few minutes we considered putting “no high heels allowed” on the wedding invitation). A simple wedding in our loving home—what could be easier? Sadly, when push came to shove, Mr. Simplicity here turned into a pre-slammer Martha Stewart. Suddenly I was acting like a male Bridezilla, panicking about things like getting matching tablecloths and the right kind of plates, and making sure we had enough food (i.e., enough to feed Romania). Kendall’s planning ideas, on the other hand, were so rustic and do-it-yourself that she practically had herself crocheting the chuppah and hand-blowing the glass we’d smash at the end of the ceremony.

I don’t know why I was surprised that we were doing our usual polarizing dance. Sometimes we are like that couple in the Woody Allen movie, disagreeing about ridiculous things for the sake of argument. Wife: “The Atlantic is a better ocean!” Husband: “No, the Pacific is better!”

When Kendall said she didn’t think we needed to rent any chairs for the wedding reception, I had visions of my relatives passing out from exhaustion, a plastic cup of lukewarm punch dropping from their hands. We’d lean down to their flailing bodies and strain to hear their barely audible last words: “I j-j-just needed to sit down for a minute.” Kendall also believed that she could prepare all of the food herself, whipping up several hundred sandwiches that morning in her wedding gown. And we certainly didn’t need to get any additional plates or glasses—if we ran out she’d just excuse herself and do a few loads of dishes in the kitchen, what’s the big deal? To be fair, I have to say that most of Kendall’s ideas for the day were quite smart and reasonable. That’s why I was elated when she came up with the self-catering plan—I knew that even her most devoted support group would laugh in her face at that one. By the time Kendall came around and agreed to let someone else handle the food, I was also able to see the light and let go of most of my prissy demands. Happily for our future, the polarizing positions Kendall and I often adopt are just a part of our process and not permanent signs of our intransigence.

Thank God we had our wonderful Rabbi Lisa and her partner Tracy to guide us through our preparations and remind us what the day was about (NOT tablecloths!). At least we didn’t fight about the ceremony which was exactly how we wanted it and so moving I noticed tears in the eyes of even our most cynical relatives. The whole day was perfect, from the gloriously mismatched tablecloths in the backyard to the moving songs that our family and friends sang to us.

I love that today is our paper anniversary. It was Kendall’s book that brought us together in the first place, and writing is such a big part of both of our lives. I also have a love of fine paper and writing instruments, not to mention the mountains of movie memorabilia that also played a part in bringing us together. I remember the moment we decided to use the 1927 wedding photo of MGM wunderkind Irving Thalberg and actress Norma Shearer on our own wedding invitation (they were married near us at the Wilshire Boulevard Temple) and how we laughed when some people thought it was a picture of us. We later spent hours in the Motion Picture Academy Library looking for the perfect photograph of the married Irving and Norma for our thank you notes. I love the eccentricities that Kendall and I share, and I so appreciate the wisdom with which we entered this marriage. Not on some insane Tom-Cruise-jumping-on-Oprah’s-sofa-because-he-LERVES-Katie-Holmes-so-much kind of high, but more with the awareness that there will be times when we think that we hate each other’s guts but that these are the times when we can really grow and reach new levels of understanding about ourselves and what it means to be in a committed relationship with another person, surely one of the most difficult roles we crazy humans take on.

We made it through our first year, and I loved every minute of it, even those few minutes when I wanted to lunge for Kendall’s throat. Besides loving Kendall’s company, sense of humor, and generous spirit, I am so grateful for the opportunities that being married provides, and I hope that soon enough all of the congregants at our gay and lesbian synagogue will be able to enjoy the benefits and challenges of this institution. On many levels I couldn’t agree more with Oscar Wilde’s sentiment that “marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” No one in their right mind would embark on such a journey, but oh, what a rewarding trip!

May 28, 2005

Living Portraits

Livingportraits1

I could never be an elementary school teacher. I’m already grieving the end of Leah’s fourth grade class yet I barely know most of the kids and wasn’t even that hot on the year. But like every other grouping in my life, I get extremely attached to the unique configurations of individuals that will never be gathered together again, and I start mourning the loss at the first glimmer of that end-of-tunnel light. I’m sure if I were an actor I’d be sobbing on the last day of every film shoot and grabbing at the ankles of my co-stars.

Kids in fourth grade are at an amazing age. It is a time of intense transition from pure childhood to the joys and assaults of puberty and increased hormone levels. I was glad to go to school yesterday to witness one of Leah’s final classroom projects, a Living Portraits Gallery in which each student chose a famous person to portray and then designed a frame on foam core to stand behind during the presentation. I wish the choices of subjects had been more open-ended but I can understand that Leah's teacher wanted to avoid having the children portray a slew of unnoteworthy pop culture droids like Paris Hilton or Ryan Seacrest.

Louispasteur_1 The fourth graders had an "approved list" of people to choose from, based largely on the collection of biographies in the school library. Hardly the most all-inclusive list but I guess it could’ve been worse. Leah was pressured into being Louis Pasteur since she’s the only half-French fourth grader and she did a great job. I haven’t learned that much about Pasteur since I saw Paul Muni’s Oscar-winning performance in the 1935 biopic. Did you know that in Pasteur’s time over 20,000 Parisian women died in childbirth each year simply because doctors didn’t know enough to wash their hands or sterilize their equipment? Muni himself should have been on the list for Living Portraits. Born Meshilem Weisenfreund in Austria, he became a huge star on the Yiddish stage in New York beginning in 1907 and didn’t even play a role in English until 1926. Muni was the nephew of actor and Yiddish theatre impresario Boris Thomashefsky and is a cousin to classical conductor Michael Tilson Thomas.

Livingportraits2

Far from including Paul Muni, I was surprised to note that there wasn’t a single Jew on hand in the Living Portraits Gallery. However, I did spot at least three known anti-Semites! I audibly gasped when I saw the boy from the most observant Jewish family in the class portraying Henry Ford. His mother and I are always the ones who come to school to lead the class Hanukkah celebration and yet here was this nice Jewish boy extolling the virtues of a man who, like Hitler, believed that the “International Jew” was the source of all the world’s problems. In his vile newspaper, “The Dearborn Independent,” Ford blamed the Jews for everything from the Bolshevik Revolution and World War I to bootlegged liquor and cheap movies. He also accused the Jews of conspiring to enslave Christianity and destroy the “Anglo-Saxon” way of life. Nice. I’m not saying that Henry Ford’s accomplishments shouldn’t be studied by fourth graders, I just think they should get the full picture. I even talked to Leah’s teacher about it but she just looked at me blankly and mentioned her worries about the salacious tidbits that were present in the school biographies of both Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt (I was disappointed that the girl playing Eleanor didn’t mention the First Lady’s special friendship with Lorena Hickok). At least the feisty girl who played Calamity Jane cheerfully recounted the less savory details of the bawdy woman’s life. In addition to a poster showing Doris Day as Calamity Jane on her frame, she included a photo of a Jack Daniels bottle to represent Calamity’s flagrant alcoholism.

I guess that’s another reason why it’s a good thing I’m not an elementary school teacher. I would have organized my students’ Living Portraits Gallery into categories such as Virulent Anti-Semites of the 20th Century, Famous Lesbians and the Women Who Love Them, and Favorite Anarchists and Rabble Rousers. Leah was one of three girls in her class who portrayed men but you gotta love the lone boy who decided to be not just a woman, but no less than Susan B. Anthony! He wore a wig that made him look more like Chita Rivera than the champion of women’s suffrage, but he gave a rousing presentation on Anthony’s radical life. His mother’s skirt and high heels rounded out his costume along with a blue jean jacket that I assume represented Susan B. Anthony’s butchier side. I haven’t seen such guts in a kid since our classmate Lee Goldberg performed “People” in the 8th grade talent show in full Barbra Streisand wig and false eyelashes!

Madhotballroom My admiration for fourth graders was cemented when Leah and I went to see an extraordinary documentary last night called “Mad Hot Ballroom.” This inspiring movie tells the story of three inner city public schools in New York City that are participating in a ballroom dancing program that eventually leads to a citywide competition. Leah and I immediately fell in love with the kids at Washington Heights’ P.S. 115. The school is largely made up of the children of immigrants from the Dominican Republic and 97% of the families live below the poverty line. Watching dancing coach Yomaira Reynoso work with these kids and seeing the transformation of so many of the children in the film from potential drop-outs to dedicated students and dance lovers, I wanted to rip Leah out of her privileged private school and jump on the next plane for Manhattan. I wonder who these kids would have chosen for their Living Portrait subjects! If you have ever doubted the vital, life-changing importance of maintaining arts programs in our nation’s public schools, RUN, RUN, RUN to see this film!

May 25, 2005

Doin' What Comes Natur'lly

We have a niece! Hallie Elizabeth Egan was born tonight at 7:12 pm to Kendall’s sister Brooke and her husband Scott. Mazel tov! Kendall and new grandma Betsy are still at the hospital. I had to laugh when Kendall called and told me the time of delivery. Leah and I decided to make popcorn and watch a movie tonight and she chose “Annie Get Your Gun” which I haven’t seen since the 1960s. At the exact moment of Hallie’s birth we were watching Betty Hutton sing the great Irving Berlin song, “Doin’ What Comes Natur’lly.” I can’t think of a more appropriate homage for what Brooke was going through. Apparently all went well and Brooke was amazing. It was the first delivery that Kendall ever saw and she was completely in awe. Can you imagine men going through childbirth? I can’t! If men were capable of getting pregnant we’d probably begin our epidurals in the third month.

Anniedvd_1 Leah is very excited about her new step first cousin and is already planning Hallie’s indoctrination into the world of musical theatre. As she went to bed a few minutes ago she called out from her room “I think we should start teaching her all the songs when she’s six!” Maybe sooner. I think Leah and I will always make a connection between Hallie’s birth and “Annie Get Your Gun.” The film, by the way, was much better than I remembered. I just looked it up on the Internet to steal find a photo and was shocked when the first site I happened upon mentioned “This Day in Hollywood History,” May 25, 1950, as the day Betty Hutton signed for the film. Judy Garland was cast in the role the year before and filmed several of the numbers (which are included on the new DVD) but she was suffering from exhaustion and would soon experience a complete nervous breakdown (and the end of her long MGM career). She was fired from the picture and then, 55 years ago today, Betty Hutton was cast. Considering the shoes she had to fill, Hutton did a tremendous job in the part. Will Hallie have the same spunk and verve as Betty Hutton and the real Annie Oakley? Something tells me yes. I may have to produce an all-toddler production of “Annie Get Your Gun” starring Hallie Egan as “Little Sure Shot.” I can just hear her belting:

If you saw my pa and ma,
You'd know they had no learnin'
Still they've raised a family
Doin' what comes natur'lly!

Luckily, we have a few other pregnant friends and cousins, and Kendall and I are trying to create our own cast members. Time is of the essence—I need a strong Buffalo Bill and Frank Butler for my production!

Hallie P.S. For those of you who want to see photos of the cutest baby on the face of the earth (forgive me Leah, Spencer, Sammy, and everyone I know who has kids), click here. I'm ordering that Annie Oakley costume immediately!

May 24, 2005

Critical Moments

Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of my mother’s death. She died in my sister’s living room where a hospital bed had been set up. It was about five in the morning and the hospice worker told us the night before that this was it. She’d been in a coma for a few days and we knew it was coming but that moment when the breathing stops is still impossible to fathom until it happens. From what I’ve read and heard about other situations, my mother’s final moments were fairly peaceful. No death throes or gasping for air or contorted facial expressions. I remember putting my hand on her chest to see if I could feel any movement or breathing. I couldn’t, and she was already starting to feel a little cool to the touch. It was a little while until the funeral home people came to take the body. The worst part was watching them lift the sheet over her face and wheel the body out of the house—for good. And just as they were maneuvering the gurney out the door my then three-year-old nephew came bounding down the stairs and saw us all in the front hall. But enough of this death talk for now—I still have another week left of my official May numb-out!

Yesterday was also the five month anniversary of starting this blog. I look back and marvel at the fact that I rarely missed a single day in those early months. Not that any of my writing was profound, but I just don’t know how I did it. Where did I find the time? I can’t seem to write in here more than two or three times a week these days. I don’t know why that should make me feel bad, it’s already two or three times more often than I was writing before I started the damn blog! And I have to say in light of yesterday’s anniversary that nothing gives me greater pleasure than bringing my mother back to life in cyberspace. I love scrolling down to the pictures I’ve posted of her on this blog and I know that I will continue to archive my memories of her and other important people in my life.

I’ve been fascinated lately by the revealing lists that some of the bloggers I read regularly have been posting. Things people have never done and wished they had, things they have done and wish they hadn’t, 100 interesting facts about themselves, fictional characters they identify with. Some worry that posting such lists is the height of narcissism and to that I say, of course it is, but bring it on! I now revel in the unavoidable narcissism of writing in a blog and I’m over my phobia that because my blog is more “personal” I am somehow committing a greater sin in this area. AS IF many of the political blogs aren't just as self-obsessed! I love reading about the diverse folks out there and I always learn so much about myself in the process. I’m especially grateful when people write honestly about the painful or less pretty moments in their lives. I loved True Ancestor’s list of Ten Regrets last week and actually tried writing such a list but I just couldn’t. On the other hand, a quick scan of my blog postings reveals plenty of regrets such as my lack of engagement in college, my refusal to listen to my mother’s apologies about past transgressions, and my sadness at neglecting a promise to an old friend until it was too late. Maybe I’m just bad with lists.

Then I think of those two anniversaries yesterday and realize that each in its own way, my mother’s death and starting this blog, was a critical moment in my life that made me look at myself and my place in the world in a new way. I can think of other seminal moments that in some way or another changed my very cell structure, even if the moments seemed inconsequential on the surface. So here goes, my first—and probably last—list. One fear I have of making lists is the pressure I feel to make sure they are comprehensive and all-inclusive. This one sure isn’t—I’m just writing the first things that pop into my head.

Five Critical Moments

Clock1_1 1. I was 12 years old and my parents had been divorced for about a year. In my mother’s absence my 14-year-old sister was inappropriately cast as “woman of the house” and took up many of my mother’s former responsibilities including cleaning up the kitchen. One night after dinner, my sister asked me to load the dishwasher. “No way,” I replied, outraged at the request. The more I tried to blow her off the more she insisted, sending me into a full blown tantrum, screaming at the top of my lungs that she wasn’t my mother and couldn’t order me around. Somewhere towards the end of this mouth-frothing, I had something that I’d almost describe as a religious intervention. I remember the exact moment this occurred, exactly where I was standing in the kitchen. In the middle of a self-righteous bellow, I suddenly felt a click in my brain, followed by the thought, “Why shouldn’t I clean up after myself? Why the hell should I expect my sister or anyone else to do it for me?” I don’t remember if I shared my shift in perception with my sister, but it felt like a life-changing moment. I finally had to realize that I was not the heavenly body around which all planets revolved. And I never argued with my sister again about loading the dishwasher.

Clock2_1 2. I was sitting on the bimah at my Bar Mitzvah. Again, this was just after my parents’ divorce. Everything about this occasion was the opposite of how I had fantasized it would be. While my brother’s Bar Mitzvah was attended by several hundred family members and took place in the Catskill Mountains of New York, few relatives attended my event. They probably knew the dark place our family was in at the time and wanted to avoid it like the plague. Our regular synagogue was booked so we were at an unknown synagogue in Chicago with an unknown rabbi and the overriding emotion from everyone there seemed to be “let’s just get through this fucking day.” Somehow I had learned my haftorah but I was so disengaged that someone asked the unknown rabbi to write the speech that I would give at the end of the service. As I stood there reading the bland comments about how happy I was to begin my Jewish life, I could barely get the words out of my mouth. They didn’t sound like me at all, and I knew instantly that I had betrayed myself big time. I vowed that no matter what was going on in my life, I would never again allow anyone to speak for me. To this day I won’t even let Kendall sign my name on a joint thank you note, I have to write my own message. You could almost say that moment led to the creation of this blog. I’ll give you MY unique take on things, damn it, whether you like it or not!

Clock3_1 3.  I was in the Reseda public library in the summer of 1989 doing research for an educational video. As I stopped to glance at the New Releases on my way out a book literally fell off the top shelf and onto my head. I picked up it and thought it looked sort of interesting so I checked it out with the others. The book was “The Day I Became an Autodidact” by Kendall Hailey and I was immediately taken by the story of her self-education and the funny anecdotes about her crazy theatrical family. About a month later I was at a wedding at the Bel Air Hotel and saw Kendall in the crowd, recognizing her from the picture on the book’s dust jacket. “Are you Kendall Hailey?” I asked. I think it was the first time she was ever recognized (at the grand old age of 23) and she seemed quite surprised. The father of the bride, TV writer Sam Bobrick, was my father’s best friend from their childhood in Chicago and was also a good friend of Kendall’s playwright dad. I asked Sam for Kendall’s phone number and the next week called and asked her out (something I had NEVER done before in my passive mode of waiting to be sure that someone was interested me before I even looked in their direction). While our first attempt at a relationship lasted only a few on–and-off-again years that book falling on my head in Reseda was certainly the first step that led to our present-day marriage.

Clock4_1 4.  It was 1993. Kendall and I had broken up, and I had met a Frenchwoman who was in Los Angeles for a few months taking some classes. We started seeing each other and one day, early in our relationship, she asked me the shocking question, “Do you think we’ll have a child together?” Every fiber in my commitment-phobic body tensed up at the gall of this premature query and I started babbling an incoherent, defensive speech that it was way too soon to even have such a discussion and of course there was no way of knowing what the future will bring but I’m not in any way ready to entertain such an outlandish idea, nor am I ready to even consider becoming a parent at all, I have to get my life together first, and I don’t’ even know if I want to be in a relationship or ever have kids in this crazy, dangerous, overpopulated world, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sophie, unfazed, interrupted my rambling,with, “No, really, do you think we’ll have a child?” I was caught so off-guard by this that it was as if someone temporarily pressed the "mute" button on my neuroses. Coming from a completely different place in my brain, I immediately answered, “Yes, I do.” Leah was born the following year.

Clock5_1 5. Last December, my daughter was in a musical revue put on during winter break by her theatre troupe. They only had two days to prepare a bunch of songs from several Broadway hits. I went to the show prepared for my usual kvelling over Leah’s performance combined with some internal wincing as I tried to freeze a supportive smile on my face while the few children who were completely tone-deaf warbled their tunes. Leah’s big solo was the song “Good Morning Baltimore” from the show “Hairspray” based on the John Waters’ movie. At the end of the song, the bewigged cast stepped aside and out came Leah, center stage, in full spotlight, staring out at the audience and singing with such abandon that my mouth dropped open. Her singing was superb and full out, but it was something about her presence that bowled me over. As a parent I fear that I occasionally had seen my child as an appendage of myself, a kind of mini-me whose actions, behaviors, and inner workings I could somehow anticipate. I was wrong, of course, and seeing her on stage at that moment felt like I was beginning the long, exciting, and terrifying process of letting go. Leah was her own person, that much was clear, and an amazing one at that.

May 20, 2005

I Am a Geek

Anakindarth

It’s official—there’s no turning back. I am a permanent member of the International Brotherhood of Geeks. I went to see the new Star Wars movie on its opening day. In my defense, I was not among the legion of über-fans who were lined up at the Cinerama Dome and movie theatres around the country for the very first screening of “Revenge of the Sith” at 12:01 am on Wednesday night. The film has been showing continuously since then and the ticket taker at the Dome told me that all showings have been sold out, even the 3:00 and 6:00 am screenings. Leah said that several boys in her class were dropped off at the theatre at midnight (!) and picked up by their parents at 4 in the morning. And they were still in school by 8:30.

Cineramadome_1 I was able to score a single ticket on Thursday and I have to admit it was thrilling to see such an enthusiastic sold-out crowd at the cavernous Cinerama Dome, a magnificent theatre that was built in 1963 for the premiere of “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.” It was a classic Star Wars crowd. We had plenty of freakazoids dressed in full Jedi robes, two Imperial Storm Troopers, one Princess Leia complete with Crispy Creme donuts affixed to either side of her head, and several Darth Vaders shvitzing under their black masks. These were not youngsters—I think most were about my age (may I please be exiled to the desert planet of Tatooine if I ever appear at a movie theatre in costume?). There were also dozens of fans wearing Star Wars T-shirts: “May the force be with you,” “Kiss Me, I’m a Wookie,” “Jar Jar Binks for President,” Show Me Your Light Saber,” and, my favorite, over a picture of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, “My father destroyed the galaxy and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!”

I’m definitely not one of those people who live and breathe George Lucas’s Joseph Campbellesque take on Good and Evil but I loved the first movie so much when I saw it at the Esquire Theatre in Chicago on May 25, 1977 that I’ve felt compelled to see the five others as soon as they came out. I was there on opening day at the Esquire in 1980 and 1983, in 1999 and 2002 at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, and yesterday at the Cinerama Dome. Of course the big Star Wars story here was about the lunatics who, as always, started lining up in front of Grauman’s Chinese weeks ago so they could be first in line to see the film. When the theatre employees told them that the film was not opening at Grauman’s this time but at the Dome a few blocks away, the folks camped out on Hollywood Boulevard didn’t believe them and refused to leave—they thought it was a ruse to make them lose their place in line. Oy, these poor schmucks forgot that since 1977 we have something called the Internet that allows people to reserve seats for all the shows on opening day.

Natalieportman_1 The movie? Oh yeah. Much, much better than the first two prequels but still not up to par with the original three films (now called Episodes 4-6). I think Natalie Portman is one of the best young actresses that we have. I’ve been impressed with her work since I saw her riveting performance as the 13-year-old girl in “Beautiful Girls” who has a crush on next-door-neighbor Timothy Hutton. When I first heard that she was going to be in the Star Wars prequels I was thrilled, but, oh, what a waste! In “The Phantom Menace” she could barely be recognized in her over-the-top Queen Amidala drag. In “Attack of the Clones” her love affair with Anakin Skywalker was such a snooze I longed for the comic relief of the justifiably reviled Jar Jar Binks. Natalie fares better in this last film but not by much. She looks gorgeous, as always, but her part is written so poorly that you can’t believe she is the birth mother of Carrie Fisher’s feisty Princess Leia. Oh, Mr. Lucas, why couldn’t you give Natalie some of Leia’s trademark spunk? In one key scene the pregnant Padme rambles on and on to her increasingly unstable husband about how she wants to go back to Naboo (her home planet) and set up the baby’s room. **SNORE** No wonder Anakin goes over the Dark Side, who could live with that? On the other hand, I will say that the best line in the film is given to Portman and she delivers it beautifully. Chancellor Palpatine (played by Ian McDarmid in what is by far the best performance in the film despite the fact that he gobbles up every bit of scenery and spits it back into the faces of his wooden co-stars) is speaking in front of the Senate declaring that he needs increased powers and authority because of the endless Clone Wars. The representatives keep interrupting Palpatine's faux patriotic speech with mindless cheering, causing Natalie to remark to the other delegates from Naboo, “So this is how democracy dies—to thunderous applause.” Paging George W. Bush! The whole scene is chillingly reminiscent of Bush’s machinations in front of Congress just prior to getting authorization for the war in Iraq. Coincidence? I think not.

Anakin1_1 Poor Hayden Christensen. He’s getting eviscerated in the press—again—as not being up to the challenge of the all-important role of Anakin/Darth Vader. And true, his teenaged angst routine is a bore, not to mention his alleged love scenes with Natalie Portman. But I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt since we’ve seen what happened to Natalie Portman in these films and we know she has the acting chops! Memo to Christensen’s agent—hurry up and get your boy cast in a series of low-budget independent features where he can show us what he can do without the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders! Maybe Lucas specifically wanted a dull Anakin. It does make his descent to the Dark Side all the more pronounced as we hear Anakin’s irritating whine morph into James Earl Jones as soon as he dons the famous black mask. Cheers broke out in the theatre at that moment, I think from relief that we wouldn’t have to hear Hayden Christensen’s voice again.

The special effects are extraordinary but, in my opinion, too much. Is it really necessary to see hundreds of spaceships in every battle shot instead of twenty that we could focus on? Thousands of droid warriors instead of a hundred? And I will happily live out the rest of my life never seeing another battle of light sabers. The main thing missing for me in all of these prequels is HUMOR. The original three films did not take themselves so seriously, and the relationships between Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford were swimming in humor, fun, and sexual tension. Those qualities are non-existent in these films. Instead of Tom Stoppard, they should have brought in Princess Leia herself for some emergency rewrites since brilliant Carrie Fisher is already known in this town as a sought-after script doctor. The only wisp of humor in “Revenge of the Sith” is provided by the delicious overacting of Chancellor Palpatine. Even old stand-bys C3PO and R2D2, the only performers to appear in all six of the films, do not provide a single laugh.

Yodaobiwan_1 After Palpatine, Yoda gets my vote as best actor, which says something about the human cast since Yoda is an animated character voiced by the man who played Miss Piggy. In fairness, I will say that this is Ewan McGregor’s best work in the series. I also like how as they prepare for the jump to Episode Four, the original Star Wars movie, McGregor’s Obi-Wan Kenobi starts looking more and more like Alec Guinness. This works better than the similar gesture of slapping donut-shaped hairpieces on Portman’s character to try to make her look more like her future daughter. That hairstyle looked ridiculous on Carrie Fisher and it looks ridiculous on Natalie Portman! But, hey, what do I know about the latest coiffures on Coruscant?

I thought including the scenes on the Wookie planet of Kashyyk were fairly gratuitous. I liked having the link to Chewbacca, who actually appears in this film (for a second), but the Wookies lacked any identifying character traits. (Uh-oh, I think this last criticism has firmly rooted me in the nerd camp. Next I’ll be arguing some obscure point about the Battle of Endor or the Dagobah Planetary System.)

Am I giving too much away? Do I sound overcritical? I actually enjoyed the film very much and I won’t reveal the great shots at the end that will gladden the hearts of all us Baby Boomer geeks who were there in 1977. This seems to be the end of the line for the Jedi and the Sith. Although originally conceived as nine films, George Lucas swears he has no intention of making the final three. Lucas’s original synopses for the final trilogy have been leaked, however, so if you’re curious what happens in Episodes Seven, Eight, and Nine, you can have a look. Reading those outlines, I’m content to stop the insanity here and now. I hear some scary diehards have started an actual religion based on their interpretation of the Star Wars philosophy. Oh well, I guess following George Lucas is no worse than worshipping L. Ron Hubbard.

One line in “Revenge of the Sith” really got to me. Yoda, deeply concerned about what was happening to Jedi Knight Skywalker, gravely states, “The fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side.”

Oy. I’m doomed.

May 17, 2005

The Lost College Years

As I was driving Leah to school this morning we were listening to the wildly inappropriate musical “Avenue Q” again and Leah played me her new favorite song. It’s called “I Wish I Could Go Back to College” and except for one line about fucking a T.A. (oy) it is a very sweet nostalgic song that begins:

Avenueq_3 I wish I could go back to college.
Life was so simple back then.
What would I give to go back
And live in a dorm with a meal plan again.
I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"

I was stunned that I could not relate to this song in any way. I was so disengaged from my college experience that most of the memories I may have once had of those years at Northwestern University have been exiled to the cerebral junk heap. Part of the problem is that I did NOT live in a dorm with a meal plan but I lived at home for the duration, traveling to school on two buses and two trains. One of the few memories I still have of my college years is trudging to school in the dead of winter and waiting endlessly on frigid El platforms, tears of pain freezing on cheeks that were crunchy with pre-frostbite. To make matters worse I would hop in the shower just before heading out into the 20 below zero windchill. I’d then spend half my travel time pulling dozens of quick-forming icicles out of my wet hair. It's no wonder I’m bald today!

When I think back to that time I experience regret for not getting more out of those supposedly seminal years. The minute my last class was over for the day I hightailed it out of pristine Evanston and back to my pre-existing life in Chicago where nothing much had changed since my days as Surly High School Student. What a waste. Oh well, at least the experience didn’t break the bank. I was lucky enough to be in college during the Carter years (1976-80) and got generous grants (not loans) the whole time I was in school. Go, Jimmy! I think those grants disappeared the day Ronald Reagan took office.

I can count my memories of Northwestern on the fingers of one hand:

Moreausankovitch_1 1. Entering my very first class freshman year, French Conversation, taught by beautiful Anne Moreau who looked younger than her students and was the nicest teacher I ever had. I also remember French literature classes with kind but authoritative Tilde Sankovitch, an expert on Simone de Beauvoir who also wrote books about the Middle Ages. I was a film major at Northwestern and repeatedly got yelled at for taking so many French classes.

Ch_merchandise_mart_1 2. Lugging home the “portable” video equipment which was housed in a huge trunk that weighed as much as a Volkswagen. I made a documentary about the inner workings of the Kennedy-owned Merchandise Mart (where my mother worked for decades) with my classmate Alisa Birnbaum who was George Burns’ niece. I remember us descending into the bowels of this massive structure (so big that it has its own zip code) and interviewing the folks who made it tick. The documentary was called “City Unto Itself” and I have no idea what happened to it. I remember taking Alisa to my grandparents’ for dinner and how thrilled they were about the “nice Jewish girl” whose family founded many Hebrew Schools. I just looked online and saw that Alisa is now Alisa Zucker and was surprised to learn that she still contributes generously to Northwestern. It has never occurred to me once to donate a cent to that school, I can barely register that I’m an alumni.

Galatigwtw_1 3. Taking an “interpretation” class taught by Frank Galati who later became a Tony Award-winning Broadway director. I was required to take this class for some reason even though I think I was the only non-acting student there. We had to perform passages from books and the only thing I remember doing is some scene from “Gone With the Wind,” acting out all the parts including the slave accents. “Oh, Miz Scarlett, what mens say and what dey do iz two diffren’ things, and I ain’ seen Mista Ashley askin’ ta marry ya.” Dear God. Forgive me, Mr. Galati! Am I the reason you left teaching?

Dreyfusandgang_1 4. Laughing hysterically at every college show that featured my classmate Julia Louis-Dreyfus, future star of “Seinfeld.” Her husband Brad Hall was also in several of my classes as was their comedy revue partner and one-time “Saturday Night Live” cast member Gary Kroeger and Michael Hitchcock who was so good in the Christopher Guest movies “Waiting for Guffman,” “Best in Show,” and “A Mighty Wind.” I mention these folks not to drop names (for once) but more to contrast their successful college lives with my total lack of involvement during those squandered years.

Dannyparis_1 5. Being a member of the 1978-79 Sweet Briar College Junior Year in France program. This was the one big exception to my college apathy, and I loved every minute of it. I lived in an eighth floor walk-up in the swanky 16th arrondissement in Paris in a “chambre de bonne” or maid’s room. I got to take my meals in the first floor apartment of a faded aristocrat who took in American students to keep her country chateau running. I was warned that La Comtesse de Lasteyrie was not the warmest of people but she suited me just fine. For an extra 15 francs a week (about $3.00 then) her maid washed and pressed all my clothes, even ironing my underwear! Every night I descended my eight flights and joined the others for delicious meals of pheasant and snails and amazing cheeses, all washed down with her never-ending supply of Veuve Clicquot. I really lucked out since some of my classmates were stuck with mean French families who practically fed them gruel.

I attended school at the Sorbonne but again, can’t remember a thing about my classes. I do remember that it was a tumultuous time in Paris and that for a good part of the school year the STUDENTS were on strike! Almost everyone else on my program was majoring in French and I had to do a lot of convincing to get accepted as a film major. But what better place for a film buff than the City of Lights? Did you know that there are more films showing in Paris on a given day than any other city in the world (including New York and Los Angeles combined)? I saw 108 films during my time there (yes, I kept track!). I was still pathologically anti-social, but the allure of living in Paris more than compensated. I remember leaving my room every morning and feeling so happy and excited to be there. I explored every corner of that city which I still think is the most beautiful in the world. But I made no French friends that year and only a few American ones which is sad to admit. I never could have guessed that I’d return 14 years later to marry a Frenchwoman in the Bois de Boulogne and that my wedding would be officiated by the Chief Rabbi of France. Oy, but that’s another story.

Paris was also a great jumping off point for traveling. That December I went to Moscow and Leningrad which was still part of the Soviet Union. They were having one of the coldest winters on record and from the broken-down Aeroflot plane that almost crashed to the Moscow hotel room that was so cold a glass of water on my bedstand froze during the night, it wasn’t hard to see that the doomed Soviet system was not working.  I loved the Russian people, though. One night when I got hopelessly lost trying to take the bus to the brilliant Moscow Circus (how the hell do you read the cyrillic alphabet full of 3s and backward Rs?), a woman took me by the hand and walked me several blocks out of her way in the frigid cold to the right bus stop, rubbing my nose to keep me from getting frostbite.

I also went to Munich that year with my friend Kathy which was a little scary considering we were accosted by a shady character on our way to Dachau who stalked us for the rest of the trip and we were almost arrested in the middle of the night because someone mistook us for a pair of Palestinian truck smugglers (again, another story!).

I graduated from Northwestern’s School of Speech 25 years ago next month. While most of Northwestern's commencement ceremonies featured celebrity alumni such as Warren Beatty, Cloris Leachman, Sheldon Harnick, Karen Black, Dick Benjamin and Paula Prentiss, or Ann-Margret, the only person they could dredge up in 1980 was Charlton Heston’s sister Lila. My main concern that day was surviving my parents—it was one of the first times since their divorce that we were all in the same room together.

I looked on the website just now and saw that Northwestern is busy preparing for the Class of 1980’s 25th Reunion this fall. I can’t even imagine attending and it saddens me that I seem so disconnected from that part of my life. I hope that when Leah makes it to college (if anyone on the planet besides Donald Trump’s children can afford it by then) she can immerse herself more in the experience. But maybe my own regret is misplaced. I probably learned more from living in another culture during that year in France than I ever could have picked up in some lecture hall on the Evanston lakefront. Kendall wrote “The Day I Became an Autodidact” about her decision not to go to college and she has never regretted it for a second. I know that going to college doesn't have to be such a major benchmark in our lives. I think it was Mark Twain who wisely said, “I have never let schooling interfere with my education.”

Maybe I’m luckier than those characters in that song from “Avenue Q.” They had such a great college experience that everything that came after that seemed like a letdown. I was so out of it during my college years that everything that followed seemed fantastic by comparison.

May 14, 2005

And If You're Real Good, I'll Make You Feel Good

I was late getting my ten-year-old daughter to school yesterday morning. I had a good excuse. You see, I had her out quite late the night before at a strip show.

Before you forward my IP address to childabuse.com, let me explain. Leah’s theatre company was doing a production of “Gypsy” starring kids from Grades 7 though 12. Even though she’s only in fourth grade, Leah was cast in the show as a member of Baby June’s dance troupe but she pulled out during rehearsals because she had too much going on (I can’t imagine any moment in my childhood where I had “too much going on” ) with her ongoing rehearsals for “Bugsy Malone,” her recent performance in a school play about westward expansion, and various other end-of-the-year projects and activities. But on Thursday night we went to see her friends and the older kids in their final performance of “Gypsy.”

I keep vacillating between marveling at the incredible talent displayed by some of the kids in this musical and feeling outraged that this theatre company would have 14-year-old girls playing strippers bumping and grinding it across a stage. Unlike the edited versions of musicals this group provides for its younger cast members (in Leah’s version of “Oliver” her Bill Sikes didn’t kill Nancy and didn’t die himself—changes that made me nuts!), not a word was cut out of this version of “Gypsy.” They performed every song, every risqué lyric:

If you wanna make it,
Twinkle while you shake it.
If you wanna grind it,
Wait till you've refined it.
If you wanna stump it,
Bump it with a trumpet!
Get yourself a gimmick and you too,
Can be a star!

In fairness, there’s no stripping until relatively late in the play. As you probably know, most of the musical deals with the pitfalls of an aggressive parent forcing her disinterested children to live out her own unrealized dreams in the theatre (a theme that all the family members in the audience that night, myself included, would do well to reflect on). Mama Rose is often seen as a vicious monster who doesn’t give a whit about her daughters’ needs. Certainly many of her actions are terribly damaging such as freezing her growing daughters in pre-adolescence so that they wouldn’t have to change their successful kiddie act. Every year, Baby June and Louise would celebrate their tenth birthday again and again. Leah, who like most kids her age can’t wait to get older, was particularly struck by the fact that Louise and June actually lost track of how old they were.

Gypsypeters1_1 But despite her self-serving machinations, I think it's a better play when Mama Rose is played as more vulnerable than conniving, more hurt and damaged than hurtful and damaging, more mother lion and less barracuda. I think Bernadette Peters pulled this off in the recent Broadway revival that Kendall I saw. And so did the young teen who played Mama Rose on Thursday night. She gave a poignancy to the role that Ethel Merman may have lacked, making it clear that while Mama Rose’s actions were appalling, the love she felt for her children was never in question. This girl showed that however misguided she was, Mama Rose truly believed that turning June and Louise into stars was their best shot at a better life.

You can do it, all you need is a hand.
We can do it, Mama is gonna see to it!
Curtain up! Light the lights!
We got nothing to hit but the heights!
I can tell, wait and see.
There's the bell! Follow me!
And nothing's gonna stop us 'til we're through!
Honey, everything's coming up roses for me and for you!

The actors in this production were uniformly excellent (not always the case with this theatre company—believe me!). The three girls playing strippers Tessie Tura, Mazeppa, and Electra brought the house down when they taught Louise the tricks to being an effective burlesque performer. I cheered their big song but I couldn’t help but cringe a little bit at the sight of these girls ramping up their sexuality for a paying audience. There’s no actual stripping in “Gypsy,” of course, in the version Leah and I saw or in the original (it premiered on Broadway just a few months before I was born in 1959). But the suggestion of sexuality and objectification of women is definitely a big part of the story. The way the lyrics from Baby June’s act are recycled by Gypsy for her burlesque act is a clever twist but I’m grateful it wasn’t Leah in the center spotlight oozing sex appeal while slowly singing the words:

And if you’re real good
I’ll make you feel good
I want your spirits to climb
So let me entertain you
And we’ll have a real good time, yes sir
We’ll…have…a real good time!

Louise actually takes control of her life by becoming successful stripper Gypsy Rose Lee but though this success frees her from her mother’s tight grasp, she is still dependent on the lascivious desires of the men in her audiences. I was praying that there were no lascivious men in our audience Thursday night, and realized how uncomfortable I would be if that were Leah up there doing a simulated striptease even to this friendly crowd. When Leah was in “A Chorus Line” earlier this year I remember one father’s reaction when his daughter first appeared on stage in her costume. “Wow, she looks HOT!” Eww. The early sexualization of girls in our culture is something that I feel very strongly about and I will go to the mat to prevent Leah from wearing any of the Britney Spears/Christina Aguillera slutty fashions that are so fashionable right now among preteen girls.

But I guess I’ll stop short of picketing children’s productions of “Gypsy.” Every time I start to think it crosses a line I remember the play’s brilliant book and score. Does that make me worse than Mama Rose? Exploiting my child is okay as long as you do it with music by Jule Style and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim? Leah has always enjoyed songs that were well beyond her years. Once when she was very young I inadvertently got her hooked on the soundtrack for the La Boheme-inspired musical “Rent.” “I wanna hear the candle song!” she’d shout over and over again from her car seat in the back. That was the song “Light My Candle” sung by heroin addicts Roger and Mimi which included such Disney- like lines as “They say I have the best ass below 14th Street, is it true?” Oy. On the other hand, I am against some of the censorship that I find levied against children today. During one of her free reading periods at school a few weeks ago, Leah was reading the book “Wicked” by Gregory Maguire, upon which the Broadway musical is based. It’s the story of the witches of Oz, long before Dorothy entered the scene, and it’s a difficult, complex read. There are some adult themes in the book that Leah and I discussed but I was flabbergasted when she came home and said her teacher told her she couldn’t read it in class anymore because it was “inappropriate.” Ridiculous.

Gypsyroselee1 Ironically, my only memory of the real-life Gypsy Rose Lee was from her funny performance in that quintessential 1960s children’s film, “The Trouble with Angels,” starring Rosalind Russell (who played Mama Rose in the film version of “Gypsy”) and my favorite icon of irascible youth, Hayley Mills. Did you know that following her career as a high-class stripper, Gypsy Rose Lee was the author of several mystery novels? One of them was made into the 1943 film “Lady of Burlesque” starring Barbara Stanwyck.

For me, the one sour note in the musical “Gypsy” is the sudden about-face at the end when Gypsy and Mama Rose reconcile after Gypsy overhears her mother’s bitter song of regret:

Gypsy_2 Why did I do it?
What did it get me?
Scrapbooks full of me in the background.
Give 'em love and what does it get ya?
What does it get ya?
One quick look as each of 'em leaves you.
All your life and what does it get ya?
Thanks a lot and out with the garbage,
They take bows and you're battin' zero.

I think it would have been so much more powerful if Rose ended the play alone on the stage, rejected by her daughters. I know I was just promoting my version of the kinder, gentler Mama Rose but I still want to see her face the consequences of her actions at the end of the show. And in truth, the real-life Mama Rose was much darker than Ethel Merman, Angela Lansbury, Tyne Daly, Bette Midler, or Bernadette Peters would have had us believe. She ended up running a lesbian boardinghouse on West End Avenue in New York and killed one of her lovers there. She was not a nice woman. On her deathbed in 1954, Rose had these final words for her successful daughter: “When you get your own private kick in the ass, just remember: it's a present from me to you.” Work with those lyrics, Mr. Sondheim!

I wonder what play Leah will perform in next with this theatre company. “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” with a cast of ten-year-olds? How about a kiddie “Klute?” An all-moppet version of “Sophie’s Choice?” Pre-teen “Best Little Whorehouse in Texas?” Whatever it is, I’ll be there in the first row cheering her on.

Through thick and through thin,
All out or all in.
And whether it's win, place, or show.
With you for me and me for you,
We'll muddle through whatever we do
Together, wherever we go.

May 10, 2005

The Judy Miller Show

Mom1937 Remember the character named Judy Miller that Gilda Radner used to play during the early days of “Saturday Night Live?” She was an insanely hyperactive little girl in a brownie uniform who put on imaginary talk shows in her bedroom with her stuffed animals as the guests and the audience. She hurled herself around the room with wild abandon, jumping up and down on her bed while shouting on the top of her lungs, “It’s the Judy Miller Show!” I’m sure the skits were largely improvised—nobody could write such hysteria on a page. Oh, how I loved that character. Gilda Radner’s Judy Miller made me laugh almost as much as the other Judy Miller I had in my life: my mother!

Mombobby_1 Today would have been my mother’s 71st birthday. With Mother’s Day two days ago, her birthday today, and the sixth anniversary of her death in two weeks, May is a month that is heavy with memories. When my mother was dying of lung cancer in 1999, I worried that the images of the five months between her diagnosis and death were so excruciating that they would supercede all my other memories of her, but I’m happy to say that this has not been the case. I can still remember how she looked as the cancer overtook her body and at the moment of her death in my sister’s house, but I’m relieved to note that the memories of this short time period now take a back seat to the lifetime of images I have of my healthy, strong, beautiful, and very funny mother.

My pattern for the past few years has been to think about my mom a lot in early spring but once May arrives, a month that is so redolent of my mother’s birth and death, I slip into some kind of protective numb-out. I noticed this last Sunday on Mother’s Day. I took Leah to her mom’s house and helped her make Sophie breakfast in bed. Leah came up with the idea of putting my iPod on the breakfast tray cued to a song she found from “Minnie’s Boys,” an obscure musical about the early days of the Marx Brothers that flopped on Broadway in 1970. The song was called “Mama, a Rainbow” and began:

What do you give to the lady
Who has given all her life
And love to you?
What do you give
To the reason you’re livin’
I could windowshop the world
Before I’m through.

Then it goes through all the items (a rainbow, a sunrise, a palace, diamonds like doorknobs, mountains of gold) that are not good enough for Mama. Needless to say, Sophie was so moved she could barely get through her matzah brei and strawberry shortcake!

I then rushed home for the brunch we were having at our house to honor my mother-in-law Betsy, Leah's stepmother Kendall, and my sister-in-law Brooke who is about to become a mother in a few weeks. That night we accompanied Betsy to yet another Mother’s Day celebration at a friend’s house with several other mothers and their children in attendance. I bring all this up only because I realized at the end of this long day that I never once mentioned or even thought of my own mother at any of these events. Can you say EMOTIONAL DISCONNECT? When I have thought of her this week it’s been accompanied by the urge to reach for the phone to tell her something—the dates of Leah’s next play, something that happened on my last work trip, the latest antics of my nephews. And then I remember that she’s been dead for years and it's like taking a punch to the gut.

Glancing back at the times I've mentioned my mother on this blog, I was surprised to discover that most of the references have been about painful times, especially my parents’ divorce. Good God, I need to write about the other parts of my mom. There are endless stories that show just how wonderfully neurotic and funny and creative and loving she was. But I won't be writing any of those stories today. The gauze that I feel in front of my eyes during May has yet to lift.

Mombabybook_2

A big part of the loss I feel these days centers on what I don’t know about my mother and never will because she’s not here to ask. I found the baby book that my grandmother started for my mom in May 1934 and realized that I know next to nothing about her early years. I think the earliest story I ever heard was when she went to see “The Wizard of Oz” when it opened in 1939. Oh, and I remember her telling me how much she loved President Roosevelt and how she thought he’d be President for her whole life (he did manage to stay in office for her entire childhood!). Most of her other stories occurred much later and revolved around teenage angst, lost loves, and, of course, her marriage at the age of 19 to my dad.

Momessay1_1 After my mother’s death I found a few items from her school years that had miraculously survived (unlike the rest of us, my grandmother was NOT an OCD hoarder—she couldn’t throw mementoes away fast enough!). I was amazed to read an essay my mother wrote in high school about Senator Paul Douglas and his hopes for U.S. foreign policy. I don’t know what surprised me more—reading my mother’s passionate views on such issues as the threat of communism and American’s post-war responsibilities, or her closing paragraph that sounded like a self-help message to my fractured psyche: “If we take the attitude of defeatists or if we let fear creep in and clog the mechanisms of our brains, we would be better off living in ignorance. I believe that if we buckle down, pull together, willingly make the petty sacrifices asked of us and think clearly without becoming hysterical, we will emerge from this confusion more united than ever and unity means peace."

Momevaluations I was also fascinated by the school evaluation I found of my mother from 1949—there was one written by her teacher and one self-assessment. Some of the labels that were bandied in her direction stuck with her for the rest of her life. “She is a person of good will, but does not realize that her carelessness in forgetting to return books, her tardiness, and her noisiness are forms of selfishness for which other people criticize her.” Oy, why were people always telling my mother to shut up? She wrote about herself, “I am still immature in many ways and I have still to learn the all important habits of self-control and my other nemesis punctuality.” Isn’t someone who is able to acknowledge her own immaturity rather…well, mature?

I just forced myself to listen to the end of that song from the Broadway flop that Leah played for Sophie on Sunday. If only I could place the cued-up iPod on a breakfast tray for my mother or find earphones that extend to wherever she is now, I would love for her to hear these words:

Judymiller1_3 Mama, a lifetime
Crowded with laughter
That’s not long enough
Not half long enough
What can I give you
That I can give you
What will your present be?
Mama, young and beautiful
Always young and beautiful
That’s the mama I’ll always see
That’s for mama...with love from me.

May 07, 2005

God Bless You Please, Mrs. Robinson

Graduate1

This is the reason I love living in Los Angeles—having the opportunity to go to screenings like the one I attended last night: the premiere of the restored print of “The Graduate” followed by a discussion with director Mike Nichols, producer Larry Turman, and actress Katharine Ross. Oh my God, what a film. I’m sure PhD theses have been written about how this film defined a generation and hit at a time when young people in this country were longing to break free from the yoke of their parents’ aspirations and social mores.

I just want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Yes, sir.
Are you listening?
Yes, I am.
Plastics.

That exchange always gets a roar of laughter from audiences, probably because it sums up the message of the whole film—that the adult world is artificial and oblivious to the things that young people care about. Mike Nichols explained last night that in his view the film was about Benjamin’s quest to not become a “thing.” His school, his parents, Mrs. Robinson—all had conspired to turn him into the “thing” they needed him to be, making him feel lost and soulless until, through the madness of going after Elaine Robinson despite the near impossible situation, he rediscovers his true self.

Graduate2 How to even comment on the raw, aggressive, utterly compelling sexuality that is Anne Bancroft’s Mrs. Robinson? The stuff that every boy’s dreams, fantasies, and nightmares are made of! Sheer perfection. Nichols said that in the early rehearsals Bancroft was coming off too sweet. “How do you want me to play it?” she asked. “I can’t explain it, but I can do it for you.” Nichols then read a few lines. “Got it,” Bancroft said. “Anger.” Indeed, seeing the film again last night, every single line Mrs. Robinson utters, from “Benjamin, will you take me home?” to “Waiter, I will have a martini” is seething with the unexpressed anger of a woman who has sold her soul down the river in a loveless marriage and a life built on other people’s expectations.

There are so many great lines in the film that I’d have to post the entire screenplay to give my favorites. Most revolve around Benjamin’s awkward flailing about (who can’t relate to that?) juxtaposed against Mrs. Robinson’s steely assertiveness. Some of my favorite moments are the tiny but brilliant nonverbal bits such as when Benjamin first drives Mrs. Robinson home and pulls up in front of her house. He is clearly waiting for her to get out of the car but she stares straight ahead. It never even occurs to her to open the door herself, she just waits for Benjamin to run around to her side and do it. There is also the improvised moment when they are first going to bed together at the Taft Hotel. As Mrs. Robinson is undressing, Benjamin cups his hand on one of her breasts. Anne Bancroft responds in character, which is to say she doesn’t respond at all but starts to methodically examine a stain on her now removed blouse. Dustin Hoffman was so floored by that he started laughing and, trying not to ruin the scene, walked to the other side of the room. He couldn’t stop laughing so he broke character and started pounding his head against the wall, waiting for Mike Nichols to yell “Cut.’ But Nichols loved it and kept the whole thing in the film!

Another small touch that I love is when the adults, who are constantly numbing themselves with alcohol, keep asking Benjamin what he’d like to drink. Whatever he answers, they pour him something else, showing their complete disregard for his individual needs and wants. It wasn’t until I was older myself that I realized that no adult in the film has a first name. Even at the height of their affair Benjamin calls Anne Bancroft Mrs. Robinson.

10101614 What archetypes Mrs. Robinson and her daughter Elaine Robinson are. How can we be completely infatuated with Mrs. Robinson one minute and then fall head over heels in love with Katharine Ross’s Elaine Robinson the next?  I think every time I see this film (and last night was probably my hundredth viewing!) I follow the same progression as Benjamin Braddock, lusting after the sensual escape hatch provided by Mrs. Robinson, only to ultimately cringe and switch my allegiance to the true understanding offered by Elaine. Hard to believe that I am now almost 10 years older than Anne Bancroft was when she made the film. And she herself was only six years older than Dustin Hoffman though it is stated in the film that she is twice his age.

As Benjamin's parents, William Daniels and Elizabeth Wilson personify everything about the consumer culture that the younger generation was beginning to reject in the mid-1960s. Daniels and Wilson are two character actors who contribute immeasurably to everything they appear in and they are certainly at the top of their form in “The Graduate.” I also admire Murray Hamilton’s red-faced Mr. Robinson. He deserved an Academy Award nomination for the brief scene in which he confronts Benjamin at his Berkeley boarding house (run by Norman Fell and featuring an unbilled but whiny Richard Dreyfuss). Benjamin tells an enraged Mr. Robinson that the affair with his wife meant nothing to him—they might as well have been shaking hands. After unleashing a stream of venom at the young man and swearing he’ll have him arrested if he ever looks at Elaine again, he gets up to leave and spews “You’ll forgive me if I don’t shake your hand!”

Of course the fantastic Simon & Garfunkel score seals the film as an icon for a new generation. Most of the songs already existed and were put down in the score as placeholders for three new songs they promised to write but never got around to because of their skyrocketing careers. At one point Turman and Nichols went to the songwriters and said they just had to have a new song for the scene when Benjamin is racing to Elaine’s wedding. Simon and Garfunkel apologized but said they didn’t have anything else. “Nothing?” Nichols asked. Paul and Art went off for a few minutes, then came back and sang “Mrs. Robinson” exactly as it appears in the film. “What?!” Nichols and Turman exclaimed. “Did you just make that up in five minutes?” They explained that they had been working on a song about Eleanor Roosevelt and decided to just substitute Mrs. Robinson for Mrs. Roosevelt! The “dee de-dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee de-dee” that is now such a recognized part of the song was supposed to be temporary until they figured out more lyrics!

Charles Webb, the author of the book upon which Buck Henry’s magnificent screenplay was based, was apparently upset about one change in the film. In the book, Benjamin reaches the church in time to save Elaine from marrying her creepy boyfriend Carl (played in the film by Brian Avery who was at the screening last night). Nichols wisely chose to add an even richer anti-establishment texture by having Benjamin get there too late, just after Elaine and Carl are legally wed. Nichols swore that the oft-cited Christ imagery of Benjamin pounding on the glass window of the church from the balcony was unintentional. It happened only because the pastor of the church where they were filming was freaking out when Dustin Hoffman started hurling himself against the glass wall during rehearsals. Terrified that the glass would break, he nearly threw the cast and crew out of the church. Nichols then instructed the actor to spread his arms out wide when he hit the glass to avoid putting too much weight on one spot!

Graduate The much debated ending of the film when Benjamin and Elaine escape from the church and end up staring straight ahead on the city bus also has a surprising history. In the screenplay Benjamin and Elaine simply make it to the bus followed by a pan to the angry crowd in front of the church. End credits. Nichols instructed Dustin Hoffman and Katharine Ross to go to the rear of the bus and laugh in relief. The ending that was used in the film, whose meaning has been the subject of countless arguments between couples over the past 30 years, was an accident. Katharine Ross said she thought Mike Nichols had forgotten to yell “Cut!” so she and Dustin just sat there blankly, waiting for the scene to end. As in life, cinematic miracles can appear when you least expect them.

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson
Joltin' Joe has left and gone away
Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey

May 05, 2005

Remember

Today is Yom HaShoah, or Holocaust Remembrance Day. I attended the official Los Angeles ceremony which this year was in memory of the 60th anniversary of the liberation of the concentration camps. A bunch of dignitaries were there giving the requisite speeches. I thought Governor Schwarzenegger blew it by avoiding any mention of his Austrian upbringing. I’m not saying he needed to indict his uncles as card-carrying Nazis or provide any kind of mea culpa, but come on—to not even mention that he was born and raised in the country that produced Adolf Hitler and is still rife with anti-Semitism? That is a missed opportunity. The Consul General of Israel railed against the UN, decrying how an organization born in the ashes of the Holocaust can now provide a forum for so much anti-Semitic, anti-Israel rhetoric. The truly moving part of the ceremony was listening to the Holocaust survivors. Several spoke and a group performed a heartbreaking rendition of the Jewish partisan song, “Zog Nit Keyn Mol” (“Never Say I Will Give Up the Fight”), written by Hersh Glick of the Vilna Ghetto before he was shot by the Nazis at the age of 24.

Surrender This is a year of many important commemorations related to the war. Saturday marks the 60th anniversary of Germany’s unconditional surrender, signed at Eisenhower’s headquarters in Reims, France, on May 7, 1945. Now that the number of survivors is dwindling by the minute and the legion of Holocaust deniers is on the rise, I think it’s more important than ever to have days such as this where we remember the countless people who suffered and lost their lives. I don’t remember Yom HaShoah ever coinciding with Cinco de Mayo but that was just an accident of the Jewish calendar. I know that after the war it took a lot of wrangling to choose a date for a Day of Remembrance. Many survivors wanted to commemorate the beginning of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising, April 19, 1943, but Orthodox Jews objected because the Hebrew date was the 15th of Nissan, the beginning of Passover. Finally, in 1951, the Israeli Knesset declared Yom HaShoah to be the 27th of Nissan, a date that occurs after Passover but still within the timespan of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising.

There were over 2,000 L.A. schoolchildren of every ethnic background at the event today including several excellent choirs singing songs that were so poignant they tore your heart out. Watching these students I couldn’t help but think of the millions of children who died or were never born because of the Nazis’ obsessive hatred of the Jews.

In honor of Yom HaShoah, I’m posting an essay I wrote a few years ago about one of the most well known young victims of the Holocaust.

Childrenholocaust

Frankophile

Anne Frank was my sister. Or so a New Age trance channeler once told me during a survey of my past lives. The 300-year-old entity said that Anne and I had been brother and sister not during the lifetime when she hid from the Nazis in an Amsterdam attic, but centuries before in a rural French fishing village. The channeler also told me that I had been the son of the Sioux chief, Crazy Horse, and that my sister used to train dogs for the Pharaohs of Egypt. Yeah, right. But despite my skepticism, something about the connection with Anne Frank made sense to me.

Annefrankphoto My first experience with Anne Frank was in seventh grade library class. Twice a week, when the girls went off to gym, the boys would meet in the school’s small, crowded library. We were supposed to do our homework, research class projects, and nurture our love of literature under the bifocaled supervision of Miss Leavitt, the school librarian. Miss Leavitt, dressed in several shades of beige, was one of those people born looking sixty years old. It was obvious that she hated her job, or maybe she just hated us. She had good reason. Segregated from the well-mannered girls, we considered the school library the ideal place to unleash our ever-increasing testosterone levels and act like participants in a pre-pubescent stag party. One of the main tools of our demented play that year was an audio recording of “The Diary of Anne Frank,” read by the actress Julie Harris.

A group of boys, led by Louie Fishbein, had found a short passage on the recording where Miss Harris, as thirteen-year-old Anne, writes in her diary about getting her period for the first time. In our limited universe, this thirty-second clip provided enough titillation to cause a near riot in the library as boys fought to gain control of the scratchy LPs. Miss Leavitt, at first delighted that we had taken an interest in the story, eventually became suspicious of our zeal. One afternoon, she ripped the headphones off of Michael Blumenthal’s head just as the brief passage was being read. Her blond Brillo pad head jerking, the librarian unleashed a tirade of outrage and condemnation. We were sick, we were perverts, we were the final indignity suffered by the Franks, insults to the memory of six million murdered Jews. To make matters worse, Danny DiNatale had stuck a glob of Bazooka gum on the black and white photo of Anne on the album’s dust jacket. Another shameful crime, made worse by the fact that Miss Leavitt considered bubble gum as nefarious a substance as heroin or cocaine. At our next library session, she brought to class a large mason jar filled to the brim with a thick, translucent liquid she said was human saliva. “This is what you’re swallowing when you chew gum all day,” she explained. I tried to imagine Miss Leavitt spitting into a mason jar for hours end and I thought it odd that she railed about the evils of gum-chewing with more intensity than she had used to decry Nazi war crimes. Still, I did feel bad about using Anne Frank’s diary as a source of fun, and I vowed to learn more about the circumstances surrounding the young girl’s death.

Later that year, in history class, we were shown a French documentary about Auschwitz called “Night and Fog.” Without the slightest historical context, the gruesome newsreel images of the mountains of hair, eyeglasses, shoes, and gold teeth extracted from Jewish mouths numbed us into uncomfortable silence. By the time we saw the corpses being bulldozed into large pits, we had the same detached reaction produced by nightly color pictures of the Vietnam War on the network news. History as shock therapy did little to foster our understanding of the world around us.

Anne_frank2_1 By high school, I had read Anne Frank’s diary in earnest along with several of the short stories she had written in hiding. Despite our different circumstances, it was easy for me to identify with Anne Frank. She was a strong-willed child who was misunderstood by her family and she found comfort only through her writing. Anne did not fit in. She found it hard to live up to the standards set by her perfect sister, Margot, and she had a difficult time dealing with her mother’s unpredictable emotions. The miserable living situation of the Franks reminded me of the growing sense of claustrophobia in my own home. My parents’ marriage was coming to an ugly end and, like Anne, I felt I faced a very uncertain future. I almost envied the Franks’ forced confinement—they had to stay together and unite against the evils lurking outside. The Frank’s co-horts in hiding, the Van Daans, reminded me of many of my parents’ friends—loud, obnoxious Jews with lots of opinions and little tact—I could relate quite well to Anne’s intolerance of them. I remember watching the film version of the diary and thinking that if I had been Anne Frank, I would have run out into the street and turned myself in to the Gestapo rather than spend another minute listening to Shelley Winters’ abrasive nagging.

Annefrankmom_1 Anne Frank and my mother were born within five years of each other. I began obsessing on the parallel lives the two girls led during the war. The week that Anne was ferreted to the attic hideaway in the middle of the night, my mother moved into a luxurious five-bedroom apartment on Chicago’s lakefront. While Anne was going hungry on watery potato soup and stale bread, my mother was gorging on Frango mint sundaes at Marshall Field’s department store. Anne charted the course of the war on a little wall map of Europe and dreamed of being rescued by the Allied forces. My mother’s war-time experience consisted of going to bond drives at the Oriental Theater to see her idols Bob Hope and Mickey Rooney. In their love of movies and movie stars, my young mother and Anne Frank had much in common. Both girls’ bedroom walls were covered with photos of Hollywood actors including Norma Shearer and Deanna Durbin. But why was it that my mother lived a life of carefree privilege while another young Jewish girl faced such a cruel and harsh reality? When Anne Frank was arrested in August 1944, and sent with her family on the very last shipment of Dutch Jews to the concentration camp of Auschwitz, my mother remained blissfully unaware that such a fate could ever befall a girl her age.

Most of the events in Anne Frank’s short life were dictated by anti-Semitism. Born in Germany, Anne was three years old when Hitler became Chancellor and began placing restrictions on Germany’s Jewish citizens. Otto Frank moved his family to Holland, hoping for a more peaceful existence, but the onset of World War II and the German occupation of the Netherlands put an end to such hopes. Anne began losing many of the freedoms she had taken for granted—she was no longer allowed to ride a bicycle, she couldn’t go to movies, she was thrown out of her Montessori school, and finally, the family was forced into hiding to escape deportation.

I remembered Anne’s oft-repeated line, that “in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart” and I wondered if I would have had the same outlook had I experienced a fraction of the indignities she suffered. Growing up in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood in Chicago, I had little experience with anti-Semitism. Once, Kit Bergman, the six-year-old son of our landlord, forbade me to step on the grass in front of our apartment building because I was a “dirty Jew.” The fact that I just rolled my eyes and we continued our game of “Mission: Impossible” tells me that Kit’s remark did not make me fear for my safety.

When I reached college, my anti-Semitic radar was more developed. One of the professors at my university published a pamphlet claiming that six million Jews were not murdered by the Nazis, and that the diary of Anne Frank was a hoax. When I spent my Junior Year Abroad in Paris, I was horrified to see the amount of neo-Nazi propaganda and anti-Jewish graffiti. Visiting a French friend’s cousin in the Black Forest region of Germany, I asked my friend to translate the section of her cousin’s 5th grade history text that pertained to World War II. “During the war, some Jews were sent to work camps” was the book’s summation of the Holocaust.

Annefrankstaircase200x320_1 During that year in Europe, I made my first visit to the attic where Anne had hid with her family. Walking around the rooms that I had read about so often induced a kind of altered state. I could see Anne and Peter Van Daan looking out of the little piece of window that was their only link to the outside world. I could visualize Mrs. Frank standing over the sink peeling the rotting potatoes that the helpers below would bring them with stolen ration cards. When I spotted a small piece of the original frayed wallpaper sticking out in Peter Van Daan’s tiny bedroom, I couldn’t help myself—I ripped it off and stuck it in my pocket. My God, I later thought, if everyone did that, the whole attic would be picked clean in minutes. I kept the wallpaper fragment next to the small rock I had lifted from one of the barracks during a visit to the Dachau concentration camp. As if to punish my sins, I lost both relics before returning to the States.

Annefrankdiary Several years later, I was working as a writer of educational films. I heard that the Anne Frank Center in Amsterdam wanted to develop a project for schools involving the diary. They wanted to use Anne Frank’s story to teach young children about prejudice and discrimination. My obsession paid off and I got the assignment. I was given access to never-published scrapbooks of the Frank family that had recently been discovered in Germany. I re-read every page of Anne’s original diary, the version she herself edited towards the end of the war, and the version Otto Frank edited for publication after his daughter’s death. As part of my research, I was given after-hours access to the Anne Frank House. Wandering through the darkened rooms alone, I truly felt a connection to the soul of my long-lost sister. I studied each room in detail, looking away only when I came to the now glass-covered spot in Peter Van Daan’s bedroom where some psycho vandal had torn off a small piece of wallpaper.

Anne Frank remains one of the most recognizable symbols of World War II and the Holocaust. I often wonder what Anne would be doing today had she not died of typhus just before the Liberation. Having experienced the horrors of Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen, would she have still believed that people were really good at heart? As a survivor, would she have published her diary after the war? Would the world have embraced her story as fully as it did coming from such an innocent source, frozen in eternal childhood? I do believe that Anne Frank would have become a remarkable person, a dynamic, complex, and gifted writer. Towards the end of her life, Anne Frank displayed a maturity that belied her young years. In her last diary entry, on August 1, 1944, three days before her arrest, she wrote:

“I’ve already told you that I have a dual personality. One half embodies my exuberant cheerfulness, making fun of everything, my high-spiritedness, and above all, the way I take everything lightly. This side is usually lying in wait and pushes away the other, the better side and that’s why most people find me so insufferable…I try terribly hard to change myself, but I’m always fighting against a more powerful enemy…finally I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be and what I could be if…there weren’t any other people living in the world.”

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